Hi JT2,

I am so sincerely sorry for your situation.

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Hug))))))))))))))))))

Thanks,

I am not in a very good mood today as you can see. I am not a very patient person and I refuse to keep living in this mess. It wither needs to be cleaned up ro moved out. I will not accept anythingless than the best for my children or myself. I am tired of just believing what he says. He claims that he want to be there but, does nothing to get past the situation!! I can not believe anything that he says!!!!!


I want to be left the heck alone!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

I will raise my children alone!!!!

JT

I completely understand. Be strong!

JT2

Please don't give up hope just yet--men are slow--I want it fixed now but you know I have and H who won't get a D and won't quit coming over but nothing has happened either to fix things.

Chalk today up to a bad day and start fresh tomorrow--throughout we will good and bad days. Don't give up quite yet--I see much potential--look how your H still helps and has future plans for your house.

Chin up and positive thoughts <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

but albany,
what does all this really get us? Foes it get us a happy and fufilled life with these cheating a55 men. I am not a very trusting person anyway and now I know that I do not believe a thing that comes out of his mouth. I am tired of being patient. I did not do this I did not go out and impregnate another person (as if I could)!! but the truth is is he really sorry? How do you really know? These are questions that I can not get over?

I feel like the biggest fool evryday. I feel like it is written all over my forehead!! I am tired of being embarassed to married to him. I am tired of my kids crying for him. I am tired of being in love with someone who could do this to me in the blink of an eye.
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />
I can not stand this anymore!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />
JT

What the he11 am I fighting for.

The game was good - no it was great!! Go Pistons!!!

Well, duh! JT2, that is your answer to all your problems! You're rooting for the WRONG team! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

Oh KT that must be California thing!
So Sorry we should have had a clean SWEEP!!

No seriously any info?

JT

well......seriously.......I don't know & I ahve no more advice but I will point out some things I noticed in your posts.

You let your H know, calmly, that you were upset but you did not lash out angrily.

Did YOU notice that? Talk about progress! Good job.

See, it is getting better JT. Yes, H is taking a long time to come back........but he is also making progress. Talks about his future w/ you, making future plans for the house.

Come on........try to focus on the positive steps you 2 are making. They are there.

Just like H had responded sarcastically (but then apologized) the 'habits' are still there but you are both starting to recognize them.

So, keep up the good work!

JT,

I pray you are having a better day today, remember one day at a time, this situation will not be changed over nite. I agree w/ KT that some positive steps are being taken by H, I know they are not big enough or fast enough for you, but if you give up now won't you look back later & have a servere case of the "what ifs????" You don't want that.

Here is a little prayer I found on patience;

Lord being patient isn't easy. I have my agenda for when things should happen--and I'm frustrated and resentful when they don't. Patience will come to me though, when I'm truly surrendered to You--so here I am, God. Do what you want in my life, in Your time, in Your way. Amen.

I hope it helps you, I am gonna say it too! OFTEN!

THANKS,

i HAVE NO PATIENCE WHAT SO EVER AND BY THE WAY MY h CALLED ME THIS AFTERNOON TO ASK ME - IF I TRUST HIM AT ALL. NO HE ASKED ME WHY DON'T I HAVE ANY TRUST OR FAITH IN HIM AT ALL? I SAID THAT I CAN'T HE TOOK IT FROM ME AND I AM ABSOLUTELY AFRAID TO HAVE ANY TRUAST IN HIM. HE THEN WENT ON TO ASK ME HOW OUR D DR. APPT WENT THIS MORNING. I TELL YOU I ANSWERED HIM THEN PROCEEDED TO ASK HIM WHY HE ASKED ME THAT AND HE SAID BECAUSE OF THE MESSAGES I CONTINUE TO LEAVE ON HIS VOICE MAIL.

THEN HE HA A CLIENT WALK IN SO HE SAID THAT HE'D CALL ME LATER, BUT LADIES I AM REALLY SCARED TO LET GO OF THE ANGER.

