Hi Inanutshell,

I think you got his number. I know he is clean because he is not stealing my money. I have left money laying around him for the last two years and he has not taken any. I had kicked him out after our first year when I caught him stealing from me. He went through the Dart Program and has not stolen from me since.

Hi Genia:

Easier said than done, but I say Plan B him and he'll be out on his behind and wondering what hit. It's not you're style and you're doing something he doesn't expect. Follow through. Don't accept phone calls, wanting to come over etc for a period of time. Let him see how it really is out there in the real world. I can't tell you I know how hard it is because I don't, I can only imagine, but I do know that pulled away and having another life gets them to thinking. and... I do understand that if you do this it may turn into the situation that it's too late for you and you don't want him anymore after all he's put your through and what he might do while he's gone will put you further over the edge. Again, no easy answer, but like Dr. Phil says - "How's it working for you?" It ain't now is it?

Keep your head up and go out for a stroll and clear your mind. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Hi Inanutshell,

You are so smart. You hit the nail on the head again. He will be scrambling. He did say he did not think I would kick him out. See he wanted to use me till he was ready to go. Using the we are going to break up anyhow so I can do what I want. Well sorry, not this kid. I am not going to be used anymore. He has got to go. He will be shocked. He thinks he has me where he wants me, but thanks to you all and your support I am seeing him clearly now and it is not pretty.

Genia,

You don't need to tell him anything about him being right, etc, etc....like I said before, u give your H way too much credit....u are not beneath him. He is playing you and probably the OW as well. He has no intentions of u ruining the good thing he has going between u and the OW...he is using you, and u are letting him. He has no intentions of u meeting OC....so forget about him, OW, and the OC....don't ask him anything about them anymore...I would take his stuff to his mom's house, and change the locks, and get a restraining order....seriously, what is the point of talking to him anymore...I mean, he is clearly telling u any nasty, disgusting thing he feels like to bring u down....u don't deserve that from his behind.

Genia,

You don't need to tell him anything about him being right, etc, etc....like I said before, u give your H way too much credit....u are not beneath him. He is playing you and probably the OW as well. He has no intentions of u ruining the good thing he has going between u and the OW...he is using you, and u are letting him. He has no intentions of u meeting OC....so forget about him, OW, and the OC....don't ask him anything about them anymore...I would take his stuff to his mom's house, and change the locks, and get a restraining order....seriously, what is the point of talking to him anymore...I mean, he is clearly telling u any nasty, disgusting thing he feels like to bring u down....u don't deserve that from his sorry behind.

Hi Gofigure,

I did it. I left him a very nice letter. He has till the end of the week to get out. If he is not out by then I will have no choice but to get a restraining order. Last night as I was laying in my bed, I felt like I was nothing. He has taken everything away from me. I felt like a peice of cardboard. Like there was nothing in me and I did not matter. That was when I realized I needed to write that letter. There was no more fight left in me. Funny thing is, it still hurts and I still love him. Why I do not know. It is just that I cannot beleive he did this to me and he does not care. That is why it hurts.

Morning Genia:

Get your butt up and clean the house, go for a walk, fix your hair, put on your make up. Fill your mind with positive thoughts. I don't know if you work or not, but maybe look into volunteering for something you have a passion about. Maybe at the kids' school, maybe you like pets, volunteer at the local shelter etc. etc. It'll occupy your time. It's ok to refresh yourself in the middle of the day with a 15 minute nap, just don't make it last the rest of the day. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> Do something - anything for Genia.

Hi Nutshell,

I am at work. I feel sad but I am getting better. My appetite has come back and I am starting to feel alive again. But it is not over yet. He has to get his stuff out. So this week will not be easy but it is good to know there is light at the end of the tunnel. I went to an abuse counseling group last night so that helped to be around others who understood.

Hi there, Remember if it is easier to NOT wait for him to get his stuff out, then you can hire a man to box it up and remove it to his mom's house. (Or wherever)

Then you avoid another nasty confrontation with him. Remember, he will want to continue to use you for whatever he can get so this will motivate him to "get back with you" even though clearly and sadly he has shown that he does not love you.

I feel for you and hope you can get him outta your life and then have a much much better life for you and your kids.

In the future, clear all your dates with us (just kidding) and we will keep you on track for meeting a really nice, honest, non-cheating man. Who only loves and wants YOU!

Hi Baba,

A lot of your posts cut me when I could not pull myself away from my husband. I loved him and wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. I thought I could make it better. I prayed for him and hoped God would make him better. I will not be surprised if he drags his feet about moving out. Would not be the first time. I will be prepared to get restraining order. After all he did hit me a few weeks ago. I hope that will still stand. A lot of people at my second job where I wait tables told me the same thing that they would check my next man out for me. But I am going to take a break from men. I am going to get myself together. I am going to be the best me I can be.

Update.

I just wanted to let you all know husband is moving out. I did lay in bed and held him close. I want his last memories of me to be good ones. We are managing to separate peacefully. I overheard him talking to his friends about getting a place and looking for a job. He plans to move in with his parents until then. He seems excited to try and stand on his own two feet.He said that he did not want to depend on a woman to take care of him no more. He stated our reason for splitting up is too many arguments and we don't see things the same way. ( In my defense, I do not see that we had a whole lot of arguments but husband is a serious conflict avoider. That is why OW/OC situation is such a problem. It is easier for him to walk away from me and avoid the conflict altogether then he can see his child whenever he pleases.)Oh Well, I am not giving in on him being in OW's home. That is my boundary and I am sticking to it. But he did also tell his friend on the phone that he cheated and created a baby and it was wrong but he could not take it back and now he had to try and take care of it. I told him I still love him and I knew he was doing what he felt he had to do. I said when you get finished with your little escaped I will probably still be here. I said I am not planning on getting with no men right now. He said well if you want that is your peragative. I said, I know but I am not. I am going to work on me right now.

<small>[ October 06, 2004, 08:36 AM: Message edited by: Genia ]</small>

Genia,

Big hugs to you sweetie, I know how hard this is for you, but it seems that it is for the best at this particular time.

I still pray that your H can find his way back to u & come home a changed man, fully committed to you, unitl then u don't want him like this, undecided as to what he wants & who he really wants to be with. Sounds as if he needs to figure out what he wants for himself & whats important to him and most importantly make some changes within himself.

Keep praying Genia, prayer changes things! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Love you! ({{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Genia}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Hi Neicy,

Thanks. I went to my counseling session with The Domestic Violence Crisis Center. She said I did very good with setting my boundary and sticking to it. So I feel very good, just a little sad that my marriage is ending. I really think my biggest battle will be to learn to be happy alone, just me and my kids.

Genia,

I am proud of you! You have made the biggest move of all. Now time will tell if your H can bring about a change in your lives. Only he can do it, but while he is taking this time you need to be focused on you and the kids. you need to improve your thoughts on your life and what you want out of it. Only think of yourself and the kids right now. working on you will be your biggest hurdle.

remember that you are not alone - ever! You have your wonderful children and us to lean on if you need us. Always remember that, we have become friends with a common bond so we know what you are going through. Thank GOD for the internet we don't have to be sitting there in your living room to hear you. Just shout and we'll be there!!

AGAIN: I AM PROUD OF YOU!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

JT

Genia,

None of us know what God has in store for us, but I do know his plans are GOOD! HE may bring H back to u or HE may send u another man that HE has chosen to be your H. It is not for us to know right now.

I do know he loves u & HE never makes a mistake, HE will see u thru this trial.

Stay strong, keep praying, know that I am a phone call away & always praying for u, your children & your M!

This doesn't have to be the end, remember it ain't over til God says so!!!!

Hi JT,

You have been there like a beacon of light reminding me of my boundaries. I appreciate everybody who has helped me and even Kimmy. I know I lost all hope for a minute there. I am getting help like I said and hopefully I can learn to be happy without a man. Yes I feel like I have a family here, and I appreciate all the love. I am not sorry I went through this because if I had not gone through everything I would not have learned what I needed to learn. I had to hit bottom to do what I needed to do. There is only one way to go from here and that is up. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Neicy,

Thanks as always I appreciate your support. You have indeed become a friend through our common bond.

Genia,

I feel the same way about u! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Hi Genia:

Stay strong and think positive thoughts. Stay busy. If you're thoughts aren't on the positive side - go for a drive, turn the music up (not country western <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> - you know the cry in your beer sh..) the rock & roll and take let your mind wander to good times.

Hi InaNutshell,

I like hip-hop. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

How are you doing? You have not posted much about yourself. Should I start you a thread?