I guess I am joining the ranks here, oh how I need your support.
H had a 5 mth affair, OW is PG due in March she's 26/he's 42. I have known now for about 2 mths. We are trying to work things out, going to therapy, but I am still so undecided. He wants nothing to do with the child, which I find horrible, but yet I want us to have nothing to do with the child, for which I feel horrible, then there are moments I think I can handle it, then selfish moments of why should I have to handle it. I atleast realize there will be contact with the OW, if not just for money, where he is in lala land thinking believing what she says that she wants no help at all. We have no children of our own, which was what we had planned.

I have had no contact with the OW other than passing her in the store, which she santers by me the two times I have been there, it feels like she does it on purpose but I don't know if she knows who I am exactly.

They work at the same place, he did change his hours to where they just pass through the door way, but I have told him if he sees her or speaks to her I want to know about it. Has he volunteered anything? No, when we were having joint therapy I would find out then when they had seen or talked to each other. He is still trying to keep this a seperate life, but it can't be. As weird as it sounds I want to know everything if I am going to stay in this, it feels to me that if he sees or speaks to her without my knowledge, before or after, that the affair is still going on.

He swears he loves me and wants to be with me but is leaving all the decision to me. I feel like cmpd in that he is wanting me to end it, but when I point blank talk to him about it he says he wants to be with me more than anything, he just doesn't want us to hate each other, he wants to remain friends so he can still help me out, take me out to dinner, etc. I wish he could understand seeing her kills me. I have told him to try and understand if things were turned around how would he feel. He just won't do it. I know for a fact he is a jealous person and would never stand for me to continuing seeing a man I had an affair with. He can barely deal with me working with a man.

This is so out of character for my H. I have atleast put some of the personality changes that occurred during the 5 mth affair into perspective. Things that were said and the manner in which they were said, where taken very personally by me, but I now understand this ugliness was guilt coming from him. I will never in the future except the way I was spoken to. I don't deserve that.

Ok everyone, just have to share this with all of you.Here is what I call a waste of the last 9 months of counceling. My H went to IC yesterday and this is the conclusion she came to .She suggested that we all get along and learn to live with this type of relationship since it seems that I and OW have already accepted it.She said people do have relationships like this,and we eventually will work it out! And become one big happy family!!!!She feels that neither I or OW are going to give up,and he is going to have a nervous breakdown because he is bouncing back and forth so much,because he can't make a decision.My H said he even lost some respect for this IC. The MC said something similar to us told me I should develop my own relationship with OW to see where she is at ,what kind of person she is blah blah blah. I know her already , she worked for us, she went out with my D's!I always thought she was a good" KID" ,thought she had some kind of issues,liked to get attention. She should of stayed a KID and not become my H 's affair partner!We wouldn't be having these problems ,if he did treat her and care about her the way he would about his D's. My H will not consider NC says he can't do that to her. So I said the only thing left to do is for me to leave the triangle. He said "you just want to give up" I said no I wasn't giving up I wanted to stay married and contiue our life together ,but this is not going to work. I will never be able to heal and He can not give me what I need because he is splitting himself in 2. Then he starts pleading ,saying his commitment will be first always to me and our children,he will be everyting I want,and whatever is left she can have(or something crazy like that)I told him I do not want someone who might be unfaithful to me(he says he wont!yeah right )He can not explain what exactly he is going to do for her.I told him if all contact was thru me or with me there, then I would consider ,If I knew he stood right by my side and I need 100% honesty.Everything would be in the open ,no room for secrecy, no personal talk. He still says she doesn't want that, it would be uncomfortable, she won't talk to him if I am present. I told him then there is your answer. She will have NC. He won't let go who is he fooling. I don't even want to face him anymore, he asked if we could go away overnight this weekend,its our 17 anniversary,so we could have some alone time . What good is celebrating an anniversary,,where is the meaning to it.I didn't sign up for this when I said- I do!! There doesn't seem to be anything to fight for ,he will not ever stop contact with her. So my options are to get out, get over it and start my own life,(and my children have to suffer effects of divorce)or accept a life that will always be in turmoil and fear that he will be unfaithful,well physically anyways ,because he is already unfaithful emotionally.One more thing he said when I mentioned this website and others situations( He thinks his is unique and no one knows what he is feeling),"anyone who really has feelings and loves someone would not abandon that person and dismiss them from their life completly" What do you think about that. I am sorry this is long I worked 11p to 7 a took me 2 hours to drive home because of a snow squall the roads were a sheet of ice usually only takes 10 mins!!I am wound up I am going to have to crash.

