hello everyone. i am new to the forum. i havenot told my story yet, but want advice. my husband had an affair last year during a bad stretch for us. iwas not treating him the way he needed to be treated and i think i was just not feeding him his emotional needs well. this site has helped us understand how it happened and why. i have taken alot of the responsibility for the affair, and husband has given me some forgiveness for the way i made him feel. he has professed sorrow also for his actions in this affair. he was feeling bad for himself and other woman went after him many times at work. she would not give up, even when he told her many times that he was married with 3 children. she never stopped pursuing him, and he was to weak to stop her advances. he admits this to me. i know that my husband is a great man and great father. he is a man of honor and integrity, and a church going god fearing man. everyone in my family looks up to him as the leader of the family. my three children adore him, and rightfully so. this ow has ruined our lives. i have not even got to the worse of the story. she got preganant she says by my husband. she has a 2 month old son, and she name him after my husbands name. my husband says that child is his probably, but is angry now that the woman did not have abortion for it, and he did give her money to do this. she has attorney and is trying to get us to pay cs. she is a horrible woman who comes from trash family with no honor. my dh is sickened at her for coming after him when he got rid of her after the affair.

my husband is very angry with this all and he says he will not pay one nickel to her for cs as he did not want child. the woman lie to my husband and say she was on birth control and he did not use condom once and that is when she got pregnant. i am so angry now at the ow for doing this to my husband and family. my husband is a very proud man and i know that he will not pay any child support ever for this. i am afraid that they will place him in jail. can they do this. ow say so. my dh has threatened her if she continues this. i am afraid for him as he is so angry with her. he says he does not care. he has always been very hard and controlling with money and he is so angry about this all now. i don't know what to do. my dh is angry that people may know and he will not stand for anyone looking down on him or our family. i am so sad for him. we don't deserve any of this. there are rumors already spreading in our community. my husband yells at me if i cry or worry to. what can we do.? please help us. i don't want to pay this ***** money for tricking my dh into pregnancy. he did not want this. we will hire lawyer and fight her till the death before we pay any money. he says he doens't care about anyting now except that she pays for doing this to us and my family. i know that my husband did not mean for this to happen. he would never do anything to hurt me or our children. i am so proud of my husband for standing up for us like this. the ow should burn in **** for what she did to us. can you beautiful people help us and advise us on what to do with the situation. we want to forget this and deny anything about paternity and pay no money. my dh will not have anything to do with this ******* child and will deny any and all assocaition with him. i agree with this. to me that child is a child that should not be born. i dont feel the trashy ow and her child should bring any harm or shame to my dh or family. please help me. please.

i copyed this from my posted on the questions foorum. bless you all.

maria

<small>[ February 26, 2005, 05:34 PM: Message edited by: Justuss ]</small>

hi there,

I'm sorry that you find yourself here. I am sure you are going through a lot of emotions right now. I too am dealing with an OC. I can tell you one thing though, even though it is hard to see right now, the oc is innocent. I realized that the first time I met the little one. Please remember that although an oc is brought to this world by a horrible act of betrayal, they had no say in chosing their position. I actually feel bad for the OCs. Why? Well later in life, their parent will have to explain how they came about and why their daddies don't live with them. I would be ashamed!I was at your point where I wanted nothing to do with OC. I wanted the OW to fall off the face of the earth. The OW in our situatino also told my H she was a BC. But never trust a woman when it comes to trying to trick a man! OW's are out to ruin something. They know the man is married and even if the man comes onto them, they have the right to say no. But the moment they lay down with that man, they are label a "home-wrecker." They will have that stamp on them forever. Some OWs don't care. So sad.
As for your H and the paternity test...if the child turns out to be his, the courts will order him to pay cs. I'm sure you have read the stories of fathers who don't pay. I guess it isn't their choice. I know that is hard because we are there too but it just comes down to the law. I believe that women who sleep with married men should not be entitled to the same amount of money then a divorcing couple at all. THEY DID SOMETHING WRONG! HIGHLY UNACCEPTABLE IN SOCIETY so why are they being rewarding for something that SHOULD have not been? They shouldn't!!!!
Just remember to be strong! I posted earlier today, the OW has NOT WON. They have in their books but when you look into it, its a life of a person who couldn't understand what marriage between two people meant. They have to deal with all the crap that comes down on them and NOT many people have pity for that. GOOD LUCK!! Rant, rave, cry, scream or yell on this site!!! Ask ?'s too! Take care!!

<small>[ February 26, 2005, 04:03 PM: Message edited by: Hurt5-04 ]</small>

thank you for your kindest reply. i am on a waves of emotions now over this. i feel so sorry for my dh over all of this. he was in tears this morning thinking about how all of this is gonna hurt our finances and shame in the community and church. he is a leader in our community, a revered man. i know that many ignorant people are gonna judge him for the ow actions in bringing a ******* into the world. my dh did not ask for this. where is the protection for our dh and families from ow and children.where.? the ow trapped him with this pregnancy and did not honor her word when he gave her the money for an abortion. she makes me so sick. how can a woman do this to my family. my dh like many of your dh is a good man, filled with integrity and honor. he is full of pride and will not stand for this woman disgracing our family like this. thank god contact is no issue on the table. my dh will never accept this ******* child. i know the child is not to blame, but he is not a child of god. how can we accept this? ihope the cs laws change and allow for children borne out of wedlock not allowable to get child payments support. i know that many families here would be overjoyed and this kind of law could restore the family unit.. my husband is a very strong willed man and he will not bow down to anyone forcing him to pay money. he would go to jail over this. i know it. this makes me almost love him more. he is willing to go to jail for what is right for our family and what is right in the name of god. i am just so sad about all of this. i read here all day and look at all of the old posters storys. they are so sad. i admire so many of you women for fighting for your beautiful husbands and not letting the ***** ow and their ******* child win or get into your families. the oc will never be anything to me or my children or my husband. i am so happy that i found this board for support. this is the kind of place i need to help me get through this and help my dh get over what the ow and child are doing to him and us. bless you all.

maria

<small>[ February 26, 2005, 05:36 PM: Message edited by: Justuss ]</small>

Maria,

What state do you live in?

Maria,

First,,a big hug for you! {{{{{maria}}}}}}

I know you're scared. I know you're hurt, angry and desperate to help in this very sad situation.

But you need to understand------This is NOT YOUR FAULT!!!

You said -- </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> i have taken alot of the responsibility for the affair </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Maria, YOU are NOT responsible for the affair. OK, you may not have been meeting all his emotional needs so you may be partially responsible for your marriage being vulnerable. But HE made the poor decision to have an affair. HIS choice alone. Doesn't make any difference if the woman sat in his lap naked,,HE made poor choices. Now all he needs to do is accept HIS responsibility. Your H should be angry,,,angry with himself.

Does your H have an attorney? He needs one. He needs to have a DNA test done to find out if he actually IS the father of this child. And yes, in most if not all states in the US, he CAN go to jail if he refuses a court order to pay support. An attorney will help him to figure out legally exactly what he can and should do next.

Maria, I am more concerned about YOU! Your H sounds VERY controlling and possibly abusive. Are you safe with him?

[QUOTE]Originally posted by mcorpus29:
<strong> my dh did not ask for this. </strong>

He had unprotected sex with someone other than you.

<strong> he is full of pride and will not stand for this woman disgracing our family like this.</strong>

Did your Husband disgrace your family too or only the OW?

<strong> not a child of god </strong>

No, it's your H's child.


<strong> I hope the cs laws change and allow for children borne out of wedlock not allowable to get child payments support. </strong>

They haven't. Your Husband will be financially supporting the child he created with this woman for the next 18 years, 22 years if the child goes to college.

<strong>my husband is a very strong willed man and he will not bow down to anyone forcing him to pay money. he would go to jail over this. i know it. </strong>

So do I. He'll have to pay one way or another. Then he'll STILL have to pay financially.

