Sobeit,<P>Ok I'm going out on a limb here not a lot of people know about me and my past but I am going to tell you so you know someone knows how you feel.<P>I am 27 years old and have tried to kill my self twice (thank God I didn't succeed) I have two children and I'm alone. That's the obvious stuff.<P>Now for the hard stuff. I was molested and raped as a child by three family members from the ages of 6 to 13, I have told a few people but I'll go to the grave before telling my family my H was the first man I told. I lied to him when were dating and let him assume I had been with other guys because I knew he would be able to tell I was not a virgin, it was two years after we were married that I told him that he was MY first choice and by that I mean That He was the first person I was with by my choice. I am terrified to leave my children with anyone but H, Meeting new people face to face cannot happen because of my social anxiety disorder I start crying if I am in a store alone. The only Job I have ever had H had to go and sit with me for the interview, My H says he blames what I did on my past, I don't know if that is why but I was afraid I was going to be left alone. And now my actions have put me there, But I'll never be alone as long as I pray to God and as long as I do everything to not ever hurt my children, for now those two types of love are the only types of unconditional love I have. But I'll take it over nothing, honey your kids may be grown but it <B>WILL NOT</B> hurt them any less if you do this. <B>PLEASE</B> if you need to talk e-mail me and I'll give you my phone #<P>Just remember you are not alone, we are here for you and a lot more of us know how you feel than you think.<P>With my love and prayers<BR>Lesa<BR><P>------------------<BR>"Trust in the Lord with all thine heart, and<BR> lean not unto thine own understanding." -Proverbs 3:5<BR>Take care and God Bless.<P> lms20ish@jobe.net

Well...<BR>ever the controversial one, I won't tell you not to go through with it. It is your life to do with as you please...<P>That however is the crux of the matter... it is your life to do with as you please... if your life is bringing you so little pleasure or seems so hopeless, perhaps you may consider trying something different before you go and make such an irreversable decision as suicide... because unlike many other decisions we face during our lives, that one is pretty damn permanent.<P>Ever wanted to travel? See the world? You must have a list of things that you've always wanted to do but were just unfeasible or not practical? Well, if you are ready to throw caution to the wind, knowing the devasting consequences involved and commit suicide in such a grizzly manner, maybe you can use that to your advantage and go out and have some FUN. We are ALL going to face death SOMEDAY, it just seems to me that you probably should get as much done before that as possible, if you get my meaning.<P>Another thing... I watched my Mom die from cancer. In fact she died in my arms. I was devastated and still am; and nobody had any choice in the matter. I urge you to consider the consequences of what you are considering. Your kids will be destroyed... not to mention your grandkids (if you have any, or will have any) and your hubby.<P>If you DO decide to go through with this, forget about the plastic... it won't make a bit of difference. I'm guessing that you want to save your loved ones the trouble of cleaning up, but there's still going to be one helluva a mess and whoever finds you is going to carry around an image for the rest of their life... god forbid it should be one of your kids, or someone else who loves you... drop the gun idea... ok?<P>Anyway, I said I wouldn't tell you not to go through with this... and I won't. I've had a very close friend kill himself, so it's not like I haven't given this a whole lot of thought... all I'm saying is look very closely at some of the options available to you... maybe you can come up with something better... like hitchhiking across Europe, or booking off to some 3rd world country to become a missionary... make an attempt on Everest... hop on a flight to Korea to teach English to some kids, go to Euthiopia and help dig wells... I dunno... <P>Do you get what I'm saying? Is it making any sense? <P>How do you want to be remembered? As a bloody mess in the bathtub or maybe the next Mother Teresa?<P>Deut<p>[This message has been edited by Soulloss' exH (edited February 11, 2000).]

I live about 3 hours from Blue Springs if you need someone to take your permit or gun away from you. Heck I was in Lenexa yesterday on business, then hit Harrah's river boat. <P>Just don't do anything. stop, don't think, don't react. just don't do anything. The people on this board care about each other so much because we are all going through the same thing, regardless of whose did what to who. The emotions, the feelings are very much the same. Suicide, yeah I've thought of it. Too easy to pull into the path of that semi truck or drive off the steep embankment w/out my seat belt on or you name it. Everytime I thought of it I thought of my kids and snapped out of it. Please just think of your kids, your future grandkids, everyone who knows and loves you. just don't do anything. You are loved.

