Hello all!<P>When I first found marriagebuilders someone had a post going where we all told what state we were in and were given the opportunity to give a breif recap of our situation. <P>Anyway it was a lot of fun to see where everyone was.<P>I am in Texas, right outside of Houston. Ow/oc are physically not in our lives at the moment, so I consider us blessed for that reason. It has been almost 2 years since my 1st d-day and some days are good, some not.<P>Maybe some of us could meet up for lunch if we are close.<P>Love and Prayers<P>broken_wings

Dear broken wings,<BR>I am in Pennsylvania, right up next to the New york border. I was to Texas one time. i was all by myself going for a teaching interview. Due to a flight screw-up, I got stuck there an extra night and had to stay in a horrible hotel because I was almost out of money and couldn't get a room anywhere else that was affordable. there were gunshots outside my room two times during the night. I was so scared and lonely and homesick. So, as wonderful as lunch with you sounds, I don't think I'll be going back to Texas anytime soon! I'm sure that it's a great state and all, but I'll stick to the Northeast!<P>would love to see anybody living in new york, Pennsylvania, NJ, etc, though. I am also going to be traveling to NC this summer to visit friends we knew while we were living there for 2 years.<P>My situation: Over four years since the affair. Brief contact with oc a year and a half ago. Made an agreement w/ow to stop visitation/cs. Ow reneged on agreement and we are again seeking visitation. Mediation should be within the next few weeks.<BR>cdcollins

I am in Michigan ow lives about 30 miles from us. We have no contact seen oc 1 time when test were done. May 5 it will be 2 yrs since h told me first half of what he had done(kinda he didnt tell the whole truth or who he was really with) . Found out in Nov 1999 from the real ow that there was a child which is what I had suspected all along but he denied. We are doing pretty good. I want so bad to believe in him but I'm not there yet. I still am not totally sure I am going to make it. Somedays I think I am fine others I want to run away to a land that things dont happen like this. Does anybody know if there is such a place? Anyhow so far so good ow only uses the courts to harrass us. I think she thinks if I come across her I will kick her a**. Could be she knows she deserves it. Unlike my h I would not lower myself to touch the nasty thing might get cooties. with love flowerseed<p>[This message has been edited by flowerseed (edited March 26, 2001).]

Dear flowerseed,<P>I too would just love to kick ow's a**. I have never been in a real fight in my life, but I still think that I could do a decent job of it.<P>When I worked at the home for delinquent teenagers, we had to learn how to do retraints/self defense. The defensive part of the training course was based on the same martial arts stuff that Steven Seagal uses. now, of course, the idea was to defend yourself without injuring the child, but the instructor threw in enough extras that I often wish ow would just throw a punch at me so I could put her on the ground. I think that if I can take down very violent, angry 17 year old boys, ow should be easy. <P>But youre right, I would have to get cootie-repellant first.<P>By the way, about that place you were talking about - where nothing like this happens. it's a town called "In My Dreams", population: 1.<P>with love,<BR>cdcollins

I was going to ask if they said anything about how to do this without catching cooties. Now that I seen how to spell it.I didnt think I had the spelling right. I'll go back and fix it. I never was the best at spelling. I'm getting better lately. with love flowerseed

I live in in the west..It has been 6 weeks since learning of affair and OC. Have two kids,, married over 20 to H. I am so glad you are all out there to help me with this. Unfortunately, right now, the OW and OC live about 5 miles from us. Husband has had contact with OC in last year since its birth before he told me of its existence. I cannot tolerate contact with OC -for now and foreseeable future-. Now, over weekend, however, I think after our last therapy session when I said the only way I could heal would be to have him have no contact with OC, he has had second thoughts.He realized more yesterday, the pain he has created, said he hadn't seen my smile in 6 weeks and wondered if that ever would come back. Told him I am in a lot of pain, too, but now my pain is getting to him.Realizes to keep me and our family, he will accept no contact with OC, .I told him I may never be strong enough to allow him contact with OC, he said then he may have to deal with that. I hope he means that. It meant an awful lot to me-like finally he put me before all of this, and I felt a great weight lifted off . I still hope OW moves- A new man to father child would be good too.That's me in a nutshell/<P>[This message has been edited by lsb (edited June 20, 2001).]<p>[This message has been edited by lsb (edited June 27, 2001).]

