|
Joined: Aug 2003
Posts: 908
Member
|
Member
Joined: Aug 2003
Posts: 908 |
Whatever!!!! If you want to stay in lala land go ahead. I don't care. It was showing a different side. The questions had do about her husband going into the delivery room. Instead of looking at me as a selfish person look at my post and maybe see it as it is spoken. I have repeated over and over that his wife should be there. But unfortanchanlty the ow does have a few rights with her own medical care and delivery. It's just a fact. No one said this is a good situation, and I understand the MB principles but what this woman is saying is her husband is saying this is what he IS going to do. Why??? Maybe if people all people take out there personal emotions from this and think a moment then some of this would make more sense. I work very hard on my feelings towards things I've gone through and try my hardest to look at most things on both sides. All I was doing was giving her reasons why. I'm guessing by her post that they are not doing the MB principles as well. The only thing that I will say is my business and my concern with anyone that is involved is with my children!!!! There is and will be NO TWO ways about it. That is MY flesh and BLood and I am the main caregiver. If mm wants to be apart then fine, but even with there agreement they can not control my child and what or how she will be raised. I'm sure you will take this as a insult as well, but I was not being nasty Pep, you were. It's just facts. No MB princible can or lawfully enforce what or how my child is going to be raised. I know what I have to do by law and that is what I will do. I've said it many times that I know if there is contact the bw and family will be involved. But no one will tell me or force me to raise my child any other way than what is best for my child. I surely hope you take that as NOT an insult but defending myself with the comments you have made. Which really were uncalled for.
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
Member
|
Member
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996 |
Originally posted by needtomoveon: I work very hard on my feelings towards things I've gone through and try my hardest to look at most things on both sides.
But this is not about you! It is about Genia and her marriage situation.
No MB princible can or lawfully enforce what or how my child is going to be raised.
But this is not about you! It is about Genia and what is best for her marriage.
But no one will tell me or force me to raise my child any other way than what is best for my child.
And this is not about you ... we are trying to help Genia in her marital dilemma.
I surely hope you take that as NOT an insult but defending myself with the comments you have made. Which really were uncalled for.
This topic is not about you and how you live and raise your kids (which is entirely your business) ... Are you posting in order to help Genia with her Marriage?
Pep
|
|
|
|
Joined: Aug 2003
Posts: 908
Member
|
Member
Joined: Aug 2003
Posts: 908 |
There was never a debate until you crossed paths with my post to Gena. How amazing you are being. You asked spefic questions and I answer them and then you come back with almost everyone "this is not about you". Come on Pep...if you don't like me ignore me.
|
|
|
|
Joined: Aug 2003
Posts: 908
Member
|
Member
Joined: Aug 2003
Posts: 908 |
Pep, one more thing......I basically said the exact thing as Sunny, why don't you take every word she said and tear her up too? Is it because she is the bw and I am the ow? I have no soul? She must being a bw...SUNNY please don't take offensive here...it's not directed to you. I was trying to help with what GENA's HUSBAND COULD BE THINKING!!!!!!!!!!!! If you want me to make it about me.......I can do that too Pep.....can't you just play nice?
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
Member
|
Member
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996 |
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">
Originally posted by needtomoveon: Come on Pep...if you don't like me ignore me. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Who said I don't like you?
This is not about you ...it is about Genia and her marriage.
Is your goal here to help Genia recover her marriage?
Yes or no?
Pep <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
Member
|
Member
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996 |
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">
Originally posted by needtomoveon: I was trying to help with what GENA's HUSBAND COULD BE THINKING!!!!!!!!!!!! If you want me to make it about me.......I can do that too Pep.....can't you just play nice?
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I am here to help Genia work out her marriage problems using MB tools. Are you here for the same reason?
Pep <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />
|
|
|
|
Joined: Aug 2003
Posts: 908
Member
|
Member
Joined: Aug 2003
Posts: 908 |
PEP Do you have an oc?????
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
Member
|
Member
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996 |
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by needtomoveon: <strong> PEP Do you have an oc????? </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I donno, what is it?
Pep
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
Member
|
Member
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996 |
If you mean "OC" as in other child ... no ...
Are you here to help Genia using MB tools?
Pep
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2003
Posts: 31
Member
|
Member
Joined: Oct 2003
Posts: 31 |
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Maybe if people all people take out there personal emotions from this and think a moment then some of this would make more sense. I work very hard on my feelings towards things I've gone through and try my hardest to look at most things on both sides. All I was doing was giving her reasons why. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Not possible. This whole situation is an emotional battlefield. Your posts show that as well. By stating that you work hard on your feelings proves this. You were giving reasons why from the OW perspective... Pep was giving reasons why from the Marriage perspective which is not lala land at all. It is the reality facing all of us here in these situations. The affair was the lala land, the fantasy and now Genia's husband needs to look at his marriage realistically and do what is best for it if the marriage is to survive. He is still doing what is best for himself and himself alone.
|
|
|
|
Joined: Aug 2003
Posts: 908
Member
|
Member
Joined: Aug 2003
Posts: 908 |
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by StillStrong: <strong> </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Maybe if people all people take out there personal emotions from this and think a moment then some of this would make more sense. I work very hard on my feelings towards things I've gone through and try my hardest to look at most things on both sides. All I was doing was giving her reasons why. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Not possible. This whole situation is an emotional battlefield. Your posts show that as well. By stating that you work hard on your feelings proves this. You were giving reasons why from the OW perspective... Pep was giving reasons why from the Marriage perspective which is not lala land at all. It is the reality facing all of us here in these situations. The affair was the lala land, the fantasy and now Genia's husband needs to look at his marriage realistically and do what is best for it if the marriage is to survive. He is still doing what is best for himself and himself alone. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">STill strong, again........I was saying what may maybe not going through his head. I know you don't want to hear this, but some men do put there kids first even before there wives. That includes kids outside of that marriage.
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2003
Posts: 31
Member
|
Member
Joined: Oct 2003
Posts: 31 |
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> STill strong, again........I was saying what may maybe not going through his head. I know you don't want to hear this, but some men do put there kids first even before there wives. That includes kids outside of that marriage. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I know what you were saying... and what goes through their heads.... the same stuff that went through it during the affair. What is best for me!!!! Most of these men do not put their children first or they would never be in this position to begin with if they have children in the marriage already. His reasons for being in the delivery room are purely his own reasons, it has nothing to do with this child. He is still putting his feelings and needs above the needs of his wife and marriage. That is wrong. Again I have no problem with him being at the hospital for the delivery... along with his wife. I do have one with him being in the delivery room with the OW.
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2000
Posts: 10,060
Member
|
Member
Joined: Sep 2000
Posts: 10,060 |
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by needtomoveon: <strong>But no one will tell me or force me to raise my child any other way than what is best for my child.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Then perhaps you should have conceived this child on your own? Many would argue that has occurred only Once.
|
|
|
|
Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 150
Member
|
Member
Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 150 |
No offense NTMO, but I agree with WORTH...can't remember the whole name. I know u want what is best for YOUR CHILD, as well as any other parent would want the same (we hope)....however, we all know that because of the nature of how the OC was conceived, he is now gifted with THREE PARENTS, u , MM, and BW...whether u like it or not. U participated in having BW in your life...she did not ask to be in yours. She was made into an automatic Step mother because of u, and she will continue to have that title as long as she is married to your child's father. Point blank. I am not trying to be nasty. I am just stating the facts. Yes, u being the primary caretaker of this child gives u alot more leverage and control, but just remember that their are also 2 other parents as well to consider. Sorry, but that's the way it is.
Back to the issue at hand, Genia needs to talk some sense into her H because he is seeming to be a little too attached to pleasing this OW,and maybe he doesn't realize how he is hurting Genia. Genia has been more than understanding regarding this situation, and he is taking her kindness for weakness.
Selfishness is a terrible thing, and he is being selfish. Let's just all pray that God will wake him up so he can see the light.
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 1,028
Member
|
Member
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 1,028 |
OK girls, I really don't think going between OW and BS is helping G at ALL! We all are, giving her different situations for differnt people. I don't wont her to "bow" down to her H. Just speak her mind to him. There is a way to talk to your spouse and anyone else for that fact. No I don't take up for anyone but two wrongs don't make a right and SOMEONE has to be the BIGGER person! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> G has to find herself. Not the person her H wants her to be. She has to be G and do it for G and NO ONE else. God gave you emotions, God can help you control them and MY GOD gave up everything so I could one day be w/ him. I don't think that G is going to let anyone tell her what to do and how she should feel. We are here to support her in what she does do! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> Sunny D
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
Member
|
Member
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996 |
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">
Originally posted by sunnydale: No I don't take up for anyone but two wrongs don't make a right
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Excuse me Sunny ... what "two wrongs'" are you talking about?
Genia is wronging someone?
I am so lost to your actual meaning here .... be specific, what 2 wrongs?
Thanks.