*****edit********


**note*** CLO,,she's new,, hold off***

<small>[ February 26, 2005, 07:55 PM: Message edited by: Justuss ]</small>

Okay lets BACK this train up a bit here.

Your initial post is VERY contradictory.

********************************
********************************
i have taken alot of the responsibility for the affair, and husband has given me some forgiveness for the way i made him feel.
YOU have taken responsibility?
Uh, NO, you did NOT do this!!!!
Has HE apologized for HIS MAJOR part in this?

he has professed sorrow also for his actions in this affair.
I bet! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> Has HE apologized to YOU?

and he was to weak to stop her advances
But 'strong' enough ALL the other times? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> Strong enough to have SEX w/ her? How hard is it to say NO & NOT unzip your pants?

he is a man of honor and integrity, and a church going god fearing man.
but is angry now that the woman did not have abortion for it, and he did give her money to do this.
If he is so God fearing then he better get on HIS face & repent. God does NOT honor adultery OR abortion. @ least not MY god. Did he give her $$$$ for the abortion BEFORE or AFTER you found out about it?

she has attorney and is trying to get us to pay cs. she is a horrible woman who comes from trash family with no honor. my dh is sickened at her for coming after him when he got rid of her after the affair.
Uh...what country are you in? Because in the US of A, it does not matter WHEN the relationship ends or how horrible you are---the MAN is obligated to pay CS.

this ow has ruined our lives.
i am so angry now at the ow for doing this to my husband and family.
HOW angry are you @ your H for doing this? Because HE did. HE chose to have sex w/ this 'piece of trash'!!!! He IS just as guilty as her.

i am afraid that they will place him in jail. can they do this. ow say so. my dh has threatened her if she continues this.
Yes, @ least in the USA they will place him in jail. I think you have MORE to be afraid of them FOR HIM. He can also be placed in jail for threatening OW.

my dh is angry that people may know and he will not stand for anyone looking down on him or our family.
he says he doens't care about anyting now except that she pays for doing this to us and my family.
he would never do anything to hurt me or our children. i am so proud of my husband for standing up for us like this.
This last line is the REAL kicker!!!
YOU are PROUD of him??? HE created this mess & you are proud of him? He is threatenign someone & you are PROUD of him? HE wants revenge & you are proud of HIM?
HE would NEVER do anything to hurt you or your children? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> Are you insane? WHO did this then?

the ow should burn in **** for what she did to us. can you beautiful people help us and advise us on what to do with the situation. we want to forget this and deny anything about paternity and pay no money. my dh will not have anything to do with this ******* child and will deny any and all assocaition with him.
****************
****************
****************
OKAY, now I'm just thinking this is a TROLL trying to make some 'STOW point' or something.

It's TOO insane & 'stereo-typical' junk that we BW are always accused of being.

THIS can NOT be real.
I just can't believe it!


kt

Hey Maria, Just wanted to ease your mind a bit on your husband refusing to pay. In most states, it is just automatic that they garnish their wages after the order is made, which sucks on one level, but on another, takes it off of your head.

And just an FYI, I am a ******* child (I edited myself--aren't you proud Justuss <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> )and hey I'm not so bad. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> My parents had me out of wedlock. My oldest daughter and my third daughter too--out of wedlock babies and they are awesome people.

I do understand though the pain that comes from. Just wanted to give you a different perspective. And again, I am so very sorry that you are in the middle of this mess.

And just one other thing, I am concerned about your husband getting angry if you get upset. Do you cry in behind closed doors then? Because I remember there was no way I could have held back the tears when my husband's affair came all the way out into the open. I honestly wish I could put my arm around you and just let you cry until you ran out of tears. {{{{{{Maria}}}}}}

Tiggy


***note*** Good job on the edit <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> My *** key is getting worn out!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> --JustUss---

<small>[ February 26, 2005, 08:34 PM: Message edited by: Justuss ]</small>

KT,

Maybe it's the Merlot talking, but I think I love you right now.