I am on the coast in NC near the VA line.<BR>H's affair was 5 years ago. 2 1/2 years ago I got the famous anonymous call telling me to ask H about *******and their child. When I did he confessed. He says the A lasted around 4 months ( I really think it lasted much longer ). OW didn't tell H she was pregnant until after oc was born. She told him she didn't know she was pregnant. We have no contact with oc ( that I know of ) and want none. OC was 4 last week. It amazes me that after all this time it still hurts so much. <P>Jtigger<p>[This message has been edited by Jtigger (edited March 26, 2001).]

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Does anybody know if there is such a place? <HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR>I hear it's "Somewhere Over The Rainbow" Flowerseed.....<P>I'm in Ohio. Near Pa. boarder.<P>I have been married 27 yrs. D-day November 2000. Have been to hell and back w/H. In January he promised to do what my son and I asked at a family counsel session. No contact.<BR>H struggled ever since. Hit me with maybe could he SEE C? I agreed. Then wanted father visits so C would not feel abandoned. After a lot of thought I agreed to 3rd party contact. A few times a year. Not here ever. Well H said that will never work. He's out of house and being a hard [censored].<BR>Don't think we're ever gonna agree.....oh well....you live and learn I guess. I've learned he is not my soulmate. A soulmate would never try this crap. Never expect me to "TRUST" w/o any reason to anymore. Just because he loves me? NO!!! I honestly think he loves unborn C more.<P>After all this it would be ironic if it wasn't his. But alas! I'm sure ow knew when to "DO IT" with one of those kits. He was leaving her and she wanted him in some way. The way he's been....she's welcome to him. How sad though it will never be. All of us will be divided over one "innocent" child and everyone's reaction to it!!!!<P>Debi<P>------------------<BR>Imagine....

I'm in Florida (on the beach). We found out (99.99%) that H was the father last month. OC is 1 year old. We have been married for 1 year and have a 5 1/2 month old son. Because OW is on WELFARE, we have to go through all the court proceedings it involves and may even have to pay back what they have given her. She lives with her parents, goes to school and doesn't work (or so my "wonderful" mother-in-law informs me). The OW lives 10 minutes from us and has steady contact with H's family, which makes me "love" them even more. HA I am having to put my son in daycare to get a job so that we can pay CS so she can sit on her a** (I'm still a little irked about that) while we still have to live with my in-laws. AGHH Does it ever get any better?

Cd...man sorry about your bad Texas experience! That is really horrible! If you ever change your mind...<P>Flowerseed...If you find those Ruby Slippers, can I borrow them when you are done?<P>Love<BR>bw

Hello all, I really enjoyed reading each of your posts. Its funny, but I could take something out of each one and say yeah I know what you mean or yeah its the same for me ect. I am in NJ, in the central part, on the shoreline. I have known about the oc since Jan. 1998, when the b####h left me a note introducing herself and her child. It has definitely been a rough three years. Flowerseed, I think ow is also afraid that I will kick her butt too. My h went to court a few times in the begining without me, I tried to go but would get sick to my stomach and hands would get sweaty so I could not make it. Well these court date were for dna and cs, at the last one before the visitation fight started my h told her he was fighting for visitation. This was the first time he had spoken to her in close to three years. He told her she would be hearing from the courts soon, and told her the court date, her reply, "will you wife be coming with you?" Well that was all I needed to hear, I knew I would intiminate her by going so from then on I never missed an appearance in court. My h told me that a few of our friends had told her to stay away and that I had a big temper for a little italian, I think she is fearful of me, she would not even look at me in court as much as I tried to get her too. What a coward. Oc is five and my h just met him for the first time a month ago. Ow had wanted contact all along before I knew about oc, but once I knew she turned it around and refused, after almost 2 years we got it. This visitation thing is all new to me and my children and I have not met the oc yet. Next month. We shall see how that goes. Gabi1116

