Girl, if you dont stop it! Hunny you can not help your vows ment more to you than him. People say they don't love you and maybe he is trying to convence himself of that. I tried, I told H don't love him anymore, didn't want to be w/ him anymore the hole nine yards. This way he feels "he's doing the right thing" Bull ! Its only him that is screwed up in the head. Dont worry about what he is doing or did or how he felt, cause you right you just don't know for sure. He doesn't even know how he feels. You are his comfort zone, quit! "I'm sick, I dont feel good." Poor baby, don't let him keep you hanging on. You need to go out and have a great time! Do you have any single friends? Or married for that matter (girl friends). You will drive yourself crazy, going back to the past. What YOU lived, was NOT a lie. YOU gave 120% to all of this. He didn't, he will have to deal w/ his guilt and it shouldn't be at your hearts expence! Give him to God and I will tell you this when GOD gets ahold of him, well its not going to be pretty! You are a strong, beautiful woman and God, you and your children complete you. ! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> Sunny D

Hi Albany,

Did you read my post? What if you take a friend to the movies. Maybe you will run into him? But if you don't you can still have fun with a girl friend. What do you think? I think your husband is insecure with you going out and haveing fun without him, yet he thinks it is OK to do this to you.

Well Sunny I didn't listen to him about being sick-just stated that I needed to go--I will go out with one girlfriend this Sat. night--most of my married friends--don't want to get involved--take my side but won't tell him that and the others well I lost them the last go around last fall--you know how others can't cope with this--only us who are living it understand each other it seems.

I am his comfort zone you are right and you are probably right that he does love me and is trying to convince himself otherwise. I hae not called him and I won't.

Just don't want to be here living this still--thought he was back for good last winter/fall--just sucks.

It is hard to not look at my son and not yearn for my family as one.

Genia I go to the movies only when I don't have my son--he goes whenever because he rarely has our son overnight--last night he got off at six and the movie started at like 8ish and then he doesn't work again until tonight at 6--I had our last night--I won't run into him at the movies because we would be going at completely opposite times.

Hi Albany,

Oh I am so sorry. That is so unfair. I wish I had an answer but I don't. I did not think about you having the kids and a lot of movies at night are not ones you bring your kids to see. I know this has got to be hard for you. My kids are getting big now so it is much easier for me. The thing that makes it hard is the love we feel for them when they hurt us. I am hurting too. I love my husband but he keeps hurting me emotionally. I am waiting for the strength I need to kick him out. It is the love I feel for him that makes this so hard. But I am not sleeping with him. I told him, I will not sleep with a man who does not love me.

Well not much to update since yesterday.

BE proud of me I have not called H.

He called yesterday right before he needed to go to work--worked OT last night and will again tonight. He called to let me know he was coming by to show the truck he has for sell. He came by and showed it and then came in for a few minutes and it was decent. We hugged and he was receptive and I'm just letting him have time by himself--I have acted as if I don't need him and I think if LUV's can begin to see the light mine can to but maybe not.

Anyway I'm thinking he didn't pick up an papers from the courthouse but I guess we will see.

Have better vibes right now about us but who knows.

Albany,

R U still doing the 180's? Short of plan b I don't know what else u can do to help H see thru the fog, & there maybe nothing u can do to help him u have to accept that also.

Ignore him if you can.

JMHO

Love you!

I'm do as hard core 180's as I can--no phone calling etc. and making him take our son overnight to his apt. ---he had only done this twice since end of Jan.aside from when he took him to see his parents. So last weekend I made him take our son Friday night and he is taking him Sat. night this weekend.

3 reasons--he needs to see son more, I need a little time for me and lastly if you want a D then here is a taste of it.

The last reason I listed I think will work in my favor because last winter when he came back he told me how much he hated having son by himself and how he wanted his family back.

Just 180ing and doing stuff for me--going to see movie Sat. night with a friend and Sunday I might drive to a town a few hours away and do some shopping.

Just really ignoring him for the most part--I will not call him.

Its hard albany but you are doing good. 180's are good for them and you. You get to find the peace you so need! Enjoy it! Good I'm glad you are getting out and shoot girl buy some nice stuff for you. Have you set up temp child support? PLEASE get this done NOW! Dont wait. I'm not so sure about this do it yourself D. You better be careful and not get screwed. Call some mediators, they are less, but they can advise you if it doesn't look right. How the horses going? Are you riding much? My D loves to see the pix of them. Keep in touch and remember this is time for the ME plan ok. Go get a belly button ring! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> Sunny D

We can do it ourselves based on what we agredd upon before--he is still giving me money and in oregon it does matter who gets CS first--doesn't make a diff. how much I get. HE is going to do anything anyway I don't think--hello-he has had a year--I signed our D papers last Aug. early in the month and he would never sign--called the night I had signed and said he couldn't and then those ran out or expired.

Horses are fine--I will go shopping when we were sep. in 1999 right after his brain tumor surgery I got a belly button ring--already have it--not sure what else I can do--can imagine <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> but not for me.

He needs to not have me so he knows what he is missing--and I have quit talking to some friends about this because 1 started to tell me some stuff that i son't think is true and confirmed that with another very good friend who doesn't get involved much but we know that the other friend is lying--I think they just want me to move on--so I have gone dark in many ways because you gotta watch what people tell you.

Yes you do have to watch what people are telling you. And your not in the dark here! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> And there is always the nose to get perc. Ouch! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Or we can just get a convertable! Now thats more like it! Keep up the good work and you will get past all of this and be so much stronger. How is you child doing w/ going w/ dad? I hope things get better and really I know they will!
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> Sunny D

Well he just called again to tell me about someone coming to look at truck tom. at 4:00pm--then he chatted about this guy who was coming to look at it etc.--then he asked what I was up to and I said working he said okay well I'm going to stop by tonight before I go to work and I said fine and then said goodbye!

Can't stand not having any convesation between us--he tried to engage in needless conversation after he told me the facts.

I think I'm beginning to have the upper hand.

Okay it is quiet on the board this morning.

Update from the weekend--H had son Sat. night and yesterday--he told me Sat. that he knew I loved him but i needed to find someone else to love.

Sat. night I went out with a friend--we were suppose to go to a movie but we out to two bars ate some food and I had a total of 3 drinks--we had a good time--got home at a little after midnight. I had 6 missed calls on my cell phone from we all know who-1 voicemail and 1 text message. They said that our son was fine and he would call mid-day and to have fun. Six missed calls! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I was home for about 2 minutes no joke and he called me--I asked what he was still doing up--of course he wanted to know what i had done and wanted to tell me to sleep in and that they would come over mid-day.

I slept in til near 11--yikes and of course a phone call woke me up--said they would come over after awhile--of course they did not and I called and said I had to run some errands--he acted all put out and I said hey I have no diapers in the house etc. He decided they weren't going to come over and i said that was to bad and he said I was being to clingy and needed and he didn't like it. Mind you who called all those times and whose idea was it to come over during the day for awhile.

I said well whatever and let him go and went about my day and hadn't heard from him by about 7 so I called him and htey were both asleep--I said okay you had better get him up or he won't sleep tonight.

He came over about 8 and left our son--we played with him and had good conversation--no LBing--no arguing and he gave me a hug and popped my back and he asked if I could pop his and i did and then we talked a little more and then he left.

Proud of myself for not LBing. Couple of stars for me--just trying to make life enjoyable when he is around.

Well guess who just called a few minutes ago on their break. Yeah well not to hard to figure out is it <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> He said hi and I can't remember why I called you--duh he had no reason--told me about cleaning up at work because they had a fire at his mill over the weekend adn asked if I was going team penning with my horse tonight and I said no I'm cooking th lobster tails I bought and have dinner---he loves lobster tails! HEHEHEHEHE <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

He said well It hink I'm gonna do my laundry and go to bed because I'm sick and I jsut said well I'm gonna hae lobster tails and a nice salad for dinner.

I think he will be calling later today or stopping by after work--we will see. Don't forget I'm the clingy one--yet it isn't me calling him to tell him about my day.

Albany,

Yes, if Luv's H can change so can yours. I totally agree with your statement. However, Luv's H has not changed, he is just showing signs of improvement. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Albany, make him see you strong and independent. That's what is getting at my H. He even said it in an email to me.

It is strange but now that I moved out, I wish I would have done it months, maybe even a year earlier. What an impact it has made.

Keep doing your own thing, keep not answering his calls. If you have to fine but DO NOT call him. Even if it is an emergency, get someone else to help you with that.

Praying for you.

HI,

LUV YOU ARE SO RIGHT! ALBANY YOU NEED TO STOP TALKING TO HIM SO MUCH. I KNOW THAT IT HURTS BUT THE IMPACT WILL BE BETTER IF HE HAS AS LIMITED CONTACT AS POSSIBLE. WHEN HE COMES OVER TO SHOW THE TRUCK OR SOMETHING THAT DOES NOT MEAN THAT HE HAS TO COME IN THE HOUSE DOES IT? JUST BE A LITTLE STRONGER - YOU ARE DOING GOOD BUT MAYBE NOT GOOD ENOUGH!

HE HAS TO FFEL THE BRUNT OF WHAT HE HAS DONE AND IF YOU KEEP LETTING HIM IN AND TELLING WHERE YOU ARE GOING AND WHAT YOU ARE DOING IT WILL BE LESS EFFECTIVE FOR YOU. BE STRONG FOLLOW THE PLAN B RULES AS CLOSELY AS YOU CAN! I KNOW YOU DON'T WANT TO SHUT HIM OUT COMPLETELY BUT HE HAS GOT TO FEEL SOME LOSS FROM THIS OR IT WILL KEEP GOING ON. HIS LIFE IS GREAT RIGHT NOW HE CAN LIVE THE SINGLE LIFE WHEN HE WANTS AND PLAY FAMILY MAN WHEN HE WANTS! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

yOU NEED TO CHANGE THAT OR YOU WILL BE LIVING IN LIMBO FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE!

DON'T INVITE HIM OVER - NOTHING.


-LUV,
I LIKE THE COMMENT YOU MADE ABOUT YOUR H. I THINK THE SAME THING THEY HAVE NOT CHANGED ONLY MAKING SMALL IMPROVEMENTS - IT TAKES A LOT MORE TO MAKE THEIR MARRIAGES WORK!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> KEEP UP THE GOOD LIVING IT GETS THEM IN THE GOAT EVERYTIME!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

"THE BEST REVENGE IS GOOD LIVING"

JT <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />