Deb-<P>You ARE too funny. A headlock? With a room of bikers????? I LOVE IT!!!!<P>I really see no reason for me to even have to communicate with her, for heaven sakes? They don't live together, heck, they don't even live in the same state!!!!<P>I like the idea of not doing anything just yet. I was excepting something from her, but just wasn't sure what.<P>I'm glad you didn't hit her. You might have broken a nail! LOL<BR>Love ya.<P>MF-<P>She really doesn't think she has any faults. This IS unbelievable. <BR>I think you are right on about her trying to open up to me, and me not giving her the time of day. That way, she can say she tried ( just like she tried so desperately to save her marriage while still involved with my H!)<P><BR>wassi-<BR>If I stew her, how long should I let her simmer without full heat !<BR>I do think you are right. Even my H thinks I am better looking than her, and that alone has got to eat at her. Plus that fact I met with her; she must be wondering something (maybe I have a motive here? )<BR>You have a great weekend too, my dear. Enjoy your family!<P>Sheba-<BR>Loonies love company, I guess.<BR>I absolutely agree. If she isn't even here, why in the world would I want her in my life.<BR>The way I see it, H and I have a bond- our D. Right now, that is the only thing we have in common. OW and I have NO bond- Zilch!<BR>She is as crazy as he is. <BR>I asked my H why she wants to be my friend, and he said, "I'm not sure. It's pretty weird!"<P>Are you feeling better after your rant? Feels good to get it off your chest, eh?<P>Hugs back to all of you.<P>God Bless,<P>Cheryl<P>

I would not respond. I hate this kind of stuff. Stuff that makes it all seem like the affair is a legitimate, unhurtful, courtship with no victims and if you just accept it and be "nice" we can all get along just fine.<P>I wouldn't give that woman the time of day. I'd be so insulted that she dared to intrude my personal space (via e-mail)! She's already connived and lied her way into your husband's life, and now she wants to sweet talk you into liking it? She is something else!

Ceecee: I concur with Popeye completely! <P>IMHO, I beleive that OW's often want to get cozy with then wives in order to draw out information to use against them. Often they come bearing olive branches and extend the hand of friendship to lull you into a false sense of security,<P>Don't respond, Ceecee. Maintain your dignity, maintain low tones. Be far above it all and don't give it any validation whatsoever, because you have better things to do.<P>Your husband will respect your 'detachment' and may find your disinterest...interesting.<P>One thing that REALLY bothered me was when she said she hoped someday you would forgive your husband for what HE had done...what about HER????? Talk about tranference.<P>The OW I visited in NY said something at the end of our 6 hour visit about how that we women should have a 'sisterhood' and not get involved with each others' husbands, a pact, if you will. Too little, too late. Waaaay too late--about nine months worth.<P>Glad you brought this to the forum, Ceecee. Let her (and him!) remember you as she met you last Saturday; charming, self-possessed and cool.<P>Catnip =^^=

She's trying to be a gracious lady in your H's eyes. I agree with Mental--it's a twisted Plan A!<P>I wouldn't answer, but I would dream of sending her something really nasty...if you need any help thinking of nasty things to say, let me know. But it's probably best that they just stay in the fantasy realm where OW's and H's relationship still is.<P>Hang in there! --HBC

Bellevue-<BR>"Just curious why you thought my meeting OW is sad. I did it for myself. I needed to put some closure to the situation. She was an image in my mind that I had to get out."<P>ceecee, <P>It made ME sad to read it. Not that your action was sad. I don't know that I would have had the courage to go to such a meeting. More a reflection of my own emotions and lack of courage, and seeing a milestone event (meeting the OW, and marking an end to your former relationship with your H and acknowledgeing the new relationship, however twisted, that exists between him and her). <P>I'm normally a conflict avoider, and I recognize that you were not hostile, and did not challenge her or your ex-H in the meeting, it was a very brave thing, and in your position I would have been hurting a lot. So I projected my sadness on what I read.<P>"I absolutely agree with you that she is somehow trying to place the blame back on me to make herself look like the "wonderful" human being my H fell for."<P>ceecee, I agree. IMHO she didn't have to re-write or narrate the past or attempt to create a false friendship and warmth between you two. It read like a memo to a file for someone building a case. (Not to mention her pathetic grammar "stbx and I") <P>"I most likely won't respond to her. Silence can speak VERY loudly."<P>If you don't respond, her silly words will flap and echo back at her. She will re-read what she laboriously crafted and re-drafted and wonder why you don't dignify her specious and twisted fiction. <P>Blessings on you, too. Have a safe and happy holiday.

ceecee,<P>I would love to package up your class and sell it, we'd make millions. You have held your head up high in the most horrible of situations. You have no reason not to...you are better than her and you know it.<P>When their relationship ends, as it will some day, you will be able to look at yourself in the mirror and say...I did it right, I kept my dignity and my honor, and at the end of the day, that is what will be important. <P>There are a few people that post here that give me true inspiration to work harder on myself, and you are one of them ceecee. You are amazing.