Hello everybody. I am in Mississippi.My h meet ow 1 year after we were separated.We have been back together for over 2 years.I found out about oc when she was 4 months pregnant and I was 2 months pregnant.Ow lives an hour and a half away. My H sees the baby ,who is now a year and a half,about once a month.They have never gone to court or had paternity testing done.H gives her way more money than any court would order.According to my H ,the affair has been over since he's been home.Ow claims it has been off and on.We have our good days and bad like everybody here.Deep down I don't trust him because almost everything involved with ow or oc is kept from me.

Hi All,<P>I'm in PA. Ive been married 21/2 yrs and<BR>have known about oc for 9 mos tomorrow.<BR>I have a almost 6 yr old from a previous relationship that has stayed civil and son goes away every other wkend. I know<BR>how hard that is - worrying all the time he is gone.<BR>Together we have a 2 yr old D and an 101/2 mo<BR>little boy. We had a whirlwind courtship and I knew from day one that I would marry him...we are dedicated to working thru<BR>this. H had sex w/ some thing that offered and unfortunatly she came back 2 wks before our wedding to inform him she thought she was carrying his child.<BR>I also was 31/2 mos preg when we married. So her child is 2 mos younger than my D. We have no contact. She only wanted money, she's married. I cant stand living just<BR>miles down the road from her. WE are in different circles-I wish my H would have kept it that way! She stopped trying<BR>to blackmail my H when I gave her DNA forms - she said its not worth it. I still think its my H child because I cant believe someone would be so cruel. I go back and forth everyday about pushing the test but DO NOT want to jepordize my innocent children. I wish there were clearcut answers as to what to do. <p>[This message has been edited by fluke (edited May 18, 2001).]

Gabi, I know what you mean by little Italian with a temper. I have only gone to court once with my H because the first time he went was the day I got out of the hospital from having our son (c-section), but when I did go, she ran out when it was done. All the way to her car. haha

Girls,<BR>The ow in our life only had to be in the same room with me one time that was at hospital when dna was done. When she seen me with my h she almost crapped her pants. I set across from her giving her the evil eye she wanted to crawl under the chair and hide. Her baby was 4 months old at the time he smiled at me and threw up all over her I loved it. I couldnt help but laugh. When we went to sign agreement to child support she wasnt there. She is all big and bad when she has been on the phone thou all high and mighty and snoty. My h used to work with her and she would call to ask about work (little did I know she was chasing him at the time it did cross my mind I thought I was over reacting)even then when I think about it she had a snotty attitude. When I actually seen her I could not believe my eyes the scrawy aids lookingest thing I have ever seen scanky. I still have a hard time feeling any respect for my h thinking that could be with something like that and then come home to me with her cooties. We found out she has herpes also. God must have been protecting me that I did't get that gift.I think h has a hard time himself believing what he did.So h not only had to deal with cheating and oc he had that to worry about also. with love flowerseed

I needless to say am in "The Great State" . I live up near Dallas, but go to Houston area once a month or so, my extended family is there. We have been in recovery for 7 years. My son and the OC, a girl, are 4 mos apart; he is the elder. We have been married 27 years with 4 older children.<BR> Would you like to link up in Houston sometime when I go?<BR> My address is Bandit8788@AOL.com. Be sure send it re: Marriagebuilders. I will not open it otherwise. Look to hear from you.<P>For you others, I have lived in CA, KS, KY, PA, they are all nice states, but Texas is "almost heaven". NC is where the OC/OW live, it is probably a nice state, but I am not sure about the kind of people who live there. Understand why?<P>For all the newbies, hang in there <BR>Texasgirl

