Do some of y'all have to start in on the "ow" bashing again? How can you work on your marriage when you are concentrating on the wrong person? Shouldn't your focus be squarely on your family?

Once again.....I am NOT an OW. So don't even go there again.

I just don't see how you can paint yourself as a "christian" then use the word hate over and over in your posts.

ent

ent,

Why do you expect everyone to be at the same place that you are? Each person reacts to things at their own pace, through their own journey, each in unique situations that are different from yours. It may be frustrating for you to witness the dark parts of that process when you feel as though you've moved past those thing....but you're doing precisely the same thing you're acusing others of....judging.

Ent, many if not most of the women here ARE focusing on their family... and that is why....

THEY COME HERE at times to release what is a natural human reaction to the GARBAGE they have had PLACED ON THEIR SHOULDERS--- THEY HAVE A LONG LONG ROAD TO GO before THEY CAN JUST FORGET about the WOMAN AND CHILD who are on her mind EVERY DAY. How long has your ROAD BEEN, ENT??? HATEFUL feelings ARE FELT BY THE BS TOWARD OW-- OF COURSE-- and they want and need to express it here-- These feelings do them NO GOOD in their real lives, so they only can SAY THINGS HERE at times!!

Thank you Starfish for reminding Ent of what I thought right away-- she calls out the BS freely and with her nose up in the air- yet can't stand for the OW to receive some of the daily hell they feel inside.

These women DO place the blame on H and are focusing ON THEIR FAMILY... BUT they do not, and cannot talk to or express the lingering anger towards OW's part to HER-- SOOO they get some out here.

In addition--- I don't remember everyone here saying they were Christians, do you?

In further addition---- myself and MOST HERE ARE focusing on our family SQUARELY, and that means NO CONTACT WITH OC or OW.

<small>[ November 22, 2004, 12:28 PM: Message edited by: giovanna123 ]</small>

I definitely hear what you're all talking about.
I'm a month into recovery over my situation and I really have alot of hatred for the OW. Now don't get me wrong with lots of time this may change, but for right now I could see myself beating the crap out of the OW if we ever came face to face. I mean c'mon I'm a very loving person but this OW stole a great experience from me by having OC and she knew that H and I had no children and she thought this was her way in but her plan backfired anyway. My H admitted to sleeping with her once but wanted no children or relationship with her. I've waited for years to experience this with my H and I feel like that ***** stole it from me as to say " I gave him something you did'nt". I would love just 15 minutes in a room with this girl. This website is a refuge for me because in the beginning of this I had alot of outbursts at home with my H, but I realized if we're going to heal from this I can't keep doing that because my H has made it quite clear to her about wanting to remain with me. He's definitely doing his best. So this is the only place I can vent like this without someone thinking I'm a complete lunatic. I'ts just like the girls said " everyone has their stages to go through.

Ent, why do you care so much if they vent about the ow? I agree with above, not everyone is as "accomodating" as you are with your ow. I really believe that these women here have a right to vent. Not only that, but when they are here to discuss their situations, they are rudely interrupted by the plaintive wail of the ow and the constant whine of "what is best for the oc" THAT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THE MARRIAGE. They also have to listen to the banal "it's not the ow fault, blah blah blah, from ow themselves.

So, if you find their hatred at the ow upsetting, maybe you should slither back to your friends at TOW and leave these women alone.

As for hatred of the ow, in many cases the ow is harrassing and whining and playing many games. Why wouldn't someone hate a vulture for attacking their family? Do you READ what the ow is doing to many of these women? If so, then how can they not hate? They are hurt, and full of emotions. And they are entitled.

So many ow and people who support them, are completely deluded as to what is actually going on. The husband is held 100% accountable for his actions PERIOD. He is living in the hell he created. Not all BS are going to deny the damage and have a faux repair, buddy up to the ow and pretend nothing is wrong. Most BS are angry at the ow for her constant assupmtions. Most BW and their husbands will discuss their marriage and forgiveness on what is best for THEM and THEIR family. Nobody else matters.

Personally, if you don't want to read hate posts about the ow, maybe you could tell your ow buddies to quit coming here pouring salt on their wounds. The arguing and the hate only comes out when these fine women need to defend their choices. The conversation goes along fine most of the time.

I think everyone here knows how H&I are attempting to do C. Well I dont care how much or how nice or how you want to do the right thing for a child that didn't even come out of MY body. The B - STOW'S are going to act crazy, stupid, have NO reserve for you or your family. No matter what! No matter who you are! We will continue our quest for C and for what is right for the OC, no matter how crazy and stupid this STOW gets. It comes down to this (and this is only my situation) I dont speak for others Most STOWs are resentful, hurting, brain dead people who wake up one day to realize that all they where , was a MISTAKE. Something most men here would errase them from their lives forever! And do. How resentful and self serving can anyone be to bring another life into this world, in this situation and feel good about it? You cant have a brain, morals, any respect for yourself or anyone else for that matter. And yes, like kimmy its PM'in, whatever. I can say you know I dont hate her, most of the time, but I really hate her when she acts STUPID!. I hope and pray that they will get a clue one day of how big of a mistake and imbarrasement to our WS they are and years to come, they will still be a mistake and we will be livin, lovin, laughin, reguardless of their games.
WHew i feel better!
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> Sunny D

Sunny, you hit in on the head, these women hate the situation.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> ENT
As is said on TOW so often

<----------TOW is that way!!

I'm so flipping sick and tired of hearing that we don't hold our H accountable for their actions and BW shouldn't be angry at both H and OW too.

Can you honestly sit on your high horse and tell us that you weren't angry at your OW?? TOW can whine and gripe about the W and xMM and thats acceptable to you but vent your feelings about the OW here and your just being a bitter BW. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

You are not to be trusted and you act as though because you've choosen C that your better than the rest of us. Sorry, your wrong!! Maybe you like being a doormat for your H but most of the women are strong enough to fight for their family first. Get over yourself!

Lynn they just dont get the fact that the law's in most states, hell they can work for us too! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> We as a family, have rights. I have the right to live my life w/o interuption from a self serving B that now thinks I want her child. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> If I wanted a child I would have one on my own. KWIM. But I dont, we H&I want to enjoy ourselves and our "new" relationship that we are building. We also have the right to know his child that he is taking care of. Oh and I have a hidden agenda, hell yes I do. Its to be M and have my family intact, no matter which games she wants to play today. Do they not stop and think for a minute how this is going to look in court? How stupid is the judge going to see her? How duranged her mind was/is when she even conceived this child and the games she is playing? What she going to say when he/she ask her what where you thinking when you cornered this womans child (mine) to ask her questions on why her mom and dad didn't take her w/ them this weekend? (Went to the cabin ALONE) Or why we didn't drop everything to stay home to see OC. What the people at the doctor office thinking when you pull out an insurance card w/ MY name on it to pay for the child you screwed up w/ your selfish ideas of he will leave her or she will kick him out again? Explain to strangers on the street why your children & you dont have the same last name? Three people living in the same house and NO ONE has the same last name. I thank GOD everyday I wake up and I have my respect for myself and my dignity and dont have to explain these children I tote around that where conceved to distroy the life of me and my child? Man I can say when judgment day finally gets here, I want a front row seat for that one!
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> Sunny D

Ent,

Once again I will tell you how sorry I feel for you. You are one of the most judgemental, angry women I have ever read. You are so full of anger and contempt for the wives who are speaking their feelings and working on their marriages. I wonder if you are so scared to reveal your anger to your husband that you have to vent it out at other women who are doing what is best for them, that you were not able to do.

Your posts on here are so full of venom for any wife who doesn't chose what you are doing. Your posts are full of concern for the feelings and well being of the ow, and are hardly supportive of marriage building. Your messages drip of anger and I feel so sorry for you.

I don't buy for one minute that you had a choice at all. I worry that you sold out, and that you are so angry at yourself that you lash out anyone who doesn't follow suit. You do not want to read, here or see women honestly working out this with their husbands. It's almost like if they vent about the ow that you get into some psychotic rage at "how dare you speak your mind and talk bad about the ow" and "how dare you not welcome the oc into your home" cause you didn't stand up for yourself. Seeing others gaining strength and maybe getting results and a life that you would have preferred angers you. It is the only reasoning that I can see where a BW would be so harsh and cruel to other BW.

I feel so sorry for you.

As much as I advocate no contact as what is best for the family, I have never told anyone that they were wrong for choosing otherwise. Hardly. I have ALWAYS said do what is best for you and your marriage and not how nobody could be forced to do anything. I have never held those with contact in contempt. Heck I am proud as a peacock at how far Sunny has come. I am thrilled that she and her husband are secure and happy and full of love. You, on the otherhand are so full of venom and rage, and it is barely concealed. You are so deluded that you can't even awknowledge the simple facts that are written all over this board: THE OW ARE PLAYING GAMES AND HARRASSING SOME OF THESE WOMEN. Instead of supporting, you are all over the place calling them sanctimonious on one thread, protecing the ow on others. Even this thread is a passive aggressive swipe at some BW who are venting about the ow. Your faux concern for how they work on the marriage by focusing on the ow is passive aggressive at it's finest. They are NOT focusing on the ow. They are fed up with the garbage the ow continues to throw and the manipulations the ow continues to play. Yet all you read is how the ow is not portrayed in a positive light???????? If you are, in fact a BW, you are incapeable of one ounce of empathy for innocent women and their children. There is no way any BW could come on here and read these stories and then come to the conclusions that you do. Something just doesn't fit. Either you are so beaten down by your husband and to weak to stand up for yourself, or you truly are an ow just playing games.

((( Sunny )))

You're such a lil' scamp today ... I just adore you!

Pep

Sunny, you are so fantastic!!! Anyone ever tell you that? In my case the ow was freaked completely that we chose no contact. She hated it as it was such a pure rejection.

In your case, your ow must be just fuming that despite it all, you and your H are thriving! So much so that you include oc. Imagine her horror when she has to hand over the oc? She must be sick, knowing that not only does your husband adore you and is loving you sooo much and is so full of respect for you, and that your love is so strong that you were able to forgive, but that her child will see that YOU are the quality role model!! Imagine having to live like that? KNOWING that her child is going to love you and respect you as the strong loving woman, the good mother!!!

As for the courts, there will be a day when she is going to realize just how much in contempt the courts hold her! She will realize that while she sees herself as a victim, the rest of the world sees her for what she truly is!

I know that you and your husband went through hell last year. That he was full of remorse and was so ashamed of all he had done to you and your family. I know that you were twisting and turning with hurt and fear and anger.....then the real love was found. The one that makes it through lifes tough times, and now it is like forged steel. Your posts are so full of positive feelings that you are a true inspiration to all the new comers here. Your happiness is contagious!!! I would be this makes ow in your life just sick. She has to hand over her child to a wonderful family, full of love and warmth. You must be a huge threat to her! You are everything she isn't and never will be.

I hope you stay here and keep encouraging the other newbies. You are fantastic!

In the mean time, I can loan you an 8 year old girl who is in love with phoning....OY. I've lost count of the times she's phoned me today!

She can call you to death!

- Kimmy

I am not throwing up in anyone's face about my situation. I am lucky. I just refused after a point for OW to "be" in my life. She is a part of it because of the situation, but that is all. Believe me....I an not a saint or a martyr. My OW said and did some asinine things and so did I initially. But I just kind of thought...."uhhh...what is the point of this?"

I love my family. Period. That is all I EVER wanted to be....not a doctor...lawyer....or any kind of profession than that of a MOM and WIFE. But I haven't posted much here lately because there is NO support for BS's in my situation. Those (and speak up ladies) who have moved on from the initial hate. Those who just need a "hurrah" occassionally. Some women to say, "that's great that oc did....." without people who have n/c blasting you.

Just my honest opinion....

ent
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I figured what I wrote on the other thread would apply here.

Well, I certainly feel entitled to bash the OW who deliberately sought to ruin my reputation, get me fired, have me arrested, have me committed to a mental hospital, extort money over a false pregnancy, stalked me, harassed me and generally pissed me off.

However......

I refuse to do that because it serves no purpose. The damage has been done. I can only shake my head in grief over this woman's choices in life that keep her in bondage to satan.

I just pray that someday someone will open her eyes to the truth and she'll seek forgiveness for all the lives she has destroyed.

It's all I can do.

YOU ARE FULL OF CRAP, Ent--- do you REALLY think that you'd get a BAD reception for talking about a sweet baby - that isn't even our OC anyway???? Come on you are being nutty Ent- please share those details and just SEE THE EVIL and ATTACKING BSes RIP YOU TO SHREADS! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> That is utterly ridiculous. I ALWAYS encourage and show my support for ANY BS who FEELS COMFORTABLE and CAN have a R w/OC-always say it-- and so do others!!!!!!!

The point is your nastiess towards them and I BELIEVE Gwenie HIT THE NAIL ont the head when she said
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Maybe you like being a doormat for your H but most of the women are strong enough to fight for their family first. Get over yourself!
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">In a way I wonder if you did feel you had no choice but accept OC to keep H-- and I know he hurt you so many times---- and you just want peace and made the best of it? We don't JUDGE you, anyway for your status at all!!- Its for your insults to the BWs here and the [censored] kissin of the OW on her site.

And OW stories and opinions come FROM TRUE LIFE!! And the extreme disgust for many of these OW come witht the DARN TERRITORY of screwing with a WOMENS love for her MAN AND PROTECTION OF THEIR FAMILIES. Since the beginning of history!!! And I don't appreciate your pulling the BAD BAD Christians card---- God KNOWS we are human and NATURALLY as HUMANS have FEELINGS OF DISGUST AND YES FEELINGS OF HATE for the STOW intrutions of our lives- he KNOWS how hard this is! God knows our hearts need time.

Oh and DAAAAAARNIT- JUST LOOK at SunnyD- this OW was received by her in a way what is BEYOND the sweetest bone in MY BODY(shoot me).. AND THIS OW STILL IS JUST NASTY and A HATER... ick..

<small>[ November 22, 2004, 09:32 PM: Message edited by: giovanna123 ]</small>

Truly enlightened people see no need to chastise people who are wounded and hurting.

But they might chasten "pretended" enlightened ones for their severe case of denial! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Entwifejr - I will boldly call you on the carpet for this one. Jesus cleared the temple with a bullwhip. Those who mock sacred covenants by their behavior on this board and their own, glorifying sinful behavior (TOW hecklers) are just the kind of creatures that would have been purged from the temple on that momentous day. Hatred wasn't even a part of Jesus's actions. Firmness in casting out evil, oh my dear Entwifejr, very definitely! But I imagine those cleared from that temple at the end of a flying bullwhip could have probably interpretted the emotion behind the arm as "hatred". But just because it's perceived doesn't mean REAL!

So while you read hurt, anger, firmness, and righteous anger here, hatred is probably more your interpretation. "Everything looks like a nail when all you have is a hammer." I think the women here have a much more broad repetoire of emotional expression.

Have you asked yourself why you interpret those emotional expressions as hatred? Can you do better at cultivating some righteous anger? or will you continue to deny that you have any? If so, expect that you will continue to interpret all negative emotion as "hatred" and "unchristian". But just cause you perceive, 'tain't necessarily so.

quote:
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Maybe you like being a doormat for your H but most of the women are strong enough to fight for their family first. Get over yourself!

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In a way I wonder if you did feel you had no choice but accept OC to keep H-- and I know he hurt you so many times---- and you just want peace and made the best of it? We don't JUDGE you, anyway for your status at all!!- Its for your insults to the BWs here and the [censored] kissin of the OW on her site.


Whoa....slow down there Nellie.

I don't kiss ANYONE'S [censored]. Not even your sanctimonious one. Check the dictionary for the meaning, because you obviously don't know it. I've been slammed HERE more than I have ever been slammed at TOW.

If you don't like my "honest" opinion...don't reply. Ignore me...

I was originally posted about the "jugular" attacks. And here they come again. "excuse me while I expose it for ya."

Did I say someone couldn't be honest about their feelings? No. Couldn't vent? No.

I get tired of hearing about how "horrible" the OW is. Yes...there are some crazy OW's. There are some crazy BS's too.

As some people have pointed out before....this is a marriage building site. What is the point of all the bashing?

ent

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by entwifejmr:
<strong> I get tired of hearing about how "horrible" the OW is. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Then go away!

I don't like BS bashing, so I don't read at GloryB.

Quite simple.

PM
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Ent I was asking you what had personally happened in your M before all of the contact/no contact decisions happened for you and H for a reason.
You went back and forth many times in many areas of your M- between divorce to no divorce to separated to together, etc... etc... and THEN you came to where you are w/C, deciding to take your H back yet again, etc. etc... You are calling OTHERS' H's names???

SO just let others have the same journey without shoving your staying power and decision for C down their throats - or calling THEIR H's cakemen?? I'd personally say that your H may be a cakeman too- after all he's done- and STILL has a wife who is now accepting his latest A- and OC. Can't you see how each of our stories have an element to them that we could all say "We'd never do that.. accept this.. bla bla".. but each of our stories are filled w/different human beings, personalities, dynamics, situations, emotions.

Let each member have their respectful say without bashing or saying what should be.

MANY aound here really truly have NO IDEA of what they may feel from day to day, let alone have a CLUE how they could handle or not handle C w/OC!!
Your situation is working for YOU. However, your current situation did not come OVERNIGHT- you had many different things happen and change along the way to get to where you are, right?



Sound familiar gio?