Pep
|
|
|
|
Joined: Aug 2003
Posts: 908
Member
|
Member
Joined: Aug 2003
Posts: 908 |
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Gofigure: <strong> No offense NTMO, but I agree with WORTH...can't remember the whole name. I know u want what is best for YOUR CHILD, as well as any other parent would want the same (we hope)....however, we all know that because of the nature of how the OC was conceived, he is now gifted with THREE PARENTS, u , MM, and BW...whether u like it or not. U participated in having BW in your life...she did not ask to be in yours. She was made into an automatic Step mother because of u, and she will continue to have that title as long as she is married to your child's father. Point blank. I am not trying to be nasty. I am just stating the facts. Yes, u being the primary caretaker of this child gives u alot more leverage and control, but just remember that their are also 2 other parents as well to consider. Sorry, but that's the way it is.
Back to the issue at hand, Genia needs to talk some sense into her H because he is seeming to be a little too attached to pleasing this OW,and maybe he doesn't realize how he is hurting Genia. Genia has been more than understanding regarding this situation, and he is taking her kindness for weakness.
Selfishness is a terrible thing, and he is being selfish. Let's just all pray that God will wake him up so he can see the light. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Gofigure...if you look back at other post....you'll see I never would disagree with that. I know it includes mm and his wife (if they choose). That does NOT mean however that my child is her child. Bw should be involved (which I don't know where anyone has quoted me saying otherwise). What I will say is that is MY child and only two people have a legal say so over that child. It's best to work with both and more so the wife as she is a woman, but with the attitudes I've seen today where my words have been twisted and reversed etc., It's just a bit one sided and selfish. Oh and WRONG!!!!
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 1,028
Member
|
Member
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 1,028 |
Losing the fact we are here to support G! Take it to another thread as I see you have. OW and BS are not made to agree, why hash it out on G's thread. Thats what I ment. I gave her my story cause yes I am a BS and yes I am over the fact of what my H did. But it is ONLy cause WE made the aggreement not just him not just me. It is only because WE talked about it. He didn't tell me I didn't tell him. Be honest w/ yourself and w/ your H! And yes I have been there I have tried to be the person I thought he wanted but it doesn't make ME happy. So this is about G and not you two. She is dealing w/ enough already then for two people w/ two different out looks hash each others difference out. We are here to help, hold , and support each other. And yes if your not here to support G then you don't need to be here. But then again its a free world. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> Sunny D
|
|
|
|
Joined: May 2004
Posts: 1,247
Member
|
Member
Joined: May 2004
Posts: 1,247 |
Hi,
I missed the debate. I agree with Gofigure. My husband is a very selfish person. He says that he puts his kids first. I used to beleive him. Now I see that it is just a coverup so that he can talk to his baby's mamas. I saw that because he recently got the number of his second baby's mama and he has been calling her. He calls OW's number every two or three days. I had to get after him to go see his kids that his sister is keeping. So he uses this baby as a pawn to get to OW. He wants to visit OW in hospital to support her. He loves me but want to hang on to OW too. Talking seems to do no good with him. He tells me what to do, and does what he wants to do. The only thing that will work with him is to tell him my wishes to be involved in visitation, and if that does not happen, I need to kick him out of my house. Thanks to everybody who supported me. NeedtoMoveOn, you are on target concerning my husband wanting to be at birth but I am not sure if he means in the room with her. I did not ask, and I don't want to know. Pepperband thanks for supporting me, sorry it turned so personal between you two. <small>[ August 27, 2004, 08:40 AM: Message edited by: Genia ]</small>
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 168
Member
|
Member
Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 168 |
genia,
I've been reading the replies, and wanted to throw a couple things your way...
First off, I've seen this thread become about what the OW will allow (or however you want to say it)but all I've heard you write is that it is your HUSBAND who is telling you what she will/not let happen. It is only HIS words, and he is being SOOOO disrespectful to you!
i stated that I do not think he should be at the hospital, and I stand by that. That needs to be a dealbreaker for you! many have suggested you being there as well, but that may simply not be possible. Remember, it's not like years ago...there really are no "nursery windows' to look at, as everyone has "rooming in" unless the child is ill, and then you wouldn't be allowed to see it anyway. This OW has the legal right to state that she doesn't want you anywhere around, and the way maternity floors are run today, they will honor that. Technically, she can also 'ban' your H, though I doubt she would. So my point is, don't let your H twist those facts around in order to make you feel it isn't "his fault" you can't be there. You can BOTH see the child when OW comes home. He DOES NOT need to be there!!!!
I can't believe how disrespectful and cruel this man is being to you!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />
|
|
|
Moderated by Ariel, BerlinMB, Denali, Fordude, IrishGreen, MBeliever, MBsurvivor, MBSync, McLovin, Mizar, PhoenixMB, Toujours
0 members (),
818
guests, and
90
robots. |
Key:
Admin,
Global Mod,
Mod
|
|
Forums67
Topics133,624
Posts2,323,514
Members72,016
|
Most Online6,102 Jul 3rd, 2025
|
|
|
|