mof5,

i believe it was pops who said that there are probably a lot of things we don't post on the site that others don't know about our situation. in my case that is totally true. the a that brought me here was not the only one my h has had. it was probably the easiest b/c we were already separated (though not long) when h started their relationship and i know that it was only physical. the only thing that made it hard was the oc factor(by the way, it's been 3 months since ow's claimed due date and we still don't know if she had a baby or ever was pregnant).

anyway, the answer to your question is that i saw the om side to my h when he became involved w/ the w of a couple we had become friends with. i can say that it was a very surreal experience and i remember getting very angry with wh when he said bad things about the ow's bh.

just for the record, i think that if the way you and your h are dealing with your situation is working for you, that's great. as someone else said (quite well), there is no 'one size fits all' solution. every situation is unique. and every person is unique.

i don't believe that you are a bad person b/c you were an ow and ws. and i don't think that being a bs automatically makes me a good person. there's more to each of us than our labels. if i ever call the ow a manipulative b!*@#, that doesn't mean i think that all ow are (but believe me, if you talked to her you'd probably agree w/ me <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> .

i was honestly trying in my prior post to just give you a pov on why so many people may find it difficult to see your pov as the ws one at times. if i offended you, i am truly sorry. i do try to see things from other perspectives and have appreciated that things here aren't completely one-sided.

in my case, i have felt sorry for the ow. and i have felt guilty that my h has decided on nc if there is an oc. i have been angry at wh for his part in the a and still get angry sometimes, but i try to deal with it w/o affecting our healing. i have also acknowledged that though it doesn't excuse h's actions, i did play a part in the development of the a.

anyway, sorry this was so long. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Not a big deal, I know my situation is hard for some to understand... heck I dont even get it half the time <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I dont think lables do any one any good, I mean as someone pointed out I am a bs as well, infact I have probably had more d days than any one on the board.
But my opinions are based on everything an my comments are based on what I think to a particular situation not a lable someone has placed on themselves or someone else.