Hi all,<BR>I live in NC. My H and I have been married for almost 12 years. We have no 'home - grown' children of our own. We are in the process of going through an adoption program to start our own family..<BR>I found out about the affair and baby on July 1 2000. The xow in my life was a professional peanut-carrier. (sorry to all the other flight attendants on this board). She is currently out of work due to 'back problems' and more than likely on the system, putting the good folks of Mecklenburg county to work. (loved one of your previous posts CD) We have no contact right now, but will be going to our first (probably only) mediation session on Tuesday of next week. <P>The one thing I have to say about this whole experience is this...as painful as it has been, I am finally married to the man I've always wanted. The affair was a result of both of us digging our heals in and being too stubborn to validate,or, meet each other's needs. My H is much more spiritually mature now and based on how he's handled this situation thus far (keep your fingers crossed) I have to honestly say I'm developing a sense of pride in him that I've never had before. Sounds crazy, since we shouldn't be in this mess in the first place, but sometimes we really do grow as a result of our mistakes.

Hey Flowerseed, Our ow has herpes too. She blamed it on my h, said he gave it to her. I do not have it, he did not give it to me, he did break out with it not long after I found out about oc. They say stress can trigger a breakout. The nasty ow wrote me that letter to tell me about herself and her child, but she told me in it that she was not telling me to make me mad , only to warn me that my h had given her herpes. Yeah right sure that was her only reason for writing the letter . Anyway my h and I were together for close to two years before her and then 3 more before I found out about her, and I never had it. I am sure she gave it to him. GAbi1116

Gabi,<BR>The stupid slut tryed to convince my h that I have it and dont know it said I must have got it from going out on my h. She found that when the I'm preg line didnt work about 2 weeks after that she called him with the herpes crap. She told him that the baby had 80% chance of being born with it and that it was my fault tried to convince him that I was cheating on him and had herpes.when I think about it it still makes me want to choke her. A few days later he gave her the money to abort and she wouldnt take it. My h went and had blood test done the same week she had called him and they came back no deasease's (least he had enough brains to do that).I have never been with anybody else other than my h my h knows that her desperate attempts of stupidity only made him see what a piece of s*** she is. When I questioned her about saying that I have herpes and dont know it she tryed to blame it on her doc said thats what the doc told her. I told her sorry honey I am not like you. At first we thought maybe she got it after my h was with her then her stupity came out in the same conversation she had said it could have been a boyfriend she had in July. I said what you knew about this in July this was almost 6 months before my h was with her. She then went into the story of how my h could have used condoms and he didnt so she thought he already had it. Like he would have even touched her with a condom if he knew she had herpes. I gave up at this point no figuring this one out. Things like her should be made to have slut branded right on there forehead. Thats the kind of retarded whore that I have had forced into my life.I hope she turns into one giant sore. with love flowerseed

Hi there. I'm only on for a minute today. Been real busy and down I found out 8 months ago by court papers that my H had an 4 month affair 1 year prior and that she had a baby boy. At the time I received the paternity and child support papers I was 5 1/2 months pregnant. I had no clue of affair. My H had no idea what was to hit him when he got home that day!We are still struggling with communicating and talking, and I have some real bad resentment and anger feelings. I can't seem to get past. No contact with OC as of yet. <BR>Hey Matthew;14,15 Where in NC? My H just got relocated to NC! we are moving down in end of July! Maybe we could meet up? I'm really excited but just as scared as my whole family and support network is in NJ right now, but this has been a dream of mine for quite some time, just really bad timing as far as our life situation right now. It does get us further away from her and the OC though.<BR>Right now I'm dealing with the depression and the realization that he did this. I feel I should be so much further than I am and I get frustrated and disappointed in myself that I am not. I still find myself doubting if we will make it thru, although I know he feels strongly that we will. I just feel I wouldn't be able to handle the altenative if we don't.<BR>Gotta go do the bills! Uggh!