It's funny! I never understood why people would be 'afraid' to post here or be straight out here. Or how they would be afraid that something wrote or posted would be misconstrued or something.

It's true, 'anything you post CAN & WILL be used against you'. And it will not always be within context.

For example I have been quoted (or nearly paraphrased) on the 'other board' (in regards to my post in the OC name thread about OC having H last name on OC insurance card) as saying that I hope it stings OW {every time she takes OC to the dr & sees H name on it) ...EXCEPT if you read my post----I distincly remember writing-----"I hope is stings OW stupid @$$"

I mean if you're gonna quote me @ least give me proper credit right?

Oh & my line about us beginning a relationship AFTER OW sued us for CS-----oh yah! jumped all over that like flies on you know what. And why not? "They" don't know me---so why not just ASSume what that was all about.

"They" do not know that we tried to C OW BEFORE CS hearing but she had moved (& we thought married because of OC name change)& we certainly could not afford a PI. I guess it was because we were trying to hide all of our assets! So we just let it go, then when the hearing was coming up----figured we would definately be able to C her then right? But we are the bad guys I know.

I mean who would actually WANT to pursue a relationship for a child they are supporting financially? We must have been crazy. Why would we possible think that since OW was CONTACTING us first, after so many years of nothing, under the MUTUAL agreement of NC (which was also agreed nothing 'else' as well) that the 'agreement' must be changing as well as some major circumstances for seeking CS? (a divorce or something--how would we know since we have never talked to OW all these years).

Why couldn't we see how we were 'torturing' that poor st-ahem, I mean OW. How dare my H actually WANT a relationship w/ a child he 'donated sperm' to & want her to feel welcome in our home & included w/ her siblings by having them share the same common name. I mean it IS only OC right to have her father's last name isn't it? How dare he want to actually step up & act like a real father instead of just a financial donor? The nerve of him!

Gosh, how could we, oh, I mean I, as a BW be so damn selfish. I mean who am I in this except a big NOBODY, a FOOL @ best for finding it in my heart to forgive someone?, my own H no less. I mean, I have NO say since I have NO legal rights.

I am NOBODY in the equation right? How dare I even THINK Ow would allow OC in my home w/o a thorough inspection. I mean just because I am NOT getting paid for my time in caring for OC as a daycare center would does NOT mean I am entitled to any rights to privacy within MY own home. duh! And why should it? I am only the W, just a stranger to OC.

It does not matter that I will know OC on a very intimate level. I mean how can you not when you give the OC baths & help them go to the bathroom, get dressed for school, dressed for bed, help w/ homework? Teach them how to dance & sing w/ the music blaring, swing on the high bar on the playground, teach them how to swim, how to sled down a snow covered mountain? Oh & teach OC how to squat on that snow covered mountain when they really gotta 'go' cause there are no bathrooms in the forest! I'm just a stranger of no relation whatsoever to OC. I am NOTHING & I should take it humbly whenever OW feels free to point that out to me. Why should I be offended? I mean it's just a fact right?

How could I ever put my own children's needs & mental health & stability OVER innocent OC's? What was I thinking? I guess it's really guilt by association. My H is guilty of this travesty all by himself & so my chidlren must be too! They don't deserve any sympathy, respect or consideration as well. They are nothing to OW, not her concern. I get that. I really do.

I was so naive. I am sooooo sorry for thinking such irrational thoughts. I am so stupid for ever thinking that a person must act respectfully in order to gain respect. I mean OW deserves my utmost repsect @ all times since she is just an innocent victim as well! I mean since she IS OC mother she automatically deserves respect. I however, deserve nothing, I am 'only' H W, in which there lies no honor.

And since I have CHOSEN to continue in my previous life of being married I am also expected to TAKE whatever OW dishes out. I mean my 'marriage' is NOTHING but a piece of paper anyway. It will only stand up in a court of law but NEVER IRL. OW & H had a VERBAL agreement, a REAL commitment. What made me think my piece of paper was worth anything? It's just paper right? Like money---it's mostly paper too, & checks, paychecks, bills, deeds, car registrations. I mean what's a piece of paper compared to a REAL verbal agreement of commitment between OW & H?

She is not being 'difficult', she is only being reasonable under the circumstances. Apparently ALL unmarried people who concieve children together------oh no--just the male part of these equations must subject themselves to no overnights for as long as the OW says, then supervised the visits he does has & must only introduce OC to who OW finds acceptable.

