Great advice--will try it as soon as I can.

Right now I have to take baby steps to even get him to come around because he is going with the idea that we are done and that is it and we only need to talk about our son, however, his behavior and actions don't quite say that so I'm hoping to get drawn back in slowly so I can pour on the shine and do the little things we use to do when we were in college and dating.

I even use to get up before my 8:00am classes early enough to make full fled breakfast every week or two--did we have more energy then???

Even wore special things to bed--would love to do that again if I can ever get to that point of him actually staying the night again.

Let's keep up the positive attitude and good work--no slipping up into those LB Babygirl <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> --and the same goes for me as well.
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />
Albany

bbg-93 I forgot you don't have any C. So try going out w/ freinds, that way you are in a crowd and hopefully it wont come up. Try and be w/ people who support your marriage. Try and keep him from the "going out w/ the guys." I told mine OK but let me take ya'll and pick you up. Because you know they will more than likely have a drink. So it looks like you are concern(which we are) but also you will be the last thing he sees for the evening. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Plan things so he wont be tempted to go out either alone or w/ a bunch of single guys. Monkey see, monkey doo!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> Thats like with the making him feel special, monkey see, monkey will start doing. LOL. And go ahead and use the ideas. Like I said my H enjoyed them and P/S I wouldn't do the voodoo date maybe once or twice a month. Too much dirt digging causes more pain. And beleive me reading on the TOW, there are some things WE don't need to know!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" /> I really believe God had a plan when he let my car get stolen. He knew my mind and knew I would be ready to just take off again. And he knows he has tried so hard to get us where we need to be and what was best for me. Funny, God is good ALL THE TIME! Even when your car get stolen. I've been trying to think of ways we can have fun or do things rather what he talking to OW about and the OC on the way. I'm sure when OC gets here we are going to go through yet more voodoo, but maybe by then we will be stronger in our marriage not to be brought down by it. Well I'm going home talk to ya'll in the am. Have a great evening and remember DO SOMETHING SPECIAL FOR THE ONE YOU LOVE!! Pick up a card, mail it to him or put it somewhere that he will find it. Hey if your H go to like the same place for lunch you can call and pay for it inadvance, and just tell the to put on a card to the one I love and I am thinking about you!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> That would just be so cool don't you think ! I'm so excited for us (being us three) we can do this !! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Okay okay you're probably tired of hearing from me but-----

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Let's do the Happy Dance <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

H just had to call and tell me few money things--asked what time he would pick our son up from daycare on Thursday after he slept from getting off of graveyard shift he said 3:30. Great!

Then he says what are you doing??? Are you going out to do something fun???

I replied that I didn't know yet was leaving my options open as of today. I'm definely not going to be at home--DO I seem that stupid--hello I'll go somewhere and it will be fun.

Gets better--I asked if he got the left overs from dinner we made for his parents on Saturday night--I offered them to him when he called last night to take for his lunch at work.

He said no he hadn't but would stop on his way to work--our house is very close to his work--just a couple minutes away--his apartment is in town.

SO--Happy Dance---can make sure that we have positive interaction today--Goody, Goody

Glad he is so sure I'm going out Thursday night.


<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Can't tell how much this thrills me can you??? HAHAHAHAHHA

Albany

You go girl!! To make a little jealous is good. But you might try and say open him up for FUN stuff like dinner w/ you. And the happy dance feels good!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

Sunny,

Thanks for more ideas, I was actually thinking of going out on a double date w/ a couple of friends of ours from church this weekend. I know he thinks that if we have alone tim I will ambush him w/ questions. I love your term "voodoo" cuz they are definitely under a spell.

I went to bible study last nite, had been out of church for awhile & was really letting the enemy play w/ my mind, my pastor talked about having faith, sticking with the "situation", even though others think you are crazy, stupid, being used etc. God can turn any one or any situation around & use it to glorify him. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

What you said about your car is absolutely right, God used that to draw you closer to H & enable you not to run since that is not his plan for you & your M.

Yes, we can will do this (us 3), If God is for us who can be against us!

Yes its a spell. And we have to be the ghost busters. We had a good evening. Nice, kinda quiet. He didn't work late. But he said tonight he had to. Which the guy hes working for called to get material for that job so I guess he's working. I did see where he called her yesterday and they talked for 11 min? I guess thats not long but it seems like it to me. And this is after he came to my work and told me he read my letter, and he loved me ect. I just don't know about it. The next voodoo date we are going to have to address this. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> This really makes him LB ! It may be nothing but I don't know and thats why it bothers me. Like lynn and KT said
I feel he's keeping the door open just in case I take off. Or he's not sure how he will feel when the OC gets here and wants to get things open w/ OW. DON'T KNOW. I was up til 12:30 again and really wanted to write OW a letter. But I told the devil to get out of it and didn't do it. Cause the stuff I thought about writing wasn't good! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> Well how did ya'lls evening go? I hope today is a better day !!!

Sunny,

My evening was ok, today H picked me up so we go could go to the bank, I asked him about lunch but he had to get back to work, so maybe another day.

