Hi Luv,

I am curious. What is your husband doing now? What's up. You are leaving? Are you staying in house or getting an apartment? Are you doing Plan B. I feel for you girl. I had planned to kick my husband out this weekend, then he started pouring on the honey.

Yes Genia, I have had it.

Things have steadly gotten worse and he is not willing to open his eyes or his mind as to what he is doing and how it's hurting me. He just thinks that I need to trust. I can't do that and I am tired of being treated this way. So, I found a condo to rent and I will be moving the first weekend in Sept.

No, I don't think I am going to Plan B him, it's straight to divorce. If something happens in the meantime fine, if not, that is fine too.

He went to OW's house last night at 7 and did not come home till after 11. Talk about disrespect. He can't even wait till I am gone before he starts pouring it on thicker.

I am sad and all I did on Saturday was lay around the house. However, I did buy some new furniture and I am trying to muster up the strength to start packing, etc.

I hope things go well for you.

I'm thinking of you LUV--I couldn't handle what you are handling--at least my H is not with OW so I don't have that to contend with. You do what you need to do and if moving out opens his eyes then great--if not then so be it--you have tried. You are in my thoughts. You are a great women.

Hi Luv,

I feel I am in much the same boat as you. I had a conversation with my husband concerning how hurtful it would be to me for him to visit OC in OW home. Conversation ended with him picking up coffee table. He told me he could just go and pickup child for visitation. I think he really plans visiting in OW home as yours is doing. 4 hours is a bit much. You did say she can have relations now. Funny it was two when she couldn't and now it is four. He said he was just doing so it would not look bad to courts for him to get visitation. I think that is more than necessary to establish interest in child. My husband actually told me if I want to tag along that I could wait in the car while he went in OW's house to visit OC. She called the other night and I answered. She asked to speak to my husband. She told him she was two centimeters. She asked if he would come if something happened. He said yes. He is pouring the honey on me now. I think he is just trying to keep me as long as he can. Who knows maybe he is thinking he can't get SF from her for a while. I know he has not been with her for two months at least since she is three hours away. I have gotten tested and all tests were negative. So at least he didn't give me a disease. I understand how you feel. I love him so much, I put up with too much. He pours on the honey and I melt.

Luv,

I am so sorry for you. I had hoped things would be looking up for you, but I am glad to hear that you are standing up foryourself. I have had a terrible weekend and a destructive H the entire time. ( read my Plan B thread)

I wish you all the best and agree it is time for you to start thinking about what is best for you. After all we can not change who they are but we can change what we deal with. If they do not want to meet us and come to a good life plan for us all then what are we waiting for. We did not ask for any of this now did we?

I don't know if I am right - don't get me wrong, but I have no other choice and at this point I don't think you do either. But don't be fooled it is hard. I have had the wrost weekend of my life and all I can see is darkness. But I know that there is light at the end of this tunnel - for I have been promised this by GOD. I continue to pray and I think you should also.

One thing we have to remember here is it is not up to us to save them from destruction it is up to the Lord. If they really want it he will make sure that they do what is necessary to make it work. It is not your job, however you must keep living in the meantime.

I am praying for US - ALL OF US!

JT

JT, I will read you other post in a bit.

My week has been pretty bad too but you know what? I feel pretty good. I dropped some stuff off at the new place last night and if felt so good walking in there, even if it was still empty. I don't move till next weekend. I went out today and picked up a few more things at the store. I have a counseling session tonight and I am feeling pretty well in control.

My H on the other hand is out of control. He is being mean and childish. I posted more about this on Sisters by Fire.

I know I am doing the right thing for me and for my children. I feel at peace, which is amazing to me. I am not groveling and wanting him back. I am not sad and crying. It's so different. No, it has not been easy but I actually feel better than when I did not plan to leave.

I know there is still a long road ahead of me but "I THINK" I am ready for it. Yes, I am a little sad, I really did not want my marriage to end but he gave me no choice. I very small part of me would like it to change back around but I do not have much hope for that. For the most part, my love for H is gone. There is just a tiny bit there. He would have to make a huge miraculous change for me to take him back. I don't see that happening. Besides I will still have to deal with his family and at this point, that is also a huge problem in our M.

However, God will let me know what to do. If there is a change in H and I can forgive, great. If not, then I am ready to move on. It's up to God now. I have done all I can.

JT & LUV ((((Hugs))))) You two women are awesome! Like I said keep your heads held high and walk tall ! Cause you derserve to be HAPPY and loved by someone who is worthy of such a blessing! Maybe the H will turn around one day but until that happens you are so on the right track in getting control over the pain and get your life back. Get your mind back and start enjoying your children and youself again. We are here for you!
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> Sunny D

Luv - On a happy note: when's your housewarming party? Can I bring the blue stuff? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

How exciting, new furniture and new home!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I feel at peace, which is amazing to me </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I know that feeling. Once you get it, there's no stopping it. I'd gotten to that point with my xh, and it made it a LOT easier to walk...I never looked back either. Too bad they LB so bad it forces us into that mode, tho.

