BTDT - Oh, I would take the girls with. They go just about everywhere with me! I couldn't bear to leave them here.<p>I am talking about short periods of time, like going out for an hour that I don't trust him. That is when he tried it before.

I finally had a session with Steve Harley. I feel alot better in some ways but one of the things Steve wants my husband to do is to sit down and go through the whole thing with me. I still have doubts that he isn't telling me the truth but I feel so fragile that I don't think I can bear the pain of it all being brought up again. New revelations (or the truth or whatever it is)is what I have said I have wanted for a long time. Now I am so frightened.<p>BTW - baby is doing fine so far!

I had a session with Steve Harley yesterday. I felt so much better but I feel like I need a session per day! Maybe I just need to catch up.<p>He says that we are going about our recovery all wrong and skipped some steps. H was open to talking to him and willing to do what Steve suggested. I hope this is true. <p>My assignment among other things, is to refrain from making demands and make all conversations safe. H didn't call me all day until I left a brief message after my call with Steve. "Just your wife."<p>He called back and said, "Didn't you get my email?" Very frustrating as email is not a part of our recovery plan. All it said was, "I am very busy. I love you." He knows that I don't check email that often, I can't with two little ones and we just got the computer up. <p>Steve says that he needs to take extreme measures to ensure that I feel safe and that he isn't doing that. Steve says that we are keeping me in the role of supervisor and it isn't for me to do, nor is it helpful to recovery. Steve plans on helping him figure this out but it is not for me to do so. What do you think?<p>[ April 11, 2002: Message edited by: nursebetty ]<p>[ April 12, 2002: Message edited by: nursebetty ]</p>

I think it sounds good! You have some homework... That's good! And oh, now I get it about leaving the kids. Wow...

Snowmane -<p>Thank you for sharing your story. I truly feel for anyone going through this. As for my husband, he doesn't express his thoughts or process quite like yours. That doesn't mean I can't have compassion for his condition, of course. He has several childhood and anger management issues that he is trying to work through. <p>In addition, there is a chemical depression family history. I am trying to get him some help. ERs are useless, I agree, but not all counseling.<p>It sounds as if what you went through was post traumatic stress disorder. I am sure you already know this. What I wanted to say to you was that there is a great therapy out there that helps people overcome traumas. It is called EMDR. It uses bilateral stimulation (simple stuff like eye movement or tapping) to engage both sides of the brain and "clear out" the trauma and the associated thoughts, feelings and physical sensations.<p>It is highly, highly successful and very different from talk therapy or psychoanalysis. You may wish to read up on it in "Emotional Healing at Warp Speed" by David Grand and find a trained EMDR therapist. I would not try it on one's own, especially for your situation.<p>If you want more info right away you can go to the website which I think is www.emdr.com or emdra.com.

Rough night last night. <p>H who couldn't live without me decided after two easy sessions with his new therapist that I am free to go.<p>So I got up from bed after getting kids to sleep and starting looking at flights home. He became enraged - he had been yelling at me earlier during a fight. He started yelling (waking baby, of course) that I just can't wait to leave and I want out so bad. At one point he said that I was breaking up the family. <p>He came home with me on the floor crying with the three-year old. Baby was sleeping and I was cleaning kitchen bawling my eyes out while the three-year old played a computer game (we gave up TV and I finally let her play a bit). Three-year old caught me crying and decided to talk it over with me and feed me carrots as a remedy [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>So he had come home I guess ready to yell at me for making him feel bad for his actions and me crying set him off.<p>I had been remembering the 2 weeks in October where we really reconnected and were making love, being affectionate, talking, letting all of the other stuff that normally bothers us fall away. I was so convinced that our marriage had hope. Still, every weekend he was out with OW (in a group supposedly with co-workers) but it was all a smokescreen for his affair. I even said that to him and he said,<p>"Oh, I can see how you might think that but I love you. You are the only one I have ever wanted. I want to grow old with you. I love this talking late at night, it reminds me of when we first starting dating." Blah, blah, blah.<p>Then he ran headlong to her and the affair even after I found out about them and read a similar scenario in the "His Needs, Her Needs" book to him and asked him not to go down that road. He started pretending to really work (Dr. Phil books) on the marriage so he could continue undetected.<p>So I am married to this guy. I have had the rug pulled out from underneath me so many times and I can't trust a word he says. Yet, somehow he thinks he can get angry at me and make justifications for his behavior.<p>He took off barefoot in car at 11:40 p.m. mumbling about me someday forgiving him, his habit of threatening suicide without saying it. I called him on the cell and told him to come home immediately or I would call the police. He came home claiming he wasn't suicidal - just wanted to drive. Of course, I am only 5 months pregnant and had major contractions in all of this. I CANNOT handle the ups and downs and drama of it all. He is going through something with this therapist that brings out all of his unresolved anger and I can't handle it.<p>gg girls need naps

I posted an update in GQ on the
soul mate" post and in Recovery on the "leaving on a jet plane" post.