On Sunday we are going to see the "The Passion", I have seen it twice but he hasn't, & out to dinner.

We are supposed to have our "voodoo" talk tomorrow. I know it will go better than last week only cuz the only thing I want to address right now is MC or IC for us or him only.

I feel better today than I have in awhile, the power or prayer, praise & worship is sooooo awesome!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

The movie and dinner sounds good. I haven't seen the movie, but we may go Sunday Afternoon. I heard it was awesome!!! Take some tissue w/ you. We are staying home this weekend and we will have our voodoo talk saturday. yippie! I'm just tired of the contact. Thats the only thing that he is LB on right now. Well its time to leave work and go to church. Have a great evening and talk to you tomorrow

Hope all is going well with you guys.

I'm thinking of you both and just keep reminding myself that it is a slow process to rebuild and if all is meant to be then it will out if we keep faith.

Albany

Last night wasn't good for me. I lost H for about hour or so and he said he was at the store and didn't take his phone in. Well I really have my doubts. I just feel funny about his story. Pluse where he said he was, is only about 15 min. from the OW house. And only 5 minutes from her work. Which she should have been at work at that time. Don't know. Felt really uneasy last night, he kept asking what was wrong, just told him I had alot to do and alot on my mind.We stayed up til 1:00 am watching a movie and just laying together in the bed. (H likes that kind of stuff) I don't like watching TV that much (big waste of time.)
Well it might go back to what the OW told me in OCT 03 if keith doesn't answer his phone, then he is up to something. And just to let you know he'll be w/ me. (OW) So maybe his was shopping and I'm just letting the mind take over again. AAAAHHHHH <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> I'm really tired of all the wondering, waiting, just sitting there and see what happens, drives me NUTS <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> Well maybe today will be better, he's only called me about 10 times today. I think he knew I was upset w/ him last night. Gets all lovey dovey.

And you know. It's like OK you beg, pleaded, promised, to come back home. So why give me a reason to not to trust you? Even called my closes friends, telling them to talk to me and tell me that I needed to take him back? Just don't make any since. Like I said my mind is going 90 to nothing. I guess I'm going to have to take my slow down, be calm pills!! It's like OK your an adult, make a choice!!! I'm w/ KT when she said why do we always have to do the right thing? Why can't we just forget we have a brain and have some fun. Let someone show us something different. Just makes you want to sit them down and smack the [censored] out of the dummies!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

We don't ever because--we are always the rock--we are the stable ones and we do not trust H with taking care of everything if we completely flaked out.

take a look at my post on Albany R U OK.

I think that maybe we take them back to easily maybe we need to work a little harder--darn look how hard we work at it and then they work at it a little and we take them right back--I think we have to make them really prove it to us and keep ourselves detached a little so we won't get hurt so easily. I don't sometimes I just think I make it too easy--just throwing out toughts.

Albany

Sunny,

Sorry you didn't have a good nite, the devil is always ready to put doubts in your head, don't forget that. I pray H was on the up & up while he was unreachable.

I am glad you didn't LB, that is the worst thing you could have done, & I am not so sure I wouldn't have, since you had reason, but it would have done no good. He got the hint by your quietness & body language I am sure thats why he is blowing up your phone today. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Yeah we do have to do most if not all the work it seems, but we have to believe it will all be worth it in the long run.

Don't get discouraged!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I know it will be worth it. But when do we get normal back? I don't see it for the next 18 years! I know we will have good <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> and bad <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> days and just glad ya'll are here to help. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

I wish you both a good night tonight.
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

I hope mine goes well when I see H tonight when I get home--thinking of not running right home after work and going for a drink with a friend or running some errands. I'm not sure I would see him anyway--he could go to our house and get our son's stuff himself but I'm sure he'll wait for me to get home.

I promise not to LB and increasing the paxil has really helped me out.

Oh I hope so much that he is really thinking about making it work--I'm trying not to get my hopes up too much though.

You guys are in my thoughts-I'll be thinking of you both tonight and expect an update. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Albany

How are you Sunnydale & Babygirl???

Hope all is well with you both-you were both in my thoughts last night as I drifted off to sleep.

I could almost <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> HAPPY DANCE <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

He was home when I got there and seemed to be in a good mood. He had a bad headache which I think is from allergies--eyes were still swollen and he sounded stuffed up.

He doesn't have a bath tub in his apartment and he loves baths--takes two a day--kind of strange for a man. Anyway he asked if he could please take a bath. I said yes of course that is fine.

When he got out of the tub he deposited himself on the bed to snooze & asked if I could rub his back & neck if I had a moment. So I gave him a back rub--which he seemd to enjoy.

by this time it was almost 6:30 and I said are you taking our Son and feeding him dinner and he said yes and I sent him off--He asked if I was going out tonight and I said I didn't know yet.

After he left I went down to my parents--mind you they live less than 1/2 mile away--my mom had called and needed to borrow some powdered sugar--visited with them until 7:45 and returned home.

Finished up tax stuff and called H to tell Son goodnight--of course he wanted to know what I was doing.