I am so sorry cmd, Why do they think we can live under such weird relationships? I keep thinking, girl if you could just be liberal or whatever and except this, but I just can't, it's not me, it's not what I want out of a relationship. For another I know that my h would NEVER EVER agree to me having another man on the side like he has this woman. Why are we to accept it? If I wanted it I would be Morman or whatever religion that is that excepts multiple women in a relationship.

I guess that is what my MC was trying to tell me last week in individual counseling. You need to end it, or take drastic measures because he will continue as he has. Its me or her. He swears it's not between me and her, but it is. And that OW thinking it will be uncomfortable for her if you were involved in the communications. Well what the heck does she think you feel knowing her slimy hands have been on your man?!!! Talk about uncomfortable!
Mine keeps swearing it's just me he wants but I know he sees this girl at work and I have told him under any circumstances he is to come home or call me and immediately tell me when he sees her and if they talk. He never does. The only time I find out is in combined therapy when he drops it in on conversation with the MC. I feel like a parent with a kid where I keep saying no, no, no and never follow through with displine. I am like you I want and need to know all contact and if I have to deal with this situation HE caused, I have to be involved. Being on the outside, is just that, being on the outside...putting my head in the sand, oblivious, naive...and by God I stopped being that September 30th. He doesn't understand this he thinks it's fine to keep his seperate little life.

hurtandconfused
For what it is worth, it is a least comforting to know we are not alone in the way we feel. I often think -what is wrong with me, especially when others tell me ,you have to get strong, your in denial, you would be better off without him, ect... I feel like I'm sticking my head in the sand too. But I know I'm am not a weak person,I am very self sufficient, I have a good job,not scared of being alone,not "co-dependent","scared to be the loser" all the things people have asked me. I am a woman who is commited to my marriage ,loves my husband,did not want to end it.I could see if we could not get along or both felt mutually that ending it would be best, but that doesn't seem to be the case. My H says the same things to me, he wants me ,loves me even more than he ever has. I know that if we divorce will have regrets. My kids also have to suffer from this. I can't understand why sometimes it just can't be so clear to him. But obviously its because i do not have anyone else that i am in love with. And I know by working thru this is going to be a long hard road. I could do that if I was getting some kind of commitment from him ,but he can not seem to give me any kind of a plan.As far as I know contact with her is not going to end, so the ball is is my court now. AT least they don't see each other like in your situation. That is hard to handle. Hang in there. I am right beside you!I

Just got a call from my h. He said he doesn't think things are working out between us. I have tried to be good, tried to be understanding, tried to be upbeat, but yesterday he left my work and went shopping one block down from my work. I got home from work and he wasn't home and I wanted about 1/2 hr and called his cell. Where are you I ask. Pulling onto our road he says. I was delayed at walmart because this person and that person needed to talk to me. He had been "shopping" for 2 1/2 hrs in the middle of the day. And this shopping occured at where he works and the ow was on duty at the time. When he pulled up I went out and helped bring in the bags and he was silent, so was I. When he finally sat down I said, "Did you talk to her" He yelled "I KNEW WHAT THIS WAS ABOUT" Meaning why I called him on his cell. I went silent then.
Why does he make me feel guilty that I have these horrible feelings of distrust. It was he who caused it, I have shown compassion and sympathy to him, but yet the times that I am uncertain he shows not one ounce of compassion and gentleness to me. I know it is probably due to guilt but that shouldn't account for the distance and silence.
We have individual therapy today his is at 2 mine at 5. Wonder what fun will occur today.

