JT2~All I can say is keep it up--he needs to see you are serious and the little groveling he did doesn't make up for it yet. BIG HUGS--you are doing great--I actually think that your H will come around.

JT,

Hang in there sweetie, Genia gave u some good advice. I think it is best u talk to him as little as possible. He is sounding very unstable right now & u have every right to do what u r doing keep him away from u & the kids for right now.

He can't have it all. He will get it sooner or later, sooner I hope.

Hugs & prayers to u.

Thank you girls,

I tell you I could not ask for a better support system at this time! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

You girls are wonderful! I have decided that tough love is the only thing that might reach him and if it does not then it will have made me stronger in the end.

so thanks again,

JT <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

That is the absolute best attitude you could have!

I am till praying things will turn around, EVEN in the midst of all this chaos.

Love ya!

JT,

You will be fine, you are doing the right thing. H is out of his mind and I am so sorry he is putting you throught such he!!.

Regarding being served. If you know he is at work or home, call the police and let them know that you have the PO and it has not been served but you know where he is right now. Usually,the will follow-up on that and serve him. They can not take these things lightly, but many times it's just a matter of them missing him.

It's going to be long tough ride for us but we can over come. Our H's a freaking because we have taken a stand for ourselves and they are no longer in control of our lives.

My H has recently as last night spewed rude remarks to me. Saying he hates me more than anyone in the world, even my dead ugly mother. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> He said that I don't deserve his last name. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> Like I was the one who shamed their last name. Well, that was a stupid comment because I told him if it was not for the kids, I would give it back in a second because all it stands for is a bunch of adultering men and a family that thinks they are holier than thou but will stab you in the back and stomp on you when you are down. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" />

JT - to back up what Luv said, not only inform the police or sherriff's office, but tell them he's going to be at the kid's daycare at such and such a time, so they can serve him BEFORE he goes in and causes a ruckus. The dc doesn't need that, and neither do the kids.

Just in case, also, I'd warn the dc that he might try to pick them up today.

JT & Luv - they are both acting like spoiled children throwing tantrums when they don't get their way. My FOUR YEAR OLD tells me he hates me when he doesn't get his way. Geesh. Grow up guys! What a couple of manuplitive fartknockers.

- Kimmy

Luv,

You go girl! It will be a hard battle but I am out to win my life back with or without him. Hey don't feel bad my H left a message for me on Sunday calling me Mrs. XXX (my first name), he said he was not going to call me by his last name anymore because I did not deserve it!! Are they reading from the same book or what?

Stupidity breeds stupidity I guess! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> My H has just repeated the same cycle that his father did - so I guess we are right. congrats on the place I am proud of you!

Kimmy- I did call my attny this morning to see what the hold up was on serving him the OP and D papers. She is going to look into it for me TODAY! I also informed the DC director this morning and gave her a copy of the order, if he came by today. I hope he does not do that because I really don't want it to hurt my kids and be embarassed by his actions. The director is going to keep the security doors closed today they lock automatically so he could not get to their classrooms anyway.

But I can't imagine what he'll do next. Deep down I am kind of scared! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />
I am down to because it did not have to come to this - it should not have come to this! But yet he thinks it is my fault!

Boy what a crock of sh**!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

he's a fool - he went from platinum to tin!

JT

okay i have a friend that started working at the hospital that OW was going to deliver in. H has been lying to me still saying that she has not had that baby. well guess what she had the baby on August 6, at 11:44pm. OC is a girl. I can not say that I am not disappointed because our little girl was his only girl and now he has another one.

I am trying to breathe deeply right now, but can not find the breath. I new he was lying to me but I let it go. H was still trying to live seperate lives. I bet he was right there holding her hand as if it were his greatest moment; all while me and his three other kids - yes our two and my stepson were all tucked into bed. He even continued to live with her and take care of her and their newborn and he didn't even do that for me, and that's what hurts the most! <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

Do you know that he even mixed up their middle names and called my d, OC middle name. I immediately got defensive but now see that he was calling her the OC name ( he got his lives and households confused )! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

I guess I should not really be angry but I am I am so disappointed that my life has taken such an ugly turn. I almost feel like it will never get better.

Oh yeah he must have gotten served because he is being to kind. he called my job this afternoon while I was on the phone with my attny. So I put him on conf. call so she could hear what was being said. He was so sweet but angry because I told him I would pick up the kids he didnot need to. When I got to the daycare i asked if he'd been there and the director said that he had. She said that he told her that I would be picking them up,but he just wanted to peek in on them - so she walked him down to the classrooms he saw the kids but they did not see him.

