tew,
I was not pointing fingers at you - I hope you're not offended. I was just trying to use your story to demonstrate that THIS ACTUALLY DOES HAPPEN in the crazy world of child support law. Didn't mean to make it look like I was calling you out.

Wasn't intending to imply that your daughter is an oc, or that there is anything wrong with you taking the court-ordered child support. But your story is a very graphic description of what betrayed wives here COULD face down the road if they are not careful. Just was using it as a "heads up" kind of thing.

Anyway, I am too jealous of the baton lessons. I don't have coordination enough to baton my way out of a paper bag!

with love,
Cd

cd,
No. I was not offended (it takes ALOT to do that) I was just offering clarification. Yes, the CS system is screwed up. And as a mother I would advocate by any means necessary (faux separation included) to ensure my kids' welfare.

I know as an OW many here may not appreciate my opinions. In my defense I will state that when MM and I got together I insisted he pay W CS equal to the ammt he paid for his son even though this exceeded the state reccomended guidelines of 28% of his income. I feel that is only fair. He has an 11-year-old son from one woman he never married. His D from M will be 2 in August. tew

<small>[ January 02, 2003, 06:44 PM: Message edited by: tewjtm ]</small>

tew,
Great. Glad you were not offended. I am the same way, having developed a rhino hide over the past few years.

So are you an ow right now? Just curious. I don't think I know your story. You are right, probably some won't appreciate your input, but please understand that many here are still dealing with the pain of betrayal. It is a tough thing to work through. But if you are reasonably kind and considerate, I'm sure you'll be as welcome as our other compassionate ow.
-cd

cd,
MM has been living w/ me almost 10 mos. Their D just became final in Nov. But you know the saying once an OW always an OW.

I visit MB for insight. I would never try to inflict pain w/ my posts. tew

Man I missed saying some things while I was away, so I will not quote anyone, it takes too much time but I will say I don't want OC to get a dime, and I mean it. I don't harbor ill feelings toward the child directly but I feel that since his mother purposely got pregnant just to try and snag a taken man (don't remind me that he was involved too, I already know)she will suffer the consequences if I can say anything about it. Until I become a better woman that is where I stand. And I have a child from a previous relationship and I don't ask her father for a dime, as a matter of fact I won't even accept his money (if he ever offers it) and he never sees her so no problem there. I don't want him to do a thing just so I have a claim to terminate his rights with abandonment claims should I not be able to persuade him to sign them over. I hope (she's young anyway, I'm sure she will) OW finds a man who will love and want her and her son, and yes the main reason is so that we never have to pay CS, don't like it, so what. The other reason is so I can forget she ever existed or do my damndest trying. And yes I am bitter I hope I never let go of it, or I might soften just a little too much.

Anyways, CD, again with filing, I totally agree with you. But, I am having a hard time convincing him, not because of anything having to do with her, but like I mentioned he is quitting his job, and he is afraid if he goes to court for cs, even for our kids, they will order him an amount that God forbid one day he may not be able to pay (say he doesn't get booked or something) won't he have legal problems then, and be faced with jail? That is his main concern, he says he might rather threaten her with a custody battle <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> because we know she can't afford that, but he's not thinking that with her drug abuse and wild lifestyle and no parental support (cause he's black and they don't approve) we could very well be given this child, and I certainly don't want that <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> . So what'dya think?
Bridgette

P.S. Everyone else save your flames I am not open to change right now.

bridgette,
First of all, you are entitled to feel any way you damn well please about oc and/or child support. Don't make apologies to anyone for your feelings. Second of all, if you file for child support and they order an amount that your h someday cannot afford to pay, all you would have to do is "waive" the arrears. This means, when the amount he "owes" you in child support gets high enough that the courts decide to take action, you basically have the right to have the debt wiped out. It is sort of like forgiving a debt. You just would go in and say, "I want to waive the money he owes me". That's it. So as long as you two have trust in each other, it is not something he should have to worry about.

I'll be honest with you, there was a time when I did not want the oc to get one thin dime from us in child support either. Time (and divoce <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> ) has mellowed my view somewhat, and I have come to feel that every child deserves to be financially supported by both parents - you know I get hung up on the "fair and reasonable amount" thing, though. But you are absolutely entitled to feel this way. And I think that everybody in this situation does, at one point or another. Mostly b/c it sure doesn't feel like the money is giong to the child. It feels like the money is going straight to the ow's pocket. So I know where you are coming from.

And as to not wanting contact....so what?? Lots of women don't want contact. Don't let anybody give you grief about that. Contact is a choice that works for some people, and not for others. Above all, it is a PERSONAL choice, and one best left to the couple.

Short point is - be true to your feelings and yourself.
warmest,
cd

Thank you so much, I know I come on a little strong sometimes but I post other places too and sometimes I have just come from talking about the same thing somewhere else and am already riled up. Well you have convinced me it's the right thing to do, and I will attempt to talk to him again today, either way I'm filing. In the end he will see I did the right thing. I am so glad you told me about the right to waive his debt, that may be thing to suade him. Thanks again CD.
Bridgette

One more thing, CD, I'd like to know what percentage of his check will they take and how do we go about filing so that he doesn't have to pay any money to the state? I finally convinced him it was the right thing to do. I tried the All Law site, but I don't know if it is accurate. thanks again.

LT
Ihave a question? Was there a DNA test if not why not?

<small>[ January 04, 2003, 09:35 PM: Message edited by: MALC ]</small>