I am Heavenly's husband. She asked me to send a message to all of the wonderful people on this forum who have helped her through some very hard times in our marriage.<P>On the 21st of September, our twins were born -- a boy and a girl -- exactly as she wanted. Our son lived for only two hours. His sister held on for nearly two days before she passed away. Heavenly just cries all the time. I don't know how to help her. I try but I don't know what to say to her. I know for me there is nothing I want to hear so I guess she feels the same way.<P>I have not always known how to show my wife how much I love her. And I know because of the affair and child, I created a sadness in her that will never really go away. But, I love her more than anything. I am not sure if any of you will look kindly on the spouse who cheated because of the pain you are experiencing. But, if you know how I can help her, please tell me.<P>I am afraid for her. I have never seen her this depressed before as if she is just slipping away from all of us. She told me that she understands why I was looking for another woman. I wanted one that wasn't 'broken'. I think she feels that she is not as much a woman as the other mother of my daughter. That is so untrue. That woman was just a moment of weakness and stupidity. I will pay for that moment for the rest of my life and I should. But what hurts me most is that Heavenly is paying for it too and she has done nothing in her whole life that would deserve the kind of suffering that she has been through. <P>Please pray for her. I will read your messages to her. She always found comfort from writing here but she has been too sad to get on the computer. But she said there were a lot of wonderful people here who were praying for our babies and she wanted you to know they were gone. Thank you to all of you who made her happy. If you can help her now, please let me know.<P><BR>

heavenly's<P>I am sorry to hear of the loss of your children. I will be praying for strength and wisdom in this time of hurt for you both.<P>As for the depression, my w has stuggled on and off with that for the last 15 years and I think the best thing for her was when she got on anti-depressants,she's currently off of them but wants and needs to go on them again. If you are like me you are saying oh great now I have to be on prozac or something. I've found that the best way to look at this is that depression is really a sickness, which it is as I've found out and there are medical ways to help. If you had the flu for 3 weeks or 3 years I'm sure you'ld go get it checked out and follow all the prescribed medication, the same should go here. I myself am not perfect by any stretch of my imagination, though I do know that for my w she wants me to be there to listen and not necesarilly give her my solution or suggestions. I wish you both the best. <P>sent w/ prayers,<BR>knight

heavenlys husband, I am so sorry, I know how much heavenly so badly wanted these babies to make it. My heart breaks for your family. I would show heavenly the letter you have just posted. Your words have just said it all. Your wife is a very special lady which I'm sure you know that. She has helped me through the darkest time in my life when I never thought I would ever feel joy again. I wish I knew what to say that I could help her. I cant type much more right now theres to many tears. So very very sorry. with love flowerseed <p>[This message has been edited by flowerseed (edited September 30, 2001).]

Mr.& Mrs. Heavenly my heart so hurts for you now and I hold your family in prayer up to the healing light of God and my friend Jesus. I know you are both in the darkness of grief now and will be for some time, but please, Heavenly, don't give up on living! <P>I remember the depth of my agony when my daughter died at birth, how badly I did not want to go on living, and can only imagine your pain now, sharing moments with little ones gone too too too soon. I know this isn't your first loss. You know this isn't something that you ever forget or "get over". You love your precious babies, all of them, for eternity. I have found no good answer as to "why" some babies die, some multiple times to good, good women like Heavenly. It is a horrible injustice! But don't give up on living! Your babies, any living child you have (forgive me as I cannot recall), your parents, your friends, your relatives, your God... all of us care about you! We share your pain; we want to aid your happiness. May it ease your burdon to know that. Please, keep fighting the fight for goodness. It hurts to live without our babies. We grieve them, memorialize them, and eventually we live again, we love again. We're changed people, but we're survivers. We know how precious life is. <P>Heavenly, your Dear Hubby is obviously head over heals in love with you and only you... He thinks the moon and stars shine on your postpartum behind! And I remember from your posts how much you love him too, that you guys are wounded, but you know God has a hand on you together and you haven't lost the good fight. Don't give up now! There are people here on earth who need you, and God's plan for your futures that you don't even know about yet. There is a tomorrow.<P>I once read a story about the Devil having a yardsale of sorts, selling his tools. Some tools were shiny and new, yet cheaply priced. The most expensive tool was old and worn, yet the Devil said it was definately his most valuable tool, the one he used frequently. That tool was Despair. When people lose hope, they are at the Devil's disposal.<P>Heavenly, it probably all seems like one ugly nightmare blur right now but you hang in there!! I pray that shining angels surround you and Mr. Heavenly, those two beautiful babies, and all your family as your grieve their loss. I pray you hear their songs and feel their loving arms hold and guide you through this awful dark time. Keep holding each other. Get support and don't isolate. Please forgive me if I said anything that adds to your hurt.<P>May I ask your babies names?<P>With all my heart and hugs to<BR>{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{the Heavenly Family}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} Jenny<P>The heart knows no distance.