hurtadnconfused
it isn't right to have to feel this way because we bring up some questions. My H seem to get frustrated to when I ask about him talking to her. They would rather pretend like nothing is happening ,they want to keep it seperate,its leading a double life. As long as I am ok everything goes about normal,but if I am upset or especially at night when we are in bed ,I find it the hardest to keep my emotions controlled. Crying and seeing me so hurt makes him feel guilty and horrible about himself. Most of the times he can comfort me but there have been times when he didn't do anything and that is hard to deal with. I think ,who is this person that i never thought could ever hurt me the one I trusted more than anyone? It will not be until they are ready to recomit to us that they can do the work that is needed to help us heal. our 17 wedding annivesary is this weekend(dec7 pearl harbor day,how ironic!)
I don't know how to exactly handle it

cmpd you asked if anyone has situation where h sees ow and oc, yes I do, only it is worse than that, my h lives with them. He says he can't abandon oc right now. He says there isn't anything wrong with him living with her as long as nothing sexually is going on. What planet is he from. This is what I have had to deal with. a crazy person. Ow was 29 when she got pregnant and h was 62, what a joke huh. He says if he doesn't stay with ow then she will take oc and leave this state because she hates it here anyway. I say go. She knew he was married but did not and still does not care as long as she gets what she wants.....money. We are still married, although I don't know why I stay married to him, we don't see each other that much. You said you try and talk to your husband but he doesn't want to, same here, when I try and talk to him he only gets mad. He says he doesn't come around me that much because I argue with him too much. I only try and talk to him but like your h he doesn't want to. I don't really have anyone much that has been there for me since this has all happened. My h still supports me finacially. I wish you better luck than I have had.

<small>[ December 05, 2003, 06:41 PM: Message edited by: Cheryls ]</small>

cmpd,

I feel like you and I are kinda living the same nightmare here. I got home after him telling me on the phone it's not working and I told him I am tired of him not being understanding, compassionate and patient with me. Not one ounce of it is being shown on the rare times I am actually unable to contain my dispair. He comes to me and hugs me and I melt. Every frigging time. He says he wants to work it out and it's me he wants. I tell him, you are testing me constantly, you drive me to do better and be better and when I think I have reached that point, you move the goal up a notch, I will never be enough, ever. He just holds me he does not say anything.

Well I go to therapy and the MC says 100 times to me "He is never going to end it" I finally said, do you mean with the OW? She said OH NO, with you, he is never going to end it. She says to me "if it's going to end I will have to end it, or I am going to have to have the mind set that come hell or high water I am making this marriage work, desipite his attempts to manipulate me." She said, "And he will, he will say things that will push you to end it." She at one point even said, "He is a manipulator" I couldn't believe this. I still hang onto this "freaky conception" that my husband is a good guy despite this crap he has pulled. I told her I think he is doing that to releive himself of the guilt he feels, but I know that won't releive him of the guilt. It's something he has to work through. Heck the MC is telling me outright he is manipulating me. I told her the crap he said to me on the phone and she said, next time or next situation tell him to leave and not contact you for one week.

