Nancy, I am so sorry. Do go for that second opinion. Also ask your attorney how your judge goes on child custody cases does he/she lean towoard one parent or the other. You and the girls will be in my prayers. Stay strong!!!! {{{{{{HIGS}}}}}<P><P>------------------<BR>di<P>

Di,<BR>In the county that I live in.....the man is being given custody in alarming rates. I actually know of a case close to me through my support group that the woman was beaten up...but in the hospital....H was arrested and sentenced to jail....he was only in for 2 months and released. The support group secured her a shelter in California because of her H release. Well last week he got an attorney....filed for emergency custody of their 15 month old son...whom by the way he last saw when he was 2 months old.....(his own choice).....well he got it.....the same judge who signed my stbx's emergency custody papers back in May of 1999.<P><BR>This county is so amazing.....<P>Nancy

{{{{{{{{{{<B>Nancy</B>}}}}}}}}},<P>I too am so sorry...<P>The judicial system of the this country is just incredibly inept...<BR>...to bringing down all of society.<P>I'm praying for you and your girls.<P>Try and get a second evaluation.<P> <P>Jim

I'm going to try anything and everything. I have already notices some stuff in the report that is very contradictory. I hope that I can explain them and get the support I need. I have quite a few friends who are willing, ready and able to testify on my behalf. I have neighbors who knew us both that are wanting to help and I have a few neighbors that have lived in the neighborhood with us (when we were together) that to this day do not know what my stbx even looks like and one of them lives right next door.<P>I am praying<P>Please say one for me too.<BR>Nancy

Sounds like the "GAL" is recommending change of physical custody - based on an opinion that she arrived at - as a result of incorrect facts - and - making a judgement call of who is the parent mentally capable of non-polluting the children.....<P>Sounds to me like she is OUT OF BOUNDS, and should not be making ANY recommendations.<P>#1. She is NOT a psychologist.<P>#2. She is making a decision based on "allegations" not FACT. That is what the court is for - to determine what FACTS are, and what decisions should be made ACCORDING to the law.<P>#3. I HOPE you have your INDEPENDENT opinion, regardless.<P>I was studying some appelate cases last week, and although the GAL was biased toward the father - the mother took the children in for an independent evaluation. It was submitted to the court, the GAL wouldn't consider it. The court actually did use the independent evaluation in REMOVING the GAL!!!<P>Go to the Indiana Bar Association, and see if you can do a search. READ everything you can, and look for as many loopholes as you can.<P>DON'T GIVE UP.<BR>TNT

<A HREF="http://www.state.in.us/legislative/ic/code/title31/ar17/ch2.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.state.in.us/legislative/ic/code/title31/ar17/ch2.html</A><BR> <A HREF="http://www.state.in.us/judiciary/opinions/archive/042201.ewn.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.state.in.us/judiciary/opinions/archive/042201.ewn.html</A> <P>[This message has been edited by trustntruth (edited March 31, 2000).]<p>[This message has been edited by trustntruth (edited March 31, 2000).]

Dear Nancy, How horrible and unfair for you and for your daughters. Based on what you've disclosed to us, however, it appears that your husband is the grossly unfit one and that you are the more stable of the two. Unfortunately, a third party is making the monumental decision of where to place your children -- and she is buying all of your husband's lies. I read a website recently that had to do with the judicial system and children/custody issues. It stated that a LIAR can sometimes fool the best of the them, including court-appointed pschologists and psychiatrists. This should not be a deterrent, however, in your vigorous pursual of another psychiatrist. How has your attorney advised you on this matter? Can he not appoint a psychologist to do an independent evaluation of you, the children and your H? I can hardly believe that this "quack" who supposedly has the best interests of the children at heart could have the last word in something so serious as the welfare of your children! Please ask your lawyer what to do and if he does not comply then beg, borrow or steal, but get another lawyer right away. I am praying for you. My husband is of the same mold as yours: He would do anything, absolutely anything to destroy me and, ultimately, his own children. Please keep praying and do not lose hope, no matter what.