I am truly saddened this Sunday morning as I read of the loss of yours' and Heavenlys' twins.<P>Heavenly was directly responsible for me giving h a chance more than once. She had traveled so far down the path of forgiveness that she would relate stories of you both and how things got better w/time. She personally e-mailed me in times of deep despair when I was too sad to post to the others. She was a complete comfort to me and here I sit crying and not being able to hug her.<P>Her ob-gyn may want her on anti-depressants. It's a step toward healing her mind.<P>She feels less than a woman? Oh goodness in spite of your loss she is a better woman for doing her best trying to carry those babies. She had a high risk pregnancy. It wasn't her fault. <P>May I relay some of Heavenlys' feelings?<P>I had one son w/h and was married 26 years when I found out ow was pregnant.<BR>I too was perplexed that I was allowed only one child and there was ow who already had 3...having a trophy c that she knew would devastate me...just because SHE could and I couldn't.<P>That pain will never leave me. It's heart wrentching. I still can't understand why and do not question it any longer. I only pray for peace of mind.<P>It's the utmost special gift I gave him and then along comes ow and plops out #4 w/no problems. The specialness that h felt for ours though he did not, and does not, feel for c.<P>As Heavenlys' H you can help get her on meds. Hold her every chance you get and cry with her. Tell her what you've told us. Let her know that she is now and always be your WIFE, a gift from God. That you are so thankful she loved you enough to go through all of this and all of the past. It makes her more special than anyone else. You will be with her and help her through all of this pain.<P>Above all no more comparisons to ow or oc. It's over. It's she who you love and plan to face a future with. Nothing will change that. <P>Pray with her. She's deeply religious.<P>You can show her and help her.<P>Tell her I love her and will always remember her words of love to me in my time of need, that I send them all back to her. I am praying for her and your family, lost and present.<P>Debi<P>------------------<BR>Imagine....

Heavenly,<P>I haven't been to the forum for weeks, but today something told me to come. It was so I would read your message and be able to pray for you and your husband in this difficult time. I know your babies are with God now, but I will say a prayer for them too. I am so sorry you are going through this sweet Heavenly. Know you are loved here and that you are in the prayers of so many who love you. Take care and may God wrap his arms around you, I know the Blessed Virgin is with you now too, sending her comfort and love.<P>Love,<P>Happy_Girl

I pray that you both can some day find peace. heavenly yuor husband thinks you are more women than any other female on the planet. I am going to a late church service and will add you both to our prayer service.

Dear Mr. Heavenly<P>Thank you for coming to our forum and posting the devastating news about the loss of your and Heavenly's precious children. There is such strength in prayer with all of us praying for the four of you along with your family and friends, loved ones.<P>Heavenly, dear sweet Heavenly. Words are inadequate to describe the sorrow I feel for you and your husband. I just can't find the words because the depth of the grief must be such that anyone's words must sound shallow and tin-y. But what is in my heart and in my prayers for you is indescribable.<P>What is God's plan for all of us? Why do people like you and like me and countless others here on this site, lack the capability to conceive ourselves or bring a child/children to term successfully, or why does God take them from us when we are so desperate to have our own child with our own husband? These are questions we will never know the answer to until the day we are reunited with our lost children and we are all resurrected in Christ. Jenny knows best and first hand the cruelty of fate and the devastating heartache of loosing children for she has lost two or three herself. You might find some strength with Jenny.<P>Heavenly, we have all missed you so much. We all know how well you took care of yourself and prayed for a successful pregnancy. You know in your heart you did everything you could.<P>I disagree with some of the others here who suggest that you medicate yourself because I am from the old school of beleiving in feeling the full force of the grief and getting through that deplorable stage as quickly as possible. Some are able to do this, and others are not. Regardless of how you decide to get through the next few months or years, you must keep very, very close to your Savior and keep telling Him, "My grief is so profound, I can't handle this alone Lord, please take this agony from me. Your Will, not mine." Keep saying it over and over and over again and you will begin the healing process and God will ease your pain in time.<P>You have been through so much, Heavenly. It has been a rotten few years and what has happened to you should never have happened. Your children are in God's care. You are in God's care. He knows your heart, He understands your pain and your anger and your grief. <P>We all love you so much, Heavenly. You have been such an important part of our forum, giving so generously of yourself to newcomers and oldtimers like myself and have saved countless members from feeling alone and confused through these awful, awful times. Your kindness and your wisdom has been sorely missed along with your pragmatic way of being able to help us here get through all the stages of grief and all the healing processes. You started out here so angry and so devasted and hurt, I wondered what was going to happen to you, but like many here, you were able to understand and forgive and move on in your marriage and ultimately become one of the forum's most valuable members. We all waited for your responses to the threads, knowing your voice would bring comfort and intellegent solutions.<P>God has been good to you, too, though you are in too much agony to see it, Heavenly. You are a thousand times the woman any OW could ever be because you have heart, soul and depth...style, class and dignity, integrity and honor. <P>I am moving on Tuesday and will be off line for a couple weeks until I find a place to perch. Over the next two weeks, I will keep you and yours close to my heart in prayer, praying for strength and comfort for you. Never forget how incredible you are and your accomplishments and all the people who love you and know you and your worth and value.<P>Love you, Heavenly. Keep close to Jenny as she understands completely.<P>I am so deeply, deeply sorry.<P>Catnip =^^= <P>