Well Saturday we were apart the whole day and come dinner time he is like lets go out. We go out and he is being attitive, hand holding, arm around me and as we walk in to the restaurant he asked me how I am today. I said well I am having a sad day, but doing okay. We go and we are eating, chitchatting (feels like old times), and out of the blue he says, have you seen that gal running around here in the orange shirt? I said , her? He said yes, that would be your perfect body, right there. and he continues on about riding the ex bike an such. (I am heavy but not huge) What in the hell is his problem. That is flat out cruel. He has said stuff like that in the past, but for GOD's sake you don't say it when you are going through the crap we are! I just sat there and got real stiff and just stared at him. He said oh great this will be mentioned in MC. We went on to a movie and later at home, in bed I started crying and I told him, I am letting you go. I am not enough and never will be enough. Nothing. This am we get up and I go to church, he bows out and goes to my Mom's to do yard work. He came back and wouldn't talk so I finally told him why what he said hurt me so and he is like I didn't mean it and hugs on me. I never thought I would be this jello type person around anyone. If he hugs me I feel like I drop, I can't defend, but I can't push away. I don't want it to end, but he can't keep doing and saying the crap he is saying. And of course he isn't going. I don't want him to be gone forever at this point, I just want him to go and see that he can be on his own without me caring for him, or to find out, God I need this woman with all my heart and soul. I think it will eventually come down to me physically packing his bags and putting them on the stoop. And what is freaking weird is I wouldn't be putting it on the stoop because of the danged affair and the possibility of this child coming, but because he says the most inapropriate crap to me.

CMD:
On the other side of the Tracks so to speak. I know without a shadow of a doubt that if xmm in my case were to have contact with my daughter his whole family would be involved. I am so sorry about all this. Your husband is in some sort of fog. It should be NC for them except with you involved. It sounds like feelings are still there. I can tell you my pregnancy was a huge wake up call for both xmm and myself. In two different ways of course, but none of the less a wake up a call. She is only 19. I work with a 19 year old girl and I can tell you they don't think like most adults do. She is probally thinking he is going to leave you for her with his "confussed" state. I am so sorry you are going through this. I also find it hard to believe a IC would tell him all that you posted. To be honest with you I think it's great he does not want to dump her pregnancy, or ignore it, but if he truely wants you and your family he has to involve you. Either the ow accepts it or not. Becasue she is so young I would not trust her that she is not telling your husband how much she wants him and etc. I'm not defending her, but she is not a full adult yet and possibly can not understand the jest of this situation. When we are that young we are selfish and into what we want for ME. I remember when I was that young. Now that she is pregnant she needs to grow up but sounds like your husband does too. He needs to make a decision and stop hurting everyone around him including her. Not that no one will be hurt but at least people can move on with there lives and make decissions that concern there future. I think if you talk to her you'll get no where. She run right to your husband as well. Just my thoughts on it. Maybe plan B is a good move for you right now. I would not totally give up on your marraige though. He sounds like he does love you. I think though if you continue to allow him to behave in this manner it won't stop. She won't be out of your life either. She may never be out of your life but he can make some sound decisions that include you. You can make sound dicisions together. In my case as soon as xmm knew I was pregnant he bailed. BS never found out even about the affair. So that showed me I was just a fun thing for him for 13 months. In your case he must have some sort of feelings for her even if they are superfical, but he needs to wake up. I am so sorry you are going through this and I hope it does work out for you. I just thought I could give you my thoughts on this. I hope your okay with that.
M

Hurtandconfused,

Hurtandconfused,
I am sorry for all the hurt you have (big hug). This whole A thing does strange things to our whole life on every aspect ,even to our self-esteem. One of my friends would always make me laugh when she said ,women need to have more of the confidence of men ,men can have a big belly,be bald, and still they think they are hot!Women are just to hard on themselves. We need to say -damn I look good!!! Don't let anyone make you feel less than you are .This is where we need to take the advice of all the others on these boards. Take care of yourself,do things for you. It will make you feel better.

