</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">With the help of Dr. Harley's books, I think that you may indeed come to find your husband attractive and be in love again. However, I suspect that his physical appearance is not actually the big problem. After you read the books (His Needs, Her Needs & Lovebusters) and do the questionaires, you may recognize that at one point you were getting your list of needs met enough to be in love - and he looked the same then. You may be focusing too much on that one need because perhaps it's the most obvious right now. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Sounds pretty much like my initial post to Lydia, except that she must first end the affair. NONE of Dr. Harley's concepts work, or are even intended to work, while active infidelity exists in the marriage.

Wait, I take that back partially. The basic concepts are not meant to be utilized until the affair is over. There are two Plans that Lydia's H can take. I would recommend that he do a week (at the most 2 weeks) of Plan A, and then go directly to Plan B. Plan B is that there is no contact between the spouses until the affair ends and the WS commits to marital recovery.

<small>[ February 09, 2004, 01:24 PM: Message edited by: *Takola* ]</small>

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

<small>[ February 18, 2004, 10:09 AM: Message edited by: Rainie ]</small>

In case you haven’t noticed, Lydia has not posted since 1 Feb.

Hi Chris, I haven't posted for awhile because I am not well. Emotional,physially and mentally and I feel this site is no longer helping me. I feel that some of you are quick to judge and think that I am a very terrible person and......you don't know me and my struggles.What kind of person I am or my H.
I enjoyed talking with iMaccami because we connected with our problems. And we were not trying to justify our actions but together, just talk.
I would like to say to people like 'Rainie'....Oh My God.....If God has helped you then that's great but don't just assume others preach God as much as you. Don't get me wrong I too have my beliefs in God but not to the extent as you.
I wonder about things...is this all a test from God. Did he have me assaulted to see if I was strong enough to get past it, to see if it would effect my marraige? So don't blame me for being and little critical when I hear people preach God. I still beleive in Him but just wonder...
Anyhow, I don't need a response to my posting, this are just my thoughts.
I see my psycholgist and that is what I will stick with.
Thanks to all for trying to help. Bye iMaccami and take care of all.

Emotional,physially and mentally and I feel this site is no longer helping me.
Did you feel that it was helping you at anytime?

I feel that some of you are quick to judge
If you are having an affair, it will skew your view of what is best and what can happen. Then you will feel you are being “judged” rather than people simply telling you the facts and you don’t like those answers.

and think that I am a very terrible person
I don’t believe you were “judged” as a terrible person. You ARE screwing over your husband and yourself without even considering what most people are saying.

And it is simply because you ARE having an affair and choose NOT consider what is suggested to you.

you don't know me and my struggles.
We do know your struggles with the affair. You are not the first person to be in the situation you are and you will not be the last. Just as you will not be the first person to think your affair has NOTHING to do with your feelings for your husband.

I would like to say to people like 'Rainie'....Oh My God.....
That really cracks me up from people that are not “religious” or have less religious faith than others.
Why in the world would you say, “Oh My God“ if He has little value to you?

Did he have me assaulted
You were assaulted? You never mentioned this previously. This would have a HUGE impact on you and your marriage.
Who was it?
Did you call the police?
Have you told anyone?

I see my psycholgist and that is what I will stick with.
Well maybe your psychologist can help you to understand that even though you disagree with someone else does not mean they are wrong/bad.
I suggest you read some stuff here occasionally, even if you don’t post.

<small>[ February 15, 2004, 11:11 AM: Message edited by: Chris -CA123 ]</small>

Lydia,

I have found a lot of mb members to be hostile (Sometimes I am too <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> !) Don't take it personally, just take it as a little comic relief! I really admire the way you stand firm. As you can see, that seems to be my weakness...I think one thing one day and another the next! Hopefully that just means I have an open mind...I've enjoyed talking with you as well and wonder if there is a way to exchange emails without sharing it with the world??? Just to update you, I haven't finished painting - have had a couple more sessions with Harley and unfortunately am backsliding a bit. I think I believe the principles-the problem is the internal voice! It's truly difficult to know what is right for you. Choosing the MB method and sticking to it is a path which has a clear map, support, and answers. It's sort of like AA or a religion for that matter, in my opinion...you surrender to a certain extent. Let's see if that gets anyone excited! And I didn't say that was a bad thing, by the way...Just thinking... Okay, now bracing for constructive feedback.