Dearest Heavenly, and Heavenly's H,<P><BR>My deepest sympathies are being felt right now! I am so sorry for both of you, as these babies were very precious to you both. I really don't have any advice, other than to keep showing the love you have in your heart, and give Heavenly all the support she needs. I will pray for healing for you both.<P>Love,<P>Tigger

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by heavenlybody26:<BR><B>I am Heavenly's husband. She asked me to send a message to all of the wonderful people on this forum who have helped her through some very hard times in our marriage.<P>On the 21st of September, our twins were born -- a boy and a girl -- exactly as she wanted. Our son lived for only two hours. His sister held on for nearly two days before she passed away. Heavenly just cries all the time. I don't know how to help her. I try but I don't know what to say to her. I know for me there is nothing I want to hear so I guess she feels the same way.<P>I have not always known how to show my wife how much I love her. And I know because of the affair and child, I created a sadness in her that will never really go away. But, I love her more than anything. I am not sure if any of you will look kindly on the spouse who cheated because of the pain you are experiencing. But, if you know how I can help her, please tell me.<P>I am afraid for her. I have never seen her this depressed before as if she is just slipping away from all of us. She told me that she understands why I was looking for another woman. I wanted one that wasn't 'broken'. I think she feels that she is not as much a woman as the other mother of my daughter. That is so untrue. That woman was just a moment of weakness and stupidity. I will pay for that moment for the rest of my life and I should. But what hurts me most is that Heavenly is paying for it too and she has done nothing in her whole life that would deserve the kind of suffering that she has been through. <P>Please pray for her. I will read your messages to her. She always found comfort from writing here but she has been too sad to get on the computer. But she said there were a lot of wonderful people here who were praying for our babies and she wanted you to know they were gone. Thank you to all of you who made her happy. If you can help her now, please let me know.<P></B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>

Heavenly,<P>I read this post and it just tore at my heart. I'm so sorry for the pain and suffering you're having to endure. You are so undeserving of such sorrow. Heavenly, you are not "broken". You are a unique individual, just like everyone else. You have your beauty and your flaws. They make you the special woman that you are....by no means does that make you inferior or less of anything. "If you love me, love me as I am and not as you want me to be". Your H loves you...ALL of you. We have also come to love you a great deal. I, for one, have much appreciation for your words of advise and encouragement. You can never know how many times I have taken your words to heart and how many times they have helped me gain perspective and confidence to shoulder my situation with grace and strength. I wish I could give back what you have given me with your inspirations. Your pain is so immense right now. Please know that we will feel that pain with you. We will cry the tears and pray for you and your family. We're here heavenly. When you're ready, we're here.<P>Claudia

Dear heavenly,<BR>I just don't know what to say...Please know that I am so profoundly sorry that this happened. I will be praying so hard for you. <BR>-cd

To the Heavenly family,<P>I just wanted to say I'm sorry for your loss and I feel your pain. I'll keep you in my prayers. Heavenly's H please read her the letter you wrote it says it all.<P><BR>Unsure

