</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by angels1966:
<strong> It's ovious OW have very little morals or sence of right and wrong because if they did , they would have done the RIGHT THING AND SENT XMM "AWAY" AS SOON AS THEY DISCOVERD THEY ARE MARRIED!!!! Therefore they cease being any form of "victim" when they continue the affair after they have knowledge of the MARRIAGE! </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You're absolutely right. i should have dumped him when i had the chance... i actually have, and always he came with th crocodile tears , and he knew exactly what to say to give him another chance, more empty promises, more lies. I guess i was in the proverbial "FOG" you mention. I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN BETTER. so like a [censored], and I only have myself to blame the 2nd time around.I never realized that for him it was all a fantasy... meanwhile I made life changing decisions on what I belived to be my reality... but it is over now, i couldnt do it anymore I loaded up my car and drove with my son with a broken leg and me 7 mos pregnant 2300 miles to get away from it all and started over.

things have calmed down a bit and he is doing right by our daughter and for that i am grateful. But i have no desire to be involved with him romantically... he is a liar and a serial cheater...why ask for more of the same? forgive me Lynn for misquoting you above... I forgot who posted it... the thing about the learning curve... xMM will never change, but thankfully that is no longer MY concern.

I didnt come here to step on anyones toes, so before someone interjects with the old " Why are you posting here? are you trying to heal your marriage yada yada yada..." i will explain why I lurk here.

I lurk here because I want to know what I can expect with my OC situation , like differnt scenarios as far as choosing contact or no contact. I know every situation is different therefore contact works for some and no contact works for others. So I am trying to learn about this by reading others experiences.

So you may call us ******, *******... whatever ... I did not come here to to call any one names. I was just offering a different point of view and trying to gain some perspective myself.

<small>[ October 01, 2004, 08:49 PM: Message edited by: Justuss ]</small>

NY: Good Luck in your Move and in Life <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
xow in our case has made the same exact mistake at least 4 times that we know of, and she admits to going after h, we found this out after A ended.
When H and I were seperated, she was a freind who was supposed to help us get back together,LOL! Yes h is also at fault, but when your suppossed to be a freind you certanly don't take advantage of the situation,like she did. He was emtionally and pscholgically weak, and vunrable, this was stated by everyonewho knows my h(both his friends,mine, and our family's)this was his only A.

<small>[ October 01, 2004, 05:10 PM: Message edited by: angels1966 ]</small>

Wow, the theories of the OW....

Well I can only speak from my experiences and say that the OW in my situation does not have any conscience whatsoever when it comes to me and my family.....if my H wanted to be with this OW, she would drop everything in a heartbeat. Too me she is the lowest form of a women,...I should not even give her the satisfaction of calling her one...she is a disgrace...the measures she has gone thru to cause unnecessary pain and problems in the life of my family...I am still having a hard time believing that a person could be so heartless, and thoughtless...she had a child to hurt me, and to steal my H...point blank...she figured that would end it between me & my H....and lets not even talk about the H role in all of this...the lying, cheating, and manipulating.....unbelievable....I told my H that he is a man, and he has daughters, my daughters...imagine another man doing what you are doing to me to your own daughters...hell, I am somebody's daughter too...its wrong. I keep telling him that the things that u do in life will come back to haunt you...even thru your own children...we are too old for all of the foolishness I have been thru.
The OW uses the OC as her weapon....to try and manipulate my H and get what she wants.....she is a true *****.... I care about the welfare of the OC...that is all just true motherly instincts...I don't think anyone wishes any harm to the innocent children...they did not ask to be here..and one day they will find out what their parents did. OW wants to be involved as if we are supposed to be one big happy family minus me...lol...she is a true *****...how many times do u need to let them know that the OC can be involved in our family, if we choose that, but she is not welcome. SHe is a ******* nightmare!!!, and I blame my H for alot of her behavior...he lets her get away with all of her ********Finally his Mom, and family don't want to have anything to do with her...(at first they actually welcomed her with open arms, ...but they say it was all about the OC...whatever...so I had to disafilliate myself from them as well for a long time)....but now they have experienced alot of the manipulating and painful lies as well so they don't want to have anything to do with her. They tell my H to take care of his responsibility to the OC, but leave her sorry *** (OW) alone...something is not right with her...she has got to have some kind of sickness in the head....I told my H that if he is fueling her madness, then they deserve each other. Men are so sneaky, they tell u one thing, but then it is another. I hate this situation, but I am trying to do my best to keep the peace and raise my family. My oldest daughter (13 yrs)knows about the OC, but has never met her. My youngest daughter(8 years) would be delighted to have someone else to play with but she doesn't know anything about OC. ANd right now, (call it selfish or whatever) I can not deal with my youngest daughter going around innocently telling her friends that she has another sister who is 5 yrs old...then I have to be explaining all of that to people...still not ready to deal with that. (...no not even after 5 years)...Frankly, I don't feel moved by letting the whole world know how my H messed up our marriage, and now we have to deal with OW & OC. We as BW's have enough pain to deal with already. Ow can cry all she wants about lonely holidays for her child...too bad, she should of thought of all of that when she was banging my H. I have no remorse whatsoever for OW and any of her sorry situations, and I am sure all of them may not be like what I have described, but it has truly left a bad taste in my mouth. Don't think this is OW bashing, the H is truly the one to blame for this..I took marriage vows to him, not OW...he also knew he was married, but chose to ignore it, and break his vows.


