<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Bonniebb:
<strong>Catnip
You are quite angry indeed. Was your H affair a one night stand? Some women here have H who had long term affairs with more than one child involved. I cannot pass that off as a weak moment, drinking (a poor excuse) or a mistake. A find it insane for a man to willingly carry on an affair, willingly engage in sex that no matter what birth control you use can result in pregnancy, and to turn around and say it was nothing. I also firmly believe that affairs are symptoms of marital problems.</strong><hr></blockquote><p>BB: <p>1. Angry? Absolutely! And that is normal and OK...and I am entitled.<p>2. It wasn't an affair, it was a three weekend whatever...<p>3. I find it insane too, but then that is the nature of the infidelity. It more often than not "nothing" to the WS in the final analysis. Perhaps at the time it was going on, it was something, but when the WS come back down to earth and look back in horror, it is nothing. Gratefully, I don't know much about long time affairs.<p>4. I don't think 'affairs' are always symptoms of marital problems. I believe most of the time it is about the person having the indescretion and what's going on with them, how they feel about themselves, what they think they need, and instant gratification and incredible selfishness. It has little to do with the spouse and a lot to do with just being 'self'.<p>Catnip =^^=

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Bonniebb:
<strong>Catnip
I just reread your post. I find it interesting that you regard your H as somehow being "sick" at the time. Seems you don't hold him the least bit accountable. Well, I guess we tell ourselves whatever we have to.</strong><hr></blockquote><p>Hahahaha. Ask the Bipolar Bear if he is being held accountable. Hahahaha.<p>Unfortunately, he is still sick and will be sick all his life. His disease is incurable but it can be controlled with medication. His disease causes him to become so depressed without any warning, without any reason, that he will go to bed for up to three days and find it impossible to face a day. His tendency towards suicide was profound. With medication, he is stabilized to a point where he can function and keep the mood swings in check. These are not mood swings as you or I would know them.<p>When he began drinking after nearly two decades of sobriety, it simply compounded the illness into bizarre behavior that he is deeply embarrassed about.<p>Looking back over your threads and postings, do you realize that the lion's share of your posts are campaigns to punish our husbands, to dump them or to remind us over and over again that they betrayed us? I feel so sorry for you that you are not willing to forgive your husband and have the love and compassion for him that most of the people here on this site do. In fact, you never talk about him like the rest of us talk about our spouses. It is like he doesn't even exist.<p>It just seems that you are so preoccupied with the members here to impose marshal law on our husbands and view them as immoral clods. This seems to be your mantra and I am curious why this is such a big deal to you and why you constantly campaign against our husbands. <p>BB, here we all hold our husbands accountable for their actions but none of us want to punish them, we want to forgive them and move on, if possible. That is part of the Marriage Builders Program. That's why we are here.<p>At any rate, this tired old subject has grown hair.<p>Catnip =^^=

I used to handle my H when this first started the only way I knew how. I didnt analyze it or classify it...I just did what I did. Now I let God handle it. He is much better at it and H is doing well because I pray for him...just my opinion. I know we are both happier and H is changing into a wonderful H that I am proud to call my partner. Works for me...

Oh, and as for the exOW. She is still trying to get my H. I find her slightly if not totally pathetic. She knew my H was married. She didnt care evidently. I dont feel this way about my H because he continually validates our marriage now and shows me how a marriage should be not just says it. The exOW, on the other hand, is still playing games and betraying a marriage every chance she gets. She has a father to her baby who has been paying support, visiting with, and be responsible for his child since his first month and she is not satisfied. She wants H. She is just going to have to get over it.
Oh, and for the record, I have never told her off, swore at her, or treated her badly. I have killed her with kindness and dignity. She just doesnt know what to do with that.