Nancy, I'm so very sorry that you are going trough this.<BR>This is one of the reasons why I don't have much faith in the system.<BR>A good liar can get away with almost anything.<P>I too think you should get a second opinion, and look into everything that can help you.<P>I'll be thinking of you and the children.<P>A big hug<BR>Kat<P>

((((Nancy))))<P>My prayers are with you and the girls!<P>I agree, get a second opinion and fight!<P>Best of luck and many many prayers.<BR>

Dear Nancy, I am so sorry.You and the girls are in my prayers.beth

Quick update...<BR>I had a conference with the girls school. I brought that part of the evaluation that has to do with what school officals said. I talked with the principal and since she was not interviewed by the custody evaluator...she could not know if this stuff was said. Although...in the report it states that I was asked to quit having lunch at the school with the girls. The principal stated that it is against Indiana State law to deny anyone to eat lunch at the school. She said that that statement is untrue and that she believes that there may be many more.<P>She wants to have a conference with the teachers and school nurse and myself to get to the bottom of this. I brought my mom so that I would have another set of ears...eyes... and also protect me if she should say I was angry or threatening.<P>I talked to my counselor yesterday and read her the parts that she said. She said that most of what she said was true but not used in the same context and also stuff was left out making the statement sound bad.<P>Now I am pumped.....I am going to prove as much as I can to be untrue. This evaluator is not creditable. Remember...she lost custody of her own children for lying on the stand in a court of law in her own divorce. She can't be trusted.<P>Nancy<P>PS Thank you for all your prayers...please keep them up.....I think they are giving me strength and I am starting to fight.<P>Thank you

He called...left msg telling our 9 year old he will be picking her up for her b-day on Monday. <P>Maybe I should have him come early because our utilities are due to be shut off at 1:00pm due to him not paying them although it was court ordered.<P>Just another memorable birthday for her .....again<P><BR>Nancy

Man, oh man. You hang in there, kiddo. I haven't been posting much, just here and there. But I HAVE been checking and hoping the best for you.<P>Could this possibly be changed to mediation instead of before this crooked judge? I realize not good odds for that either since your H would have to agree. <P>In thinking what's best for the kids, what can you offer that deranged STBX of yours in order to keep primary custody of them with you? <P>Anyway...keep cranking with your attorney. If you can get affidavits signed by the school personnel, AND neighbors, relatives, etc. that throw doubt on STBX's testimony, and that of the evaluator, your attorney can at least file a motion to get a second opinion from a psychologist before a final ruling. Hopefully? <P>Maybe try to have this judge removed, citing that one example you shared...although attorneys typically don't like to do that. Goes bad for them in other cases before the same judge.<P>I dooooo feel for you. We've been to hell in a handbasket and back over custody of H's son. His Ex fought tooth and nail, not for son, but for her selfish interests to get out of paying support and to make life horrible for H. We have no established visitation agreement; she'll send one then change her mind, then send the same thing again. We are finally receiving support from her after a year without. <P>Thank God we have a wonderful judge who sees through her charades. If I could ship him to you I would.<BR>

I have not been posting to much but I just had to say how much I feel for you and your situation. It is so unfair. Get your second oppinion and collect as many people that you can who can dispute the contents of the report.<P>I will be thinking of you and keep you in my thoughts and prayers.<P>Acacia

I do have a neighbor down the street that I do not know very well, but she told me that my stbx had her daughter in tears about 2-3 years ago. I guess he got right in her face and cussed her out....then when she would walk by with her dog he would sit out on the porch and call her a b*tch and tell her that if she didn't get that f#ckin dog out of our yard he was going to kill it. She was about 10 at the time. <P>She said that they almost had to get an attorney because she was a nervous reck and would have bad dreams.<P>I am going to talk to her this week sometime. See if she can write a statement up....maybe even her H and daughter.<P>Maybe that will prove to someone just how "scary" he really is.<P>Nancy

Yes, have her write a statement, and everyone you know write a statement, as well as the school (re-references to 'their' comments). <P>And, KEEP the originals, and give copies to your lawyer. AND, your lawyer needs to bring a motion to have this GAL and her OPINIONS thrown OUT!!!!!<P>Keep your strength. I am glad you are getting pro-active and fighting. <P>Now... About those utilities. DO NOT let them get shut off. Instead, go to the welfare office and apply for emergency assistance. Call the Crisis Center - and ask them for a referral to a social worker. The social worker can lead you into every direction you need to get your emergency needs taken care of.<P>Also - DO NOT MENTION that your husband didn't pay the utilities like he was ordered to - to the kids. Make sure you do everything to leave them out of this mess. Don't make up lies for him, either, but just make sure they can't hear you saying not one thing negative about them and their father.<P>The angle the GAL is trying to use is Parental Alienation. She is assuming that you are trying to allenianate the kids from your husband. I know this isn't true. I know that you only want to protect your children from his violent demeanor when things do not go his way.<P>Also, your attorney should be requesting psychological evaluations for your X, based on the alleged abuse. (I know it isn't alleged, but it doesn't matter.)<P>You GO GIRL!!!<P>Dear Heavenly Father, I pray that you give Nancy incredible strength and wisdom. Oh, Lord, give her favor, and Lord let no weapon formed against her prosper, In Jesus Name, AMEN.<P>

My new attorney told me to listen to him.....let the utilities go off. Told me to go stay with a friend, if I could. I have 2 friends who live within the school district that have offered and I am sure many more that would let me if I would ask.<BR>I guess since he is behind in child support that this will even look worse.<P>The utilities go off on Monday. I can't get help by tomorrow.<P>My new attroeny also said not to drive the van...period. Since the plates expired on Friday. I asked him about me working and he said "well...can't get to work if you can't drive your car". I will go to work....my mom came down and I am going to borrow her car. I do not want to lose my job.<P>My stbx called twice yesterday while we were out. You can hear it in his voice.....not believing we were gone.....I mean how could we.....we don't have a car to drive.<P>I sent him an overnight letter...per my attorney's wishes.....telling him about the van plates and the utilities. I now he got it...so you can hear just how nasty and funny he is trying to be.<P>I do not like the thought of having my utilities turned off. I believe that my h and his attorney will use that against me in a court....but I also need to follow my attorney. I need to do what he says. He has a plan...something my other ones didn't. He specializes in family law and custody.<P>By the way...I am finding even more stuff in that evaluators report that is wrong.....and I am happy to announce that for a few...I have proof....paper proof. She comments how he is open and honest a couple times in the report.....that is why she believes I am turning the children against him.<P>I picked up a book on Domestic Violence. I couldn't believe that it is describing my H. It also states that the court system is failing women who are abused because most abusers don't fit into the "look" most people think. Most abusers are 6 figure.....suit wearing.....pillar of society....guys. That they manipulate evaluators....courts and judges into thinking they are the victim. That they call police and when they come they are the ones who are calm and the victim is hysterical and then the cops think it is the other way around. My stbx did that to me on 2 occasions...he called police saying I was out of control....I was mental.....<P><BR>I thank you for your prayers......I am also praying and hoping they work.<P>Nancy

Get that statement in the form of an affidavit if you possibly can. Ask your attorney how you should handle getting a notary to sign the document(s). Keep working on the school personnel since their testimony directly pertains to what's happening with your children.<P>Trust your attorney. He has experience in this. Sure, H's attorney will counter with more nastiness. But you're right, you and your attorney now have a strategy.<P>Can you think of any ways to bring your case to light for the media or special interest organizations, etc.? Sounds like this judge needs to be swayed politically since votes are probably the only thing he understands.

Nancy,<P>I am not suggesting that you don't do what your attorney suggests, whatsoever.<P>In my case, I had a divorce attorney and a custody attorney, and the kids had their attorney. My custody attorney was good, but apparently I was the only woman he has ever represented, and he didn't fight for me AT ALL. When X didn't pay the child support, custody attorney wouldn't even take my call. The utilities in my house were ready to be shut off on a Friday. I went to X's house and knocked on the door, and asked for a check in desperation. OW answered door and said I would get a check when she had a chance to reconcile the bank accounts. I said I needed it now because I had no money and as of tomorrow - no utilities. She was a cop. She said too bad.<P>My attorney would not return my calls. <P>I drove to my Aunt's house 80 miles away and barrowed $50. I took the $50 and put it in my gas tank, and drove up to my parents (8 hours away.)<P>X hauled me in on an ex-parte for child abduction. (I never left the state.) I sent the judge a Western Union Telegram, explaining my situation with my attorney, and my X. My attorney showed up on the ex-parte (RELUCTANTLY) and did nothing more than cover his own butt.<P>I was ordered to get back to So CA within 24 hours. The court did not force my husband to pay his child support. My attorney and I filed 31 contempt charges against X husband. They were bonafide. His lawyer filed 31 contempt charges against me. About 2 were bonafide. My attorney negotiated the contempt charges away.<P>My children's attorney used it against me that I left the house and relied on my X for childsupport to pay utilities. <P>My custody case was so bad. <P>I just want you to put your CHILDREN's interest first. It is the most important thing.<P>TNT

Lucks,<BR>We have thought about the media. In fact my mother has a letter typed and ready to go. Unfortunatly this is the judges last year. She is retiring. That is why I am so scared. Supposedly she is relying on the GAL report and the Custody evaluators report so heavily. She claims not to have the time for a custody battle. Of course those are unspoken words.....just heard it through the grapevine that she is NOT going to be hearing anymore of these cases and that they do not like to have to change judges in the middle of battles.<P>I am so what hoping things will change...I am starting to find out more and more stuff.....things that can prove to be bad for him.....never thought of them before....but now that I am in fight mode things are starting to make sense.<P>Nancy