hi all,

how's everyone this morning. I am feeling a little better this morning. Not about the situation but about myself. I am going away for the weekend with some friends. No KIDS! I need the break. The kids are stayiong home with daddy. Yes he is keeping them at our home this weekend. It should be fun - I wish I could be a fly on the wall.

I have not given my H the information on where I will be - I do not feel that I am going to. I don't know what hotel he is staying in every night. I don't feel it is necessary to give him that information. Am I wrong? If he needs me he can contact me by cell phone. If something is wrong with the kids he can contact me at any time. I want him to feel not to know exactly where I am and what I am doing. It is going to worry the Heck out of him because I also don't have the kids with me. So he knows that I will be having uninterupted fun without him.

I normally call several times when he has the kids to check up on them and he does the same when he has them. But not this time. I am going to make sure I check on them when he's at work and they are with my aunt, but not in the evenings when he picks them up. I wonder if he'll like that I think not!!

Am I wrong?

JT

Hi JT2,

I do not feel you are wrong. He has your cell phone number if he needs something.

<small>[ June 09, 2004, 12:18 PM: Message edited by: Genia ]</small>

Go for it JT2!

Have a great time and don't worry about giving him info.--he your cell # which gives him a way to reach you in an emergency situation.

I think that this will be good for both of you and really good for you and might open H's eyes a bit.

JT,

I don't think he needs to know where you are going, as long as he can reach you in case of er, that is good enough.

I hope you have a wonderful weekend away, try to put all this mess out of you mind, enjoy yourself, I am sure you need it. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Thanks girls,

This is going to be a great weekend. H is going to freak out. He has never ever been alone with the kids for more than two hours. He has no idea the things that i have to go trough with two toddlers. I wish I could be a fly on the wall - during feedings and baths and playtime.

JT

Oh yea, he is going to see what you really do!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Always like it when they get a reality check. Go and enjoy yourself. Tell your kids and H that you love them, will miss them and just go !! H has cell number and if it doesn't work there then give you one of the girls w/ you cell. Have a blast where ever you are going!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> Sunny

Thanks Sunny,

I forgot to say where we are going. WE are checking into a spa for the weekend. Getting pmapwered and going out and just having the time of our lives. This is my best friend and she'll be moving to DC in a couple of weeks so this is a see ya later type of trip for us. We will get the royal treatment for one whole weekend and love it.

He'll try not to call me but i know my son will want to talk to me on a regular basis - he already does. He has already dropped hints about getting the name and number to the center where we'll be - but that's out I'm not going to be available to him in that way.

JT

This will be really good for you JT.

Not only will you get a break from all this madness........But I think it will be good to not be on your H back about the kids.

It will probably be real 'freeing' for both of you to relax. It will be good for him to not have you calling & checking up on him (ie: trusting him w/ the kids, treating him like a capable father!) And good for you to relax & realize that he IS a capable father.

I hear that in a lot of what you post but I think you know that already, part of your control-freakiness.

He's a grown man & he will be fine. Some things will be handled differently than how you might have done things......(& they should be) but that does not mean that they are wrong.

Yes, I think it would be fine to just give him your cell #.
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When H & I had first separated, years ago...I had a friend who lived in another state who wanted me to come & visit. She was going to pay my airfare & everything. H was sooooooo insecure & afraid I would never come back he absolutely FORBADE me to go! I wish I would have to give him a taste of some of his own medicine BUT @ the same time I wanted our marriage to be restored so I didn't want to cause any unneccessary damage.

It would have been good for me though to get away from him for awhile. Maybe he would have tried harder to think that I actually had options, instead of putting it all on me @ that time.
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JT-----I hope you really enjoy yourself & 4-get about everything for awhile. Get a really good massage for me ok? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> I have a lot of tension in my shoulders! All this stress! arghh!!!

You better come back & give a FULL report all about it & how relaxing and great it was!!!!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

KT,

It is so good to hear from you we have all missed you so over the past week. I thought I was going through withdrawl from not hearing from you daily. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I know it will be good for the both of us. I have been cleaning and doing laundry for the entire week I am about done. I just want everything to already be in order when I leaave.

H came hoem last night I had dinner ready. He ate and was in a good mood all week. I had taken the kids our two and my teenage stepson to take pictures this weekend. All he can talk about when he saw the proofs is how beautiful a family we have. He even made the comment that my stepson looks like he is my son on the pictures. He was so glad that things have worked themselves between the two of us (my stepson and I had a rocky beginning).

I am glad also because my kids love him so and he has come to love them now that he knows that they don't take his place. WHEW! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

H says he is looking foward to being with the kids this weekend. I know I am glad to be going away. H also stated that he is afraid that I am going to get even with him (A). But I have no thoughts of that now.

Thanks for listening,
JT

sorry, jt, had some of my own 'trouble in paradise' lately.

I will post in on my current thread so as not to threadjack here.

I'm serious, you better get a really good shoulder massage for me. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Hi JT2,

Sounds like your husband really does care for you. I understand the anger. My discovery day was new years eve. I still get angry, but it is lessening. Your anger will lessen with time too. Have a good time. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Hi girls,

Well I just got my last bit of work done so I am on my way to the spa. Sorry that I will not be able to talk to you girls this weekend so I will get back with you on Monday. Thanks very much for your support. I have cleaned the house and set out the clothes and bags for the kids while I am away so my H should not have to call me for anything.

Of course that will only last until after bath time. I have combed my daugfhter's hair so he should not have a problem with that.

I can not wait to get away. I am sorry I will not get to talk to you girls and twell you how much fun i/m having, but I'll have a martini for each of you!!!!1 <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Don't have to worry about drinking and driving , nor about drinking around or in front of the kids ( I have not had a drink since my daughter was born 14 mos ago). I think I am due! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Thanks and I hope you girls are okay while I'm gone and remember to pray - pray - pray!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />


Love You all,

JT

Hi JT2,

Enjoy!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

JT2~ Hope you had a few drinks for me and hope your weekend went well.

JT2,

Where are you??????? If you had all the martini's that you talked about drinking you must have had a really good weekend! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I hope all is well, we are waiting to hear from you.

Hi girls,

just logged on to tell you that my weekend was great! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I had enough martini's for us all. I relaxed and enjoyed myself to the fullest. it ws great i can not tell you how motivated i was when i left. i came home to a neat and clean house kids toys were all put away. H had left some dishes in the sink but only one or two so that was okay. When I picked up the kids they were dressed and clean and cute. so i was happy he did a very good job.

i slept so sound while at the spa it was unbelieveable. i did not have a care in the world. i checked up on the kids once and the rest of the weekend belonged to me and the sunsets. the whirlpool was fun, so was the massage it was only a matter of time before i fell quietly asleep.

i can't wait to do it again. when i got home i did call my H at work to tell him that he'd done a great job this weekend and i thanked him. do you know he had the nerve to say I KNOW I TOLD YOU THAT I COULD TAKE CARE OF MY KIDS!! i politely told him that he always complains that i don't tell him that i am proud of him, but when i do he gets smart and snappy. He calmy appologized and went on to say he was glad i was back.

He told me he was going out with the guys to watch the game - so i said okay. but to my surprise he came straight home bought a six pack and we watched the game together with the kids!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

it was great!!!


JT

<small>[ June 14, 2004, 02:32 PM: Message edited by: JT2 ]</small>

JT,

That sounds wonderful - ALL of it!!!!

You got to get away, free your mind from all this stuff plus came home to a house intact & spent time w/ H.

That is so great, keep up the good work, the compliments & so forth, even when H is not so worthy of them.

So gald you weekend was great. Mine was good I thought until today-but hey just talked to H he interuppted my post and he acted fine--these blow-ups between us are stupid. He asked why I had called and left voicemail--he hadn't listed to it yet and I said mainly to to ask you to turn the oven on at 4:00pm to 375--he asked why and I said to cook the lasagana (sp) and I said tell our little blow-up today I was going to have you for dinner. He didn't respond and neither did I. They can be such turds and I strongly feel that you souldn't say stuff unless you mean it and my H tends to and it hurts.

Anyway no more because I don't want to hijack your thread.

So glad you had a good weekend.

Well ladies I have slipped back into the feeling of ending it all. H came home last night as I was bathing the kids. We have been watching the NBA Finals together every game night so I was anxious to know if he would come home and watch it with me rather hang out with the fellas. H came home and we watched the game on the new big screen he bought us with the kids. The game was good - no it was great!! Go Pistons!!!

But during the game as the kids fell asleep and game went on H began to talk about planting some trees in our front yard. I began to get angry all over again because remind you H is not living at home. He is supposedly taking some classes and said that he had to go home and read a couple of chapters. Well I did not blow up but I noted to him that he calls where he's staying home. I said to him that I can not keep living like this and I won't much longer. He instatly got mad and said that he did not want to talk about it. I asked him why would he be planting trees when he does not even live here? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

H just again stated that he did not want to argue so of course he got up and prepared to leave. He leaned over to give me a kiss but I just told him that this was not a Marriage. SF only happens maybe once every two or three weeks and I am not going to live like that.

I really don't want to do it but I don't want a marriage like this. I later called his cell to tell him that I wanted to be out of this sham of a marriage. I got the voice mail of course. I am just tired of waiting for him to make the decision to work on this. I won't allow my family to be tormented any longer by the wait on this stupid a$$ H of mine to make up his mind!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

I am pi$$%^@# !!


JT

I'm with you JT. Its hard to work on a M if your not together. I told H we counldn't work on our until he moved home and we waited a month. Just to get kids use to him being around again. But we still had a rough time for a couple of months. You both have to make the effort and say OK this is 100 % good bad or ugly. Gives you mare chances to LB so you need to tread lightly. But also the closeness you will gain from being together at night and just holding each other is great. I would encourage you to tell him to move back and work on it or you have to go on with your life. You don't want a boyfriend you want and need your H. Boyfriends come to visit not H. Well I will talk back at you in a few. Busy today at work. Bummer! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> Sunny D