I agree...YUCK..............<P>She is just trying to ease her own guilt and shame !!!! AND trying to look like a great gal for your H... all that PHONY CRAP....<P>the bottom line here, is that she is a WH**E, that was partly responsible for destroying your family !! A DECENT women would not go near a married man...<P>as far as responding to the e-mail ....hummm<BR>I don't know....s<BR>

Murphs right .. this woman better keep her guard up remembering she is involved with a potential cheater.<P>What maks her think he won't turn around and do the same thing to her, it may not be right away, months even yrs but it has the potential to happen to her as well.<P>I don't see how she can trust him if she knows he's capable of an affair. I'd always be wondering and checking and never feel quite secure in the relationship. <P>Plus I really believe that if a relationship in born in deceit it will definitely be it's undoing.<P>"Rose colored glasses" is right ... she doesn't see it coming. We should be praying for her.<P>-Jo

You know guys Josey's post made me think of something.<P>Cheryl, do you think she wants to be friends, thinking that if you like her <BR>that even if h decides to reconcile that you would refuse because she is your friend ?<P>Things that make you go hmmmmmmmm .<P>------------------<BR>Just call me - Deb<BR>------------------------<BR>The only day I can do anything about is today, yesterday is gone, tomorrow is not yet mine.<P>Hepatitis C, educate yourself ! <A HREF="http://hepatitis-central.com/" TARGET=_blank>http://hepatitis-central.com/</A>

That old adage "Birds of a feather" is true. I don't count among my friends people who carelessly destroy innocent lives..especially children's lives. I wouldn't respond to the e-mail.

HI cheryl,<BR>Wheweeeeee, she is a snake. Would not respond and block that address pronto.<BR>

Finally getting a chance to respond!<P>Popeye,<P>I hate this stuff too. She seems to think she played no part in this!<BR>Thanks for you bluntness!<P>catnip,<P>Oh, how I do like to hear from you. You always know what to say.<BR>I don't know how she can play so innocent. She takes no responsibility- no blame. Sad, very sad.<BR>Too bad that sisterhood wasn't already in place! None of us would be here!<BR>Take care. You are one special lady.<P>HBC,<P>I think this is a game. One I'm sure she has played before. She is trying to get the upper hand, to prove to my H she is the worthier canidate- NOT!<P>Bellevue,<P>I'm so sorry for your pain. I rememeber all too well those feelings.<BR>The good news is, it does get better. I promise. <BR>Take is moment by moment, breathe by breathe. I was taught some very vauleable lessons amongst this pain.<BR>Take care of yourself. Keep working through it. One day it will all become clear.<BR>Blessing to you, my dear!<P>az allison,<P>I do believe that is the nicest, mose complimentary thing anyone has ever said to me. You are too kind.<BR>Thank you again. Keep up the hard work (and filling that loveband )<P>scoick,<P>She is partly responsible and deep down she knows it. She destroyed her family also to be with my H. <P>Josey,<P>I think those thoughts must be inside her somewhere. <BR>This relationship will end. The deceipt that started it will be it's own undoing.<BR>I do pray for both of them, everyday. They need God' salvation.<P>Deb,<P>Quit thinking so much !<BR>Are you suggesting that if we become friends, she would think my loyaly would be to her???? Oh, to live in LALALand!<BR>She is something else, all right!!<P>BD,<P>Well, with friends like her, who needs enemies, right?<P>cl,<P>Good to hear from you. I am going to block her address. She e-mailed me at work ( the nerve). She definately is a snake!<BR>How are you? I've missed you.<P>Thank you all for you input. I'm not responding to her. I'm taking the high road on this one.<P>Love you all!<P>God Bless,<BR>Cheryl