Sobiet,<BR> I will echo the others. Please seek help NOW! Suicide is not the answer to ANYTHING! There are lots of people who care deeply about you and all of us on this board care about you. Things can get better, but you need to take care of yourself right away, no matter what. I'm not an overly religious person, but I am praying for you!<P>dzrt<BR>

No matter what you are doing or have done - your life has WORTH... <P>Please reconsider your options... I know how tempting it is to think that you could just float away in peaceful land... and certainly God understands your torment; but as soulloss said, will those who love you on this earth EVER get over such a scene?<P>Sweetheart, NOTHING is worth killing yourself over... and if you lived anywhere near me I would come over, hold you and help you through this pain... but alas, I cannot... <P>Please, please do not do this thing. You are a good person who's had a really terrible time of it. Many of us, dearheart, have... including me. I KNOW how you feel. I also know how it feels to look into the face of the sun and feel the warmth and be grateful that I didn't go through with ending my life. You can get there!!!<P>love and warmest wishes that you reach out to a real live person close by who can hold you...<P>~Sheryl

{{{{{{{{{{<B>sobeit</B>}}}}}}}}}},<P><B>YOU ARE LOVED</B>!!!!<P>The minute you think to go get that gun...<P>Reach instead for the phone...<P>Dial <A HREF="http://suicidal.com/suicidecrisiscenter/" TARGET=_blank>The Suicide Crisis Center... 1-800-SUICIDE (1-800-784-2433)</A>...<P>Hello... is a guradian angel talking to you...<BR>...it's an easy number to remember...<BR>1-800-SUICIDE<BR>1-800-SUICIDE<BR>1-800-SUICIDE<BR>1-800-SUICIDE<BR>1-800-SUICIDE<P> <P>Please do check yourself into a hospital immediately...<BR>...when you think no one can love <B>you</B> anymore...<BR>...prove <B>everyone</B> wrong!!!<BR><B>YOU CAN LOVE YOURSELF</B> <P>1-800-SUICIDE<BR>1-800-SUICIDE<BR>1-800-SUICIDE<BR>1-800-SUICIDE<BR>1-800-SUICIDE<BR>(anytime... any place)<P>I'm praying... <P>Jim<p>[This message has been edited by NSR (edited February 11, 2000).]

Please get help immediately. I have been in your situation. I had the whole bottle of pills in my hand, and the only thing that kept me from taking them was the thought of what this would do to my children. My love for them was more than my hate for my then husband and the OW! That was 2 yrs ago, and I can't believe I had those feelings! Life will get better--you have to believe in yourself. Don't let this depression rob you of your future, even though it may look dim right now. People love and care for you and are praying for you as I write this. Please call 1-800-NEW LIFE if you have no where else to turn. They are a Christian Counseling Center well known throughout the US. That is their 24 hr. number. I have used their services and I can say they helped save my life. Please be strong--take it one minute at a time--I promise it will get better.

Please get help immediately. I have been in your situation. I had the whole bottle of pills in my hand, and the only thing that kept me from taking them was the thought of what this would do to my children. My love for them was more than my hate for my then husband and the OW! That was 2 yrs ago, and I can't believe I had those feelings! Life will get better--you have to believe in yourself. Don't let this depression rob you of your future, even though it may look dim right now. People love and care for you and are praying for you as I write this. Please call 1-800-NEW LIFE if you have no where else to turn. They are a Christian Counseling Center well known throughout the US. That is their 24 hr. number. I have used their services and I can say they helped save my life. Please be strong--take it one minute at a time--I promise it will get better.

Please get help immediately. I have been in your situation. I had the whole bottle of pills in my hand, and the only thing that kept me from taking them was the thought of what this would do to my children. My love for them was more than my hate for my then husband and the OW! That was 2 yrs ago, and I can't believe I had those feelings! Life will get better--you have to believe in yourself. Don't let this depression rob you of your future, even though it may look dim right now. People love and care for you and are praying for you as I write this. Please call 1-800-NEW LIFE if you have no where else to turn. They are a Christian Counseling Center well known throughout the US. That is their 24 hr. number. I have used their services and I can say they helped save my life. Please be strong--take it one minute at a time--I promise it will get better.