needtomoveon

Thank you for your opinion.For the last few days we haven't really talked about this situation.I have been waiting to see what would happen. Last night we went out to eat ,it was our anniversary,and some how we started talking about everything. My H says the only conclusion that he can come up with is that she(ow) is so much like me. He said whatever it was about me she has the same thing. He doesn't understand why there could be such an attraction,because she is so young,he even thinks it is perverted that he should feel llike this about her.He said its not about sex. It is her as a person. But she on the other hand feels she really needs him and likes the sex with him.So nice that at a young age she has more to compare than I do .He always said he feels inadequate with me ,like I never really needed him or was atrtracted to him. This is what i think is the big attraction is with her ,him feeling needed
and wanted by someone.I know she is not understanding the whole jest of this situation. She wants what she wants and that is the bottom line. She is still telling him she loves him,everytime she calls.And he sometimes says it back to her. There is the mistake ,because it is a mixed message to her. He says she knows they will probably not be together,but she is willing to wait .Of course she is what else does she have to do, especially since she is pregnant,she is not going to go out on dates now! Again I tried to tell him I know she will always be in the picture, and I am willing to work with that ,but they can not have private conversations,or see each other. It has to be with me there.He is not willing to do this and says she will not do that. So I guess there is my answer.By keeping things like this I am in limbo. I can not move either way. He can not also be the same with me or love me the way he used to .This is a man who would always bring me flowers and not one card but several. Yesterday he told me he bought me a card ,but never gave it to me. I saw it in a bag ,it was blank inside so I am guessing he was going to right something. This little detail,something so simple a giving a card, means alot and it really hurt that he didn't do it.He also never told me once yestereday that he loved me.And I know because he is torn that he can not do these things freely anymore. But I want them back.He said he kanows he wouldn't be able to function without me ,but he also need to talk to her everyday. He just needs to hear her voice.He says she does not want to be OW ,she wants all of him or nothing, then why is she still talking to him? I said she would still jump into bed with him if she has the chance ,he diagrees,that is not what she wants. So she is just waiting in the wings hoping maybe I will have enough or he will not be able to stand it without her.I know what I have to do but it is so hard especially with the holidays. My kids don't know any of this yet they thik things are going ok. I need to get some kind of a plan from him what he intends to do, I don't want to be demanding, but maybe if he had somthing and I have somthing we could negotiate. Maybe I'm just grasping at straws?

cmdp,
How awful for you to see that anniversary card and not receive it.

H and I had our 26th anniversary 3 months post d-day. I got a mushy card, we stayed home and listened to music and had champagne together. BUT!!!! Something was missing. I knew he was still lying about a lot of things.

Fastforward to the end of the month.... I heard messages from ow and she wrote a letter to our home to H. That was enough for me. If contact wasn't ending, my lovebank was emptying faster than ever and I just wanted to have H out for good to start a new life without all the heartache...there IS a life after the A, with or without my H. BTW, ow was my friend too.

I asked H to move back out (he was gone for 3 weeks post d-day). He refused. Was acting cocky about it saying he didn't move back in just to move back out...blah, blah, blah...

He finally left, it was a Sunday. My heart was heavy all over again. Do you know what? He stayed gone until oc was born (another 5 weeks). One day I came home from work and he was there...begging me to "give it a try" "I'll be the best H you could ever find"...

I was reluctant and happy at the same time. I still didn't trust him though and kept an appointment with my attorney to begin to divorce. H asked me not to go but I did. The attorney asked me a few personal questions as well as the important ones and to my surprise said to give it a try, what else could I lose? If I needed her she had all our info and would start the case and added,"I really don't think we'll go through with this".

It was still another 10 months of hell as ow went bonkers when she saw H's truck back home and started with driving by our home yelling things, sending perfume sprayed letters to H and rage filled letters to me, baby pictures in our mailbox, gifts to "Daddy", on top of us trying to settle CS and health insurance through our lawyers AND trying visitations!

Nothing worked out except our marriage. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

H said during plan B he dreamed of being with me and cried at night because he missed me. I refused to answer his calls or "love cards" he mailed. He really saw life without me!

Oh he was angry at first! Said if he left again he'd never move back in, that I was embarrassing him <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> ...maybe because of where we live, ow knew he was "out" again! She sure knew when he moved home and it was a total surprise to her as she said in a letter to him..."Why did you move back home? I can rock your world. I'll give you all the money you'll ever need...etc...etc....

That letter told me he really ended things with her for good. He gave me the letter unopened to read.

