Well, when you stated that if your child had uttered the "b" word to your husband that you would slap her I thought you were serious. There is no way I would ever violently slap a child for voicing and opinion that may be different from mine. I do not condone the use of the "b" word, but understood clearly the message behind the outburst.
Glad to know you aren't physically forcing your children to keep their opions to themselves to avoid a confrontation on an issue that not only concerns them but has certainly been life altering for them. I was worried that you may be slapping them around to keep the peace and avoid any discussion about the reality. Sometimes you come across like you are more concerned about the ow and oc and their issues then you are about the issues of the bw and the bc. Considering this is a site for Marriage Building some of your messages seem less concerned about the marriage and more concerned about oc.
Then of course I wonder if part of your obvious anger at those of us who chose no contact is cause that you were afraid to stand up for yourself. That by not being true to yourself and what you wanted/needed, has left a chip on your shoulder for those of us who could and did. I worry that all your "right for the oc" is really you trying to convice yourself.
You get real angry and defensive at those of us who chose to stand up to our husbands and say "these are my needs" and the POJA from that point. You almost come across angry at those of us who chose differently then you, as if we are wrong. When I suspect that you are really mad at yourself. That would explain your attachement to the other site, and your apparent need for words telling you how great you are. Cause I have a feeling that while you certainly care about the oc in your life, deep down you didn't have the strength to stand up for yourself or your family. Instead you cast all needs and wishes aside to accomdate one. I think that is where your anger is from and why you seek solace and comfort from ow. Cause here, we have all sides. Some who try contact, and it didn't work, some where it may be working, but not comfortable, and others who say no way to contact.
You have tried to paint anyone who doesn't openly invite oc and ow into the family as evil, selfish and horrible. You try to paint a Norman Rockwell photo of life with ow/oc. I know of no family that is perfect, and and oc in the mix can't help. I think you see yourself as a marytr. How you set your own needs aside for the good of the oc. That is why you get your kudos from the other site. Here people are saying other things. Like this is your one and only life, it is short. Live it the way you want. Etc.
I may be misreading you, but that is how I see it. I feel sorry for you actually, you seem so sad and lonely. You seem totally and 100% different from the other BW who are here. Almost crazed with pro "oc" and others be dammed thoughts.
Either way, I am glad you aren't beating your children.