<img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

ahahahahahah! LOL

~~~~I think I love you..but what am I so afraid of..Afraid of blah blahnot sure of...blabla..~~~~

I don't remember the rest of the song OR who sings it...but somehow I'm thinking I should. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

which reminds me (sorry 4 the TJ) but I wanted to talk to you clo..but gotta run now....running late as it is, as always...later.

kt

Whoa,

Maria I just noticed that he has threatened the ow if she continues legal action. Are you safe with this man? Please don't take that the wrong way but men that are threatening don't usually hold it in.

And please please please if he hatches a plan and you know about it, please please please annoymously inform the police to protect not only your husband from going to prison but this other woman, she certainly doesn't deserve to be beaten or worse killed by your husband for sleeping with him. But please don't put yourself or your children in harm's way either.

Okay, now I am understanding why everyone is freaking out. This sounds scarry to all of us, Maria.

Please be safe.

Tiggy

Your post just does not make any sense.
You did not have an affair. It is NOT your responisibility. It is his. He chose to go outside your marraige. I dont care what needs were not being met. He should have kept his pants zipped.
The OW did not put a gun to his head to make him have sex with her.
He is just as responsible for birth control as she was.
I do not believe for one minute that he is a GOD fearing man, because if he was he never would have even thought about an abortion. Let alone give her money to pay for one. Weather you believe so or not, every baby is a child of God.
Your husband needs to stop being proud and start being a man. Take responisibility for his actions and quit blaming everyone else.
If your husband has a job, He will pay. The courts will garnish his check. If The baby is his it is his responsibilty to help support that child. It takes 2 to make a baby.
I hope you are in counceling. you are taking to much of his responsibility on yourself, and what you dont take you blame the OW for. The OW DIDNT DO IT ALONE. HE HAD SEX WITH THE OW; IT WAS MUTUAL.

<small>[ February 26, 2005, 08:53 PM: Message edited by: Tylorsstepmom ]</small>

KT, the song was Sung by David Cassidy when he was on the Partrige Family

OK - are you placing ANY of the blame on your H here? And the fact that he slept with her and didn't wear a condom? She did NOT act alone. The child is the innocent in this (as are you and any children you may have). As far as any shame being brought on your family - well your H should have thought about that before having sex with someone other than you, shouldn't he? He ALWAYS had the wherewithall to say NO. She didn't tempt him, etc. - he is an adult and made an adult decision - and now must pay the price, if this is his child.

Hey KT, It took everything I had not to respond to this, and after you mentioned the troll thing and with what has just happened in the news all over the country I think you maybe on to something. I sure to He** (justice we re doing good uh?)hope in this case she/he is troll.

<small>[ February 26, 2005, 11:21 PM: Message edited by: needtomoveon ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by CheerfulLittleOne:
<strong> KT,

Maybe it's the Merlot talking, but I think I love you right now.


<img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">ROFL!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I actually thought that this was my OW at first...it could be still...her screen name for one

CORPUS??? I live in Corpus and the OW is 29 or was when this all started! I asked her on her other thread and she said she didn't live in Texas...how would she know Corpus is in Texas? No one knows about Corpus unless you live here! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />
It just does not make any sense!

Oh and CLO, I didn't see your original post before it was edited, but I must agree with you on this one! This woman is out there!

I think KT maybe right about the troll thing. IT's just way out there, or she is ONE messed up lady with a control freak husband who has brainwashed this lady. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

<small>[ February 27, 2005, 08:34 AM: Message edited by: needtomoveon ]</small>

needtomoveon said:
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> or she is ONE messed up lady with a control freak husband who has brainwashed this lady.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">THAT'S what I am afraid of... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

And I'm afraid we are scaring away a very frightened lost woman FINALLY reaching out for help,,,

and we have a chance to enlighten her.. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Kt...

Amen!! What the HE**?! ( <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> )

But on one point do I disagree with ya, the STOW point. It could be a person with nothing but time on their hands to stir up problems. With the case in TX, of supposed OW with OC, OUR problems are coming to light.

Matter of fact....how many hear have had comments from people about the OW/OC case relative to your situation?

ent