Wow, I feel like Sally Fields, you guys like me, you really like me . The concensus seems to be that it's ok for me to be flatlined emotionally, maybe even a good thing if the marriage is to ever work.<P>TINA--my H knows what marriage should be, including that Honesty & Fidelity are crucial.<P>LORI--hugs to you.<P>JAMIE--I am trying to keep an open mind that my marriage isn't over. I just don't recall feeling so empty & uncaring before.<P>CEECEE--I'm sorry you've come to the end of your rope regarding your marriage. You too have given a valient effort. Having my H at the house frequently has been pretty easy. I don't hover over him, or even make an effort to be where he is. It is also a bit of a relief when it is time for him to go.<P>FHL--you've cautioned me on being the fixer for a long time. Honey, it appears you were right...<P>CATNIP--I'm so sorry for your situation. That must have been a huge shock. Hopefully your H will get the treatment he needs. My H is diagnosed as clinically depressed, he doesn't have the mania...although it seems like when he goes out with his friends he has an awfully good time...H is on meds and is finally taking them regularly.<P>SUSE--good to hear from you. I guess my main fear is that if I get to the point of healing and giving to my marriage that my H will back off again & this "death spiral" will start all over again. I honestly think I'd run screaming through the streets if that happened. (Gee, what, again? My neighbors have asked me to put clothes on next time I'M KIDDING! They like me naked--oh stop it!) As for the other bidder...my H feels the guy is no different than his OW...taking advantage of my distress. I think there is a slight difference...my H put me in the position of being separated. Sometimes I don't think he ever realized that there could be that kind of consequence to his walking out on me.<P>Thank all of you for your support, even if I'm not exactly following the MB principles at the moment...I certainly have in the past. Plan A works. And if I could do a decent Plan B, I think it would work as well.<BR><P>------------------<BR>Lor<BR>"Do not get tired of doing what is right, for after awhile you will reap a harvest of blessings if you do not get discouraged and give up. (Gal 6:9)

Lor,<P>What alot of folks are telling you here echoes what I read in one of the books: The more you do, the less your partner does for the relationship. That's a big slap for all of us over-functioning people. It also creates unbalanced relationships where we obviously care more than our S's do.<P>I agree with Distressed and others...let him stay away and work and earn back his rights in the family and the marriage bed, too. These are the benefits of a man who dedicates himself to his family. Your H needs to do some work on his own and earn his way back home this time with a proven track record of hard work and dependability and not promises to love and stay home.<P>Praying for you....<P>Roll Me Away<P>------------------<BR>"Life is made up, not of great sacrifices or duties, but of little things in which smiles and kindnesses and small obligations, given habitually, are what win and preserve the heart and secure comfort."<P>Sir Humphry Davy<BR>

RMA--thanks for your input. As I've said, I'm letting him have as much time with us as he wants...and I'm already seeing him slide back into old habits. He comes here to use the internet.<P>I've told him the ball is in his court...he's rather idly bouncing it.<P>We've got an appt with the counselor at 1 MST. I think it will be a tough one.<P>I thank everyone for their prayers.<BR>

Lor, you've been through so much. I can understand your feelings of emptiness and disappointment. I agree with everyone else that its time for him to do the work. I believe I'd put a limit on internet time while he's there, though. I really admire your stamina.