Hi Cheryl,<P>what a woman !!!!!!!!!!!!<BR>I definitely wouldn;t respond, although I'd probably compose hundreds of replies in my mind !!!!!! None of them nice.<P>You have kept your head high, and shown her what a beautiful, classy person you are. She must be doing a slow spin, having met you, and seen just how beautiful and classy you are. Let her ponder that. She will never be even a tenth of what you are, and she knows that. That must be making her so unsure, and insecure. Good, good, good......<P>I'm glad you're ok, I'll email soon.<P>love and hugs to you and Emma<P>Jo<BR>I also think she is setting you up, even is just to say to your H "see, I tried to be her friend..." What a loser

Hey Cheryl!<BR> Do not, I repeat do not! respond to her. It really doesn't matter why she is trying to befriend you the fact that she is even trying shows just how self serving of a person she is. You don't need that extra irritation in your life. Jeff's OW tried that befriending crap just to tell me things to really turn me against him. I didn't fall for it as I knew what she was up to. That really pissed her off big time. You are the better person in all of this and the best thing to do is to not have contact with her.<P>Take care,<BR>Jill

I generally agree with what has already been said. I think she is trying to make herself feel better and/or to get approval from your H. She knows (thinks) your daughter is important to him.. so she is making every effort to be a good future stepmother. If she is in any way educated than she knows that as a second wife of a man with kids, that they will have a rough road to hoe.. financially and emotionally. So what better way to start to make things better than by getting a cozy relationship going with the ex wife? If you are nice to her.. she gets info from you and emotional support.. you would probably bend over backwards to help a friend. If you are nasty to her.. than she can continue being your H's perfect woman.. afterall, she made an effort.. she held out the olive branch and you are being the petty child, the spoiled looser who can not move on enough in life to accept the olive branch evan for the sake of your daughter... yada yada yada.. you get the drift.. than she is the martyr, the perfect woman.<P>So, how to deal iwth it. I would either ignore it or send her a terse letter. Be gracious, but you could say that while you do not ever envision being friends that in the event that she and your H marry that you will do what ever it takes at that time to assist your daughter in any and all adjustments and transitions.. Make it clear that anything you do will be for your daughter and leave it at that. Do not comment on any other aspect of her letter... oh, and I would also tell her not to email you at work ever again.

hi ceecee,<BR>I think I would respond but only to tell her that you are "being nice" because your D is stbx D and that it is her best interest that you do so. To have her as a friend is not a posibility because of the baggage of the affair. I would also start laying down any ground rules of how the future is going to be concerning your D and your expectations. You are a very gracious lady and I would continue that but I would also have the tone of a business dealing i.e., this is what I expect of the handling of MY D etc.etc..<BR>I am having the same struggle with the thought of sharing my son with the boyfriend who just recently left his wife.....<BR>Cheryl, you are one in a million, he will realize it someday.... stay gracious, it suits you....<BR>michael

Hey Bonnet-<P>You are such a sweetie-pie!!<BR>Oh, I have composed many letters to her, but only in my head. I'd never let her know what I really think of her!<P>I hope is is becoming insecure. She ought to be. She is his 3rd affair, well, actually 4th (h cheated on HER!) and she still doens't get it. I'm hanging on to the fact, that one day, they will gets whats coming to them. I know that sounds harsh, but neither one of them has taken an ounce of responsiblity for breaking up their families.<P>Yea, I'm sure she is trying to set me up, but who cares? She isn't anything to me (stbx isn't either, at this point)<P>Hugs back to you and your girls? how are things on your front? I look forward to your e-mail!<P>Love ya!<P>Hey Jill-<P>Good to hear from you. I'm not responding to her. I deleted her e-mail this morning and am having it blocked. She can wonder and wonder why I couldn't find the time to respond to her.<P>How are you two doing? I think about you often. Take care.<P>Nikki123-<P>As I've said, I am not responding to her. Until she becomes a permanent ( or as permanet as my H can get with a wife) person in my sbtx life, I will not have any contact with her, nor will my D. This may come as a shock to both of them, but I feel very strongly that this is something my D needs no part of.<P>Thanks for your input. I appreciate it.<P>mnk-<P>You are such a sweet man. Your W is really missing out on someone special. I really mean that.<BR>I'm so sorry that things are looking so bad for you right now. I can't believe he really let his W. Maybe she just finally got tired of the BS and kicked him out.<P>This may be a good thing, tho. They have only each other to rely on now. Now that the spouses are 'out of the picture', let's see how they really hold up.<P>I'm praying for you. I hope you find peace and happiness.<P>God Bless,<P>Cheryl