Oh dear. If I ever meet any of you, I'll never be able to look you in the eyes....wear really great shoes, 'cause they're gonna be commented on.

- Kimmy

Hi Kimmy,

What's there to be embarrased about. Or maybe I am slow. But I did not see anything dirty. I do not think SF is dirty if you meant that as the one thing.

Anyhow here goes. I really did not wanna talk about this because it is not pretty.

Sorry for the length.

I went to the Doctor like I said. I got two infections. Bacteria and yeast. Anyhow not so bad since these will go away. I tell husband. I tell him I seen on internet that Bacteria Vaginitus could be Sex related. He took it wrong and said I was blaming him. We got home. He accused me of thinking he was cheating. He did name calling. We also had an issue in the way we handle my kids. I think my kids should be able to eat whatever I eat. He wanted me to give the kids hamburgers while we ate chicken terriake. I told him I would share my half with the kids since it was a small pack. He did the guilt trip thing by saying he did not wanna eat. Also OW came up when I told him I did complete STD testing because heath dept told me last time was too soon to catch everything. He got very angry about that. I told him I am just protecting myself. He said I was trying to catch him in something. Anyhow I went into a rage after a lot of name calling. I started yelling at him and hitting him and told him he was acting like a three year old calling me names. Then he said you are gonna make me do what I did to my last wife because she kept hitting on me. He means hit me back. It is like this man provokes it. Then he would revert to loveing me and telling me that I cannot resist his love. It is like he wants to control me with my sexual attraction to him. But knowing I cannot have sex with him because of my infection I just felt this rage all the more stronger. He calls me today at work telling me how much he loves me. I tell him I still remember last night. He says you just cannot let stuff go. I say I just want the name calling to stop. He calls this joking.
He said something else last night that bothered me. I have an attractive 18 year old daughter. He said I cannot wait till she gets here so I can have somebody I can talk to and laugh and joke with. I just felt replaced like I am not good enough. I told him last night if he would stop name calling maybe I could be more fun. He also wears a necklace she gave him shaped like a heart with her name on it. Sometimes I wonder if he would wear one with my name on it. If I gave him one now he would just think I am insecure trying to compete.

Hi Kimmy,

I went back and read. Now I get it but I still do not think it is dirty when it comes to marriage.

I will give you what a girl at work once told me.

Yeah I do it. If I don't do it another woman will. I satisfy my man and I am not ashamed of it.

Feel better now.

Oh hon....I'm not REALLY embarrassed. Shoot. To live thru what we've lived thru, we have to have a little more spine than that. LMAO. I'm just joshing you all. You know how girlfriends are.....lol!

Oh man, your dh is hurtin' almost as much as you are! That's why he lashed out. He's probably embarrassed and ashamed - and he automatically jumped to the conclusion that he could've been the one to cause your illness. Probably scared the pants off him (sounds like it literally did).

Sounds like you're both gonna have to make some MAJOR deposits in your love banks.

Hugs!

- Kimmy

Hi Kimmy,

Thanks I feel loads better. I like the way you put things into perspective. I was ready to kill him last night, almost felt like doing it. But then I would cry if I really did it because I love him so much. He was so sweet on the phone when he called me today and I shot him down. I think part of it is because I am missing SF and he knows it. Anyhow I guess I need to work on being light hearted and laugh at stuff he says. I just do not know what to do about the part about the kids. I love my kids to death and want them to have anything I have. Husband thinks I spoil them too much. I think he controls them too much. I think they should have some choices. He doesn't. I do not know how to work this out. It's a constant struggle between us.

Genia,

I think Kimmy is right about your H being embarassed & ashamed & of course defensive cuz of what he did.

When u r off the meds. for your infection make sure u 2 re-connect (SF) I am sure he is missing u just as much, so then there is a little frustration thrown into the mix also.

Hang in there sweetie, things will get better.

Well, I'm on your side about the food thing. I'll be dad-gummed if I'm making something else for the kids.......they can eat what we eat or go to bed early as far as I'm concerned, I AIN'T (and I never use that word) gonna be dirtying more dishes than I have to.

The parenting thing is hard. It's too bad we don't get a book when they pop out that has instructions for raisin' 'em. You and dh are gonna have to compromise...really and truly. If you don't those babies are gonna use it against you both. You HAVE TO BE A UNITED FRONT - even if you don't see eye to eye. It's hard.

As for SF - well, there are other things you can do......how long before the meds clear everything up? A week? I dunno how to help you there....so sorry, tho!

- Kimmy

Babygirl,

Thank you so much. Oh I forgot something. I asked doctor about antidepressants. He asked me what do Antidepressants do? I said not feel anything. He said is that what you want? He said you need to feel so you can work through everything. He said that if I did not feel anything then I would just accept everything. So I think Doc does not beleive in Antidepressants unless absolutely necessary.

I think your doc is wrong about ads. I don't feel nothing. I feel LOADS of stuff. Mainly, they enable me to control the obsessive thinking and help me control my runaway mouth (I was a classic LBer - sounds like a B movie name huh? The Attack of the Classic LBer - hehe). Is there another doc you can see? Does your doc know what's going on - ALL of it?

- Kimmy

Hi Kimmy,

I can tough the SF out. I think that is good for us. I have never turned him down before. Now he is getting a taste of what it feels like. A taste of wanting me. That feels good now. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

As for the kids. He wants them to eat what is put on the table. Problem. We only had one bag of terriake chicken. Not enough for four people. He wanted us to eat the best food while the kids settled for hamburgers. I wanted everybody to have the same thing. A little of everything. I think when he is stessed he makes a big deal over little stuff. I guess I need to do what he says and let it go.

<small>[ July 01, 2004, 02:48 PM: Message edited by: Genia ]</small>

Hi Kimmy,

I told him about the affair. The pregnancy. The crying, the anger. Yeah maybe I need to see another Doctor. If he seen me last night he would think I was crazy. I should have just left the house. But I think that would make things worse because husband does not like me out at night. I thought I was finished with my anger but evidently not.
I like your humor. You should have seen us last night. We looked like three year olds fighting. I mean grow up already, both of us. We are both sick.

<small>[ July 01, 2004, 02:51 PM: Message edited by: Genia ]</small>

Sounds like you need to go doc shopping.

Leave the room if you feel like leaving. Or take a walk, but NEVER leave. That just pisses the other person off worse, IME. Sometimes just walking away helps. Time has a tendency of making those huge things you were arguing about, shrink into a size that you both can handle.

- Kimmy

Hi Kimmy,

Thank you so much for caring. I feel so much better. I think we need to sit down and talk and agree that when we feel so bad at each other that we can walk away for a few minutes or an hour but never overnight because Steve Harley did say Married People should not spend the night away from each other. WH has said this before but I always worry about him leaving, fear he will spend the night away. I really do not think I have a huge basis for this fear. But it is there.

Update for today,

I am feeling better today but a little unnerved by the fact that husband is still calling OW. I was tempted to hire a private investigator. I was only stopped because he has been being nicer to me lately. I may still hire this woman. She only charges $60.00 dollars an hour. Well worth it I'd say. She wants retainer of 8 to 10 hours up front. That much money is hard for me to come up with. I just wonder if he is still fence sitting. Like maybe he is in an emotional affair now with OW. His calls have slowed down but he still calls. I beleive he will call more once baby is born. If I mention this to him he will go into a rage so I am not gonna say nothing. I feel like I will never be what he really wants. He wants a girl sort of like Nio who can laugh and joke and be witty. I just am not that good and I do not think I will ever be exciting enough for him. The thing that sticks out in my mind is the comment he made, "I can't wait till your Daughter gets here so I can have somebody to talk to and laugh and joke with." I felt a sinking feeling then like I was nobody to him.

I just want to say bye to you all. I am feeling kinda down right now. My mother-in-law my only confident besides you all through this whole mess confided in me concerning her marriage. Her husband wants her to break ties with her grown kids.
She said she will not. Her husband is not speaking to her now. I hope he comes around. She said she would of left but her son is sleeping outside because he has no where to go and her husband will not let him in his house. The whole mess started over her skitzaphrenic daughter who was visiting or there to stay, I am not sure. I feel like I am not what my husband wants after all and I do not know how to make myself what he wants. I hope my vacation goes alright. My daughter is going with us. I just hope this trip is fun. I am worried because of the way husband is acting. If everthing does not go perfect he will side with my daughter. Pray for me that I can have fun. I will be back July 9th. I will miss you all terribly.

Genia,
Just relax and have some fun PLEASE! YOU deserve it!

JT

<small>[ July 02, 2004, 03:41 PM: Message edited by: JT2 ]</small>

So very sorry Genia.

You can't help your mil - other than being a shoulder for her. BUT: While you might be a shoulder this doesn't mean take her problems as your own. You've SO got enough on your plate right now - and so does she.

Go on your trip....when you think about your problems - make a point of getting up and DOING something to take your mind off them. EVERYONE needs a brain break now and then....and personally, I think all of us here have earned it!

BTW: Instead of hiring the PI, can't you use the money you were gonna scrape together to go to a different doc? Fixing yourself is the first step in helping your M!

- Kimmy

Update,

Thank you JT2 and Kimmy for your response. I had a good trip. It started out wrong with a two hour search for a hotel room. My fault, husband told me he had everything under control. I should not have listened and did a search on the internet. He wanted to go home after much frustration so I settled with his choice. The room was expensive and no service. They did not bring us clean towels. I had to find the cart and take some towels. They did not make the bed or carry out dirty towels. I am from the south and am not used to such poor service and high prices. But after that we were OK. We had a brief disagreement at the park when he gooked at a girl in a mini-dress and said damn. I made it clear to him that this was inappropriate behavior. My daughter started to side with him so I proceeded to set her straight. I told her if she had a boyfriend that she would want him to treat her like miss it. That I know men will flirt when we are not with them but that they should treat us like we are miss it when they are with us. Husband treated me better after that. We had another argument concerning style. Husband says I do not know style. He said I dress like a geek. All statements untrue. Earlier he got me to take off a sexy tight fitting black blouse. I replaced with a loose fitting white shirt. I told him I get so angry with him because he is so mean. A man walked by and looked at us hard. Husband started treating me better after that. We had a great time other than those three incidents. I finished antibotics. I have a yeast infection now. Husband is dying to get SF with me so at least I know he is not cheating. I loved seeing NY for the first time. Husband enjoyed watching my amazement at the tall buildings, lights, and people walking at night. I commented that they must be healthy with all the exercise they get. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Hey Girl,

Glad u had a good trip w/ H, despite a few small bumps, it is always so good to get away. Wish I could - soon hopefully!

Glad u r back - missed u! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Babygirl,

You are up late huh. Me too. Slept most of today after rideing all night. Husband drove. He is asleep now. He missed supper.