KT - it's not all of a sudden....it's more like the *finished* part of them was really hammered home by the stark, cold fact that she's got a boyfriend. I'm sure somewhere in the back of that cromagnen brain, he was perfectly content to live his life here with us, and envision her up there pining her life away over him. Reality bit him in the [censored] and it hurt.

Mom - haven't got it...I'll bet my servers are slow here!

Hi Kimmy,

Boy if that isn't ever selfish. If you really love somebody you want them to be happy. Evidently you can be sure that he did not love her. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> She was just somebody to brush his ego. I beleive he does love you. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Oh I believe he loved/s her, Gen. It's just different than he loves me. He knows it, I know it, she knows it. I can't say it doesn't bother me, per se, but it makes figuring out his mentality SO much easier....it makes it very transparent to me that as soon as he heard about the bf, he wanted to go running up there to make sure she was pining for him.

Called him earlier, and he's sounding WAY better than he did last night. We shall see. We talked about Big & Rich and Gretchen Wilson and I told him about Z's name on Mars (cause I'd forgotten to tell him). You know, happy stuff. Keeping it light helps. I'm not going to bug him right now about what happened and what she/he said. Asked him if tacos are okay tonight (they're easy, quick and zippy cleanup), and he got all amped (loves taco night <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> ).

- Kimmy

Oh, and I forgot to add that I was downstairs (we live in one of those funky beach houses on stilts - the kind you see in hurricane footage being swept away <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> )...anyway I was downstairs dragging the garbage to the curb (no comments, please) when he drove up last night. I go around to get mija out of the car and as soon as she saw me, she screamed "MOMMY" and started kicking her legs and reaching for me. She's so soft and sweet. I carried her upstairs and she nuzzled her head in the curve of my neck and patted my back the entire flight of stairs.

(sniff) Who gives them permission to get bigger??? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

- Kimmy

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Mom - haven't got it...I'll bet my servers are slow here!
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">oops, I sent it to myself! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> it should be coming your way now! take care!

Kimmy,

But he does not care about her happiness. It is a sick love. I think she is just an object to him. Sorta like he thinks he owns her as his OW. But he does not really care for her other than as a mother to his kids. He loves the way she pines for him, but that does not make her happy and he does not care. She strokes his ego. But you, you are his woman and I think he truly loves you but he had an addiction for the OW who stroked his ego. What happened is he just relapsed and for that he feels guilty. Hopefully this is the last relapse. Love to you Kimmy.

It's begun again. H is moping around the house...he vacillates between sullen grumpiness, and angry outbursts. Last night, I had the two babies on my lap (they'd both passed out there) and mija's arm hit my water that I had on the end table beside the sofa. Well, my water hit his 7 & 7 and you would've thought the world was ending....geeze o'pete! He pushed his recliner out of the way very hard, started slamming stuff, all the while fussing under his breath while cleaning it up. I'm sitting there with two little ones, I can't very well jump up and fix it for him - UG! Instead of saying anything, I just let him get it out.

Just got off the phone with him....he is SO freaking cold to me. Just last week, he was all lovey dovey....now, it's like...golly...it's like I'm living and re-living-and-re-living this nightmare again. Anybody ever read the book Replay? This is one part of my life I'd never do again!

Question - since we quite obviously never got all the way thru withdrawl - how do I bite my tongue without biting a hole THROUGH it? After the young 'uns were all tucked in last night, I went to bed myself. I never go to bed without him...but I just couldn't stand the icy silence....it's like winter's chill is in my house.

Another question - Not to gross anyone out or anything, but the last time we SFed he told me I was the BEST EVER...'sup with that? He'd not said it since the A began, I don't think... so I mean, how can he go from saying that a week ago to this....this....this snowman? Will he remember me soon? Will he remember to feel for me again? It's like he's turned into some kind of monstrous automaton. Of course, he was like this before - right after d-day #1, and before the relapse....is he going to question himself forever? Am I going to have to live like this forever? I'm so blasted tired right now.

I know, I know. Keep up the plan a-ing. Don't let his outbursts keep me down.......but as tired as I am, it's so HARD to not let it effect me....the eels don't even cheer me up.

And I'm TERRIFIED that he's just gonna hang it all up and run to her. I'm TERRIFIED that he'll hurt for a few days, then figure that that's enough of that, he can't stand it, and run away.

[censored]! ((((banging my head against the desk)))) When is it MY turn to heal from all this hurt? Maybe mom was right. Maybe I'm just prolonging the inevitable. But, no....I KNOW I'm doing the right thing....(((((sigh))))))

Please excuse my emotional regurgitation. I'm all in knots right now. I'm shaking...

All I can say is hang tight and keep plan aing. I think you are doing the right thing--frustrates me he has the nerve to be cranky with you and you are the one taking care of these youngins who are even yours and look how you are handling this--I guess you could plan b him but for right now as hard as it may be hang tight and you and I both know that you are not willing to give up so you have done the right thing for YOU and your situation.

THinking of you.

Kimmy,

I am so sorry. I just wish I could come and hold you. I know you are hurting so much. I am hurting too for my daughter. I wish I could tell you it will be better. She has a boyfriend, won't that deter him. I don't think I can give you advise because you know what you need to do, and what you can take.
(((((((((((((Kimmy))))))))))))))

Oh yeah. I forgot. One more little rant. Mija has lice again. Yep. The tart STILL hasn't gotten rid of them at her house.

So what? He's pining for a woman who refuses to do what's necessary to take care of her children.

This is the 3rd consecutive time the baby's been here with bugwuggies.

Kimmy,

I just caught up on the update. I am so sorry that you are reliving this entire felling of being betrayed. I don't necessarily mean physically, but emotionally. Nio may not have ever really processed his feelings for her, but then again I don't think you have had a proper burial either!

Plan a is still a good place to be right now. We all know that if you have made it this far you are not going to quit now!! So don't!

Just try to give him some space to process it all, not enough for him to have room to relapse, but enough to get himself together. He needs time to realize yet again how important his family really is. Just give ita minute. I know that it still hurts but I think you know how to handle your H, better than anyone.

Love ya,

JT

Kimmy keep loving that man. Love the heck out him. Make him so tired he wont have anything else to think about ! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> They are funny critters (men) They need to feel like they are all that! And yes one day you will heal and he will too. You will do it together and it maybe time now. You have to go though to get over! Plan a is good but don't loose yourself! Don't put you aside for him to have everything. Ask him how to help him? You want him to be happy and so do you. Help each other get over it. Like any death, it takes time to heal. Even though she don't deserve any thought time what so ever! But I mean its hard and in time we will all heal from this crap-o-la. We will all have our set back and relaps. Thats why I will enjoy the love I have today and hope and pray for the love I will have tomorrow!.
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> Sunny D

EEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!


Ok put on the brakes & hold up a minute!!!!!!!!!

(did you see me spin out?)

Anyhoo-----you must have got the 3rd helpngs of self control while i was just getting my firsts because I would be LB big time by now---well, if standing up to H & saying i will NOT tolerate this behavior is LB then I would be doing it!

You don't have to walk on eggshells kimmy. That is unacceptable if you are. YOu can set a nice boundary. You know I'm sure. Like we're gonna go have fun & if you want to be happy you can join us, if not ..see ya'....kwim? (you know.......your fun train thingy....?)

This cannot be right that you have to be extra nice & just 'put up' w/ this &**&!!$$$ ahem....junk.

I jsut dont' get it & if this is what MB principles is or are or this is plan A---well, glad that I'm not there.

I just don't get it. Plan A is supposed to be SHORT term I thought.......it's not something youlive w/ everyday or whenever there is a 'relapse' is it? I don't think so.

I'm all for honoring, respecting & loving your H, ALL for it.......but come on.......maybe I'm wrong & I woudl hate to encourage you to do the wrong thing here...but this just can't be right.

So what if he did run to her........then what...are you gonna tell me that you can understand............again....that you 'just weren't there for him'? (maybe because you were too busy being a proper & good mom who delices her kids hair---what is it now...once a month?)

You can't be in this repetitive cycle over & over.....he's 'doubting' himself-you plan A----then he's ok again?

WTHEck?
I'm sorry------I am just @ a loss of understanding here.
*******
*******

I hope you feel better kimmy, I really do.

man, I can just imagine how tired you are of baby salad! ugh!!!!!

Can't THAT be a cause for a report to CPS? I mean come on...one time ok, 2 times maybe..but AGAIN???????????

Kimmy,

I have to agree with KT. I would not stay around husband while he is greiving.

hi kimmy,

just thought I'd drop a little note to you too. Hope you have a good holiday weekend.

I must admit I thought it to be kind of crazy with this plan a thing - does that mean that you must continue to practice it everytime the H has a relapse and how many dam# relapses do they get? I also thought that it was suppose to be short term? When does it become a life change? Should it become a life change?

just a thought - not knocking you or anything (thinking out loud)

JT

Oh guys. I'm about at the end of it all anyway. It's not up to me to be nicey while he attempts to remove his head from his a$$.

I'm way to cute for this sh*t! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

- Kimmy

Hi Kimmy,

You are smart but also in love. We care for you and know you desire respect and deserve it. Don't nurse his grief now. Try and have as much fun as you can. Plan stuff. Movies, trips, club, Parks or whatever. Ask him if he wants to come? Tell him you have one rule, If he comes he has to have fun. No Moping. Kimmy, I feel you. Don't put up with his crap. You have come to far to go back.

Kimmy,

You are so right you have come way to dam* far for that!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> He is still the one that has to make your marriage work - you have accepted two kids outside the M that is way more than anyone should expect!! He!! WTF does he want you to do _ JUST ROLL OVER AND SAY OKAY!!


Take care of you - Nio has to decide once and for all what his stand is!

Kimmy,

You are right, you are way too cute & too damn good to put up w/ this BS.

I can't give you any advice at the moment other than follow your heart & don't take any crap from him while he is looking for his head! You have come to far to give up or turn back now. Pray for guidance & for H get the enemy out of his head.

I am praying for you too!

*bump for update*

Update