- Kimmy

Hi Luv,

When you can walk away with no feeling you are ready. I am not quite there yet. I am so happy for you. I know it is hard walking away, and harder listening to your husband say a lot of stuff he does not mean.
(((((((((((LUV))))))))))))

Nio and Genia,
Thanks.

Yah Nio I thought about a housewarming party but I did not buy it so it's really not mine. Maybe just a "I am free" party. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

I went out a bought a few new pictures and a new throw pillow for my bed. I not it's materialistic stuff but it's making me feel better.

He is making it easier for me. Deep down I wish it did not have to come to this but he left me with no choice. It's not the A or the OC that I can't get past. It's his inability to humble himself to do what I need. If he can't give that much of himself to me then he does not love me. If you love someone you can give every part of yourself to them, physical, emotional, pride, etc.

Luv,

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">It's not the A or the OC that I can't get past. It's his inability to humble himself to do what I need. If he can't give that much of himself to me then he does not love me. If you love someone you can give every part of yourself to them, physical, emotional, pride, etc.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I totally agree with you & it is a real shame especially since your children will be hurt in this as well. Like I told JT though you can't do it alone, none of us can so you have do what you have to do.

I may soon be having my own "I'm free" party with you. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

(((((((((((luv)))))))))))))) I agree! But keep up your spirt! He will have to deal w/his feelings one day. May not be today, but he will. You are a good woman and your children are so lucky to have a mom and forgiving, loving and strong as you! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Yesterday brings you heart ache, today will bring you peace, tommorrow will bring you joy!
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> Sunny D

Thanks Sunny.
It really is amazing how good I feel. I am so surprised at myself. I have to admit that I was still not 100% sure about moving out but when this place opened up I felt like I had to take it. I looked at about 9 others and they were in areas I did not care for. The apts. I looked at were nice but were more expensive. So, when this "fell" in my lap I knew that even though I was not sure I had to do. Maybe God gave it to me. There was a lot of interest in the place and one lady kept calling the landlords. When I went to look at it they told me about the lady but said they like me better and would want me to have it. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> I think it was truly a gift.

I feel like I am in control of my life and my emotions. He is not calling the shots and I am no longer sitting by and letting him hurt me. I tried to ignore the pain but it was not possible.

Yes, I do wish he would wake up. I so don't want to do this to my children but I don't think he will. Besides, my children do not need a father who does not cherish his wife and put her above all others. They do not need to learn that, espcially my son.

Oh my gosh Luv,

you are reading my mind about the kids. I feel the exact same way and about being liberated to some degree knowing that we have taken control of our lives.

Thank you so much for sticking by me - I agree WE WILL BE FINE!!
We just have to remember to encourage one another and hold each other up. Our lives are so much alike until it is like looking into a mirror when you are talking. I am happy for you and your new place I hope this continues to bring you peace.

Keep praying.

JT

Hi Luv and JT,

I am almost ready to take the step you guys have taken but I am not quite there yet. Husband is chilling I guess while waiting for this Other woman to deliver his baby. I feel so sad this is happening. I am so happy for you guys getting away from the chaos.

<small>[ August 27, 2004, 08:53 AM: Message edited by: Genia ]</small>

Congratulations Luv!

Can I say, "I am PROUD of YOU!"

I am over-joyed with your news.

You are getting your power back!
You won't regret it..trust me on this! Never compromise your dignity or your pride... hold your head up high.

You have always deserve better!

Bravo to you! And good luck!

Wizard,
Thanks. I am not familiar with you but thanks anyway. I am kind of proud of me too. I still doubt myself at times but I know in my head it's the right thing to do. My heart still cares about my H but I don't think he will ever be the person I need him to be. I need to let go of the memories of the past.

Luv,

How are you doing?

Genia,
Doing well. My mind is in a million directions and I know I have to settle in on the tasks at hand but I am having a difficult time doing just that. I am thinking about if I should buy a house, when, how much to spend, etc. I know that should wait but I can't help it.

To top it off I have my cousins wedding shower next week and I am behind in what I need to do
for that. My plate is very full to say the least.

I spoke with my C last night briefly on the phone. She said that she told one of our preists my story but did not tell him my name. Any way, he was floored. He said that I could get an automatice annulment without a problem. I guess that is good news. He said that H has no idea what love or M is.

I told my C that H has been nice and I started to think that I made a mistake. She said NO WAY, if I start to feel that I am to call her immediately.

I am still very excited about my new abode and so are the kids. It will be fun making it my own place. I am looking forward to that.

Luv,

I am glad you are OK. I would wait to buy a home. I think you are fine. It is natural for you to go through withdrawal over your husband. After all you loved him. It just went bad. Are your kids getting counseling. I realize now my first divorce hurt my daughter but then she was taken away from me when she was three. I was not unfit, I just did not have resources to fight for her.