Heavenly, I am very sorry for your loss. If it were not for anti-depressants the first 3 years, I'm sure I wouldn't be writing this. Let your doctor help you decide what is best for you. <P>Your H appears to be trully remorseful, and that H still loves you very much.<BR> <BR>Mr. Heavenly, just keep loving her, and showing her your love in the things you do each day.<P>My deepest sympathy for the loss of your two little angels.<P>ember

Heavenlys husband, I'm back I think what you said about there is nothing that can be said that will help is probly right. If there is some way you can show our dear sweet heavenly through your actions instead of words. I know when I was going through my darkest hours words meant nothing but my h actions are what pulled me through. <BR> I know for me anything that reminds me of when the affair happened puts me in a bad state of mind. I dont know if this could be what heavenly is feeling but I'm thinking it is on top of this most painful loss. Again I'm so very very sorry. with love flowerseed

My dear sweet Heavenly family....I have sat for quite some time today to find some words of comfort. I even logged off and am back on now. I realized there is no words of comfort I can give, but perhaps some from the Father might be of some comfort.<P>There is the story of Lazarus, starting in John 11. Lazuras had been in the tomb for 4 days before Jesus raised him. When Jesus got to the town and saw all the people crying for their loss, even though He knew where Lazuras was and that he was about to bring him back, in verse 35 it says "Jesus wept." I think this is so very comforting to know that God in his infinite wisdom who knows the reason and outcome for everything loves us enough that He weeps when we do. He hurts for us. He loves us THAT much and He is with you right now. <P>When these things happen we tend to ask why. I guess we do that in any tragedy. I found in Deuteronomy 29:29 it says "The secret things belong to the Lord our God". Please dont beat yourselves up asking why. The Lord tells us that these things, these reasons, we will not understand today.<P>David loses a child in 2 Samuel. I called a wonderful lady whom has been a blessing in my life and she told me this was the verse in the Bible that proved when babies leave us they go directly to God. 2 Samuel 12:15 David says"...I will go to him..." David knew he would see his child again when he passed and met the Lord.<P>I Thessalonians 4:13 "Brothers,we do not want you to be ignorant about those who fall asleep, or to grieve like the rest of men who have no hope." This doesnt tell us we are not to grieve, just that we do not grieve like those who are unsaved. We know where our loved ones go and we take solace in that.<P>Psalm 55:22 "Cast your cares upon the Lord and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous fall."<P>Romans 14:7-8 "None of us lives to himself alone and none of us dies to himself alone. If we live, we live to the Lord; and if we die, we die to the Lord. So whether we live or die, we belong to the Lord."<P>Psalm 62:5-6 "Find rest, O my soul,in God alone; my hope comes from him. He alone is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will not be shaken."<P>Matthew 28:20 "And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age."<P>Matthew 5:4 "Blessed are they that mourn; for they shall be comforted."<P>Mr Heavenly, I know you are in such pain also and I would imagine a lot of your own guilt, so these next are for you. I pray they will bring you comfort in your role of husband right now.<P>Psalm 31:24 "Be of good courage, and he shall strengthen your heart, all ye that hope in the Lord."<P>Isiah 41:10 "Fear thou not: for I am with thee; be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness."<P><BR>The two of you are in my prayers and in the prayers of many others right now. The Lord is with you.<P><p>[This message has been edited by broken_wings (edited September 30, 2001).]

I cannot imagine what you must be going through, but just wanted to let you know my heartfelt prayers are with you.

Heavenly:<P>I'm keeping you and your husband in my prayers during this horribly difficult time. Your children are with God now---I know that's not a substitute for being able to love and raise them, but you eventually will be reunited.<P>Please go to the doctor's and get evaluated for depression---get meds if you need them. This is the most difficult time you'll ever go through.<P>God bless you both.

Dear Heavenly and Mr. Heavenly,<BR> I am so very sorry for the loss of your precious little angels. Having lost our last two daughters due to stillbirth, I know that this is such a hard thing to deal with.<BR> Cry as much as you need to. Scream if you need to. Beat the stuffing out of a pillow if you need to. Get it all out, and then hold and love each other. It will take a while, but life will become good again.<BR> My prayers are with you both and with your angels in heaven.<BR>Love, LC

Dear Heavenly, <P>I am deeply sorry for your loss. I will pray that you and your h find peace and comfort.<P>God Bless you and your husband.<P>with love mina<p>[This message has been edited by mina29 (edited October 01, 2001).]