I must reply to this.<P>My H's mother killed herself 6 months before H and I's wedding. She left behind her H, her son (my H), a daughter, and a whole lot of family and friends. It's been 3 and 1/2 years, but the pain of it all is so very fresh. <P>We have a beautiful little girl that will never know her grandma! It isn't fair. Please think this through. I've also responded to various suicide calls before in the line of duty and it was so sad to see such families in pain.<P>It's something that many of us have felt like doing, but when it comes down to it, its just selfish! We are here for you. Please feel free to email me at anytime,<P>------------------<BR>"If you can learn from the mistakes of others, you won't have to make them youself."<P>lady_divine77@yahoo.com

Sobeit,<P>I am praying for you and have been in much the same past life experiences you have.<P>Please don't do anything.<P>I had a dear friend commit suicide and a dear friends whos wife did. Let me tell you if you want to be cruel to those you love, friends, family, children and all those that love you don't do it. It is the ulitmate revenge. People are left in such a mess. I am sure you don't want to hurt anyone in your life.<P>Get yourself to a hospital. Do it for you, do it for others, and please do it for all of us here.<P>You really don't want to die you just want all the inner pain to go away. This is no answerr.<P>After all these years that my friend killed herself I still grieve. Please do not give up hope. There is no problem to great for God. <P>I will be praying real hard for you. I have been there and I know how you are feeling.<P>Please keep posting here so we know that you are still alive!<P>God bless you and please dear Lord keep a hedge of protection around our dear Sobeit.<P>------------------<BR><B>God bless you and all of us. We are all going to make it, all of us! With God on our side we can't loose. What God has joined together let no man put asunder. <P>Samantha</B>

I was just talking about you to Frank (Please Help) YESTERDAY! About how I missed you and wondered how you were doing.<P>You know how I feel about you. I wanted to share my good news with you. You've always been there for me and I would like to be there for you, too.<P>You have struggled for such a long time, but it's not time to give up yet - please. I know this is selfish of me, but I love you, and you are worth so very much to so many people - and isn't that what real worth is???<P>Your friends here aren't close physically, but we are with you anytime we can be. But, like everyone else has said, there are people close by who will help, and Honey, you need their help right now. We're here for you, too.<P>Would you e-mail me, please? Ldodge6209@aol.com. I want to talk to you. I don't want to lose my friend. Please.<P>Love,<P>Lori

Sobeit,<P>My MIL took her life many years ago, what a legacy to leave a family you love. There have been repercutions for all these years in the lives of her sons and even affecting the grandchildren she never knew. I know she had a hurting heart like you but if she could of put a little distance between her hurt and the future I don't believe she ever would of done it. There was no one there for her though and from what I can see there are alot of people on this forum here for you. Listen to them, you are so valuable. You are a child of God, created in His image and destined to bring glory to His Name. That is a fact whether you feel it or not. God loves you so much, He died so you could have a reason to live. Call out to Him! He will help you!<P>We are praying for you on the Women's Bible Study Forum and will continue to.<P>Nothing is worth ending a life which was created in the image of God!<P>------------------<BR>"Perfect love casts out fear" I John 4:18

I AM ADDING MY NAME TO THE LIST OF THOSE PRAYING FOR YOU!<P>I never believed in the power of prayer until 3 weeks ago! I had an anxious feeling in my stomach and heart that something was not right between me and my fiancee. I asked him how he was feeling and he said great. I was asking how he felt about US but he thought I was asking how he felt in general, which he didn't lie about because he did feel great - great about the OW and the fantasy he had created for himself. Anyway, I prayed to God that if there was nothing wrong to soften my heart, but if something was wrong, to show me the writing on the wall. The next afternoon I saw "a frined" of his on instant messanger and I nervously introduced myself to her as Jeff's fiance (thinking she must know about me if they're just friends). Anyway, she had no idea she wasn't his "girlfriend" and he was engaged. She was just as shocked as I was. MY PRAYER WAS ANSWERED!!!!!<P>~~~~~ I'M PRAYING FOR YOU ~~~~~

sobeit -- <B>PLEASE DON'T DO THIS</B><P>Many of us have felt very much like you are now. The pain can seem unbearable at times. I too have been one of those so overcome with the twists and turns life has handed me that I considered ending my life. I can remember sitting for hours in an apartment "empty" of the sounds of life. I can remember hold the gun for hours. Loading and reloading it, just to make sure I was ready.<P>I don't know exactly what it was that prevented me for carrying out my plans. <P>Seeing my daughter continue to grow has been a tremendous blessing for me. As have the members of this forum. That includes you as well sobeit.<P>Once again, I ask you <B>PLEASE DON'T DO THIS</B> We need you. Your children need you. Everyone whose life you have touched needs you.<P>You will be in my thoughts and prayers.<P>God Bless

I'm checking in on you. Please get back to us soon. We love you.<P>Lori

sobeit,<P>Where are you, it's Monday , please let us know you are ok, we are worried about you.<P>------------------<BR>Just call me - Deb<BR>------------------------<BR>The only day I can do anything about is today, yesterday is gone, tomorrow is not yet mine.<P>