hey where is mom? How is she doing? Anyone know?
Sunny D

She's trying to stay off the boards till she gets her feet under her.

She needs time right now.

Kimmy,

Please tell her that we understand and our prayers are with her and her family. I know she is going through this tough time and I'm sure it has intensified due to the show, but we love her and are praying for her.

JT <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

I have not read all the post but let me jump in here.

What is the right choice? It depends on the individual situation and couple.

HOWEVER, if you look to the Bible, God says what he has joined let no man separate and that goes for OC. God loves M above all else. He does not want divorce. He wants that M to survive and those children born into that M to have a family. Every sin has a price. The price for the OW is that her child does not have a father and the price for the H is that he will not be a father to the child he fathered. The innocent people here, W, children should not suffer becuase of the sins of others. The only moral obligation is for the father to pay child support.

I am not saying that is the answer for everyone, I am just saying that if you follow the Bible, it will lead you to what is right both morally and spirtually. This is something that was told to me by my Catholic priest and my christian counselor.

Hello LuvMyFamily,

That was really deep, and it makes a whole lot of sense. It actually allows one to look at this in a different light.

Take Care.

Thanks Go but I can't take credit for it, it came from the priest. But it does make sense. We tend to try to do what we think is "moral" but never look at waht the Bible/Church considers moral. I was very surprised becuase I thought for sure that the Church would say that contact with OC was the moral thing to do. I was floored when the priest said that morally my H was only obligated to pay CS. However, H does not feel that way. So you see, it does not matter what the Bible may say everyone is entitled to make their own decision. However, it helps if you feel pressured one way or another to know this. Kind of helps you put it in a new perspective like you said.

Good luck to you too.

Luv,
What book and verses are you refering too,please tell me as I would really like to read them.
I knew it was somewhere in the Bible, and with your help I will find them.
Thanks <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> From Luvmyfamily:
The only moral obligation is for the father to pay child support.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Legal....Perhaps?

Moral....Please! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

(But as you infer, I suppose that "morality" is always up for debate).

However, At least your H IS standing up & facing his total Responsibilities.

Quite refreshing actually. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

If you decide you can't accept his choices....then you'll have to do what you feel you need to do.

It is unfortunate that you couldn't find a solution that would work for you both. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Kimmy,
Please pass on to MOM that I am praying for her and her family... I sent her an email a while back and never got a reply...

Thanks!
Stacia

Luv,

You know I love you girl!! I am also inclined to agree with your priest as my pastor said the same to me. It also states in the Bible about illegitimate children ( I think it is Deut. 23).

I agree that the marriage must come first and that is what God intended. I also feel like we all have choices, of what is morally right and wrong, but come on I hope no one is really that grey in thought to think that having a child outside of the marriage is morally or by any other standard RIGHT! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" />

I am not saying that it is the OC's fault either so don't chew my head off for my opinon!! But it is not the BS's or the BC's fault either. Why should they have to pay for it - any of it. The fact is we all have choices to make and if we are going to stand for our marriages then we must do what is best for the greater good and that to me means the CORE family only. I do not mean to neglect OC by any means, but that does not entitle him/her to the life with your family that OW may think OC deserves.

There are limits to everything and this by all means has it's limits. OC was put here for a reason of course I agree, but that does not mean OC is here to be a part of your family necessarily or and active member of it. If it works for you, and all I mean ALL involved are perfectly happy then do it!! My prayers are with you, but if not don't feel guilty about it. Because you are still blessed (BS's and repentent WS's). Everyone answers for his/her own sin!!!

Just food for thought,

JT


PS - don't have a cow if you don't agree with me it's okay to each have an opinion. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

<small>[ December 07, 2004, 01:07 PM: Message edited by: JT2 ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I agree that the marriage must come first and that is what God intended. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">So, by that thinking, is it fair to assume that my child's father is obligated to relinquish his future right to a parental relationship in favor of my new husband?? Do I not have the same right to put my marriage first and the family unit he and I are building above the feelings/desires of the bio father??

I'm not saying that tongue-in-cheek, it's a legitimate question. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Do I not have the same right to put my marriage first and the family unit he and I are building above the feelings/desires of the bio father??
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">YES!!!!!!!!! You've just as much right!!!!!!

If your H wants to be a father to this child and your XMM hasn't been? Why not! What is best for your family and child?
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> SUnny D

M&B,

I'll try to give you a sensitive legtimate answer...which is mostly....I don't know. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> LOL I'm not a bible scholar, but my guess is that God doesn't say much about second marriages...because it is his desire for first marriages to remain intact, which is why he defined those things that constitute sin. Nor do I have a religious affiliation so I don't know which marriages are "blessed" by God, but I am aware of quite a few relitions that that would not recognize your second marriage as legitimate. But if we take religion out of the equation....strictly in marriage terms...putting your marriage first, no matter who your husband happens to be at the time....is the best way to preserve that union and keep it strong.

Starfish,

Yes, but this is my future husband's first marriage, so it should be seen as such for HIS sake...kwim?

I guess the thing that burns my biscuits a little is that of course the bio father can't be forced to parent (not that I WANT him too...BLECH!) but at the same time he has the right to legally keep someone else from it.

And before anyone says anything about my H being a "loving influence in his life" whether it's all legal or not, yes, true, but that is NOT the same as being the legal, openly recognized father.

eta:
Not that it makes a difference, but it is not the first marriage for either my son's bio fahter OR his BW, so if we're talking about religiously recognized "marriage", theirs isn't either.

<small>[ December 07, 2004, 02:06 PM: Message edited by: meNtheboyz ]</small>

Like me I guess, I choose to be the OC's step mommy,(by staying in my M) have no legal rights, but an moral obligation care and love him. HUH. So does new H, he chooses to be the step dad. I think the love in return for it, out weights the so called "legal" matter of it all. KWIM! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> Sunny D

Your new H wants to adopt and xMM won't agree to it?

"I guess the thing that burns my biscuits a little is that of course the bio father can't be forced to parent (not that I WANT him too...BLECH!) but at the same time he has the right to legally keep someone else from it."

I understand how you feel. It burned my biscuit that my H as the father wanted to give the OC for adoption to a loving couple and OW had the right to legally keep him from doing it.

I assume your new H knows about the situation ahead of time and was able to decide if it was something he could live with and deal with. Is that right?

I hope it works out for you. I am sure it will be best for your child to have a loving, caring and everyday father.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Like me I guess, I choose to be the OC's step mommy,(by staying in my M) have no legal rights, but an moral obligation care and love him. HUH. So does new H, he chooses to be the step dad. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Sunny,

The difference is that your H's child HAS a mother, you are like an "extra" mom, giving "extra" love and support beyond what the bio parent is giving on a regular basis.

That's a very different animal than a completely ABSENTEE bio parent who is giving NO love or emotional support, but would prevent another person from being what they CHOOSE not to be, kwim?

My H will be a step-father to my older child, who has a great Dad very much involved in his life. To my little one, he wants to be a father , and yes, there is a difference.

Starfish,

My attorney has asked his if he will allow the adoption, but we have yet to get an answer. We have reason to believe that he may say no, though I can't imagine why....(ok, I've been told a reason, but it makes no sense to me)