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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by needtomoveon:
My kids and I were in a car accident yesterday</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Hope you are alright!
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needtomoveon, I posted elsewhere today and I thought I lost it, then went back and two posts were there saying the same thing! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" /> Maybe it's this site? I didn't realize you're divorcing. You are going through a lot of stress and need to calm down. Is DNA scheduled? Sheese I wish he'd come here and read for himself just what's going to come down on the rest of his family, and it will no doubt. I hope you can finally do what your sign on name says and "move on" with your children. Learn from your mistakes and go on from there. Whatever is to be, will be, needtomoveon. Try praying for peace. You'll get it in a way you don't imagine and all in good time. Keep the faith girl. One thing is for sure, most of the newbies here no matter what side of the fence they are on,are in horrible conflict. I encourage everyone to get as much info from this site and apply it to your personal lives. It's amazing what happens when two people finally get what a relationship is all about. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> love Debi
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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Pepperband: <strong> </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by needtomoveon: My kids and I were in a car accident yesterday</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Hope you are alright!</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Thank you we are. I kept one home today from daycare she is very sore, and the other is just fine. I'm sore but it will pass. I went for another ultra sound and baby is just fine too. It could of been worse, I was not moveing when a power truck hit me. If I would of been moving It probaly would of been worse.
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Thanks Gemini:
I'm working on it. Some days are easier than others. I just want it over with. I could have the dna testing done next month I believe but I'm not sure if I'm willing to take the chance of miscarriage. I will probaly have c-section as I did with my twins and they will do one for sure between 36 and 38 weeks. I will then have the amino done then. I need to find out how long the test takes to come back cause I'm not going to spend my first two months of this baby's life playing games with him. I just won't do it. Hope you can understand that.
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Lynn G, thank you for your posts. Please continue to post.
Texasgirl
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LynnG all I can say is that I agree with you 100%... Its also refreshing to see a woman stand up whats right...whats fair... I guess I was fortunate enough to have wise friend that was there for me when I was hit with this... she saved me. Like you. I was devastated and she protected me; and found the best lawyer that had experience in this area. I think in situation like this; I think you have no choice but get a good lawyer. Thank you for your postings.... probably saving lots of women from the same fate. I look forward to many of postings in the future from you.... Please don't allow others sway you inot thinking there is anything wrong with protecting yourself. Bravo to you! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <small>[ September 27, 2003, 01:26 AM: Message edited by: wiz ]</small>
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LYNNG..I AGREE WITH YOU ALSO 100%.... PLEASE KEEP POSTING!
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BUMP for newbies....
Read a lot of posts written by LynnG
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" I just don’t agree with the “no holds barred” attitude."
I see Lynn expressing a different attitude .... I'll call it the
"cover your [censored], just in case" attitude.
When dealing with an outside person (OP) AND/OR an inside person (WS) who have shown blatant disregard for the family's well being .... cover your [censored] seems rather sensible and prudent .... especially as one is waiting for all the cards to be played out.
Even if the attitude is *aggresively* cover your [censored] .... it is prudent to be ready for any unexpected attacks on the family assets .... from WS or OP.... both having shown character defects that put the family at risk.
It is not trying to "get" someone who has hurt you .... it is to prevent being eaten alive by that same person(s) in the future.
Be smart, and be pro-active... when it comes to saving your family. That's the message I hear.
Pep
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heavenly,
Great post!
What is a UH? I thought I knew all the acronyms.
I believe if an OW gets pregnant, the MM should pay CS. However, I also think that the OW should be prepared to raise the child solo. I believe that MM should step up and play a part in OC's life, but am aware that this will not always be the case. If MM wants contact, than OW must expect and respect the fact that BS will be a step-parent to OC.
As a mother, I will do all I can to fight for and provide for my children. I understand why some BSs file for legal separation to limit the amount of CS. If I were in their shoes I'd do it also.
I do want to add 1 thing though. For the BSs that are hesitant to get involved w/ OC and for the OW afraid to have their OC around BS - children are very hard not to fall in love with. As a BS you might think you may never be able to accept the OC, don't sell yourself short. For the OW lurking, I doubt very seriously any BS is going to attempt to abuse your OC. The love for a child is amazing.
I have a unique situation. I was OW that married (and later divorced my MM). We had no kids together. However, he had a beautiful little girl (on my birthday). When we first got together he had limited visits. During divorce, he would settle for no less than 50-50. Once we had her 50-50, the XW started doing drugs and smoking around DD. She was only around 1 at that time. After several court appearances, and XW running off to Fl., we eventually had DD 24/7. When we D, I kept her w/ me at his request. It was supposed to be temporary. That was over 5 years ago.
Many people ask me why I am raising a child that is not mine. I tell them that she is mine in every way that counts. I love her as much as my biochildren. She recently tuurned 9. I have taken care of her since she was around 6 months, full-time since she was 2 1/2.
My point is that it is possible to love a child, even 1 that you never expected to be in your life.
Be careful what you wish for, you just might get it! - my take on the old proverb.
WS
Separated from H 10/15/10 due to an issue regarding parenting issues
Back w/ MM
DD - 16 mine from previous R
DFSD 9 - Raising DD of XMM/XH - She may not be mine biologically, but she is in every way that counts.
2 DS - grown and in the US Marines
H - has no kids.
TOW - femalesargeant
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I believe that MM should step up and play a part in OC's life, but am aware that this will not always be the case. If MM wants contact, than OW must expect and respect the fact that BS will be a step-parent to OC. The most important thing is the health of the marriage so it depends on what is best for the marriage. Having an old skanky OW around is a disaster to a marriage, which would naturally affect the well being of the COM. Dr Harley posted this last year: I am revising SAA and it should be in print sometime in 2011, and the problem you raise will be included in it. But it's particularly difficult to address because of our no-contact-with-the-ex-lover rule on the one hand, and the need of a child to have contact with their natural parents on the other. Our radio archives have more on this subject than anything I've written so far, because we've had several listeners call in with this problem, and I describe the approach I take.
As you probably already know by now, I tilt toward keeping the marriage healthy at the possible expense of the child not having adequate contact with the OM. I recommend that at the time of birth, the other man not be mentioned on the birth certificate unless he demands it. That makes your husband the legal parent of the child. If he does demand being on the birth certificate, I recommend that he pay child support until the child is 19. If the OM wants visitation, I recommend that it be done with transparency, so his own family knows what's going on. A mediator, paid by him, is to pick up and deliver the child so that you and your husband never have to have any contact with him.
In almost all cases that I've witnessed, the OM isn't willing to be named on the birth certificate, pay the child support, or make the situation known to his family. Under those conditions, I highly suggest that he not be able to visit his child until he or she is an adult. If an attempt is made, I suggest getting a restraining order. While that policy seems very rigid and uncaring toward the child, the alternatives are usually disastrous. Having an old lover around, the cause of your husband's greatest sadness, has such an devastating effect on the marriage that few survive.
Having heard from some of the couples who have followed this way of thinking, and others who have done the opposite, I am confident that it is the best approach to your situation.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Me: BS age 35 POS-eX-the SORRIEST, CRUELEST, LOWLY WAYWARD SCUMBAG out there Married 14.5 years, together almost 16 DDay: 7-5-09 OC born: 7-23-09 no COM: tried 6 years  D filed 5/05/2011 D final 11/10/11 I was gaslighted for 2 years. "You were not built for a safe story. Take risks and feel what it is like to actually be brave. It's worth it." Carlos Whittaker
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