this is also a site that any one in the word can read if they have a computer, so I wouldnt discuss any thing that was so sensitive you did not want every one and their brother reading it, so a new site or not, wouldnt matter, every one would still see and speak what they thought. Hasnt it occured to you that some people benefit and learn hearing from the ws's in these situations, it isnt just about the bs, the wayward spouse is the main breakdown of the marriage because they went outside the marriage. Do you think that you will have no pain if every one on this sight is in total agreement with you.. Its immpossible for that to happen even if all people on here were bs's .

.

<small>[ November 24, 2002, 10:16 AM: Message edited by: mom of five ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by mom of five:

I know it is difficult paying money to someone you hate, But you have to know that helps take care of that child and we all agreed that baby is innocent , just as you are, and while you dont deserve what was handed to you, neither does the child deserve to do with out. so why cant we learn from each other and not take it so personal, we all have a tendency to lump people in the same catagory, while we should all kow, there are so many different situations, Some husbands had a one night stand, some a few months and some of us had a realtionship for many years. It would stand to reason each and every situation would have to handled differently. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Hi Mo5,

Don't know if you know my story, but I have tried to be a nurturing, caring and, yes, loving step-mom to both OC(s). There is NO QUESTION that they are innocent in all this, just as I am an innocent party and had my choices taken away when my H decided to populate the city of Tacoma, with his OW(s) participating in the lies and deceits along with him.

I'm not allowed to see one of the OCs any longer because my H is with THAT particular OW right now. But fortuntely, I continue to see Ryan (OC) and participate in his life and love him like my own. CS has never been an issue with me. I have a trust fund setup for Ryan for college and he is my sole beneficiary. Yes, even post-divorce. Even when I have no financial or blood obligation to this boy.

My earlier post was to state that having an OW who has not experienced the betrayal of her H to the degree where he has spawned an OC, and having them offer advice as to what I should be feeling, thinking or doing in such a situation is not a person I would take that advice without a grain of salt. They know not from where they speak.

This is not to say I do not respect them for their opinion and their perspective of their situation. I do. And I have learned tons about their side of the fence and their feelings on the matter. I am grateful for their participation here, and I do feel empathy for their pain. Because pain IS pain regardless of your title.

Jo

<small>[ November 24, 2002, 01:47 PM: Message edited by: Resilient ]</small>

I would imagine you have been through more than most.. I ow one of the last things my husband did was share with his ow, about my cancer, and he even shared when I had dr. appts and what happened when we were there, I was more than angry... anger couldnt began to describe what I felt about that betrayal.. I can relate to that.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by mom of five:
I would imagine you have been through more than most.. I ow one of the last things my husband did was share with his ow, about my cancer, and he even shared when I had dr. appts and what happened when we were there, I was more than angry... anger couldnt began to describe what I felt about that betrayal.. I can relate to that.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You have touched on something that to this day is one of the biggest hurdles I still can't conquer. I guess it's within that bundle of things considered BETRAYAL, having your H share such private, and what we thought was, personal and priviledge information with the OW (a stranger to us).

I trusted him with my very soul and he shared it with an enemy. Someone who wanted to hurt me, and then he failed to protect me. The word dissapointment doesn't begin to describe my feelings.

So now because of it, I have become such a guarded person. Trust is hard to come by. I wish it weren't.

Thanks for your kind words, Mo5.

Jo

<small>[ November 24, 2002, 12:24 PM: Message edited by: Resilient ]</small>

So now because of it, I have become such a guarded person. Trust is hard to come by. I wish it weren't. This probably explains more about me than any thing on this site.

What I find very interesting lately is this:
many of us "ow" are also WS's! It speaks volumes to me about how the WS's thoughts, feelings, and opinions are dismissed as we know not of what we speak. That has to be the most insane thing I've read yet.
The BS's focus on roles; the zeroing in on ow label and dismissal of ws experience speaks volumes about who really wants to get back to the matter at hand of pulling out of this pit and stop wallowing and get back to living.
CM

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by CMiranda:
<strong>What I find very interesting lately is this:
many of us "ow" are also WS's! It speaks volumes to me about how the WS's thoughts, feelings, and opinions are dismissed as we know not of what we speak. That has to be the most insane thing I've read yet.
The BS's focus on roles; the zeroing in on ow label and dismissal of ws experience speaks volumes about who really wants to get back to the matter at hand of pulling out of this pit and stop wallowing and get back to living.
CM</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">CM,

You may have misunderstood, and I had hoped I clarified myself. I said THEIR (OP's) ADVICE to me regarding what I should be feeling, thinking or doing in my situation ... unless they have experienced it themselves.

I also wrote the following:

This is not to say I do not respect them for their opinion and their perspective of their situation. I do. And I have learned tons about their side of the fence and their feelings on the matter. I am grateful for their participation here, and I do feel empathy for their pain. Because pain IS pain regardless of your title.

Please don't take offense. What I have wrote in no way should be inflamatory to anyone of any title. Nor should it be a reason to perpetuate an argument. There is also no reason to get personal calling what I have wrote "insane".

God Bless,
Jo

<small>[ November 24, 2002, 10:47 PM: Message edited by: Resilient ]</small>

Please don't take offense. What I have wrote in no way should be inflamatory to anyone of any title. Nor should it be a reason to perpetuate an argument. There is also no reason to get personal calling what I have wrote "insane".

God Bless,
Jo[/QB][/QUOTE]

I'm not offended by what you wrote, Resilient. I don't mean to single your comment out; my feelings expressed in my previous post are an accumulation of what has been written here over the past few days. I'm frustrated, more so from a ws perpective than ow.

Thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts.

CM

No worries, CM.

This particular board, IMHO, is by definition an emotionally charged place with more than it's share of pain and suffering.

We all just do the best we can, and as long as we do it with respect for one another, regardless of our titles, then perhaps something good can come of it all ... just maybe.

Jo