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Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 13
Junior Member
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OP
Junior Member
Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 13 |
I have been with my hubby 24 years. We are coming up to 3 years without any sex. He says its because I hurt him with my words. Don't get me wrong I wouldn't consider myself to be verbally abusive. He just doesn't like me to say anything about us. The happiest times are when I have no expecations of our marriage and live fairly separate lives. We do have 2 children and I want to take them into consideration. What do I do? Or is the writing on the wall?
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Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 2,863
Member
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Member
Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 2,863 |
He may be impotent and ashamed to tell you. If he blames your words for not wanting to have sex with you, it takes the heat off of his manliness. Makes you a castrating B**** rather than making him unmanley.
It's been a lot more than 3 years for us. No affection either. He shrank away from me last time I tried to hug him. A simple hug; not a come-on.
Are you willing to live the rest of yoru life like this? It probably won't improve. If you can stand it, and keeping your family together is more important than your own happiness, and if you can settle for happiness only when you do things on your own, I guess you can stay married.
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Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 12
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 12 |
jav:
I'd like to say I know the answer, but I am still searching for it too.
My W and I have been married 25 years; last 6 years sexless (whose fault? prob both). We sleep in separate bedrooms (chiefly because of my sleep apnea). We handle all the matters of home in a friendly but impersonal way.
I too have shrunk from my wife's simple gestures. Why? My hunch is that I just cannot see myself warm, let alone romantic, with her. I do take a medication that may suppress libido, but that cannot account for years of our mutual distance.
Why can't we get together? Maybe we both have lingering resentments that we have not voiced. Now they have reached a stage where they stand in the way of warmth and closeness.
I just don't know, however, if discussing long-held resentments does any good. If my wife and I or you and your hubby spoke out, that doesn't mean it would change the conditions or remove the resentment.
jav--maybe there are long-held issues in old marriages like yours and mine that get in the way of intimacy.
prosze
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