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In support of 'trying2_4give': I agree that Freedom's new found religion of two weeks will prove to be a flash-in-the-pan and I invite him to keep posting here to admit it when he wakes up to reality.<P>Freedom, if you really are interested in improving your life (and those around you) you need to take responsibility for your actions and emotions. It's you, not your idea of a religious diety, that will save your life. Religion, in its over 5 thousand forms, worldwide, is an ENHANCEMENT of life, not LIFE. Most importantly, religion is not an excuse. Taking responsibility is up to you, dude, and, so far, you appear not to have shown a lot of it for your end of the bargain to any of the unfortunate people in your life.<P>Ughh!<P>------------------<BR>Onward and Upward !<P>Sid
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To Sid,<BR>Personally I could care less about what you think or believe and quite frankly most of the people in here would agree with me. Obviously your wife's infidelity has caused you a great deal of pain so you've become (or maybe you always were)just a dried up, bitter old fool. Who knows maybe you got what you deserved. Sure sounds like it.<P>In any event if you've come to this forum for support or understanding - welcome! However, if you're here to criticize or take your animosity out on anyone I'd advise you to take your bitterness and crawl back under the rock you came out from under. <P>Have a nice day Sid!
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freedom -- First, let me aplaud you on the courage it must have taken to be as honest as you were in starting this thread.<P>Second, I want to stand next to you in defending the power of God to heal. While I am still dealing with a lot of personal issues regarding my religous life, I do believe that God works miracles.<P>Third, I wish I could meet the people you did in Denver (I live in Colorado, so it makes it that much more vivid to me.) I have been hoping to meet people like you described, but thus far have not found them.<P>I hope that you and your W are able to rebuild your marriage. With everything your marriage has gone through, it sounds to me like it is due some good times.<P>God Bless
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Wow Freedom,<P>That was the first time I have ever read this post. How powerful. Wish I could get my husband to read it.<P>Thanks for all you have done...all you do. Sure hope you check in on all of us.<P>God bless you and yours big. Special prayers and thoughts to you. <P>------------------<BR>God bless you and all of us.<P>Samantha<BR>
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Wow, what a deep topic, and so many opinions. I think none of us ever truely understand what has happend to each other. So many different situations, so many different betrayals. This is what is so unique about this post, you get to hear so many different opinions. I can say that I'm not a church goer every Sunday, but when I was being betrayed, He is who I turned to. I just asked him for one more day of strength, I also prayed for a answer whether or not to leave my husband, not one time did I feel that was the choice, maybe Freedom's wife felt the same way. Freedom, my hat is off to you, not many would stand up to tell a story that is definately heart renching. I wish more people would read these stories and the pain they cause before the venture out in "other" relationships. Trying2_forgive, you are ok, just going through some very hard times. I emailed you because I knew what you were going through. No one here will judge you, you are very strong and admire that about you. We all have questions we want answered, unfortunately some do not make sense, and we still do not understand. The beauty of all of this is somehow we are bonded together.<BR>Thanks again Freedom, I'm glad I heard your story.
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Sid,<BR> While you are free to agree or disagree with anything any of us say here, I feel compeled to answer you,First have you ever had a deeply felt religiose experiance ? Well I have, and I can tell you that what Freedom has described is not some feel good hocus pocus. I had mine over 11 years ago, I'm still a Christian and happy with my decision. Let me tell you people didn't believe that it would last for me either, all my old dope buddies were suprised when I just stoped, the same with alcohol, I just no longer had the desire to do those things anymore. <BR> Freedom has rededicated his life to The Lord, why not just be happy for him ? Yes Freedom messed up with his affair, have you never made a mistake in your life ? I can tell you that Freedom has helped more people on this forum thean I can ever hope to reach. He is well respected here because he is willing to admit his faults and to share from his heart. He is truely remorseful for what happened in his marriage. <BR> I for one resent what you said about giving his faith 2 weeks, are you GOD that you know the future ? I don't think so. <BR> I know a lot of people are going to disagree with me here, but until you've walked a mile in Freedoms shoes, you have no right to say what he has experianced isn't real or won't last. JMHO.<P>------------------<BR>Just call me - Deb<BR>------------------------<BR>The only day I can do anything about is today, yesterday is gone, tomorrow is not yet mine.<P>
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Hey Sid,<P>Ya know, one of my favorite sayings was "I used to be all f**ked up on drugs (or sex, or whatever), now I'm all f**ked up on the Lord". I too was disgusted at the sometimes blatant hypocrisy of some religious people. However, I say WAS, because I did something I thought I would never do, and that was to betray my husband, the love of my life. I was all alone, left with the consequences of my behavior. Gone were our mutual friends, gone was my ex's family that I loved so much, and gone was all the security I used to have in my marriage at one time. What did this teach me? Yes, it taught me that destructive behavior has it's consequences, and that only CONSTRUCTIVE action on my part could ever hope to remedy such a situation. However, it also taught me that I can't do this life alone. When my ex-husband wasn't there for me during my marriage, I had other options than turning to another man. Faith in a higher power would have helped me at the time. Faith that no matter what my ex and I were going through would be worked out with love and time. I don't think Freedom is looking for an excuse in seeking religion. Blind "faith" can be a form of laziness, taken to the extreme, if it keeps one from facing their problems. However, I don't see him blaming GOD or the devil, or whatever for what happened to him. Belief in a higher power does help when you've hit bottom and have nothing else to turn to, though. Much better than turning to drugs, alcohol, or another woman.