My long winded point? Plan B and give him the chance to see life without you, no calls, set up a time in your mind that you'll accept him back, you can only do it when contact ends with ow and he comes clean with you.

It is so very hard to do, get a suppot network to surround yourself with. Do things for yourself, a new hairstyle or haircolor, manicures and pedicures, movies with your friends, and do not return his calls. Give it time...

Pray and ask God to lead the way. That in and of itself saved me from insanity.

I'm pulling for you.


hurtandconfused,
Although I identify with the "girlfriend ow" I don't understand why ow's H kept the secret for so long.

I would consider moving to get away from all the horrible memories. You can have oc and your D spend time together in the future but you need to mend your mind and marriage first.

Being oc knows and D knows, it will be easier to have her spend some time in the summer with you at your new home away from the false closeness you thought you had!

If ow/friend won't let it happen, so be it for now until everyone cools their jets.

You need ample time to recover and I hope you and H will go the extra mile together to make things happen for the good of your marriage.

Both of you.... in fear of repeating myself, the Harleys do wonderful in opening the lines of communication between WS and BS! Do consider giving them a call. It is so worth it!

Blessings to you both.
love
Debi

<small>[ December 08, 2003, 02:49 PM: Message edited by: gemini1 ]</small>

Debi,

I think your reply was to someone else, the OC in my situation hasn't been born yet, March is when she is due.


Well I told him to move out last night. It went fairly calm, he tried the angles that's he's used on me to make me feel guilty and sympathatic
alot of crying on his part, comments of me moving ect. But I was strong. I still don't want this to end but the crap he says to me, I don't deserve to have said and he needs to start treating me with respect and feeling. I have been ready to do this since he said to me Friday that it wasn't working, then Saturday I told him I let him go and it's been so heavy on my mind but I didn't want to me cruel and I don't want to be mean. Then I found out last night that he talked to my brother a couple of weeks ago and discussed having sex with the ow and how limber she was. What the heck is he doing, talking to my family like that! of ALL people! I don't mean to give him an excuse but I seriously think he is going through a massive midlife crisis. When you add up the constant talking of buying a corvette, the taking of powerlifting pills, the pills for boosting sex drive, the pot smoking, even the buying of old music like the BeeGee's and KC and the Sunshine Band, it all adds up to me. Well if he can get over this bs then maybe we can pick up the peices.

Just wondering how everyone is doing. You are right this is so hard to do, but went to dinner with my mother and brother tonight so that helped. I am trying to put up the rest of the decorations, I have to begin to have some sort of routine I guess. I know with me asking him to leave he knows it's forever. I don't necessarily want it to be, and I don't want this to sound like I am punishing him or something, but I had to do this. I have to show him I mean business and if he and I are to work out he must make some changes, grow up and treat me with respect. I am disrespecting myself allowing him to talk to me like he does.

Cmpd, Thanks for the hug : ) What blows my mind, I have lost 25lbs (the really hard way - by this situation) and am into my 18 pants I haven't worn in 5 years! But nobody to notice that now, nobody I would care to have notice anyway!

Gemini thanks for your kind words. I hope that mine works out as yours has. Most of the time I feel in my heart that God will get me through the issues of this affair and the little person that will be coming. Just wish my husband would get out of his fantasy world. Its scary to think I can love a person so much and he be so cold and unconsidering of the little human being that will be here in March. I fear that he will come to hate the OW before all is said and done. But on the other hand he may be calling her already so he isn't lonely.

He told me to call the therapist last night and tell her we won't be attending therapy anymore after Friday. I called her as I said I would and told her I would continue if she thought I needed to and that we could talk about it Friday.

Funny how when I said I let you go he stopped going to church and after I said pack your things, he wants to quit therapy so quickly. Was it an act to appease me? I am begining to think so.

On a funny note, men grip that we are hormonal monthly, but ladies I do believe it's like letting off steam. These men store up for 40 years and blow a gasket! LOL For our fellow men that have been betrayed, know I say this in jest. Evidentally your ladies didn't do the "hormonal venting" appropriately!