I AM AFRAID OF LOSING HIM. I FEEL LIKE I ALREADY HAVE AND BEING ANGRY ALLOWS ME TO REGAIN SOME SORT OF SICK CONTROL OVER MY HAPPINESS AND FAMILY.
BUT IT DOES NOT. I CAN NOT LET IT GO I AM NOT GETTING BETTER. I AM AFRAID THAT I AM GOING TO LOSE HIM TO THIS WHOLE ow/oc ISSUE. I DON'T WANT TO LOSE MY HUSBAND I LOVE HIM AND I WANT MY CHILDREN TO HAVE THEIR FATHER SOLELY. IS THAT SO WRONG?

gOD IS TRYING TO TELL ME SOMETHING AND I CAN'T LET THE DEVIL GO. HE CONTINUES TO DESTROY MY CONFIDENCE IN MY m AND MY h LOVE FOR ME.

THERE IS NOTHING ELSE THAT I CAN DO!!
I AM SO STUPID I KEEP ON BRINGING IT UP LB'S SHOULD BE MY MIDDLE NAME NO MY FIRST NAME.


I THINK I AM JUST -----

JT

JT2

Just focus on you and your behaviour--I was where you are once and I neve made it pleasant for H to be at home for a while. But you need to do some healing and then begin to slowly rebuild your trust.

Did you get in to see Doc to get meds. I can't remember???

Hang strong Girl

JT,

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> gOD IS TRYING TO TELL ME SOMETHING AND I CAN'T LET THE DEVIL GO. HE CONTINUES TO DESTROY MY CONFIDENCE IN MY m AND MY h LOVE FOR ME.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I agree, now you have to BE STILL & listen, if you are not careful the enemy will use your anger to destroy your M, the mistake has been made, none of us are perfect, you can't beat H over the head w/ this 24/7 or you will drive him away. That is what the enemy wants. Are you taking AD's yet?

Here is another prayer;

Dear God, sometimes I get angry so easily. Things go wrong, people don't act the way I want them to, someone's words rub me the wrong way. Help me, Father, to control my anger, to keep it from spilling out, hurting those around me. Remind me that usually, when it comes right down to it, I'm angry simply because I can't have my own way. Give me the strength to accept whatever You send into my life. Amen.

I hope you have a good evening, & stay calm when talking to H, try to listen more than speak & be truthful w/o LBing, tricky & very hard at times I know. You can do this sweetie, God will help you.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I JUST KEEP BRINGING IT UP AND FIGHTING ABOUT IT CONSTANTLY. WHY WOULD HE WANT TO COME HOME IS WHAT A FRIEND OF MINE KEEPS ASKING ME. AND THE ANSWER IS THAT HE WOULD NOT. SO MY PROBLEM HAS NOT EVEN BEEN TH OW IT HAS BEEN MY LACK OF TRUST IN HIM AND THE FACT THAT OW/OC WILL EVEN EXIST.

</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">JT - Your H is the one that destroyed that trust. He has got to earn that back from you and I hope he realizes it won't happen overnight (if ever totally). However, he appears to be trying. You have got to give him the chance if you want to save your M. Don't throw OW/OC in his face all the time. If he is truly sorry and making an effort to repent for his mistake, you must let go and work on your future together. You need to let go of the anger and work on rebuilding the love you have for him. In time, the hurt and anger will fade. Give it a chance. You are lucky that your H is home and trying. I would give anything for my H to show a little effort, a little interest, a little remorse. You have a chance to rebuild your M - don't waste it on hurt and anger.

Kris,

My H is not at home. He still does not live here and I have had a startling experience this evening. When i came home there in the mailbox was a letter to my H from an Obstetrics and Gynecology office that I do not belong to. So I'll let you take a guess. I opened the letter and find that my H check bounced that he wrote to the office for OW doctor's visit. I broke into tears instantly before I even got into the house. My kids are now crying with me wondering what is wrong. I could not even turn the alarm off for the tears.

I am telling you this is my worst nightmare and it is only just beginning. H said that he has not talked to the girl but what is this then you must have gone to the doctor's office. I immediately call him at work to tell him what I have now found. He then is so apologetic of course. I just don't know what to believe. He said that she called him and told him that he was going to have to pay for something so he did - yeah I am suppose to believe that.

I am angry beyond belief!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />
He came home to try to explain himself but I don;t buy it. why don't you just discuss this stuff with me rather than hide it!! It is going to hurt regardless, but it would be best to know that we are in this together. i just want to be free of the pain and want to go on with my life with or without him!! all the hugging and kissing and trying to make up is not going to change the fact that this is only the beginning of my problems. H says that he wants and loves us his family but I am having a hard time believing him because of things like this.

I believe that I want out, I do not believe that i am strong enough to handle this whole thing about OW/OC. I am just sick!! and I am Lost!!!

jt

Hi JT2,

I am so sorry. I remember the anger I felt about any money being spent on other woman. Once my husband suggested to me that he should take other woman to a real doctor instead of a clinic. I was very quick to tell him that the clinic was good enough for me and it was good enough for him. How dare he risk your finances to help other woman. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />
MEN

JT, I'm so sorry you are not getting over the anger. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> It makes me sad because you have to get over the anger before you can move on in your M and your life. It is a must! It doesn't happen over night. But it does have to happen. Please read Eph 4 1-32 it talks about anger, and forgiveness. Pray that God will take your enemies from you. He will if you ask and beleive. I know its hard to beleive that one day you will look back and say I can't beleive the devil's work had control over me like that. Tell the devil to get out and leave. Make your mind up to give at lease alittle of the anger everyday. We are human and it doesn't go away all at the same time. Tell your self I will forgive and put behind me this (say the doc bill) and then put it behind you. Ok he is responsible for this child also. He helped create it, wheither he knew it or not, and this is his punishment. He may have jut given her the check. You don't know for sure he went. Don't let the devil take over the great mind, heart and soul God has given you. If you want your M to work then you have to start the trust somewhere. We know he is not a saint, but if he has commited himself to you and his family, and you want that to, then you will have to change as well. It don't fix itself and MB is not a program to change your husband, changes come within. MB is here to help you have a stronger more loving marriage. Are you reading the different articals here? Read everything. The bible has many good stories in it and I've myself have learned alot.
I know things are going to be better for you. I know you want your M to work, thats why you are here. So make a commitment to yourself and God to start today on your way to getting over the anger and open your heart to forgiveness. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> Sunny D
Delighted its FRIDAY !!!
Delighted God has brought all of us together
Delighted that I don't let the devil control my mind any longer
Delighted just to be living, loving, the one he has given me.

JT if you have a bible book store in your area. I was going though a bible study, weight lose thing at the church. The bible study where soo good muct people didn't even need to lose weight. I lost 40 lbs! But we I gained thought the studies where far better that the weight loss. The two I liked most was Seeking Gods best and Life undercontrol. If you go to www.firstplace.org you can order them too. It has a daily bible study and its great! They face relationship issues, family, everything. Try and pick one up and see what you think. Oh if you can find a church offering the bible study, go, its really great to have the support even if you don't need to loose weight the studies are awesome!
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> Sunny D

JT,

I am pissed for you on this one <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> , H should not be paying a dime toward OW's ANYTHING until DNA is done & whatever he is doing concerning OW & her pg. should not be done in secret. Trust cannot be rebuilt like this.

You were justified in being upset over this, but overall you can't let your general anger over this situation consume you the way you have been.

When you are really really calm JT, you have to sit down w/ H & tell him that if he truly wants to come home & work on your M honesty has to be 1st & foremost. If you two are going to work this out you have to do POJA about everything including contact or no contact w/ OC.

I know how angry you are about all this, but don't give up so soon, you have no idea what God has in store for you, all is not lost & neither are you. Stay strong for your kids, don't let them see you torn apart like that. Did you get the meds & are you taking them? You need help honey, for yourself & your kids. You all come 1st, you can worry about H & the mess he created later. Right now take care of you.

Hey girls,

It is morningand I feel even worse than I did last night. I feel as though I can not go any further with this. I know that the devil has a hold on my life I can feel it,but I can not shake him off. Everytime it looks like we are having a good time or making some progress then I get a big slap in the face. I am not equipped to fight this thing. I am not releasing it to God and I am paying for it with my sanity.

I do not see any light at the end of the tunnel. this will be a life long struggle and I don't know if I can take it. I don't want his to be true. I also keep getting phone calls at home where they've blocked their number out but when I answer they hang up. It goes on all day. I never mentioned it because at first I thought nothing of it until I scrolled through my caller ID and noticed that it was four or five times a day. I tried to *69 but the number is being blocked out. I called and left H a message after I received this mornings call and told him to look at the caller id and look into it.

I am not going to live like this. I don't want to live like this. I have to tell him how I feel tonight calmly and rationally. I know God is testing my faith because at this point I have not shown any, but I am finding it so hard to change that and I know what God can do personally. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

I am not sure that this is what I am suppose to do. I know the devil gets me because I am just as angry if not more so since i found out about this whole thing. It has not let up. Ladies maybe I am suppose to move on with my life. It if father's day and I am dreading it to no end!!
I don't even want to do anything for him - now! I should just take the gifts back to the store and let it go.
Praying for me has only seemed to anger the devil and his tactics are getting stronger and I fall for them everytime but knowing this and doing something about it is different. It's not getting better because I am not getting better.

so why not just quit!
jt

did you go to the dr?
did you get an ad prescription?

ALSO, WHAT steps have you personally taken to get back in touch w/ God, spiritually? Are you just 'thinking' about HIM more or are you taking physical steps? (ie: reading your Bible, being in fellowhip w/ other believers (church) praying)


What steps are you taking to control your anger?
Are you just talking about controlling it or are you responding rationally & physically when you feel your adrenaline start to rush? For example, not saying a word till you calm down, removing yourself physically from the triggering situation ect.

Are you going to individual counseling?
Are you working out?
What are you doing?
********************
********************
Yes, all of this anger is going to destroy your marriage, whether H lives w/ you or not. It will also destroy you personally.

You are a very smart & honest woman. I can see that in your posts. You know yourself well & recognize your limitations.

It stood out to me the parallels you drew between using your anger to 'control' the situation since you feel you have none. The thing that you don't realize is that it is just the opposite, you are letting the anger control you.

If you were controlling your anger than you would be calm. You would respond to H rationally to get your point across. This takes practice, energy & SELF-CONTROL. You are choosing to be angry.

H chose to have A. Do you agree? Wouldn't you laugh in his face if he said, it just happened, or he could not help it?

The same applies w/ your anger. It's not 'just happening'. You CAN help it. Make a choice JT! You are angry, ok,that does not mean you have to yell, or hit, or scream.

I just thought of something.
I am gonna put on my psychobabble hat here.....
You talk a lot about your anger but not much of your pain & hurt. When you do mention it, you gloss right over it & then it's just anger.

Listen, it does not mean you are a weak person because you have been hurt here. It's ok to be hurt, shocked & totally blinsided by this. You should be.

I think that you think, being angry <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> makes you a stronger person and being hurt <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> makes you a weaker person. But it is not so.

You are skipping a very important step in the healing process & I think that is why you are 'stuck' here. I don't think you are allowing yourself to feel all the hurt & grieve over that. You are afraid of being vulnerable. DANG woman you were & you got screwed! That's waht happens here! You should be hurt and then after that you get angry then numb then reality & you accept it. (in either direction, you acknowledge that it happen and choose which direction you willtake it from there) But you can't just ignore the pain & try to cover it w/ anger.
*************
*************
ok psychobabble hat off now.....
I could be wrong here. Let me know.