You know, I've been reading and thinking about this whole Plan A and Plan B business.<P>I do think that there are some different interpretations of these plans:<P>As I understand it, Plan A is where you show your spouse your unconditional love and acceptance and try to eliminate your behaviors that hurt your spouse--even if your spouse is whamming you in the back with a baseball bat over and over, so to speak. I think you're supposed to be showing your spouse that you can change your detrimental behavior patterns for the good of the marriage, even if/as they continue the affair.<P>When this all gets to be too much for you, then you go to Plan B. Plan B is to help YOU. By avoiding all contact with the spouse (and I think this is where Rachel really has not been in Plan B), you are protecting yourself from further hurts. In the meantime, if you've done a good job in Plan A, the spouse will come to realize that he/she misses the needs you were providing. Chances are that the OP will not be meeting all those needs, so the fantasy should lose some of its allure. In the meantime, even if the fantasy continues and the OP somehow manages to meet all the spouse's needs, you will be building up strength and a new life for yourself. You will learn that you can have a good life without depending on someone else to make you happy. This is a good thing, even if the wayward spouse wakes up and comes home.<P>As for me, I did my best in Plan A for a year and a half. Yes, I had some lovebuster hissy fits, but I don't think they really were lovebusters. At any rate, I got some positive results from them, BUT I might not have if I hadn't been trying to do Plan A.<P>I finally got REAL results when I threw a MAJOR hissy fit and then disappeared for a couple of days last week. I had asked H to not go to this woman's restaurant (he swears no relationship with her) when she was there or be around her without me. I caught him there having lunch last Tuesday, called him up and told him, "I hope you enjoyed your f****** lunch!!!" He came back to work and I told him that even if there had been nothing between them, his disrespect of me was more than I could stand. We were unable to finish the "discussion" because a customer came in, and H left to go back to work while he was there. So...I packed my bags and LEFT! NOBODY knew where I was.<BR> So, I think that H was sufficiently shocked enough to realize that he'd better be coming up with some answers for me. He has, I think, finally realized that he could LOSE ME--that I had reached my limit!<BR> So, I guess it depends on the people involved as to whether Plan A and Plan B work. I haven't had to go to a full-scale Plan B, but I was certainly headed that way.<P> Yes, I blew my gasket at my H about 4-5 times over the past 1-1/2 years--a miracle for me!! I think my H now knows that he CANNOT continue to treat me with disrespect and expect me to take it. I have told him that I no longer will take it, even though I love him with all my heart.<P> Sometimes, we do have to get tough. I don't necessarily agree that Rachel has done all she could do to get her H back again, but I certainly understand how she feels the way she does. And, she has to do what she needs to do for herself. She just needs, I think, to plan carefully.
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