HurtAndConfused I had you mixed up with HanginInThere...sorry.

I will pray that your planB works for the best.

I lost a longer post to you and cannot spend the time to say more.

Sorry for the mix-up.

It is so early for you Hurtandconfused. I'll pray for you and hope things improve with time.

Pregnancy has a way of keeping WS totally confused on what to do. Your plan B may work for the best.

Blessings to you both.
love
Debi

Hi everyone, the days are flying by and I feel like i never have enough time to do anything. I haven't even decorated for xmas yet! First time in 17 years living in this house that we haven't put lights outside. i have not even done any shopping,partly because of the money situation. But the people I work with gave me a check,I was so grateful,it was like a miracle came thru! We went to MC the other night, same thing no new revelations . One thing he said to me was 'I think if you show interest and start a relationship with OW ,then H will become less interested" he is kind of strange he just said -I don't know where that came from just a thought. H is still talking to her at work on phone.SHe called him the other day and was crying saying she is tired of being alone ,wants him,misses him, wishes he could rub her back ,her Bday is coming up. She is playing on his emotions. He still insists he does not want to leave me and kids, he just doesn't know what to do about her, can't just abandon her. Talking is all she has and it comforts her. I disagree ,it is giving the wrong impression.Maybe I should talk to her!She told him also her father wants her to get a lawyer. I had a bad day emotionally myself yesterday,crying alot. I guess mabe it is the time of year. I just want some kind of decision either way to ahve something to work with and move forward instead of just hanging in limbo.

hurtnconfused1964, good luck with your plan B ,I will keep you all in my thoughts and prayers.

Well I started Plan B Tuesday night....is he out yet? Nope. His truck is full of stuff and I called my ex-employer who has an apt to see if he could stay there. The last two days he has said he's tried to talk to them himself about living there but to no avail. He has been going in the home through the day (He works nights), so I am not sure what's going to happen this weekend. We have alot of motels that take weekly renters, don't know why he won't do that. Maybe he is stalling to get to the therapist tonight....

My co-worker is so funny. She keeps me laughing...she said it reminds her of an old country song...."How can I miss you if you won't go away" LOL

I wanted to check in and say hi. cmpd are you doing okay? I have been praying for you and hoping things are working out for you.

My Plan B didn't last too long. We had a blizzard 4 days later and he had been living in his truck so he asked if he could stay the night. I said okay. We ended up going to counsling together and we have talked alot and it seems like he has made a complete 180.

He is being affectionate and patient with me. Tuesday we both had bad days and he listened and I listened and we hugged and cried and things felt better. He has been open in regards to a 2 third party conversations he has had about ow (third party told him that ow thought he was a [censored] for not calling and checking on her and the other was that the baby might now be a boy not a girl and that the ow has a date coming up with another guy) H told third party that he wasn't calling or checking on her at work because he has to do what he has to do to save his marriage. He was also upfront about a change in the ow work schedule that puts them together 2 hours one night of the week.

In this week's mc he also said some positive things regarding the oc if found to be his. What he said showed me that he is finally starting to think in reality.

So basically for the last 8 days things have been good with only one really bad day. If we can keep this up I think we might actually make it. I feel like I am getting my "old h" back and that puts a smile on both our faces.

Hi, hurtnconfused, I am doing ok thanks for your concern, I just have been so busy with the holidays, of course i waited last minute and now I am in a panic!But with all that has happened I guess you can understand its hard to be in the "spirit".Everything here is still the same,we get along great ,in fact (thats never been an issue),in fact it seems like everything is ok,maybe because I have been in ok spirits not trying to think about things,trying to have a good holiday esp. for kids. I hope it all doesn't come crashing in after . Just lets say I am putting everything on hold for now, but I know it can't stay like this forever. I am glad to hear things are looking up for you. Keep strong with what you want for yourself. I will keep you and all the people from here in my prayers. Merry christmas and happy New Year!