I lounged around the house and read magazines, took a bath, painted my toenails, and watched TV.

At 9:30pm the phone rings and would you like to guess who it was???

Yeah I think we all know already that it was H.

He said he was in bed and just wanted to know what I was doing. Darn it--I shouldn't have answered the phone and then he would have thought that I was out and about. He was just curious he said <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> and said but it didn't matter to him--I said well it must or you wouldn't ask--he then re-confirmed that he was only curious--yeah right whatever.

Anyway I think that the night went well. He will be at our house today and we will see what the rest of the weekend brings.

Albany <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">He said he was in bed and just wanted to know what I was doing. Darn it--I shouldn't have answered the phone and then he would have thought that I was out and about. He was just curious he said and said but it didn't matter to him... </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Albany - Next time don't answer the phone, it would have been so cool to sit there & see if he left a message, rambling on about how he didn't want anything. We both know he did! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

If H is taking your son tonite, either go out or look like you are. And if you don't when H calls & he will, DON"T ANSWER THE PHONE!!!! I did the same thing a few times while my H was out of the house & almost every time regretted it.

I had a pretty good evening, H & I will have our "talk" tomorrow. I want to address MC & IC for him, that is it. Also going shopping for a new kitchen table set. Sunday we are going to dinner & a movie, ( I am hoping God will use "The Passion" to touch his heart in some way), so the weekend looks promising, day 4 of no LBing, & it feels good! Will have to remember to do none tomorrow during the "talk" also.

I told my pastor, who saw us for MC about this site & SAA, she was excited for me & wants to know all about it. We used HNHN in our marriage enrichment ministry so she is familiar w/ Dr. Harley.

I did get a little down for a minute yesterday thinking about Mother's day coming up & how it was last year, he had only been home a month & I asked him to leave again, we both were crying about mistakes we have both made during the marriage & I was telling him it was too broken to be fixed, this is a new year though so I have to let all that go & concentrate on the present & future, right? Right! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Well, first I'm soooo glad ya'll had a good night. You needed it. I knew the calm before the storm would come and hurricane hit my house last night. Got home, he started in on me. I told him I didn't want to go there w/ him. But he insisted so we did. For almost 3 hours nothing but down right BAD stuff. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> I know for a fact that he has had to have seen her. He was back to the angry stage. We really had a hard divorce started and ALOT of thing where all blown out of this world my attorney was a wolf and she really dug up dirt every way she could. Oh, lets not forget HE gave her material to work with. He took his new found family everywhere w/ him. And took great joy in putting the OW in my face. And then call and beg to come home and the OW wasn;t loosing me BLAH BLAH BLAH. BBBBSSSS and that is not betrayed spouse! Anyway said all that crap. When we starting talking and meeting the OW would tell him stupid he was and all the bad things I did to him during the D. And he would come over very very angry. So last night was a repeat of that. I did this, and that and how does he know I wont do it again. And I told him how do I not know when I come home tomorrow you'll be gone?

Sunny,

I am confused, you & H had a big blow out last nite, after he was w/ OW?

H was accusing you of acting like you did in the past while he was divorcing OW?

What is he mad about? Do you think it was OW getting him all wound up about OC coming & her not wanting to go thru this alone?

At any rate I am sorry you guys are fighting. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Opps pushed the wrong button. But we went on for hours. He was going to leave and I said fine don't come back if you want to run then run. And then I got to a point and said where are your keys, you need to leave. And he wouldn't. Don't just know what I'm going to do. Oh then all of the sudden he acts like it NEVER happened? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> What in the heck just happened? I mean, blew my mind. After throwing (words) at each other for 3 hours he acts like nothing? Wake up, same thing, called to take me to lunch, same thing. However notice that I didn't feel the same way he did, he wanted to know where my W-ring was. I didn't wear it. I 'm at a loss I really am. I know he talked to her, he knows I know, and I guess he waiting on me to be the one to start the fight. At one time he was why did I come home to this? And I just had to laugh (which he hates for me to do) and told him, he was home first and he jumped on me and I told him I didn't want to go there tonight. I knew where is was going to lead. He emptied the love bank. theres nothing in there today. I just am numb. I am so stressed I can't move my neck! I've taken relaxers, and its not working. I'm afraid to even go home. (not fear of hitting or stuff like that) but I'm tired, he I feel may need some time w/o us again so he can sort out what he wants. I told him you know the OW knew how you felt seeing your D every other weekend and one night a week. She knew how hard that was for you. And she's going to produce your child knowing that you would have to make a choice and you wouldn't be able to spend time w/ one of them. So she is making you choose between our child and hers. And your Ok w/ that. I told him she really loves you to punish you that way! What ever I did during the D he said he forgave me for, and I told him the same. But OW had been telling him, she's going to take everything, she's bad remember what she did to you. And he let her get him angry and I took the blow. AND I'M NOT SURPOSE TO CALL THAT lazy, emmoral, undeserving, self centered B! Just don't get it girls. And I know that I let the devil take over and I asked for help on controling that. But I'm not going to stand there and take the crap anymore. I will not be quiet and I am fighting back!