I believe even me being the stepparent of the oc you are not wrong for wanting to know your other sibling. Im sorry folks but it takes two to tangle and the child is taking the kick for it. Did the father not know the mother was a psycho before? It is easy for the married couple to move on without the child, but it will be an everlasting pain for the child. A pain that only the 4 yr old will know. The child is just an innocent person that did not have a choice in the matter. And should she be punished and remain fatherless because the ow didnt get what she wanted. Its really sad. I for one would not allow the oc child to not know his father no matter how hurt I am. All I can say is be careful but if you manage the relationship without any additional scars the relationship with your sister will be a blessing. everyone speaks from pain but that child had no choice and deserves to know his family on both parts.

Cody, you sound so dang nice. But be carefull. Words are cheap and her actions so far have manipulation all over them.

The child is one of many who take a "kick" from this. Your mother. You. Lots of people get hurt when two cruel people have an affair. The oc is NOT the only one hurt, and others happiness and lives should not be sacrificed for the oc. Sounds harsh doesn't it? But why should others be hurt/shamed/upset to accomodate one? The pain is everlasting for others as well. Once again, the oc IS NOT THE ONLY ONE WHO GETS HURT.
The wife had no choice either. She is just as innoncent and just as important as the oc. All people have feelings. If the child is going to suffer "everlasting pain" well, it's mother is just as guilty as the dad for creating this mess, but is sure as heck isn't up to the BW to fix the mess is it?

The oc is NOT the only one hurt. People have to realize this. The others who are hurt should not be expected to right the wrong and sacrifice thier lives. The only two people responsible for the hurt is the MM and the OW. Some people like to make the famlily of the MM seem mean and cruel if they don't clean the mess up. I for one think it is mean and cruel to have an affair.

Cody,
I have not posted in a long time, and am mostly a lurker, but I have some words to share. I have four siblings from my dad's affair, and I sympathize with you. I had and have relationships with my siblings, we talk now and then, and we care about each other. I am so glad that my brother and I acknowledged each other, because I lost him last year to cancer. Your parents have left it up to you, your mother sounds like a very gracious and forgiving woman(much like my mother). My circumstances are different than yours, so all I can say is, follow YOUR heart.
GOD bless you & your MOM & your sister too

<small>[ September 29, 2004, 05:37 PM: Message edited by: JR7 ]</small>

I agree with Lynn.

I never thought of it that way why sacrifice the many for the sake of just ONE.

Good thought provoking statements.

Thanks lynn

Cordelia,
I have a slightly different spin on it, I am pissed with my father and OW, and that is where it begins and ends. The children are not responsible for this mess, the supposed adults are responsible(MM & OW). Unless OW and OC are vindictive, abusive and manipulative any extra emotion is wasted melodrama, not sacrifice.

Cody ,

I read the email post. I don't want to sound suspisious, but be careful. Usually if it sounds to good to be true, it is.

I wrote to you before about feeling this out, for your sisters sake, and when the time comes to be her Brother, not half etc.

I still strongly believe this .....your heart with the help of your mind will let you know when it's the right time. Just listen to them!

Take care your such a wise person to be in your twenties!

Lori

Hi all. Thanks for the responses. Dad asked to see the correspondences between me and OW and he read them. He said she is full of ****, not sincere and asked me to drop this whole thing. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

Mom says she is putting too much pressure on me and is trying to guilt trip me into seeing OC and that it's her opinion that contact should wait until OC is not under the OW's control after reading the e-mails. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> She thinks that she might be a better person but she is still manipulative. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

I am very disappointed by their reaction but feel I have to honor their wishes about OC. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> There is really no reason for me to come here anymore now that it’s been resolved. So thanks so much for all your help. If anything changes I will update you but I don't see it happening.

Cody

Cody at this point I think you should drop it. It's going to be to hard to be confortable with this. I know as a mother (not as an xow) I only want the best for my kids. But if you feel she is to nice then drop it. Maybe she did change and maybe she did not. It would be much more worse for you to go in and then out of oc life. I did not see any bad in her email to you, but I always give people the benifit of the doubt...BUt you do have other concerns with this and I think it's just to soon. Good luck to you though.