My3Kids (I don't know your first name!),<P>You were a strong beautiful wonderful woman before you were with H and you will continue to be one after he is gone. <P>I know how you feel, its like I wrote it myself. But it is not your fault. I mean, yes, I will take a small part in my H's unhappiness, but my fault for the affair, forget it. Just because you are alone, or seperated, doesn't make you any less of a person.<P>Take this time to treat yourself kindly and let us treat you that way too. Give yourself some space to heal. Sometimes the constant pressures and worrying and tactics we do on Plan A, seem to almost get in the way, of just letting fate step in and take its course. I am not religious, really, but I did say a prayer a few weeks ago, and I stopped saying "please let me and H get back together" . I started saying "please let me be happy again". And I think it is working.<P>I lost weight, I went through all your emotions. It does bother me that your H feels he is risking his life being with you. These shakes, can be his own problem as a result of the affair. It can be something totally different even, but thats too much a burden to put on the mother of 3 wonderful children and his caretaker for many years.<P>Try to focus on you and the children. I have 3 kids too. They are 8,6,2. Its hard, I know, plus I work 50 hours a week doing daycare. I don't know how I do it, but I do. Feel free to email me at MrsDMBrown@mail.com if you need to talk anytime. Prayers are with you. Dana<BR>
