Hey,Gang,<BR> I haven't seen or talked to my W for over a year.Well,I got a brief letter in the mail today.She hoped everything was going good for me and sends"her best"to my family who she devastated with her actions.She also gave me the address of her trophy-boyfriend's house where she's been living,in case I needed to get in touch with her.I knew where it was months ago(we have our sources,don't we?).<BR>Boy,talk about opening up old wounds.It sounds like everything's going hunky-dory for her.For a second there,I thought maybe she was going to invite me over for a BBQ.How can your spouse hurt you so bad,and then a year later act like everything's Jim-Dandy??I wonder what her family thinks about her living with the man who she cheated on her H with??Are they that naive to think it's"all my fault"that made her go shack up with this guy??<BR>I don't post topics much,but seeing this made me very angry all over again.Not much anyone can tell me,I just need to get this insensitive,irresponsible,ungrateful B!tch out of my life,and out of my head!<BR> --Murph<BR>

Maybe because I am seeing roses everywhere, I am looking for them in your life too.<P>I have a lot of questions, why after a year is she contacting you? Something is not right here! There is no reason for her to do this unless she is not as happy as you think and is remembering the time before. I really can't imagine someone being that cruel to take the time to write just to hurt someone. I don't know. Maybe you should respond with a nice sort of letter of your own? Just a thought.<BR>What are your feelings about having contact? and on your marriage?<BR> <P>------------------<BR>di<P>

Murph,<P>Good Lord, Man! What a turn of events!! I'm not even sure what to think of this! Maybe as SDS said, she is remembering what she gave up. <P>Go ahead, write a short note. Nothing elaborate. Just basically to say "HI!"<P>Take care,<BR>Mitzi

Hey Murph<P>I know that this really hurt. But I also wonder why did she contact you. If she was so happy why hasn't she filed for divorce? A year with no contact then out of the blue she writes you a letter. Do you think that maybe she is jsut testing the water with you?<P>Maybe she does not want you to know that she is unhappy. She left and she just can't say how bad she is feeling. <P>I know this may just be wishful thinking. <P> I would write back and say I am glad that you doing good, and that I am doing great too. Or just keep in plan B and do not answer back and make her think.<P>I do wish you the best. I am heading to divorce. I hate thinking about all this legal stuff and visitation ect. <P>I am thinking about you........hang in there!

Murph,<P>Let me know when you find a way!!!!!<P>Bob

Oh Murph,<P>I don't know what to tell you. How do you feel about getting the letter? I'd be doing the happy dance......then, again, maybe not. Just when you <B>think</B> you've made progress on yourself there's another blip on the radar. <P>Feels good to vent thought, doesn't it?

Thanks,Gang,<BR> I don't know what to think.Personally,I think she's in the middle if a mid-life crisis.Does she really think The Kid is going to open car doors for her for the next 22 years?Do you guys think he'll even be around 22 years from now?<BR>I guess I feel numb inside.Before she moved out,she said horrible,cruel things to me,and blamed me for everything she thought was wrong in our marriage,even the decisions she made right along with me.She managed to turn my second family that I've known for 24 years against me,unless some of them are too uncomfortable to call me.<BR>No,SDS,I don't think she's being intentionally cruel,but I do think she's very naive.Before she left,she said that after we're divorced and I get a new girlfriend,we can all have BBQ's together(as if!).<BR>Mitzi,I have no intention of responding to her.That's probably what she expects.Then she can tell me how we can always be really good friends.Ever since she got a young,healthy BoyToy,she talks down to me like I'm a child(I'm 3 years older than her),and I just refuse to tolerate that kind of treatment.Wouldn't you?<BR>my3kids,I've already discussed a divorce with my lawyer.As I stated long ago,she said she would give me almost everything,and I haven't heard otherwise.Sacrificing everything for her new life?My lawyer said he's never heard such a thing.I think she's really"out there".She didn't want any pictures,gifts I gave her,anything from all the trips we took over the years,Anything that reminded her of her"old life".That really hurt.We didn't have a terrible marriage,so I guess I'll never understand until the day I die.No happy dances for me.<BR> --Murph

Murph,<P>My H also left behind virtually everything that would remind him of his previous life, even things that had nothing really to do with me. <P>I think it has to be a good sign that your wife is no longer saying angry things.

MUrph,<P>Your w and my x must be sisters or at least in the same MLC.<P>My x said how material things didn't matter, and how she didn't want anything out of the house, etc.<P>Well, she ended up only taking our extra bedroom furniture and a modern art picture we got as a wedding picture. I actaully wanted it but my lawyer said why fight over a $100 picture so I let her have it. She didn't even take her parents or great aunts pictures. She only recently took additional pictures of the kids.<P>She was still wearing all the jewelry i bought her over but have noticed she has replaced it now. She also asked for the pictures I took down and the quilt and curtains I took down out of the bedroom. I told her I was giving them to someone else.(hey Medic, I got rid of the flowered bed spread and curtains, but I still have the pink bedroom!).<P>BUt she is changing back to her old ways. She is leaving today or tommorrow for a Carribean trip for a week and in Jan was in Fl. I think of her now as a golddigger as om's mummy must be loaded and is paying for all this stuff including her/their house.<P>Hang in.<P>Bob<P>

My H told me he did not care about his STUFF, as he calls it. I have framed a few pictures of the kids for him and have given it to him, but I have been to his office they are not there on his desk.<P>What is weird though, I drove his car the other night, and all the cards that I have given him since this started are under his front seat. Now, what do you make of that? (Sorry I am still snooping, I try not too........but)<P>I think when they are in a MLC, they want to forget their past life. I do hope that they do wake up one day. But It may be too late for me. I got winked at the other day. I thought, this is nice. It was not a sexy wink, just a little friendly wink. I have not been wink at in like for ever.<P>The last time I got some attention from another guy was years ago. I was walking down town, pregnant, (like 7 months) and these guys yell out the window....."I know what you've been doing" it was so funny but embrassing.<P>I have been married for so long, I do not know what to think when another man gives me a little attention.<P>Any way back to your post. My H does not want hardly anything. He is going to take care of me and kids financially too. I will not have to worry about anything for 5 or so years. I wonder how he will feel when he does not have much money and no forks or spoons when he gets his own place.<P>I hope then reality checks in. I hope it does for you too! If that is what you want.<BR>They are the confused one, we are the ones that have to make order over the confusion they have caused!<P>Hang in there!<BR>

Murphy, i agree that you are doing the right thing, by NOT contacting her back. Let's see what she tries next. Plan B is going to get to her, I bet you that after a few weeks of having no response back that she will begin to feel that she has lost her control with you. Her ego will start to hurt and she will wonder, "Hey, why isn't he jumping at my letter to him". Let her do all the contacting. She will see how things have changed!

Yes,things have changed,I have changed,just like everybody else in here who's going through this [censored]!Plan A has been over for a long time.No more crying,negotiating,or asking"What did I do wrong".My head is clear on the whole matter.I wasn't the perfect H,but she wasn't a saint,either,and I didn't do anything so cruel,so horrible or abusive to deserve this treatment.I was just getting ready to build her a brand new kitchen when I found out she was sleeping with The Kid.Then all H broke loose.Sure glad I didn't put a deposit down on those cabinets.<BR>Nellie,I think her anger stage was very brief,and only directed at me to make me feel guilty and shut up.After she moved out and I tried to talk to her,she was very condencending,like she was talking to one of Jerry's Kids.<BR>RWD,I don't think she's a golddigger.She said she was going to try to control her spending habits(she's a clothes horse).Perhaps if her trophy-boyfriend dumps her,she realise how good she had it with me.I didn't complain that much about her spending.My folks were real hurt that she didn't take all the gifts they had bought her.What a slam to the people who treated her like their own daughter.By the way,paint that bedroom.<BR>trying2_4give,If she ever calls me,she going to be dealing with a whole different person,not the one she remembers.Won't she be surprised?I underwent the"Infidelity Makeover".Does wonders for you,huh?<BR>my3kids,you ever make it to Seattle,I'll wink at you all you want!<BR> --Murph

Thanks Murph......I will remember that!<P>I have a step brother that lives in Oregon...<P>Yes, we have all changed, we are stronger and we will make our next relationship with spouse or not, a great one. I will never take my marriage for granted again.<P>Have a great weekend. The weather in MO is wonderful today.<P>

And I'll never take life for granted again.<BR> The weather here isn't supposed to be too bad this weekend.Gonna watch them blow up the Kingdome Sunday! --Murph

Murph,<P>I agree that you are better off not contacting her. Just let it go and see what happens. I'll bet she will continue to try and contact you. My H has told me he would hate it if I refused to ever speak to him again. Oh, but I'm not suppose to hate his affair, right?? <BR>I'm sorry that I don't have much advice. Take care.<P>Tulip

Murphy,<BR>Well isn't that just great...she found the time to write you. Sounds like my stbx.....he wants to be friends and fix things for me.....of course that is after all "my" anger is gone. LOL.....Who needs friends like that. I just assume going through life with a big wart on my nose.<P>But I still wonder why after a year.....that she would write you. Has she been thinking?<P>Nancy

Tulip,<BR>Funny how they become intimate with somebody else and want to bail out of the marriage,then can't understand why you don't want to talk to them,huh?<BR> <BR>Nancy,<BR>Why do you think I posted this topic? You guys are supposed to have all the answers!!!<BR>My gut feeling is she's feeling guilty,and thinks if we can become"good friends",it will help relieve her guilt.Make sense? <BR> I would rather be friends with Charles Manson(well,not really!). <BR> --Murph

Hey Murph.....wished I did have all the answers, then maybe I wouldn't be sleeping single in a double bed. Of course that only happens when the girls are at their dads. <P>I can only tell you that I don't write to people because I'm feeling guilty. I never wrote any letter to my stbx because I was guilty......it was because I wanted him to think of me. Good thoughts.....so maybe we could work it out. So maybe she thinks that you have forgotten her and she certainly couldn't live with that.<P>Boy Charles Manson is sounding better......<BR>Nancy

Okay, no happy dance.<P>Will be watching the Kingdome implode, too.... is that what a metaphor is? or is it a simile?....what exciting lives we lead, huh? My Kids will get a big kick out of it though (the explosion).

Nancy,<BR> What you say is possible,I suppose.But then you probably have never felt as guilty as her,and what she did.She did manage to forget me for over a year while living with Romeo,though. --Murph