I am so hurt by all of this until I don't have anything else to say. I am just amazed at the lack of respect for me and his kids/our kids.

Do these [censored] ever get what is coming to them. will he ever feel the pain that i am feeling. Will he ever realize what he has done to us to our children. What is the reason behind this. I just don't know what else to do, but fight for myself. regain my self respect and live without him. I hope they are happy together. I hope he inflicts all the misery that they inflicted on me, but the Lord did promise us all that they would get theirs back "sevenfold" (seven times worse than what they inflicted on us)!!

I knew I would feel bad but I am glad that I am not in the same place I was a week ago, or else I would be driving myself crazy right now. I prayed for peace and oh boy did the good Lord give it to me. my heart is not fluttering right now.

and he had the nerve to say that he wanted to come home. If I let him back now he would be worse than he ever was before. He has NO respect for me at all.

I have no where to go - nothing else matters but my kids and myself.

Keep praying for me please to get through this. It will be a long road ahead.

<small>[ August 25, 2004, 06:46 PM: Message edited by: JT2 ]</small>

Hi JT2,

Your restraining order should have listed the Daycare. They should have had a copy. So sorry you are going through this. I think in the end he will be unhappy. Hopefully JT2, you will find happiness and the man you deserve. I know it hurts to be thrown away like this after all the love you have poured into this man. I feel for you girl.
(((((((((((JT2)))))))))))))

Oh JT,

I am so sorry for your pain, you know that the Lord brings all that is done in the dark to the light & vengence is his.

What a liar, I am sorry but he is, when was he ever going to tell you about OC being in the world????? It is almost the end of Aug., did it never occur to him that he should share that info. w/ u?

Well it still seems as if u r doing the right thing by going ahead w/ the D. I am praying hard for you, but God is able & he has your back, it is not like u didn't do all u could 2 save your M. It takes two.

BIG BIG hugs to you!

Just wanted to say that I'm thinking of you and big HUGS--what a jerk not to tell you about OC being born--he really needs to pull his head out of his [censored] and if he doesn't then you are better off without him--wish he would not forget about who he made the promise to and what children need him.

I feel like the dumbest person in the world. I acn not believe that he is doing this to us. Do you know that he called me again at 1:00am. He had the nerve to ask me if I loved him or was I with him just because of the kids. I told him you have some nerve even calling me and I am the one that should have been asking him that wuestion 10 months ago, oh wait I forgot you just left me a message saying that that was all you were concerned with. So he was just restating his thoughts out loud.


He even left another message (earlier last night ) saying that he was going out to eat dinner and have a drink. He made the comment that everyone is laughing at me for taking the kids and that they all think I am so stupid. Well good for them - besides who the hell is "they - everyone". I guess I would be laughing to if I did not know the true [censored] that I was dealing with or listening to.

I think he thinks that he is tearing me down, but guess what he is not. I wake up every morning and make Da** sure that I look good. My hair is done, make up on and dressed to the 9's. He can forget it I will not hold my head down in shame because I did nothing wrong. I will always be able to say that I tried to make it work.

He still continues to say that he loves me and wants his family. I told him if he really did want us then he would have stopped the lying and told me the truth. By being truthful was the only way we were going to make it through this with our M intact. but that was not his plan so he was where he wanted to be - not with us.

I think he believes that if he continues to be kind I'll eventually break down and give in like I would have so many times before, but hey not this time - There is nothing to go back to!

I really realize that now, even though it hurts my heart to the utmost, but he does not love meat least not the way I deserve to be loved. He thinks he was being a man and "handling his responsibilities with her". So what the heck, you just wanted me to sit by and wait for him to do that. Before that baby was born he did not have any reaponsibilites with her. he was over there because he loves her. It hurts to know that he did not love us enough to do anything prosperous for our family. Now he's gone from riches to rags.

I hope that he is happy. He is undoubtedly not going to even get a paternity test done he claims that it is his baby and that's why he gave it his last name. The same as my children can you believe that!

what else is going to happen?

JT

Hi JT2,

He loses. He made the wrong choice. Now he will be paying child support for two kids when he could have been paying child support for one child. I know this hurts you when he asks if you love him. He is the one not showing the love. You stood by and waited for him long enough. JT2, I am so glad you are being strong in this.
(((((((((((JT2))))))))))))))

JT,

Stop talking to him, let the answering machine pick up! The only thing of importance he has to discuss is about your children & if I am correct he is not seeing them right now right?

He definitely wants to wear u down, he doesn't want his going back & forth between u, your kids & OW & OC to stop. PLAN B his butt for real, he still feels he has control cuz you talk to him, there is nothing else to say - he made his choice by living w/ OW & continuing to lie about his relationship w/ her at the expense of his family.