And if you really think about this, it IS all my fault that H ran to OW as well. I mean I am his W, I should have KNOWN what was in his mind. I should have been meeting his every need & whim, even if I didn't know about them--I should have read his mind. I was so blind to my responsibilities & duties.

Oh & I definately should have KNOWN he was cheating on me. I mean just because nothing in his behavior before this time seemed suspicious I just should have KNOWN. I'm his W right? I should have known it was going on. It must have been obvious right?

I wonder if OW knew he was gonna dump her stupid--oops! there I go again, (bad habits run deep, my bad!) I mean poor @$$? Oh no, since I am his W, it is ONLY my responsibility to read his mind. I forgot they had a verbal agreement. So why would she even suspect that he could possibly love me & our children? Maybe his children becuase that IS all he was staying in the marraige for. My mistake again.

If that is the case---hmmmmmm. ....I wonder why he didn't stay w/ OW once she was carrying his child as well? I mean he is the type of man who is so committed to his children. But he would never make a good father so we must be sure to limit his access & time w/ OC.

And I know I must have some suppressed urges to harm OC. I mean why else would I be so willing to welcome my own H child into my home? OW is right, it is only so I can degrade OW in front of OC & replace her as a mother. I'm sure OC will grow to love me MORE than her own OW mother because when I harm OC, that will prove to OC how much of a better mother I really am! And what bad thing would I possibly have to say about OW to OC? I mean OW is just a poor innocent victim. What could I possibly have to say negative about OW?

Please, my friends, I am a slow learner so feel free to take it upon yourselves to remind me any chance you get of my role in this. Remind me of how I am nothing to OC. Remind me of how this was all my H fault & to some degree my own as well. Oh & don't forget to remind me (the more graphic the better) of how it was MY H who had sex w/ another woman. Just in case I forget. I would hate to go a day much less a minute w/o being reminded of that nice little fact. I would just hate it if I ever forgot it. I don't know what I would do w/ myself. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />


You can QUOTE me on this! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

AND just in case you didn't get it--this was ALL sarcastic!


<img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />
ooo
xxx
kt
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

hey I just thought of a new term......'Poster Quoters' LOLhahahahahaaLOL we can call them PQ's, you know like mind your P's & Q's!!! LOL LOL LOL

Ktbunch!

Bravo! Bravo!

You know exactly how the OW precieves things! You are a smart cookie ktbunch...

It's pathetic I know, but truly..that is how they look at it...

They haven't a clue ....trust me... I see it everytime....

It amazes me..the depths they sink to...

Trust me, they are manpulitive and they justify their position at all cost... I mean at all cost.

It was unbelievable the levels.. the OW..in our situation went through...

Here's the many wonderful and lovely things the OW did in our situation:

1. She went to my children's school announced to my other children that they are going to have a brother/ sister on the way. She was at least 7 months pregnant. My H and I haven't had the chance to sit down with our children and tell them.

2. She tried to file a support motion (alamony) at the courts during and after her pregnancy. ( thrown out court)

3. She announced in the paper the pending arrival.

4. Called our home/my place of business and my H's business.... at least 50x aday. ( We got restraining oder but she was too dumb too read it so they eventually jailed her)

5. She would spy on me and my H constantly. We would run into that NUT ( which is complete understatement) at the grocery store, at the mall..even outside my children's...sporting events...

6. She showed up on christmas morning... 6am... with her daughter from previous relationship..poor kid..she was still in her PJ. She thought we could spend Xmas together... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

7. Denied access to the OC ...but wanted $3000.00 in CS payments per month.. (Yah RIGHT! In your dreams lady!)

8.She would phone the police saying my H was following her.. or I was following her... (which we were able to disclaim immediately..we were on vacation.. at Disneyland) <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

9. Of course, every Stupid OW says this one...its sooooooooo classic... "I don't want your WIFE to see or be around the OC" The Stupid OW screamed this so loud in court, the judge had her removed. Her request for not having me around, the judge said, too bad...your not in the position to judge that and that this child has a parent.. a father who happens to be married! Request Denied!


I can go on forever..but you get the idea...

I know..I know... It us thats crazy ...nuts.... we are nobodies... ( YES I am being sarcastic!)

wiz

Oh, Nevermind.

