I dont have too much time to write now due to all this open house stuff, but wanted to let you guys know that as the good therapists have diagnosed men into different categorries such at cake men...ect..each response I get does help me though it may not appear..i have it all laid out here so to speak, I just have to put it together and in order to see if it matches , and where it matches..i look forward to knowing and hearing from your guys and your stories , maybe we can even chat..i am working on a an msn screen name..<P>lv Carol

I'll post my story tomorrow or the next day. I just wanted to tell you. To go by your gut feelings 9 times out of 10 your right. My husband was my best friend and I wanted to believe him when he said "your crazy your the only one for me" But my heart knew/felt somthing else.

There is info about TYPES of affairs, types of cheaters at <A HREF="http://www.affairs-help.com" TARGET=_blank>www.affairs-help.com</A> <P>Best wishes,<BR>J

Ty guys so much for posting me your stories of discovery..i do appreciate it becasue it helps me tramendously when i am having bad days like today.. his behavior was similar to many of your your h..very uncanny....Gemini..i was trying to follow your dates and was wondering when that oc was born..the behavior does match a distinct pattern..you know i still tell myself this cant be true..all of those things were just coincidences but i see here it is highly possible and very likely now that i have this probelm to deal with..I am becoming increasingly overwhelmed and being dragged down low by the burden of this that i occasional have thoughts of suicide because i see no hope in ever finding out..i dont know if any of you have ever been in this place but I have never been here before,,it is some where between life and just moving on to hoplessness..my heart is so heavy at times ..just a dull nagging pain that never goes away..I now understand the phase "a woman heart is a deep ocean of secrets" becasue i can not disclose whats in my heart..this alone is killing me..i feel everyone is against me..that they know, only becasue one of them was here when the questionable stuff was on the computer..i dont know what is worse..them knowing and me not..or the embarrassment of being made into a joke like this..I feel like a joke..I am in soooo much pain sometimes..how can there be just enough evidence for me to think that this happened but not enough to know for sure... this alone is driving me insaine.. h bought me a new home and i am very happy about it..plans..future..but when i get alone sometimes i am so low and i cant crawl out..why have i been delt this..there has to be someone out there that is in the same frame of mind as me..one that has it all in front of them but doesnt know and no one cares enough to tell..i couldnt possible be alone in this situation

It sounds like the real emotion you are dealing with is called despair. The feeling of an utter loss of hope brings with it thoughts of suicide... I'm here to tell you do not lose hope. Just because our most valuable ideals in life are shattered is no reason to give up on life. This disaster could very well be the stepping stone to your most glorious victory. Just think, if God can pull you through this, what great things could you be capable of?!!!!!<P>The enemy goes after the things that are most precious and valuable to us. God tests our faith in each situation. God wants to know that He has all of our hearts even when everything around us is falling apart. You're going to make it. I'm praying for you that your faith in God and in His ability to pull you through this would be strengthened. <P>There is good in every situation but sometimes it just takes some time to figure out what it is and count our blessings. Believe it or not, things could be worse. Things could always be worse--and I say that not to minimize your pain, but as an attempt to encourage you. Don't give up on yourself! You have a lot of potential inside! How you grow through this will determine your next step in life--for the better and for the best!

Incognitess, oc was born end of April. H and I were talking but I was doubtful things would work out. Especially since he went to the hospital the night the baby was born and asked the floor nurse to see baby in private, I had begged him to wait for dna! That crushed me beyond belief.<P>However there were no gifts(ow complained of this in a nasty letter) and he didn't visit her.<P>He moved home w/o my consent and begged for a chance to try our marriage. Said he'd be the best H possible. <P>Now we are in a standoff on allowing ow to use our last name for baby. (Hasn't been done formally) She posted the name many times in Dr. bills and in our church bulletin using the name to smear my face in it. I can't go on w/H if he allows her to call baby our last name. H's been acting like a quiet mouse and loving but I have cooled my jets for now. H hasn't answered me. I will give him a few days. I want an answer!<P>As far as depressed....Get an anti-depressant. It will help you to remain calmer. You musy pray pray pray for God to show you the path to follow. God hears all prayers. God answeres all prayers in his time.<P>It is not unusual to feel that way. You must take care of yourself first! Do not let suicide be part of your thoughts any longer. GET HELP PLEASE!<P>The baby receipts is a sure sign. H still must want you and D so take it from there and get yourself well enough to deal w/things.<P>Prayers to you.<BR>love<BR>Debi<P>------------------<BR>Imagine....

ty guys for you wonderful encouraging words, they help me alot..I think too much most of the time about this issue and i seriously doubt it is going away any time soon..i keep praying that it might just fade away in time, but i dont think it will ever go away completely..each day i want to stop thinking about it, but i cant..i simple cant and dont think i have too much control over it..I have never faced anything quite like this before..its almost like i am looking in on somone elses life..really like its not me..not that i would wish this on anyone else just that it strange..you know i had to think..h just called from work to talk about things..you know the usual..and i thought about how things are so normal on his side now after 9 months of things cooling down after his emotional breakdown ..since all this surfaced back then there have been a few blow ups on my part when i let things build up..but in the heat of fighting and my threats he will just not budge on this subject anymore..simply ..without a doubt will not touch the subject with a ten foot pole..for him the trama he faced can never be revisited by me again..it over..I am not allowed to ask what happened to him.ever again..for me its still alive and kicking..can someone please tell me what a person does in this situation..do i jsut let this all ride out and in the back of my mind just always think that something is hiding from me..does anyone know of any good books i can read on this subject..i am more than willing to try anything<P>to gemini<BR>ty for your explanation of events..it sure does have a similar tone to my h back then..im amazed just how alike men act..it was almost like you were describing my h behavior back then..and now..life as normal as can be right.. is he acting perfectly normal now?..mine is acting more than normal..he is always home exactly when he should be..some say major guilt..am i right?