I joined the National Guard at 17. The average age of a servicemember on an aircraft carrier is 19. So I had to hop onto this board and comment that I don't believe an 18 year old is a child.

My apologies for nosing onto a board that I probably don't belong on.

The OW:

"Your H and I are JUST FRIENDS! If you're having problems trusting him, you need to keep your dog on a shorter leash!"

Ughhhhhhh,, still makes me see red!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

<small>[ November 17, 2003, 08:06 PM: Message edited by: Pepperband ]</small>

Pep,

No feeding the trolls. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

OW motto would be
"I didnt it and thought I could get away with it."
another would be
"If the baby is a boy, can we try for a girl?"
and of course
"Im so sorry! I would take it all back if I could."
YEAH RIGHT!!!!!!!
She
wanted another baby-husband didnt
husband made her get a job- ha I'll show him!
started flirting with my H
got what she wanted!
baby, revenge, and an exuce(spelled wrong, sorry)not to work.
H feels used, duhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

CLARIFICATION!

exOW's affair with her teacher didn't begin until she was 18 and no longer his student. Although I am sure that they made goo-goo eyes at each other long before that. She was the aggressor in that relationship, the one that followed and the one with my husband. She has told me so herself. She had serious self-esteem issues, was ignored by the dating crowd in high school, etc. I don't get it because she is highly intelligent, slim and attractive.

I don't consider her a slut and I never called her one. I actually feel badly for her that she was so messed up that she kept sabotaging her life over and over again until she finally wound up hurt by losing the love of her life (my H) and being a single mother. We actually have some sort of unusual friendship going now where we relate to each other as mothers concerned for our kids. She has turned into the most reasonable exOW you could ever ask for. She is a good mother to Precious and shows genuine concern for the financial and emotional healt of our children. We all work things out together. (Sorry to sound like a Pollyanna.)

Actually, I now feel a bit bad for holding her up to ridicule. I was trying to turn this board away from the constant BW/OW bickering that is ruining this site. I thought we could play a bit, blow off some steam, have a laugh like we used to. I know that the gallows humor we had here helped me through my darkest days. Guess it was a bad tactic as the spirit of this board, as I first experienced it is gone, apparently for good.

MJ

Mj,

You prove right there that noe all OW are these horrible moneters. That some of them actually do realize what a horrible mistake they made and do try to make things work for the best involved. I'm so glad that this rotten situation seems to be working out for the best for all involved.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by MaryJanes:
<strong>I thought we could play a bit, blow off some steam, have a laugh like we used to. I know that the gallows humor we had here helped me through my darkest days. Guess it was a bad tactic as the spirit of this board, as I first experienced it is gone, apparently for good. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">MJ..I don't think the spirit of the board is gone in the least! It just shifts from time to time. I think since we have had such an onslaught of regular OW's coming here constantly lurking and monitoring us and feeling free to post, their presence has caused some changes that we should not tolerate.

We shouldn't feel pressured to change our "style" simply because of their name calling or accusations. They don't belong here anyway and they certainly don't want us on their board. Everytime one of us goes over there (except for maybe one or two), there are five or six of them that chase us off their site, screaming that we have no business there and scream at us that their board is a OW board Only and we have no place posting there and to back off.

We don't have to cave to pressure from a few..nor should we. I'm not about to squelch my words just because some there are uncomfortable with it or think it is not productive. It's productive to me and probably to a few here as well. The people on the other board never hold back. If they come here and have a problem with us wanting to "blow off steam", they don't have to participate. Or they could stay away.

I'd rather get along with them and feel free to post and respond back and forth, but they really don't want us there although they seem to feel free to pop up here on a regular basis posting their thoughts and scolding us for things we say while calling us names and screaming at us to stay off their board.

<small>[ November 19, 2003, 05:41 PM: Message edited by: catnip ]</small>

Pops my scathing remark was to an OW with her fangs showing. I felt her holier then thou attitude and her twisting the knife in the back of an BW was worth a scathing reply.

Your story of your daughter was heartwrenching, and warming also. You are lucky it turned out for the best, so is she.

As for the remark by the OW. She was mocking a poster when the posters husband did not have an affair with the girl when she was 18. I was baring my protective claws, which I tend to do. I really have no patience for OW who try to justify, whine, or verbally assault women on this board.

As for being bitter?? Ah, no. I am angry for all the innocent people who are hurt by these selfish acts. Reality is the way to live. I hate seeing these people swaying in the breeze as the affair beats them down. I want them to be strong and safe and happy. I don't think they need to put up with OW trash on a board that is created for them to discuss, or vent their feelings.

MJ said--"I don't get it because she is highly intelligent, slim and attractive."

MJ, mental health has nothing to do w/how you look. Sounds like XOW is acting out some childhood problems, like molestation or similar issues that make a woman completely screw her life up if she is unaware of herself; AND she might have a twisted since of what she looks like, depending. I've known other women who were smart, funny, pretty, but the most destructive taste in men! (I'm only SORTA screwed up, so I got an only sorta screwed up husband <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> ) It's truly a shame they don't get counseling and break the cycle.

lynn,,,, i understand completely. i guess i a the kind that stand up for the children. 0 - sometimes early 20's. i was just replying to the fact tht the ow in this case was (ad thank you mj for explaining) supposedly 16 or 17.

i guess that is why i am still here in my marriage. when i factored in all the children involve their were to many lives to be wrecked for me not to try.

dobie,,,,,, i completely understand the ages of those young men serving our country. i also remember the reason that 18 year olds were given the right to vote and be consideed adults. we wanted to have a say in who was sending us over seas to get our butts shot off in th jungles and the rice fields. early 70's.

sure i agree that those young boys enter into those extreme situations and haveto mature very quickly to survive. when they come back they are most certainly young men. i live close to camp pendelton in so. cal. i often run into young marines around town and i can tell you that when i look into those young faces many are still boys.

at that age they are fresh out of hs and haven't had to deal with reality of life for the most part. i just think that until you get out into the real world of working for a living and supporting yourself and maybe a family one can't fully understand the realities of life and relationships.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Jenny:
<strong> Sounds like XOW is acting out some childhood problems, like molestation or similar issues that make a woman completely screw her life up if she is unaware of herself...</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">My counselor pointed this out to me shortly after D-day. She said it was possible to develop some empathy for her if I understood that women who self-sabatoge their lives are often playing out some previous trauma. Our exOW denies molestation or abuse, but somehow, one way or another, she got really, really lost. She got some twisted idea that all the good ones were already married and so she should do her dating in the married group. She was the aggressor, so I don't consider her the victim, even in the affair with her teacher. I knew better than that at 18. If you want the rights and privileges of adulthood you have to accept the responsibility for your bad choices. Good news is that she is getting better and is a very reasonable exOW. Glad I don't have some of the ones I see about on this board.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Jenny:
<strong>(I'm only SORTA screwed up, so I got an only sorta screwed up husband <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> ) </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Me, too. I sort of believe that the people you hang around with define who you are. So what does it say about me that I hang around with a man who did this. I was a sort of messed up young woman but I grew and matured quite nicely thank you becoming strong and healthy. It just took him longer to come along the same trail.

MJ