oh I am so sorry about your weekend.

BUT it sounds like you are coming to the right conclusion. God wants marriages to stay together and sometimes we just have to get out of the way and let God do HIS work.

We can never change our H but God can change them and us and I've learned changes usually start with me.

Take care of yourself and your kiddies. I'm always around if you need anything.

Hey KT,

I decided to write a short letter to H yesterday explaining what it is I need from him at this point. First & foremost for him to file court papers for visitation & limit C w/ OW immediately, also to make a decision on counseling, we must go together and now not later when he is in the mood. He gave me no answers to any of my demands, said he would let me know, I am so tired of feeling used by this man. So I am not planning to say anything else to him, I asked him why he is still with me & he said because I haven't give up on us, I replied you are not trying either. He says he is, maybe this is all he is capable of right now or ever. I am just so tired, in a lot of ways I wish he would just leave. I told him last year this time I was waiting on him to come home, he was living w/ OW, one yr. later he is home & I am still waiting for him to commit to working on our marriage.

I am gonna take care of myself, I have no kiddies though, think in some ways that makes this even harder, my one & only son is 21. I have a lot of time on my hands after work.
All I seem to do is think about this situation & I need a resolution to it, even if it means divorce, like my Pastor says, at this point we either need to commit to working on our marriage or let it go.

So we will see, I am just beyond tired, I am exhausted with all this. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

God Bless,
BG

Sorry about the kiddies comment, it's so hard to keep track of everyone. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Your H will come around. It takes time, ups and downs and all arounds.

I would be the same way...to the point of just losing it and giving up and thinking SOMETHING has just gotta give! Then I'd calm back down and H would calm back down and we'd refocus. It is very tiring and stressful. I'd wake up and first thing in the morning I'd already be tired and aching, feet hurt, sore legs, face hurt, I think even my teeth hurt and I'm only 30!!!! I felt like I was 80 or something. I felt like my nerves were in a constant "nails on the chalkboard" kind of state! I'd be ready to call it all quits and dream of how much easier my life would be without all this stress and madness, sometimes i still get to that point if I don't take care of myself.

But I love my H and know he loves me and since I have young kids it's worth it for them to have an intact home so when I can't take it any more I do it for them.

Whatever keeps you motivated. H will come around, he loves you and your right, he's probably doing just what he's capable of....women are known to have more endurance. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

You can make it through all this. It will all be worth it in the end. I promise.

Thanks, I hope you are right! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I am desparately trying to hold on the "What God has joined together....", & trying to believe that he does still love me in some way, on some level, but it doesn't seem that way most of the time, in fact it almost seems like I will have to go to plan B for him to wake up & smell the poop. If I end up going to plan B it will be plan O as in OVER, if I put him out again there is no coming back, I am not as young as you, I am 43 & too old to for the unnecessary drama. I have endured enough & then some. This is it for me, we either work it out, or he can get out & I can move on to whatever is left of my life.

I am trying to hang it there <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

God Bless,
BG

You're right, God does not want your marriage to end. If you H makes that choice...then it's on him.

*******
43 is not old, at least I hope not because I'll be there sooner than I can imagine.LOL <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> I don't feel that young, I feel too old already. All this madness has made me older. I think sometimes, shouldn't I barely be starting my marriage and family not feeling like I'm about to lose it!

I've been married over 11 years and sometimes it shows in the positive ways and sometimes...it's just unimaginable. This should be the stable time in our marriage, when we're all grown up and really know each other not dealing with this CR*p and "highschool" drama! I feel like I'm living 2 lives sometimes, I have an 11 yo and a 1 yo!!!???!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> Am I crazy?LOL


******
I know it's very frustrating to try and "live" your life when you feel like your in "limbo".

Patience my dear, patience. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Patience, wish I could buy some! Thanks for the support.

H says & has always said he doesn't want a divorce, I am the only one who throws up that term, it just seems like he wants me to keep waiting on him, like he is this great prize. I know I am not really waiting on him, I am waiting on God & God's will will come to pass in his perfect timing.

Thanks again. I will try to be quiet, stand still & let go & let God!

God Bless,
BG

So much for me being quiet. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> I did try but not to hard, wrote H a letter with specific demands in it, he says he is waiting for a court date for visitation, in the meantime, claims he is barely seeing OC since OW has started acting funny. I dont' trust him & I told him so.

Also he is flip flopping about MC again, told me this morning that it didn't help the other 3 times we went, well the 3 times we went previously there was no A, OW & OC to deal with.

I told him I wished that I didnt' love him anymore, & he seemed surprised that I still am in love with him,(Duh, why else would I still be putting myself through this???? <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> ), he says he is also still in love with me also, but he is in such a deep fog about what he needs to do for our marriage to be healed & still be a father to his child. Says we both need to change, which I agree, I have not been acting very christ like at all since his return & it scares me that I am letting this situaiton change me & not for the better.

I know that I am ready, with God's help of course, to work on us & be a good step mom to OC, but I need H's help of course.

He says he doesn't want a divorce or separation but I talk about it all the time, I just want the pain to end. I know also that him not physically being in our home won't turn off my feelings but I just feel like I can't take much more of this.

I can see us working through all this, but I feel like I am dreaming. I don't want to move to the Divorced/Divorcing board but I don't know... Help:(

Just found out, though not confirmed, that OW moved recently. H told me the last 2 weekends that he was helping his mom out w/ some stuff in her apt., moving things around etc.

I will know once I get home if OW really moved or not from papers I have w/ her address on it. I know if she moved H lied to me & was helping her, plus he has a large screen tv & stereo system he left there & still has not brought home.

I don't want to wig out over this & go off on him, but I can't take much more, he is telling me that contact w/ OW is all about OC & soon to stop but this doesn't sound like it to me. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

I am so tired of the lies & secrets, & really feeling that it is not worth it anymore, none of it.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> I've been there and I'm so tired for you...I just don't know what else to say.

I completely understand. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />


*******
For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11
*******

KT,

I know me neither, I am at work now, my girlfriend called me this morning & gave me this info. My day is shot & it shouldnt be, but I can't help but feel like a really big fool. Don't know how many times I have told him, if you don't want me, then let me go. Guess that is too much like right. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

I am gonna pray hard before I talk to him this evening, that is all I can do now.

Thanks for the reply. You are great!

So what happened after you talked w/ him?

I hope it went well.

KT,

It didn't go well, he wouldn't admit to her moving, claims he didn't help her either & was very pissed that I knew about it, wanted to know who told me. Like that really mattered!

I know for a fact she moved, not that I care, too bad she couldn't move to the moon! What burned me up is that I know he helped her, & he thought he had done it & got away with it, plus he didn't bring home the tv or stereo, if that is not still an affair I dont know what is. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

If OW had a new man in her life, I guarantee his stuff would not be there, that is what he wants to prevent though, even if the PA is over, which they both claim, H does not want another man around his daughter, I've told him that many times, unless you are w/ her, one day she will be with someone else, someone who may even help raise OC. He doesn't want to think about that though. He won't like the man whoever he is, & it will make his sick, cuz he didn't treat my son well all the time, & whatever this man does or says to his daughter he will have no control over it. That is in the back of his mind too, so why did he come home to me? He was there w/ OW & precious OC, I don't get it.

He says he is tired of arguing, that is all I do, if he would stop the affair, be honest, & commit to working on us, I wouldn't have anything to argue about now would I? That was Tuesday nite.

Yesterday & this morning, he was being all nice to me, like nothing happened, never did admit the truth about her moving. I wrote out a list of things I think he wants me to change, asked if would read it, of course his reply was "I'll read it later on." Once he does I am gonna tell him nothing will change until he gets legal visitation & ends A w/ OW. He avoids talking to me about the situation w/ OC & OW at all costs. Says it is all I talk about, duh - my life has been turned upside down because of H's & OW's actions, I think I am entitled to want to talk about it.

On April 13th it will be a year of so called "recovery". I am seriously thinking of letting that be the final day I put up with this if things don't change soon. I know it took many years for us to come to this point & things don't turn around overnite when this kind of damage is done to a marriage, but how long do you wait for the fog to lift? He thinks I am wrong in all this, that he is trying & I just don't want to be patient, like this is not on my mind every single day, like the pain is not there all the time. I should feel a lot better than I do about all this almost 2 yrs. after DDay, but I don't. I feel like he has this separate life w/ OC & OW & than the one he has w/ me, & never the two shall meet. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />