g123---email me & I will tell you. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

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I am not feeling the way I was expecting to feel. I expected to feel relieved, instead I feel more anxious & stressed & sadder than I truly expected.

It think it is all wearing on me physically.

Last night I awoke in the middle of the night w/ the worst stomach pain I had ever had (well besides labor but that was different)in my life. So severe I thought i was gonna have to go to the ER. I went to the bathroom because I felt like vomiting. (hope I'm not grossing anyone out here) I was doubled over in pain & I think I passed out for a second becuase then I felt the !crack! of the floor on my face & my nose started bleeding. I was really, really hot & started dripping w/ sweat. Then I got the chills. I felt like crying but I couldn't.

H heard me & woke up & filled the bath for me & when I could finally get up (from the bathroom floor)I just soaked in it for awhile. I felt better but still slight stomach pains. I ate the same things as the rest of my family & no one else got sick so I don't think it was anything like that.

I am just so worn out & tired. I did not expect to feel like a part of ME would be gone.

stacia wrote to me once that she was frustrated because I (ktbunch)didn't feel love for OC. I was not offended because I think love is an action not just a feeling. So I acted loving towards OC even if I didn't feel it.

I wouldn't even go so far as to say that I feel towards OC the same as I feel for my own kids. I am being honest but I don't but I did treat her the same. BUT I am feeling something more than I expected to feel. I thought I would only feel sad for my BC & the relationship they have created w/ her or for H & OC but I actually feel bad for ME! I feel like a part of my heart is gone now, even if only a little tiny piece.

I see her clothes as I am putting the laundry away & I feel a tiny ache. I think of family plans we have for the next few months-they included her & my heart pangs. Plans I had to make her & 2yo matching dresses for an upcoming special occasion & my heart aches. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

H says he feels more @ peace. He knows (& I agree) that this was never gonna end. OW was gonna continue to play games whenever the mood struck her. I guess I have to remind myself that most likely this will not be forever--maybe just for a few years.

Even some of my friends, who's children have made friends w/ OC, are sad, hurt & affected by the situation. Thier kids are talking about & asking to play w/ OC & when will they see her again?
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Therapist has not called back since the other day. H & I suspect that maybe she is thinking this would also be (@ least) a good lesson for OW as well. Who knows? but I find it interesting that for it being so serious @ this point, she is not talking w/ us much about it.

Maybe because she realizes that there is not much to talk to us about-----------it's OW that has to change & stop being ridiculous!!!!
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Oh & yes, there are things that would make us rescind out NC stance, they are very specefic things OW would have to honor in order for that to happen. I asked H about that after reading the question & he made some very specefic statements that I agree w/. But I would be very shocked if OW ever agreed to them & @ this rate, if we will ever even get the chance to even verbalize them. But it's nothing new, the same things we have been saying over & over again. If OW was smart---she could predict them.

The end of H NC letter said, 'Do not contact us.' OW asked therapist how she should respond to it(the letter)? therapist replied, 'Respect thier wishes & don't'----------uh????yah DUH!!!!!!
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My nose hurts! Good thing I have a 'cute' one becuase it's kind of swollen & bruised a tiny bit but if I didn't.......it might be more noticeable.

<small>[ August 12, 2004, 02:15 AM: Message edited by: ktbunch ]</small>

KT - My heart is just breaking for you and your family. This OW is causing nothing but pain for you and it just makes me sick that you are going through this.

Of course you have feelings for OC. You have cared for her for over 2 years now and she has become a part of your life. The feelings may not be the same as you have for your own, but there is no way you can care for a child for that long and not love them. My heart aches for the pain you are going through. My heart also aches for all the kids - it has to be so difficult for all of them.

You are such a strong person. Keep praying and God will help you through this heart ache. It is just so sad that so many people have to once again suffer for the selfishness of OW. I hope this opens her eyes and she can see what harm she is causing everyone, including her child. I just really cannot comprehend how a person can cause so much havoc in so many lives and not feel some sort of remorse. I just don't understand how these people think.

Put her out of your mind and take care of yourself. You have taken on so much for so many people throughout this whole ordeal. Its time to take care of KT. I am praying for you.

Hi KTbunch,

I really do feel for your pain. OC was a part of your life and you treated her as your own daughter. What you are feeling is as if she had died. With all the stress you have been going through this was just too much for you to cope with. I hope your nose feels better soon. I am glad your husband was there to take care of you.

doing better now...state of denial....

Now you can really tell I sort of have a black eye, the grey/blue bruising is gone & now it's purple--great! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> I look like a freak! yuck! Before it just loked like i had 'dark circles' under my eye but now......yuck yuck yuck!
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Haven't heard from the therapist since Tuesday morning.......(she said she as gonna call me back)

Anyone venture to guess why you think she hasn't called us back?

Do you think she is trying to 'work on' OW? Or maybe letting OW worry a bit? Or you think she thinks we are hopeless?

She knows you aren't hopeless KT but I would take a guess that she thinks OW is.

Well I think i took over your mood--tired of 1 bby step forward and two steps back--frustrating somedays.

KT you ROCK!

KTBunch,

You have been through a lot. Take a deep breath. Sorry about the black eye. I am sure that is hard on you. I am sure your therapist is busy and has an agenda of her own. Call her again. If you hired her, I don't see her supporting OW. I am so sorry you are going through these difficulties.
((((((((((KTbunch)))))))))))

KT-
emotions are high right now on both sides.. as we ALL know things will calm down and things could change, very easily and naturally...

GOD knows and will have his way w/your family and OC.. I think it will work out - in my heart I feel it KT!!!

Sometimes it takes certain things for us to realize we love someone ..... hmmm??? something close to NC happened between H and his ex and my 2 stepchildren and it felt aweful for 1 1/2 months while H and ex didn't speak. I ALSO felt I was struggling w/loving them the right way in my heart.. well low and behold, I found myself crying over missing the kids and theit clothes & stuff seemed abandoned..

His ex caved cause she KNEW we were good to the kids and the kids missed us and didn't deserve this. She was in the wrong and it worked on her conscience so she called H's mother and said the kids missed us......


hang in there- if OW doesn't come around it'll be sad but not as sad as a lifetime of problems and games.

Love you lady

<small>[ August 14, 2004, 09:35 PM: Message edited by: giovanna123 ]</small>

How sad for everyone. I never had a doubt that you had feelings for that child. There are very few who would have fought and tried so hard for so long.

Go and spend some happy, stress free time with your children and your husband. Live a little! Enjoy the peace. You and yours deserve it.

I am sure the oc will be fine. The ow got what she wanted didn't she? But who paid the price. Children. How sad. BUT, with proper love and guidance your children will be fine.

The OW actually wondered how to respond????? LOL. Lord, I almost feel sorry for her? How does one so stupid get through the day? When she sees a stop sign, does she wonder if that means stop????

KT. You are so special. You are amazing and loving and kind and decent. Please do not allow this to beat up that wonderfull soul you have. The hurt (as usual) is spread around to all involved. Help your children deal with it, love your husband, (god, he must adore you to pieces), and move on. You can't be super KT to all, but you can be you, and that is what your family loves and needs. So enjoy your family and love them. That is where you will find your strength to get past all of this.