Yes I can believe he let OC have his last name w/o DNA, just like my H did & refuses to this day to have it done cuz OW would never ever lie or CHEAT on him. They are so stupid!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

Go dark, girl & let him know that he has blown it for real this time.

Thanks BBYG,

you are so right I will have to do this - GO DARK!
No he is not seeing our kids right now. My son picked up the phone and talked to him, but I will not allow that anymore.I am fed up, but find it hard not to express my feelings about this whole thing to him. But I guess I can keep them to myself or just tell you girls. He is still feeling like he is in control I think. He calls the house either late at night or real early in the morning.

BBYG, I am feeling weak, don't get me wrong not weak enough to go back or even let him come back, but I almost feel like he owes me so much more than he is giving me.

What the heck can I do. I know he'll have to answer to GOD for what he's done but I am still amazed that it is happening to me.

What else is going to happen in my life?

JT

JT,

My heart goes out to you, I am soooo sorry.
My stomach turned and I got sick as I read that OC was born and you did not know. It brought back thos memories of the day my H's OC was born. I had the same vision of them holding hands as you did. I am so very sorry for you.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> He made the comment that everyone is laughing at me for taking the kids and that they all think I am so stupid. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">He is trying to break you down, he is mentally abusive to you. He knows it will upset you. My H does the same thing, he knows I care what other people think and he does it to get to me.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> He still continues to say that he loves me and wants his family. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">As my therapist would say, he has no idea what love or marriage is.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> but he does not love meat least not the way I deserve to be loved. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">No one deserves to be loved like that. It's not love, it's control.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> He is undoubtedly not going to even get a paternity test done he claims that it is his baby and that's why he gave it his last name. The same as my children can you believe that!
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Unfortunetly my dear I can. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> My H says that the baby looks just like him, everyone calls her Little XXX. He said the dates add up perfect, it has to be his. Give me a break, she could have had sex the day before with someone else. They are so stupid. The baby has his last name too. Look at it this way. OW does not have his last name so the baby appears to be more your D than her's. That's what I have told myself. OW is the stupid one. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

JT,
BG is right. Don't pick up the phone when he calls. If you have to get caller ID, do it. Plan B him, move on, do what ever it is that will take some of this stress out of your life. Spend money, that always works for me. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

He will wake up, reality will hit but you know what JT, it may be a year or more down the road and we are going to be happy and not even want to look at them. Yes, part of me still wants my family but inspite of all the chaos he is causing, I am more at ease than I was when I was trying to make the M work. Does that makes sense? I am no longer worried about where he is, if he loves me, etc. I am no longer worried that he understands where I am coming from, why I feel like I do. Letting that go has given me some peace.

JT - bitaka-bat substituting for 2x4 here

You filed a protective order against him and his calling you and you engaging with him is making YOU BREAK THE LAW!!!!

Do Not Violate Your Own Protective Order if you want the help of law enforcement.

Now. (((((HUGS))))) This isn't easy for someone who's been married to a narcissist to stop being the one who revolves around him. It's time he gets the wake-up call you filed to deliver to him.

DO NOT ENGAGE WITH HIM!!!!

OKAY I WILL NOT DO IT AGAIN!! I PROMISE!!

JT

YOU GO--you can do this--ignore--forget about--I can't believe he thinks he can have you both--I must say my H isn't a ton better can't decide to stay or go but at least I'm not dealing OW--if he wanted OW I would be gone--It hurt like hell but go to you new family I know I can survive without my H and I know for sure that you can.

Keep posting and updating us and we will give you strenght when you run low. Maybe I will get a chance to talk to you on sis by fire chat sometime. Love ya, HUGS

JT,

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">BBYG, I am feeling weak, don't get me wrong not weak enough to go back or even let him come back, but I almost feel like he owes me so much more than he is giving me.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">The more you talk to him the weaker you will be, talk to us - vent here, scream, cry what ever you need to do, but don't let him continue to torture you like this please.

You are so right H has to answer to GOD for his actions, he is so full of himself right now he can't see that, he thinks it is "HIS WORLD" & all should dance to his tune, well this is the beginning of his wake up call. Get yourself a caller id box, better yet turn your phone off at night & early morning too, what is he calling when OW is asleep, sneaking behind her back too, that way you are not disturbed & you will have a record of the times he has called. I know in some ways it may seem like a game but that is what he is playing with you, he doesn't think you mean business, he knows you still love him & he will play on that, all the while living with the "fake family" has created.

Sickening. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />