We've been in recovery for 10 months. Prior to recovery and three times during recovery while my husband was in the throes of his alcoholism, some of the phrases he said that still haunt me are:<P>"I just want to be rid of you"<BR>"I want out of the marriage-I am sick of looking at you."<BR>"You're incompetent and stupid."<BR>"Yes! I wanted her! I wanted her! You spoiled it for me by taking me back..I could have been with her. Now I can't go to her."<BR>"You're going to make me fall in love with you all over again just so you can leave me to get even with me."<BR>"I thought she was so much more than you; and I thought you were so much less than she was."<BR>And, of course, the very tired, been done to death response we have all received, "I love you, but, I am not IN LOVE with you." Blah, blah, blah. Puh-leez.<P>PS Hi Bystander =^^=

Wow, I guess the only thing I have going for me here is that my husband never ever said he didn't love me anymore. He still said he loves me. In fact, the second time he came over after he moved in with the ow, we were talking and I slipped and said, "I love you."<BR>Then, he said, "I still love you too." So, I am like, what the heck are we doing this divorce thing for??? <P>Kam, the one about your h shivering and saying it was because she was thinking about me makes me want to puke! I am sorry! I think if my h had said something like that to me I would have smacked him as hard as I could!<P>~Woozy

Oh, how can you smack someone who is SO CLEARLY deranged???

<BR>Hi catnip! <P>Kam, the shivering thing is so weird I actually chuckled. If I saw that, I'd figure he'd really and truly flipped out.<P>Bystander

I can't stay away from this thread!!!<P>Did you know there is an old thread of these... <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Archives/Archive-000001/HTML/19991122-1-003658.html" TARGET=_blank>www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Archives/Archive-000001/HTML/19991122-1-003658.html</A> <P>My fave on that is K's...<BR>

We had problems about 5 months from the time of discovery where we both actively participated in counseling. I suspected the affair, but had no proof. The day we reconciled we made love. In the middle of intercourse he stopped and said, "This is a mistake."<P>Talk about crushed.

This could be a whole category on MB forum! How about:<P>"I need to just go work on me for a while. Thinking about our marriage is too confusing."<P>"The affair has nothing to do with the problems in our marriage."<P>"Why would I want a divorce after we had such a good year together? That's a good question. I hope you'll think about it."<P>"I never meant for any of this to happen."<P><BR>AUGH!!!!

of all the stupid things he's said ... this one hurt the most.<P>"If I had it to do over again I would never have married you"<P>a year later when I was in withdrawl I threw that statement back up to him telling him that he has made it VERY clear how he feels about me. <P>he made this statement. "What? I can't get mad and say things I don't mean?" <P>#1 he wasn't mad when he said it<P>#2 he never told ME that he didn't mean it<P>#3 he sure does act like he meant it<P>so what's wrong with me that I believe he meant it? <P>Keo<P>

Kam, all I can say is LOL! They are deranged aren't they? Sad isn't it though?<P>~Woozy

Ok, this one really is awful but it is true, I believe.<P>Husband says, "If it hadn't happened in the bathroom at work, I never would have started having sex with her!"<P>That is where they had sex the first time! YUCK! She knew she had to get him in the women's bathroom because she knew he wouldn't go anywhere to have sex with her. Just one time was all it took and he was hooked!<P>OH! Then he said, "I thought I could just do it once. If she had turned out to be a dud, it wouldn't have been a problem quitting."<P>This is so clearly about sex it isn't even funny! The sad thing is, my h and I had an incredible sex life. I guess my only problem is I am not a slut who cheats on every man I have ever been married to. She has been married twice and has cheated several times on her first h and at least twice on he present h. <P>I really am finding this thread fascinating. I guess in some sick way, it feels good to get all the awful things out that he has said!<P>~Woozy

Done this before but why not....<P>"I finally found someone I can talk to and I am not about to give him up."<BR>she told our son "He (me) is not the right one" My son was 7 at the time....<BR>One time she bought a black bra and i joked to her that she model it... her reply.. "It's not for you....."<BR>She has also said about everything listed previously.....<BR>I'm with God... I hate divorce too....

Kam,<P>I just went and checked out that thread. I read K's and it was hysterical. Well, not really but you know what I mean! It gave me a laugh and I could sure use a few laughs right now!!!!<P>~Woozy

OK,I think I have enough material here to write"The Affair Excuse Book".Maybe I can make some money out of this mess!What do you think?Here's a couple more:<BR> Me:"Why didn't you just ask for a divorce,instead of sleeping with another man behind my back?"<BR> Her:"Would it of made any difference?"<P> "I only married you because I felt sorry for you". --Murph<BR>

Great news!!!!<P>My wife said most all those things, and has tried to throw me out three times during withdawals - even threatening lawyers and kid snatching.<P>But this morning she was true to the theme of this thread. She said that she's sorry for all the evil things she's said, that we are moving forward as a couple and team, that we'll go back to counseling not to decide to stay together (decision made), but to learn to meet each others needs and get to the root of her desires. <P>This recovery stuff is really hard. But, if WE can hold ourselves together as Harley suggests, then there is lots of hope. You see, they really don't mean that stuff they say. We just have to get them to the other side before they or we do something stupid that ruins the marriage. I'm really glad I didn't love bust and stuck to Plan A. That's what she says has made the difference, that she couldn't make me mad enough to leave.<P>SamH

Two more winners!<P>1. (After HE was the one to have the affair) Can I ask you a question? Is there any chance the baby is not mine? (I was pregnant at the time)<P>2. I married you because of A (my daughter) He says he didn't want to be a bad example to her and live together like we had been doing. He later recanted this one.<P>

Here's an addition for the book - this can go in the chapter on hypocrisy:<P>"I want to be with someone I can grow in my Christian faith with"<P>Huh? You're betraying me with a married man because he can help you grow in your Christian faith?<P>Even <B>I</B> have to laugh at that!<P>Actually, this only half-applies here - because she has never said she didn't really mean it.<p>[This message has been edited by 2sad4words (edited March 14, 2000).]

Okay, I guess it's my turn! This from a man who didn't have a PA....only "friendships"<BR>(that he now "agrees" were EA's):<BR> <BR>"I guess I'll settle for you."<BR>"I like tall blond women." I'm 5ft tall and have long dark hair....& no, I'm not heavy.<BR>(According to him , I'm also too thin)<BR>"I like My women to have a little weight on them."<BR>"EA#4 is not my type." Who is your type?<BR>Answer:EA #1 (a pre-marrige sex partner & his fatal attraction...had phone # changed after 17 years of marriage because she was still harrassing us); EA #3(don't want to get into that); and EA#5 (who was still hanging around at the time) <BR>"I changed my mind. I won't divorce you, but I have no intention of becoming emotionally involved with you so don't expect it."<BR>(he was hanging around with EA#5 at the time) <BR>"I want my pick of the candy store. And, you're only one piece of candy."<BR>"I want a younger wife!"<BR>"If you were as interesting as___, I might be more interested in you."<BR>"Sex outside of marriage is more exciting than married sex."(How does he know if he didn't have a PA?)<BR>"So & so has a better personality than you."<BR>(I was so depressed by then, I couldn't stop crying...would have to run to the bathroom so he wouldn't see me cry.) <P>Those are just a few of the hurtful comments that were made...thankfully, I can't remember the rest. He say's that he tied that guy up to a chair and put a gag on his mouth but occassionally I still hear from that creep. I attribute it to having your brain washed by internet pornography....it will turn a half way decent man into a creep so fast it will make your head spin. But that doesn't make those comments less hurtful!!! <P>CJ <P>------------------<BR>Psalm 42<p>[This message has been edited by CJB80 (edited March 14, 2000).]