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Well what an incredible story freedom but as you and i have talked through icq i knew most of it and know how low you have felt lately and it broke my heart as i am also in a quite similar situation here in my marriage.I have been married for 17 years to a guy who i would say is a good guy but i have felt something missing for several years now although could not quite put my finger on it,i told hubby on more than one occasion how i felt that i felt like more of brother and sister than spouses and didn't feel close to him the way i should,i to this day don't know if the problem was with me or with our relationship that i didn't have that close feeling.Well to skip ahead many years we bought this computer last summer which is where my stpry gets to.I was on icq talking to all kinds of men and women and there was this 1 particular guy i started talking to that we just clicked and i was a totally happy person when i was talking to him,we shared so many laughs together and he had opinions which is something my hubby didn't.This sounds rude but i would tell my hubby something i wanted him to do and he would jump to do it,kind of like the saying goes jump and they say how high!!!!!Well anyways after awhile talking on computer i wanted to hear this om's voice so i phoned him 1 day well this lead to daily calls for many months until i needed to meet him to see if he was like he seemed and we spent 3 days together which we had a wonderful time and i wanted to stay with him forever,i was depressed for over a week when i got home.Although i knew i was doing wrong i still did it as he makes me so happy,well hubby found out everything about 2 months ago and was of course devastated about it all and is trying hard now to be more attentive and caring but i ask myself why didn't he take me seriously years ago when i cried to him?We have gone to counselling but to tell you the truth i didnt get a lot out of it nor did he.I tried withdrawl but after a week i called om and i was so happy to talk to him again,he has not rushed me into anything and wants for me to only be happy with what ever i decide to do and does not want for me to leave my marriage to be with him but to leave my marriage only because i am not happy in it.He is single and lives 6 hours away from me,i have honestly never felt like this with hubby even in the start of our relationship and i am so confused,i hurt knowing how much hurti caused hubby and don't want to keep hurting him anymore but i also know i need to make a decision as i can't go on like this anymore it is unfair to myself,hubby or om.I don't know what to do but we just got home from a 10 day vacation as a family and i honestly don't know if i can see myself being happy and content staying in marriage.....i want to run far far away but i know obviouslt that will not fix anything,this has happened and now i have to deal with it,hubby did not deserve any of this as he never did me wrong intentionally it was just that he didn't take me seriously and told me he was asleep when i was crying out for him and he feels bad now but what do i do when i love someone else how can i get over him and love hubby the way he deserves to,i am scared that if i stay in marriage i will resent hubby down the line.......help..........anyone with icq????????? JANICE
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hey, janice, why dont you start a new post with this, so people can meet you?<BR>just copy and paste it and give it a catchy name. I haven't much to say to you yet, but everyone here helps when they can, and you will get lots of support and advice.<BR>welcome!<P>------------------<BR>for better or for worse, in sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer, till death do us part.<P><BR>
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Dear Freedom,<P>I tried to fight the feeling to reply to your posts, but I lost. All of the replies have been beautifully said, I am compelled to write to you.<P>You keep on standing for God, because if you don't, you will fall into the devil's snare. They didn't believe that Jesus Christ was the son of God, so how can you expect them to believe in the power of God? Fighter, do not be deterred from what you are trying to do. God is doing something great in your life and your marriage. Just let him have his way in your life. <P>I too have been experiencing the awesome presence of God in my life and in my marriage. Even though my husband and I are separated too, we are working on getting back together. When I first found out about my H affair (which resulted in possible OC), I just totally lost it. I mean I was crying at home, at work, in the car. I could not eat or sleep, or do any work when I was at work. I have lost over 40 pounds (a plus). Even though I have two children to care for, I am not sure how everything got done. And thank god for my 2 year old because she really has been a special instrument in my life as far as me not having the opportunity to sink into a deep depression. My babies really kept me holding on, when there was nothing to hold onto. I even posted here a few times just trying to get a grip on what to do.<P>At one point, each morning that God allowed to me open my eyes and draw breath, I felt very deep despair. I was sorry to have lived through the night only to have to face the day and I was not sure where I would find the strengnth to make it through my day. Just doing ordinary daily chores and having to interact with other people seemed impossible.<P>I had the call on the name of Jesus, and ask him to ease my pain and suffering. You know of all the fantastik breakthroughs science has had, there is no medicine or a cure for a badly broken heart. But God stepped into my life and gave me strength and determination. And tonight, I am doing alright.<P>Now don't get me wrong, I am not saying that things are perfect. I remember and think of my H's weakness every day of my life. And I do have bad days where I cry and I feel upset, but I believe that God has everything in control and that panic stricken, don't know where to turn feeling is gone!<P>God does heal broken hearts, and broken marriages. God bless you and your wife fighter. Keep the faith, because god is moving in your life.<P><BR>God Bless You - Liza
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THank you Liza for your kind words. I should probably update my profile. We are back together as husband and wife. the only difference is that we are not legally married. She has been so nice to me its' like somebody filtered all of the meaness out of her. I've not known this kind of niceness from her. Ever. She'll just come up to me and touch me and be nice to me. I'm still angry about what happenend and humiliated by it. but it does no good to bother her about it.<P>There is none of the "full throttle anger and rejection that was endlessly flowing from her. I wonder where it went. <BR>I'll get the pangs of sadness and anger but the person to be angry with is not there. Just her. So I just keep those demons to my self and sooner or later their grip on me lessens.<P>Liza, I hope that you reach the same point and push on from there. Its' been a long thorny road but were getting there.
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From one who is about to enter the abyss of separation after a 3 year affair by my wife, I must say how much freedom's story gives me hope. I'm sure my W will leave and probably soon. I can't bare the pain and hurt of it now but am trying to find the strength to believe there is "light" on the other end.<P>Freedom, I believe you will do well. God has given you the strength to be completely honest and remoresful. It's now simply time that should you and your wife's wounds.<P>Thank you so much for your story freedom.<BR>
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