<small>[ October 15, 2004, 11:27 PM: Message edited by: CheerfulLittleOne ]</small>

Ahhhhhhhhhh Come on Cheerfulone...!

They all think yah rock! LOL You Know? All STOW stick together....

**********************************************


Ktbunch... thanks... I am having quite the chuckle... seems you struck a nerve honey! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Kt,

I'm still shocked at the OW who changed her name to the family name. I admire you for wanting OC to have your families name. As you know I supported contact, but I did not want OC to have the same last name as mine and my children. Bad I know and I have no problem with OC, she's a pretty little girl that looks sort of like my children. Because she looks like my children I could never hurt her. But like your OW she wanted to say I would hurt OC etc... Funny thing is, if I said I didn't want OC around she would fight for visitation. Everyone would rally around her and say how the bad wife forced NC. Once OW realized I could eventually probably love OC she fought tooth and nail to hurt me and my family. In the end who is she hurting her own child. My children have a father who loves them and will give his life to save them.

The judge asked her if she knew my H was married she said yes, he said you are a big girl you should have chosen a father that was not married. If Mr. and Mrs. Unsure choses to be a part of your child's life Mrs. Unsure will be in it and there's nothing you can do about it. In the end after a stunt she pulled which hurt our then 9 year old son H said enough I have to put my family first and he has. It's been 3 1/2 years of ups and downs the last 6 months have been wonderful. So after 4 years I can honestly say I'm happy. You can look up all my old posts I said I was at peace, I said H and I were getting along, but I have never said I was happy now I am.

So this stupid wife who forgave a man she was with for 15 years because he had never cheated on her before. I'm plain dumb but that smart OW who knew my H was cheating and who told me I knew you and your H had sex 3 to 4 times a week he told me that in the beginning. Oh wait after finding out I filed for a divorce she then said, to me if I knew he was still going want to be with you after I was pregnant I would have had an abortion. Then she said to the mediator if I knew his wife just had a baby I wouldn't have gotten preg. Oh wait and one more thing after me filing for a D and telling my H I know he had to tell her he loved her there's no way a woman would sleep with a man on and off for 1 1/2 years without him saying I love you. I talked to her for 3 hours no arguments really civil she told me H has never said he loved me. Our relationship wasn't about love. He would come and see me then not see me for 3 or 4 months and my stupid A-- would let him back in.

I'm the stupid one. I only stayed with a man that declared to a bunch of OW family members that decided to gang up on H and make him go to the hospital and sign and acknowledgment form, that I was his life he had no life without me. (As if he raped a young girl instead of a woman that was 2 years older than us!) Me and my stupid behind filed for a divorce and did not ask for alimony, gave H joint physical custody even though I was advised my CS would be lower, because I did not want to put my children in the middle of our argument. But no us stupid wives can't be reasonable we make H's stay with us by taking everything from them. When you read posts on the other board what do you read take them for as much money as you can. I hope I get my CS before his wife does.

So KT you stupid wife do not forget where your place is after the OW and her child. You or your children and all the years you been with your H mean nothing. Any gesture of kindness you make towards OC will only make you look more stupid.

Luv Ya,

Tee <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

PS- You know no longer get in debates but I couldn't help myself this time plus I'm PMS'ing. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Wizard,

I wasn't replying to KTBunch. My reply was to you. I think your OW sounds like a psycho. After I wrote that I realized that coming from an xOW, that would sound, ahem, LOOK like a "fog". You know?

I said that it was disgusting for the OW to say those things to your children, and to invite herself to Christmas in your home, etc.

I could envision the reponses "disgusting to sleep with a MM, digusting to intrude in the M, etc.". You get my point.

Not all OW/xOW CONTINUE to intrude. Some of us like NC and hope it remains so forever.

I decided to delete my post because I figured it would just contribute to more bickering.

OK Cheerful!

Just a note to yah..

All kidding aside, I don't lump all OW together...

Just some <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Just the Stereotypical ones, Right? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Remember now, I'm not a STOW, I'm a ZOWIE.
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Geesh, Wizard...you never really got the chance to tell me everything that the OW had done.

She doesn't happen to have a sister in Wisconsin, does she? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Unfortunately, our OW knows how to read, so she must have read our restraining order a million times, analyzing it to find a way around it.

btw - It's all quiet on the "mid-eastern front". She claimed to have brought the baby home a month ago, even though it was born 2 months premature. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

I just click my heels together 3 times, and keep repeating "There is no baby...." If there ever was a baby, you can bet that she'd be in court, having a paternity test ordered. Gotta bring home that paycheck (CS), you know?

I thought I would add I think it is SOOO funny how someone w/ more qualifacations in child care, first aide, CPR and state certified in child care, and have 2 children (which are older now) not be allowed around the OC? HEEELLLLOOOO! I have found out that the law works both ways! And that is a good thing. Its no longer this
"daddy's" dont know how to care for children. And the BS may hurt my child thing. It's just a tool to control the situation. Oh and if I was such a bad person? Why didn't DHS take my kids away? I guess it would be so hard to see how a W would take a part of her H and love it as her own? Do people who adopt love their children no less? NO, they dont. These children should be given a chance to live as normal a life, given the situation, to grow up and know ALL their family members.
So many people base visitation on what the law set up as a guideline for DIVORCED couples. This is not a divorce, should not be treated as such. If you look up the state laws on visitations, they no where say "if a woman has a child with a MM then she has to share the child w/ his family" Or if the MM dies, the W has no right, no business to continue the visitations. MY child doesn't have the moral right or legal right to see her sibling? Did I want to share my children w/ their father when they where conceived? Yes I planned to for the rest of my life, not just til they where 18-21. But I made sure he was mine and mine only, we had the "papers" you know. We made the verbal commitment to each other. And yes HE broke it, and I forgave him. We, together should have rights to include this child in our life and family without constant interuptions from the OW who didn't mind sharing my H when he was at his lowest part of his life and chose to produce a child. The way I see it, its tough giving up time with a person you love and care about. But you knew (or most did) on the front end. I didn't know I was giving up time w/ mine when you where conceiving a child that would probally never have a normal family life. I think the more this is happening, and people are fighting for their rights to see these children and be a part of their lives, then the attorney's, judges, and mediators will realise that yes, this is a different situation than a D couple and make the changes that are better for the family that chooses to stay together and incorperate these children in their lives. Ok my 2 cents.
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> Sunny D

Okay, this won't be popular but you know it's not always the ow. Let me tell you a few things the bw has done in my case. First of all she loths me which okay I can deal with that. After all I had a child with her husband. I read here and have learned. So here goes. Everything is done through her with his attorney. Okay.......he still has to pay the piper with her actions. Not her. Anyway.......As far a cs goes, they picked the day. I agreed. They owed me back cs and am only paying me interest on it of 20.00 okay........I agreed with that. They owe me thousands of dollars in back medical......okay I agreed with a payment plan. They were ordered by the judge to pay it all but I agreed to payments. He was ordered by the judge to add her on his insurance policy. Well that is just to embrassing for them, so they offered to pay for a seperate policy. Okay I agreed with that. I also found an policy that was inexpense and did all the leg work. Xmm was to sign the application and and put his billing address on it and me as the mailing address. This was to start in Sept. Well we are still fighting over this as bw does not want his name on her policy or anything to do with the child. I get a call from my attorney last night (as yesterday was once again there dead line for the signiture) and she told his attorney SHE does not want his name associated with the child. That if I sign it she will give me an extra 200.00 next month towards the medical <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> if I just take care of it. Oh and she had sent me a letter demanding me to use this PO Box for all receipts to mailed to that address and anything sent to there home or work would be destroyed and mailed back to me. So I start mailing medical receipts to this address and guess what!!!!!!!! It's not theres!!!!!!!! They were coming back with the postal stamp saying it does not belong to them. She refuses to give an address to mail receipts too. She insists that that is her address. UH NO!!!!!!!! More than one letter came back. Why would the post office lie? I figured they had gotten a box at a mail stop and the post office stated that an address has to go with the box number because only PO boxes are in the post office. She refuses to give any additional information. The attorney they hired has only talked to xmm once, the rest is with the bw. Because I have not wanted a huge fight over her and am trying to be as reasonable as I can, she has taken each thing and made work for both attorney's and does not care of the results that could happen to her husband over the actions. Everytime we have had to threaten with contempt charges to get something done that they are to do. Although it's been a pain in the butt, it really is no sweat as I've done all expected of me and so I'm in the clear. So I'd love to hear would you call this the stbw? Or would you say that what she is doing is right? I can't wait to hear the responses from you ladies. BTW...I said no to the 200.00 <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> to be on the financal end, He has to take some responsiblity in this. As well as much as she has played games and not given good address and threaten to destroy anything that goes anywhere else, I can't take the chance that it will laspe etc. NOT all ow are evil people. So please enlighten me who is playing games in my case? I'm sure some will agree with what is going on. But it's wrong. Very wrong. She is only hurting her husband's case with the Judge. As far as contempt charges, I've been very patient and giving them every chance to come through........but have had no choice now to file them now. So it's not always the ow who is causeing trouble.

