Michele, this is my own doing, my own bed I've made, and to any degree I'm suffering it's because of my past and continuing bad decisions. I fooled myself (twice now) into believing MOW was something I knew deep down she is not. I've chosen to live in the fog, and I've let my fear about losing my income lead me into all kinds of evil.

Lost, welcome to the "clearing of the fog!" When the s**t FINALLY hit the fan for my situation back in December (the ending of the A) H and OW were at each other's throats, fighting all the time, realizing that the person they were so "in love with" had some major faults of their own. It's called reality. Nobody's perfect. You can live in an imaginary "perfect world" with your lover for only a certain amount of time before the true colors show. I think you're to that point now of recognizing it. Good for you.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> She makes you feel like a KNIGHT IN SHINING ARMOR! That's why! You want to RESCUE her & FIX her is why! Can't you see how UNhealthy that is?

'broken people' are attracted to other broken & weak people so that they can feel strong & NOT broken! DUH!

Your W is stronger & you are right---------why is it you can be so 'forgiving' to OW but yet NOT your W? WHich is so misplaced anyway!
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">This is really dead-on. All of it. I've wondered about both the feelings of love and "forgiveness" issues with these two women. Why does OW make me feel so loved? Why did my W's actions not? I don't think I've "forgiven" OW for anything -- it's just more fog. Whenever there's a clearing, wow am I angry at her.

My marriage had problems, yes... I'd trade the pain and suffering we're all feeling now in a heartbeat to go back to living with those problems. (Rhetorically speaking of course -- I don't believe for a moment that it's that simple.)

<small>[ February 22, 2005, 09:01 AM: Message edited by: Lost71 ]</small>

But now that the problems of your M are out in the open it's prime time to take control and action to work on those so that you can have a happy M with the W you love. You are making great strides in the right direction from what I can tell. I hope you've frequented the MB website. There is so much valuable information for all of us.

Fog bad.
Visibility good.


Word.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

Lost71,

What makes you think she is telling you the truth now? vomiting up blood. She faked a pregnancy, she could be faking this to make you feel guilty so that you would continue on the road you are on. It is a form of control for her.
Dont let her do that to you. You need to take control of your own life, your own situation.
Have you thought about moving to a new city far away from where you are now toget totally away from her. There are plenty of couples have done that to give their marraiges a fresh start. Maybe your wife would be interested in that as well.
Even if she is sick it is no concern of yours.(I am not saying this for the OW on this board just this paticular one) You dont even know if that baby is yours. Leave her alone. You have no reason to call her, see her. I bet if you showed as much concern for your W and kids you wouldnt be in this mess right now.

<small>[ February 22, 2005, 09:39 AM: Message edited by: Tylorsstepmom ]</small>

Tylersstepmom, I agree on all points.

The biggest problem in NC with her is my job -- we work together, and sit one cubicle-wall apart. I am seeing the need to end that situation, though I'm terrified of the financial fallout and legal repercussions (losing a job one week after being served divorce and child support papers doesn't go over well to the court).

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I am seeing the need to end that situation, though I'm terrified of the financial fallout and legal repercussions (losing a job one week after being served divorce and child support papers doesn't go over well to the court). </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Uh huh. More terrified of the above or the thought of loosing your w and c forever? Jobs are not infinite. Neither is love. Which do you choose? Do. Choose. Act.

Hold your breath and jump in all the way. Either you want to be married or you don't. Either you want to salvage your M or you don't. There is no dipping your toe into this pool. It's all or nothing.

Sure, you might fail. Tough. No one gets a safety net...why should you?

Do. Act. Be. That's all that is expected.

By the way, I have a crowbar that we used to remove the post from my dh's [censored]. Do you need it? I can have it FedExed.

- Kimmy

Lost, sometimes you have to do what you have to do. My H lost one of his jobs several years ago due to an A with a co-worker (they were caught IMing and e-mailing on company time and he got canned for it) and me and my family suffered because of it, loss of H's income while he found another job, no unemployment benefits, etc. Of course I was told he was let go due to downsizing and believed him...but, anyway, like I said, sometimes you have to do what you have to do. Have you started looking for another job?

*Flukeboy smiles and points to the 4 foot long Mega-Bar brand Post-Be-Gone crowbar laying by his feet. *

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Flukeboy, you are a trip!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Kimmy, I might need a hydraulic jack for this fencepost. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />
_______________________
Michele, I had a line on a very good job a couple weeks ago, but it was in anothe city over an hour away. An offer was imminent, but when the divorce was filed, I decided I wouldn't be able to make all my therapist appointments, legal appointments, parenting time, etc. without missing an inordinate amount of work due to the distance. Not to mention the stress I've been under, I would have been making a horrible first impression.

No other jobs on the horizon, though I've been in contact with my recruiter. In my profession in this area, there is a glut of available people right now -- word is that every decent job gets 75 to 100 applicants.

Have no fear Lost71.

We have the Fire Dept's Jaws of Life available if need be!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

*Flukeboy motions to the Mega-Jack Post-O-Bliterater (rated at 40 tons) laying by his other foot.*

This along with the Dr. Fluke Cake Away(TM) concentrate is part of my program to success. Ok Lost - any time you're ready, so am I. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

Nerly, my H is a firefighter and I'm thinking (and hoping) that he's using those jaws to pull it out of his [censored] every time he's on shift! Lost, so is D for OW and her H happening? Obviously they can't D before OC is born (I'm guessing your state is like most) so do you see a chance of reconciliation between the two of them happening if you are out of the pic? The great thing would be if she and her H worked on their marriage and you broke the A for good w/her that you could then be "safe" to work on yours. What about her changing jobs? I understand she's pg right now but some do hire pg people. She could always go work for a temp agency. How far along is she? I'm sure you said but I don't remember.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Michele, I had a line on a very good job a couple weeks ago, but it was in anothe city over an hour away. An offer was imminent, but when the divorce was filed, I decided I wouldn't be able to make all my therapist appointments, legal appointments, parenting time, etc. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Do. Period. Do. Excuses mean nothing. You are flapping your jaws. A real human MAKES the time they need (notice the action verb?). Shoot, moms have been doing it for a millenia...you'll get no sympathy for having to run your butt off...I dunno a mom on here that doesn't do what's best for her FAMILY....what was the best here?

From where I'm squattin, I can see it clearly.

Quit flappin. Do.

- Kimmy

OW is not here today, yet. I'm having lunch with my boss today. Something is going to happen. Wish me luck.

Merde.

Lost - if OW is really as sick as she professes, why is she not on bed rest?

Just a thought.

Well, OW is probably at home planning her own funeral since she's dying over the fact that her control's slipping! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Please let us know how your lunch w/the boss goes. All the good luck to you. ~Michele

The consensus is clear.
Live in the truth.
I know you can do it. I know you're worth it. No more regrets. Take the bull by the horns and twist its head off.

You are not alone. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />