Hi all,

I was having what I thought was just another day but has turned out to be a very sad and crying day. I have flooded my desk all day long, thank Goodness I was the only one in the office today. So I guess I have had plenty of time to think all by myself. Well it has been almost two weeks since we last saw my H. today has really been hard for me - i am not going back but I lvoe him, and can't believe that he could do this to his family.

I am especially feeling weak today because court is coming up on Wed for the protection order. Beleive it or not I am sad that I had to go to these lengths. I feel bad for him, not what he has done to us. I am at a low point. I don't know what got us here!

I am just hurting for my children, they are so young. What will become of them what and how will this effect their lives? They wake up in the middle of the night now screaming, sometimes even in their sleep. How do I comfort them? It is tearing me apart. This is only the beginning. Does he know just how much pain he has caused us. I was willing to work on it why wasn't he? Are we that bad?

I am feeling pretty alone - No ALL ALONE.
I posted on the divorced and divorcing board today and a harsh reality hit me this is the end of my family as I know it. My children no longer have their fatherunder the same roof. Or even as whole heartedly as they should have had before.
They did not deserve this even if he thought that I did, which I didn't.

I am struggling to pay the bills today and am faced with the fact that someone will not get paid, but how do I decided not to put food on the table in order to have lights on in the house. Or buying pampers instead of paying the water bill.

This is unreal, and I never thought that I would be faced with this reality. I never thought that he would abandon us when faced with a decision her or us, but I guess i really did.

JT

JT - So sorry you are having a bad day. Hang in there girl! You are feeling a bit overwhelmed right now, but once the dust settles, you will be fine. Just wanted to let you know you are in my thoughts.

Love you,
Kris

PS - I am in the chat room now if you want to talk.

Hi JT,

It is hard now. I don't deny that. You will get child support from him. That will help. Yes I wish he would have come home to you and your baby's. Don't put the blame on yourself for a minute. It was your husband's responsibilty to step up to the plate and he didn't. Can you get public assistance. If you qualify, they will file child support immediately. I divorced my second husband after he beat me in front of my 3 year old and 1 and 1/2 year old so I am hear to say you can make it. I was a single parent for a long time and I was faced with the choice of getting a job or going to school. I choose school because I could get help with daycare from public assistance and food stamps. I got a job on the weekend and my Exhusband watched the kids on weekends. I had to live in a place where the rent was cheap. I moved out of the apartment husband and I stayed in because I did not want him to know where I was. My Mom took the kids to him and picked them up. You can do it too. You just got to develop a plan. JT you can survive.

Big Hugs JT

Can your Dad or someone help you a little with money also talk to your lawyer and see about getting a temporary support order while the D process is going.

You can do this and I know that you heart is aching. This not nessecarily the end of it and I actually think that your H's heart is aching too. He should have help you out and at least give you money to help buy food and things for the children so please talk to your lawyer.

You are in my thoughts always through out the day and night. You are strong and have to do this if there is any hope of saving this M. You have done the right thing.

Today I started to worry again this mroning about the surmounting bills that are due. I don't have enough to cover most of them and most are a priority. I am so filled with despair about this whole mess until I don't know what to do. I have cried already this morning, and have nothing else to do but pray.

I ask that you all will please pray for me and my kids to get through this mess. Daycare is due tomorrow and I might not have enough for that. H is not helping at all and I can not contact him because of the order.

I don't mean to sound ungrateful, because I am grateful, I am glad to have my health and my kids. I am blessed to have a roof over our heads. I just pray that the Lord continue to bless me and keep me.

I am so sad and depressed I don't know what to do. I feel like I am drowning here. I took one step forward and a leap of faith and i feel like the boat just turned over with me in it.

what do I do now? Where do I go from here? I am in need!

Hi JT,

Seek help. That is what help is there for. Go to churches. Public Assistance. Seek some help from somewhere till you get child support. Listen to Albany's advise. You do not have family that can help you through this?

Do you hava a credit card that you could put some of the bills on such as water, electricity and groceries until temporary support is established--it is very come for a temp. support amount to be established until D is final and you are getting CS and/or spousal support

Just a thought--would take away some stress if you could put on credit card and I'm sure you could get some of the money back from H as part of D settlement.

Huge Cyber HUG

JT my dear, it will work out. Tell you atty. immediately about the bills and H not helping. I am not sure about your State but when I filed for a Limited Divorce last time it was because my H threatened not to pay CS. The Limited Divorce put that on paper and H had to pay starting from the day it was filed in Court (not the day he left). If he failed to pay then he would be responsible for back support. Talk to your atty. they can advise you and maybe put your mind at ease.

I know how you feel about your family ending as you know it. It's ok to feel that way, I do too. However, you are going to be happier in the long run and that is going to make you a better mother for your kids.

The other day driving down the road my D said to me. Mommy I want to buy you a gift and card. I said why, it's not my birthday. She said because daddy always makes you so sad and I want you to be happy. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> I said my dear, I don't need a gift to be happy, all I need is you and your brother in my life, that makes me the happiest. JT, that tells me what I am doing is RIGHT. It's right for them and for me. They should not see me crying and unhappy. They need to know what M is supposed to be and this is not it. Yes, it's hard right now and it may be hard for a long time but it will get better. Keep you head up and keep reaching for those stars.

I am here for you. If you need to talk, give me a call (I can give you my #). I am here to support you in what ever you do.

Thanks girls,

Your support is so needed. I do have family and have called my uncle and my dad for assistance they said yes. I am grateful to have them help me out, but it does not help me out of the woods so to speak. This will roll around again. it is not that I could not handle it to a degree, but my H did not pay any bills on last month so everything is double including or mortgage.

So he kept me in the whole seems like on purpose. He had left me a message saying that he was not going to pay for anything where he was not living, but I guess that means that you don't really care enough about your kids to do it either.

I feel like such a fool until it hurts. I prayed a minute ago that the Lord keep his hands on me for guidance and support. He is the only one that can bring me out of this and I believe that he will, I just have to hold on until then. This is not what I thought my life or M would be like. I have come a long way and I think the devil is just using what he can to get me down and keep me down thinking that I can't live without him.

I have just decided that "I AM MORE THAN A CONQUEROR"! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Please continue to pray for me and my family. We need it desperately.
You know I posted on the divorcing board and no one responded really. I wanted to thank you all for always responding when I need it most! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

JT

oH yeah albany I do not have any credit cards to put anything on. got rid of those things when I finished college. I definately didn't want to keep paying the interest on them. That was a big lesson learned and I never got any other ones. My H has some but of course they are his and in his possession - not for me and the kids.

Don't forget about the other thoughts and ideas I threw out their for you to consider.

Of course we are here for you JT2--we all have a very strong bond to one another and it is one that is unexplainable to many.

Keep posting as much as you need to. It will work out and i think that your H will come around. I think that he truly loves you or he wouldn't have been coming around as often as he was. He didn't want to have to chose and now he has to--you are strong--so him what you can do.

Love ya

Thanks Albany,

I have called my attny and she has already put in a motion for temporary support for me and the kids. I hope it goes through.

Are you kidding me - do you really believe we have a chance to save this M. I love him I really do, but I am not sure the choice would be me and the kids. He might choose to be free as he once said " I don't need you or her, I want peace of mind".

So I am not so sure about that, but I do know that all things are possible through Christ.

JT

JT,

Sweetie hang in there, you would not be human if this didn't get to you, I know the pain you are going thru right now & all the seemingly overwhelming demands of the bills & how you will get thru this, but you will, just take your time & try not to take on too much, you have to save your strength for those babies, already you are finding support from family & the courts will help soon also.

I know it is hard but don't let this overwhelm you, we are for you, not physically but in spirit.

Love ya,

JT,

Our husbands are stuck in selfish mode. Mine included. They do not want to put out unless they get a return on their investment. Sorry baby, I know how it hurts. Everytime I start to break it off with my husband he wants to strip me of everything he can get.

Genia - Sorry, but had to laugh at the selfish comment. Isn't that how we all got here to begin with?!?

The bills are one thing I fortuanately never had to worry about. From day one when H moved out, he continued to pay everything. He made sure to take care of me and the kids. I thank God for that, because I would have had to move home with my parents if he didn't pay. Who wants to do that when they are 30 something???

Hang in there JT - things will work out. Keep praying and God will show you the way - let him take your stress from you. Listen to my advice - I can't seem to right now - stress is my middle name!! LOL Take care of you and those little ones. I really think your H is using money to play more of his games. Soon he won't have a choice.

Love you!

Kris,

I am becomeing more optimistic lately. With that my humor is kicking in. I am noticing changes in husband. I have withdrew from him as far as expecting anything from him. He sees I am becoming happy and confident in myself and he wants in. I am not sure if he has the guts to get in though. I have set my boundaries. I thank Pep for her help in my "Does this mean OW has a conscience thread" I will be repected, and if he don't have the guts to respect me, then it is his loss. I do not need his love at the expense of losing my self respect. I am coming out of the BS fog. The fog, of poor me. How can this be happening to me. Why are you doing this to me. Now my attitude is, I am a woman that is desireable and if you want to stay with me you will learn to respect me.

JT, sorry for the hyjack. But I think this is all fitting in a step I had to take to build my confidence before I was ready for Plan B. I have been dependent emotionally on husband, but now I am becoming more independent.

<small>[ August 31, 2004, 02:40 PM: Message edited by: Genia ]</small>