Hi Mary

I am little foggy on your situation.

First, why not suggest a third party to collect the receipts? Lawyer...or maybe even a church?

Anyways...

The BS is hurt and angry..you can't expect a person to be reasonable or thinking clearly. She is still enraged...

You and her H had a lot more time..to work this out...just think about it... SHE didn't know this was going on behind her back.

I hope I am guessing right on this... but the BS didn't find out about this situation for very long time..after you were pregnant..Right?

You and he..for whatever reasons.. had all this info...long before she had it....

This woman is devastated..not thinking clearly...
and rightly so. I believe this is still very NEW to her.

I know what you are going say next... but that was her H and her H should have told her... YEP he should have..but he didn't. Doesn't that speak volumes about the man?? But you still choose to keep this child...instead of concidering..maybe adoption?

In time..she will see a clear picture of all this...this is why a good lawyer...to handle all of it is much better...but I do realize some just can't afford...or they are terrified of losing everything.

But her being difficult... I think she has the right to be very angry. She was decieved in the worsed way possible.. nobody... logically...can behave in a decent..sane manner....in insane situation.

wiz

Mary.......you know this wasn't directed @ YOU right?

Unless you consider yourself a STOW, which I don't think you do. But then again no OW ever would anyway so I guess that is not a fair question.

But anyhoo-yes I guess you could call her a STBW-if she fits the description, you can call her anything you want. We (well, @ least I) won't take it personally. ALthough, some think I probably should right?

I can see/understand having things go through her----do you really think she would ever put herself in a postition to be deceived again? I can even understand the PO box thing I guess. I don't understand being so uptight about it (her) though & especially if it is not working. That's just wierd.

Good thing you have that lawyer right? So they can handle it all for you.
***********
***********
But anyway, this wasn't about you-it was about people (STOW) who mouth off about things they have no idea about. That's it.

We BW are accused of generalizing the demon OW so much that it is all we see, but yet on other boards it is practically encouraged (to promote demon W). Which is only kinda funny because 'other boards', ANY board for that matter, have a right to develop & promote any kind of content they want.

But I'm tired of the accusations---it's that old pointing-out-the-splinter-while-ignoring-the-2x4-in-your-own-eye-double standard!!

So I just thought I'd sound off for those lurkers that like to flatter my ego by quoting me.

I know, my next accusation will be that I'm nothing but a 'whiner'. Whatever--give me some cheese for my 'wine' then!!!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> Or an Oscar nomination! (that's what I tell my kids, LOL, when they whine, not me! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> )

*****************
*****************
Thanks for the props wiz!

I'm always happy to amuse. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />


now...back to our MB philosophies......


unless anyone else has something more to add for my own personal amusement. I could use some good laughs too.

<small>[ October 18, 2004, 01:03 PM: Message edited by: ktbunch ]</small>

KT,

As you know, posting quotes from another board is taboo where I am a mod. i am sorry that i didn't realize a direct quote had been made...i think I was off wallowing in my own new "issues' with my situation...

Anyway, it's not that I don't TOTALLY understand the frustration you are feeling, but you must admit that just as much sweeping generalization is made here...maybe not by the majority of posters, but certainly by some, and it is always applauded.
On both sides there will always be individuals with strong opinions whose voices are a bit louder than others.

Your very welcome Ktbunch!

I have always admire someone that can write! And YOU can write! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

hey I just thought of a new term......'Poster Quoters' LOLhahahahahaaLOL we can call them PQ's, you know like mind your P's & Q's!!! LOL LOL LOL

LOL <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

<small>[ October 16, 2004, 04:42 PM: Message edited by: wizard ]</small>

mNtb: I know, I know. I just took this one personally because it was personal this time.

No harm no foul. I worked it out for myself by writing this. I amused myself & made myself laugh.

Yah, my head probably is starting to swell which would explain why I had a problem getting my sweatshirt over it this morning. LOL

I'm proud of my point.

It's just funny that one (not the only one) of the MBposters that actually stands up for free speech around here, by ANY label of poster--is the one who gets quoted & taken out of context AND my PQ's don't even know what they are talking about! kwim?

But that's ok-I'm over it now. Like I said, or meant to say, I can laugh about it NOW.


***********
***********


.....or maybe it is the fact that my computer monitor has recently been 'decorated' w/ a bunch of spiderman stickers & ONE big cinderella sticker right in the middle.

hhhmm.....if a fairy godmother & spiderman got into a fight...who do you think would win?

Or better yet....snow white & sleeping beauty?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by wizard:
<strong> Hi Mary

I am little foggy on your situation.

First, why not suggest a third party to collect the receipts? Lawyer...or maybe even a church?

[ b]Uh, we both have a attorney's.[/b]
The BS is hurt and angry..you can't expect a person to be reasonable or thinking clearly. She is still enraged...

Oh that is an understatement

You and her H had a lot more time..to work this out...just think about it... SHE didn't know this was going on behind her back.

Very true too!

I hope I am guessing right on this... but the BS didn't find out about this situation for very long time..after you were pregnant..Right?

Dang, Wizard your not that foggy on this story
You and he..for whatever reasons.. had all this info...long before she had it....

This woman is devastated..not thinking clearly...
and rightly so. I believe this is still very NEW to her.

Uh yeah since Feb. of this year.

I know what you are going say next... but that was her H and her H should have told her... YEP he should have..but he didn't. Doesn't that speak volumes about the man?? But you still choose to keep this child...instead of concidering..maybe adoption?

Absolutly right!
In time..she will see a clear picture of all this...this is why a good lawyer...to handle all of it is much better...but I do realize some just can't afford...or they are terrified of losing everything.

We both have good lawyers. But she has made it diffulcult on both ends. I can't afford it, but I know it's in my best interest to have one. Lord knows if I did not what I'd have gone through. I've been very fair with him. In fact I made him an offer that was under state guide lines before the child was born, but he ignored everything and had to go with the state guidlines with the courts. So basically I have tried, but it's there choice.
But her being difficult... I think she has the right to be very angry. She was decieved in the worsed way possible.. nobody... logically...can behave in a decent..sane manner....in insane situation.

Believe it or not, she was like this waaaaaaaaaaaaaaay before this ever happened. I've said it before and I'll say it again, I think a person personality is just that. Yes situations bring the worse out in us, but a spade is a spade. I protected his kids with my stbxh with them. He wanted to tell all, but I would not allow it due to his kids cause it just was not his place to do it, nor did I want his kids to find out about this in that way. It had to be his decision . I have been very fair even still with things and I understand she is everything you said, but you don't hurt kids. She is hurting my daughter.....well actually I see it as he is as he is allowing this. Bottom line is he is an adult and he has choices. You know what I mean? Bottom line is, he gets sanctioned (sp?) not her. But yes I do see what your saying.
wiz </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Mary

<small>[ October 16, 2004, 07:43 PM: Message edited by: needtomoveon ]</small>

Don't you just love it when people (Ow) think that there is no way possible that you could actully accept and love OC?? Wow, I guess having Oc in your home all you should do is put Oc down and critize Ow all the time in front of Oc.

In all reality, I wonder what Ow would do if she knew Oc was running up to the Bw giving her a huge hug & kiss saying I love you?? I wonder how Ow feels when Oc is with her he wants to know if the Bw will stay with Oc.....

Crazy: I'm not sure what you mean by that. Your circumstances are a bit different though. Thank God your oc has you and your husband to be there for him and not in a home like his brothers and sisters. If xmm and his wife were to have contact with my child, I'd pray that she would huge my oc and love my oc as she does her own. Love is a wonderful thing especially for children.

NTMO

I was just goin on from all the places I have read, from both BW and OW. Even people who don't have a Oc involved find it hard that a Bw would be able to love and care for the Oc.

In my case Cps brought that up, the case worker was worried that I wouldn't care for the child like I should due to the circumstances of his being here.