So yes, I agree with Lynn and her comments about OW. Sorry for rambling, sometimes u have to vent.

<small>[ October 01, 2004, 08:52 PM: Message edited by: Justuss ]</small>

To the board...sorry about the ***** B word usage, but that is the name my OW has chosen for herself.

<small>[ October 01, 2004, 06:22 PM: Message edited by: Gofigure ]</small>

Hello,

For a while I did not know anything about the other board (TOW)...but I heard a couple of posts mentioning it, so today, I decided to check it out...well low & behold, someone...RS24 had some comments in regards to what I had to say in my previous post...about stealing H, and choosing to deal with the situation w/ H & OW & OC...yes RS24, you are right, WE HAVE CHOICES, and we did not choose OW & OC to be in our lifes...we choose to deal with the situation for the present...I guess u would rather we just give up and let u OW's have our H's...and for your information, sometimes it has nothing to do with what the H is getting or not getting at home...unfortunately some H's like to think they can have their cake & eat it too, and in my situation that is exactly what it was. Some men like to play in the fire until they get burned. My H regrets this situation more than anybody else...it puts his shame on "frontstreet"...Yes, he takes care of his responsibilities by taking care of the OC, but what man do u know feels good not only about cheating on his BW and getting caught, let alone bringing an OC into this kind of situation?(Yes, H's might try to be loud & proud to his BW & the outside world, but deep down inside they would erase this situation if they could and u know it!) Everyone knows this is what he chose to do...he was cheating and not protecting hisself (diseases), he has a family already...and yes, they try to recover and live a normal life, but a real man understands that his life and his relationship with his BW will never, ever, be the same. Its a mark...and one thing u were right about is that apologizing is not going to remove that mark, and get u into heaven...I don't want no apologies from no OW...its alittle too late for that, don't ya think.... Yeah, your OC's are surrounded by your family & friends who support u for the mistakes u know u made ( if u weren't deceived by a MM) and do their best to give that child love, which is the right thing to do. Good for you & yours...but please, don't try to act like u r sparkling clean from this situation....tainted may be a better word.

Just my 2 cents. Don't bother responding on your board because I will not be going there anymore...what for...to hear u try to justify the damages??? Perhaps that is not what your board is about, but I really don't care.

Hello All,

Yes, I am jumping from another thread's remarks...but we should be able to talk freely about what concerns us, here, if no where else. I am glad that I found this board. It has been a great outlet to try to find some support, and hope.

FYI:
In my early 20's I was in love with a man and found out he was married, and I did the right thing and broke up with him and never saw him again. Yes ,It hurt Like hell for a long time, but I could look at myself in the mirror and knew I did the right thing as hard and painfull as it was to do!! That and I had self- respect.
And couldn't hurt her.

My H's OW developed a relationship with his parents (they are serious nutcases and thought this was a good idea) and did everything she could to endear herself to them with flattery and how she wanted them to be involved and love their new "grandchild". She had put herself between my H and his family. His parents decided if my H wouldn't leave his children and wife and marry her, then they would disown him and never speak to him again. The OW knew about this before my H did and she even saw the horrid, nasty letter they wrote him before he did. They told her they would leave his inheritance (such as it is) to the OC. She did not care about my H feelings and only hoped to use this threat as a means to make him come to her!! She didn't care that not only was she trying to ruin MY family, she was ruining my H relationship with his parents by fueling the fire and hoping it would work!

She let her real estate business go completely to zero while she pursued my H and now she is complaining that the CS is not enough for her to live on (we heard this from a message she left on his phone.....he doesn't take her calls anymore). He/we do not owe her a lifestyle!!! If I had divorced my H and he had married her....and then divorced sometime shortly after(happens all the time) he would STILL only owe her CS, not alimony!

So she can HAVE his parents and their piddly inheritance and their threats the withhold love to their flesh and blood son and grandkids. If she knew who she was aligning herself with, she would run screaming!

Anyway, we are going for total NC with OW and OC because she would still do anything she could to get him to leave and he is committed to me and our family, but still weak I think. Why do we as BS have to be the strong ones, the bigger person to save our families and marriages. Just add that to the other injustices that we have endured and must deal with.

I am sure there are all kinds of OW.....but once they know the man is married, the are party to the crime and will suffer the consequences. No victim is she!

P.S. What/shere is the OW board?