My anniversary is July 25. Hoping to have many more.

God Bless,
Kris

Mines in Oct.

how to reach him?

I don't know. It sounded like you were getting thru to him earlier then his little weekend 'stunt'!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

Maybe you & OW should talk more and you can tell her all about you & H current relationship & how well it's going and while your doing plan a or whatever, OW starts getting insecure and starts showing her true colors.

What do I know? I was never involved in or knew about H A. It was long over before I ever knew about it. I guess I should appreciate that small blessing. I still don't know much about it except that it happened but I'm working on "that".

I think stick w/ what your doing (or start plan b?) but it really sounded like you were making progress before.

Obviously H does not want divorce or else he would have done it before and at least by now. But he cannot keep "dating" while being married either---that's still committing and continuing adultery.

Other's will probably advise you better in that aspect.

<small>[ March 31, 2004, 10:57 PM: Message edited by: ktbunch ]</small>

Thanks kt. I just checked email and saw one from H. I have been sending him devotions online. Amazing how many have applied to our situation lately - second chances, forgiveness, etc. Anyway, he sounds so down. Says he feels like his life is spinning out of control. Says that both me and OW are too good for him - "a liar and cheat". Says he doesn't know why he thought abandoning kids and me for OW was a good thing.

I just encouraged him to go talk to our Pastor or a councelor. I told him it is never too late to change and that I would be praying for him. I am worried about him - he sounds so down. I hope he doesn't do anything stupid.

Thanks for the great advice. I always look forward to hearing from you.

Take care,
Kris

Kris,

Never forget the devil comes to kill, steal & destroy! Our marriages are under attack because we are christians & the devil hates marriage. The devil will deceive your spouse & OW & make them think they are justified in all their actions.

Like KT said be cautious in speaking to OW again, you may want to, but sometimes that can do more harm than good. Looking back I needed to talk to OW in H's life, but I remember the conversation like it was yesterday & I find myself getting upset over some of her comments almost 2 yrs. after the fact! So in some ways it is not worth it. You now know that H is lying to you both so you know that he is in "deep fog" & you have to deal with him accordingly in Plan A.

Remeber Ephesians 6:12 -For we wrestle not against flesh & blood but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.

These are 2 websites to go to for insiration & comfort. You can subscribe to their mailing list & receive daily devotionals.

http://rejoiceministries.org

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/marriagerestoration/

Take care,

Hi all,

Kris I agree with bg93 and KT don't call the OW anymore her responses are now to only bring you some pain. They may not all even be true at this point. I had to draw the same conclusion in my situation.

I too am having a problem turning my situation over to God. I keep interviening on his master plan for my life. Keep the faith and hold you head up high is what I keep telling myself today and so should you for all is not lost. Whenever the outcome comes about and whatever it may be please remember that it is for your good and to the glory of GOD.

Keep praying and keep the faith for he is with you always. (Hey I can say it - I need to do it also)

Keeping you in my prayers
JT

Thanks girls for your replies.

BG93 - thanks for the links. I will check them out when I am done here.

I hear what you all are saying about not contacting OW. Now that I know part of the truth, I just have this need to hear it all. Maybe once I know it all, I can deal with it better. I don't know - I'll think about it some more. OW was not mean or nasty at all. She was very straight forward and answered all my questions. She even seemed to comfort me (is that possible?) when I told her I was not a terrible person. We seemed to actually be very similar in our thoughts and concerns for H. I promise, I will be careful. I am not sure if I will call yet or not.

Saw H briefly tonight again. He seemed a little better, but still didn't talk much. I wish I knew what happened between H and OW since Monday. Should I just ask him or just wait to see if he opens up? Still won't trust what he says, so I don't know. I honestly feel like I can trust OW more than H right now. That's not saying much for either of them.

Maybe I should just do nothing and play the waiting game. I don't know.

Talk to you later.
Kris

Kris,

I am not sure what to tell you. If you really feel you need more info. than you should talk to her, just remember this is a woman who participated in a betrayal against you, a willing participant in a deception that would only hurt you & possibly destroy your M. I doubt very seriously that she has the best interest of you or your family at heart.

In my case I told everyone I was going to the hospital to see OC when she was born, my H was already living w/ her & I just wanted to see this "woman" who knowingly set out to ruin my M. I called her at the hospital the day after OC was born, was very angry, told her she could have H, & that I guaranteed the same thing he did to me he would do to her, I expected her to respond w/ anger, figured I would then cuss her our & hang up. What then happened was a two hour conversation on the phone about H & A, she apologized to me & said OC was not planned, I don't believe her, I then asked if I could come see the baby & confront H at the hospital, so I did. Talked to her 3 more hours in hospital mainly about lies H had told both of us. He came in & left, couldn't handle both of us at the same time, would have to tell the truth & hurt someone!

I didn't talk to her again until she called my house last April to tell me H was coming home, she was really bitter too & has acted like a bytch ever since.

Of course this is my experience, but don't be fooled by how much you may think you have in common, or how decent OW may act. Being that H is not living w/ you, she may think she has a chance even if she is claiming all she wants is CS & not H, you can't trust her anymore than H right now, matter of fact even less.

Pray over talking w/ her again. Right now maybe you should focus more on talking w/ H & trying to get some truth out of him so you can make decisions about which Plan you want to follow, A or B.

Take care.

It really doesn't matter what I want. H just left and he obviously does not feel for me what I feel for him.

Monday night after he left home he tried to call OW, but she would not answer. He went to her house and she would not talk to him other than to say it is over.

Not once did he ask how I felt or how I was doing. He doesn't care. Says he felt better once he move out and realized how he felt about OW. They began the A again and he is not to interested in moving on with our M. Asked him how he felt about me. He says that if he had feelings for me he wouldn't have done what he did. Asked him why he never filed for D. He says he was just too chicken.

That's it I guess. It doesn't really matter how hard I try to reach out to him, he just simply does not love me anymore.

I know that you all are going to say its the fog. I don't think so. I think I have ruined his happiness for nothing. Is there any hope?

Kris

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I know that you all are going to say its the fog. I don't think so. I think I have ruined his happiness for nothing. Is there any hope?
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Kris, how did YOU ruin his happiness? He chose to have A, not you. Yes I am clinging to the hope that it is the fog talking.

After I put my H out for 2 weeks on D-Day, while he was home he did everything he could to get me to put him out again, including telling me he was in love w/ OW. If you mention to him now he says he never said it, never loved her at all. At that moment I believe he did feel love for her, maybe was even in love w/ her, but it went away, just like the fog will go away, when I wish I could say.

I know you are probably tired of hearing, "hold on it will get better" but that is what I am telling you, the same thing I tell myself everyday. You know it is not easy for me to say this to myself, I can't tell you how many times I have asked him to leave in the last year, asked him for a divorce, I have even packed his clothes, obviously he doesn't want to leave or divorce me & I don't want it either or I would file & have him put out.

Try to hold on Kris, go to those sites I told you about, they helped me on many a dark day.