wow CLO is truely unstable LOL

She never got to marry the MM so she pretends in her little mind that she did. LOL and maybe tries to make herself seem more respectful by saying her child and she have the same name now although NO Right to it really, she hasnt earned it by being welcomed into the "surname" family thru marriage, adoption, birth.

Just goes to show how little self esteem and desperate these OW have & are.

We all know that anyway but this really reinforces it.
No self pride to so easily give up ones own identity and family history/bloodline.

I have my children's names all hyphenated thats what (sometimes) happens when you are PROUD of who you really are and were you come from.

This is a big trend amongst many OW they dont have pride,morals, respect and dont feel loved by the family they came from.
FYI Desperation and neediness are NOT attractive. Go on with your own life the past is just that the past MOVE ON.
Dont try to pretend you have the BW life by saying you have been married to her husband , trying to be like her with her last name ect..... pretend all you want it's never been true, live a lie again. Pathetic

<small>[ October 12, 2004, 10:01 PM: Message edited by: Cordelia ]</small>

Hello CLO,

I am just now reading your response. Thanks for sharing...

We as BW's have to remember that it takes two to tangle...I believe u when u say u can't believe that u fell for the lies, etc that MM was telling u. I also respect your decision to acknowledge MM's decision to take care of himself & his family. It takes a big person to realize that and admit it. As an OW u could also be thinking, hey I didn't get into this mess alone...but u decided to take care of u & yours and keep it movin. I am glad that u are moving on with your life.

Ladies / Gents, let's not forget that we are all dealing with a very painful situation.(BW /BS/ WS/ OW/OC/BC...families and more.) Although some of us may not agree with each other, we can choose to learn from the experiences of others.

I would like to think that most people don't go out and deliberately try to hurt someone, but it does happen. We have to take the good with the bad...grab the good, and send the bad to the trash...use what works for u. We have to roll with the punches. Each individual is different, and we may tend to do things differently, never doubting that what we are doing is right for us...at the moment...and it could turn out to be totally wrong....we all have life experiences, and we must remember that we only have one life to live. By doing so, perhaps we can be more responsible, and do our best to make the right decisions and the right choices. Everyone makes mistakes,...its what u learn from them that counts the most.

Having said that, CLO u know I don't agree with the name change thingy to MM's last name, not even for the sake of convenience, however, that is the decision that u made for YOUR life. It now becomes one of your "life experiences" in your life, and something u will have to live with. Each day is a battle to be won to just be able to live. Life is what we make it.


Take care...again, just my 2 cents.

<small>[ October 12, 2004, 11:10 PM: Message edited by: Gofigure ]</small>

I want to post here, but can't come with what I want to say without starting something.
"If you can't say anything nice...."
That said, I believe the OC should have the mom's maiden name even if the father acknowledges the child.
Carrying the father's name indicates the child's parents were married. They weren't. Even in cases where the child is born out wedlock to single couples the child uses the mother's name.
My H's OC has his last name, the same as our children of the marriage. This child was not born of a marriage, a commitment before God.
It was the result of an illicit relationship, not sanctioned by anyone except their "raging" hormones and selfish desires.
This is not meant to denigrate the child, but the remind where the child came from.
To me it also seems to make that relationship of the Affair acceptable...IT ISN'T!
Well enough from me. Had to join in because I am one who felt the OC should have had the mom's name since she was raising her, and we had No Contact.

Hope wasn't inflammatory, just stating facts.

Texasgirl

CLO- you ARE a cartoon character!!!!

SuperpPsychoXOW!!

Anyway, could it be, CLO- you changed your name so you could tell others, and your child, that you and xmm were not just having an illicit sexual relationship- but that you were married? And if not, WHY would you want your child to have a last name that he will not feel a part of- that he cannot trace through his family? Do you think he will cherish THAT name when he finds you gave him and yourself the name of (not his beloved relatives) but of a man and his family who never chose to know him? What the h*ll are you thinking>>>>>>>>>>> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />
Why dont you spend less time trying to be difficult and outrageous, and more time making things right in your life for you and your baby?

And again, you are not married and you are not here to help anyone. The only thing you ARE accomplishing, however, is to advocate NC w/OW/OC!!! You are that little voice around here making me and others feel even wiser for agreeing w/our H to have NC. You personify the crazy OW theory. You ARE the xMM and BS's biggest supporter!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

<small>[ October 13, 2004, 10:11 AM: Message edited by: giovanna123 ]</small>

My child has both my maidan and her father's last name. Later on in life it will be her choice with whatever happens later on in life. As far as you being able to change your name to whatever you want.........yes you can. I have a tenant who legally changed his name to "stan olvier".
As far as naming the baby.......you can put what ever name you want on it. George bush, britney spears........you can name your child whatever you want. You just can't name the father's name on it without either a AOAP or DNA testing.

Sure you can name the child the father's name w/o DNA testing. I have two stepchildren who have their father's last name, but never had DNA testing, along with a zillion other children whose parents were not married.

My stepchildren's names were hyphenated also, but when they started school my H's name began to be dropped out of convenience/to shorten the name.
My H hated them not having our family name, so he and their mother did make sure that it was corrected.

Wow Cherrfullittleone....changing your name to your exMM.....truly PATHETIC!

If I were you I'd feel like a dumb@*# <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

<small>[ November 21, 2004, 11:36 PM: Message edited by: litlone ]</small>

You know I never can understand why these stupid OW and our H's have the nerve to even go there, but they do! My H / OC has our last name. You would think that he would have had enough respect for me not to give that child our last name especially if he wanted his family back as he claimed.

I am still furious that that child for lack of better words in an attempt to legitamize OC has the same rights as my own children and even my stepson. I know that the child is innocent, but hey so are my kdis. Why add to the stress of what will soon tear my children to shreds knowing that their dad cared so little for them by doing this. It is not fair to them nor to me! I am furioue about it, but can not change it.

It is stupid for them to do it but hey they are only thinking of themselves anyway - so what do they care who they hurt. OW I'm sure thinks that it is a way of piercing my side and she's right it does, but the one thing I can do is walk away from it all and never look back. I can leave him to her and OC if I choose to. It must be real important for them/OW to have what she envies in me!

Well now she has it and good luck to the B**** (oops sorry there is that rage again)!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

Being that my H's OC (only child) is his one & only there would be NO question that the child would carry his last name, wouldn't surprise me one bit if OW changed her last name too, that is the only way she will ever have it, since if I know nothing else I know she will not get it thru M to H! She is so stupid, she has served her purpose & doesn't even know it. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I can leave him to her and OC if I choose to. It must be real important for them/OW to have what she envies in me!

Well now she has it and good luck to the B**** (oops sorry there is that rage again)!! </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I hear ya JT! Just remember what goes around comes around. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

CheerfulLittleOne,

You are the epitome of a trashy OW. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

neicy,

I am so sick of this whole mess until I can't breathe. I just wish them both the success that they have bestowed on my M. I hope that my H gets it through his head that he has no given up the best thing that has ever happened to him. I took him when he had nothing literally nothing and loved him unconditionally and gave him the world. His own business, a lovely new home, a car, and a loving family all to call his own and he trew us away for the little tart that has now four children by three different men!!

I hope she is happy and I hope he will be too, because I am tired of being the fool. I guess she thought that she would be living in our home enjoying the luxuries my children have, but unfortunately for her by theior little escapade my H has now lost any hope of gettign any of it. So they must now fend for themselves.

Now I am sure she realizes that it really wasn't his to begin with! HA how about that!! ( just needed to vent and get it off my chest) Whew!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Am I being bad here or what?

JT

JT,

Sweetie, u r not being bad at all just honest, I remember when u were so fragile & how scared I was for u, not look at the strength u have even thru your pain.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I hope that my H gets it through his head that he has no given up the best thing that has ever happened to him. I took him when he had nothing literally nothing and loved him unconditionally and gave him the world. His own business, a lovely new home, a car, and a loving family all to call his own and he trew us away for the little tart that has now four children by three different men!! </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Same story here girl, H had NOTHING when I met him he was catching the bus, didn't even have a driver's license, living in a rented apt., now with my help he has his class B license = better job, a nice home, a car of his own, no I didn't give him a baby - my one downfall in his eyes, but he went out & got that too for his self the wrong way w/ a silly little girl who has two other kids she can't take care of w/o help from welfare, so I say if u would rather have a happy meal from micky d's when you had a enjoyed fine dining from a 5 star restuarant go for it baby!!

They will get it one day, <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> we hope!

Just adding myself into the mix.

The short of it: Jonas has my last name.

The long of it: My intention was always to give Jonas my last name. It was not something I brought up in discussion. The topic never came up until xMM and I were discussing the “details” of the legal paperwork I was preparing to file (everything was being done above-board). Anyway, xMM stated that he wanted our son to have his last name. At the time, he and his W had been having difficulty with having a baby (multiple miscarriages). It was a good possibility that Jonas would be his only child. I was against a name change. I was thinking of my little boy. He was going to be with me more than 90% of the time. I didn’t want him confused or having trouble identifying. Besides I didn’t want him having to deal with the “why is your name different” question until it was time. Having the same name gives me a little more control over that unavoidable discussion. xMM was insistent, so I compromised. I agreed to hyphenate my surname with his surname (on Jonas). That way he would still have his “name and blood carried on” and I was satisfied that my child would still feel connected to me, his primary caregiver. So, I included this request in the court documents….only to have xMM make me look like a fool by stating in his response that he did NOT want a name change. He lied…..imagine THAT!! It turns out that, at the time, xMM was still keeping things from his W. She did not know about everything we discussed. I assumed that he relayed everything. Well, when he was served with his copy of the documents, she read them and hit the roof over the name change. He, of course, kept quiet about his part in it, to preserve his own sorry a$$. After court, he approached me about doing a voluntary change, on our own (translation: on the sly, behind her back, low pro, etc.), through the Dept of Vital Records. Sorry, Charlie. No dice. He had his chance. In the spirit of developing a good working relationship, I tried to compromise, and he made ME look like the jerk. I took the hit because there was nothing to be gained in pointing it out to the BS, but I was certainly not in the mood for conceding to his request. You know how they say, “don’t mistake my silence for weakness”. He learned that lesson real quick.

As for changing your name to anything you want. You can. About 15 years ago, I had a roommate who had a “free spirited” older sister. The older sister legally changed her name to Ginger Bread. Her BF changed his to Slick Rick. They were an interesting couple.

OB1

<small>[ October 13, 2004, 01:39 PM: Message edited by: ohbratti1 ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by ohbratti1:
<strong> The older sister legally changed her name to Ginger Bread. Her BF changed his to Slick Rick. They were an interesting couple.

OB1 </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">LOL Do they still have those names???
Just wanted to add my .02, for what it's worth. Josh has my last name also. There was never a question of him having xMM's last name. The only one that ever brought it up was xMM and it was to ask if we ever got married, would I change it. Knowing full well at this point (Josh was almost 1, I think) that we would NEVER get married, I wholeheartedly agreed to that. Needless to say Josh still has my last name. I will admit to coming up with a name that would go with EITHER last name but it was just never an option for him to have xMM's last name.

My H's OC has the OW's last name. That was the OW's choice because H was not with her. I agree that it would be easier for her and OC to have the same last name. I think my H was hurt by that decision. He wanted his child to have his name. If she had decided to give OC his name, I don't think it would have bothered me. Like so many things in this situation, it is something I have no control over. It would do me no good to get upset over it.

Kris

ok wait a minute. I am STILL confused about teh whole birth certificate thing......Can you put the father's name on teh birth certificate or not?

I have never seen OC birth certificate----OW was gonna give me a copy for an unrelated reason (child-work-permit) but never did.

But from having my own babies I was never questioned or challenged when filling out BC info, so I think that you can just put father's name if you feel like it(whether he is here or not & how would they even know you weren't married or something. For all the nurses know your H could be @ war or something............
***********
***********
Now personally, OW initially gave OC H last name & we did not know until H was legally contacted to give permisssion to have it changed. There was NC @ that time so I don't even know why Ow woudl even give OC H name. SO anyway......OC was already 6 mos. old & OW wanted to change OC FIRST & LAST names (i thought that was kinda wierd).

We wholeheartedly agreed to the name chagne since ALL were in agreement that there was gonna be NC.

Then a few years later OW sued us for CS & we began a relationship w/ OC. OC was still young & not in school yet so we felt that since we WERE gong to be a regular part of OC life & Oc in ours, it would be less confusing for ALL of my H children to have his last name.

OW was admantly against it. (OW was always against anything we suggested anyway) Then we suggested a HYPHEN. OW last name-H last name. OW said she agreed but when OC started school she continued to fill out all the paper work w/ her own last name. (that was OW mo-saying she agreed to something but then just going ahead & doing what SHE wanted) We called OC by our last name & OW called OC by her last name.

Pretty sad I think. For any kind of paper-work WE always put both names--like we agreed-)dr. visits, insurance forms, whatever) but OW still just put her own. Even had OC school jacket embroidered w/ OW last name. All Oc insurance info has H last name----didn't feel the need to provoke any ?????? or explanations from HR people @ H job.

OW can be reminded every time she takes OC to the dr----------who's WORKING & paying for this coverage!!!!!!!!!!!!! I hope it STINGS her stupid @$$ too!!!!!!!!!!!!
******************
******************
Whatever. We were only trying to let OC feel INCLUDED into our lives while OW wanted to always make sure I didn't forget how I was excluded from that equation.

OW treated the whole name thing like Oc was a piece of property. That her (ow's) parents claim OC "belongs" to them, OC is "theirs" not ours!!!!!!!! "OC IS a "ow-last name"-- always has been"

I would just laugh inside about that. Their family is dysfunctionally blind to NOT see what kind of daughter (ow) they have!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

whatever------thanks to OW-we are all back to a state of PEACE w/ NC--------we address ALL of our correspondance to OC w/ H last name. That is who OC is to US & always will be.

It's funny because I hear about some OW complaining how OC has a right to this & that---blah blah blah-------but it seems they only really champion the OC rights that OW wants them to have. And it's usually done by the 'meddling' type of OW.

Because if H doesn't want OC to have his name----OW wants it--if H DOES want OC to have his name---then OW DOESN'T want it----------

I wonder why? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Really-----who cares? If you have NC---what does it matter? If you are living in a community where you have NC but run the risk of running into each other----how is that a way to live? MOVE AWAY!!!!!

If it's because you are afraid people will find out----news flash-----they probably already know. Troublesome OW will hardly keep secrets you know!!!ALL that moral honesty that suddenly develops when they find out they are 'with child'. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />


& if H really cares about his name so much-------@ this point is it really something to be so proud of? Maybe it used to be & probalby will someday again but for now? And if OC is a girl---the name will change when she gets married anyway.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

(While we're threadjacking)

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by ktbunch:
<strong>

I have never seen OC birth certificate----
</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">WHAT???

You haven't even SEEN it? I would think you & your H both would have a copy of it. Wouldn't you NEED a copy of it from time to time?

it depends on the state what goes on the birth certificate. In the state Josh was born, an acknowledgement of paternity had to be signed before xMM's name was added. I still have the original somewhere that has father's name listed as "unknown". I don't think (but I'm not 100% positive) that I had an option for a different last name. But I wasn't looking for that either.

When I gave birth to my first daughter, H and I weren't married. In order for him to be on the birth certificate he had to sign parentage papers.

As for his sons birth certifcate, H has never seen it. Never thought about it till now, probably should get a copy now that Oc is in our custody

When it comes to changing the Oc last name, how is this done? H would like his son to have his name