[QUOTE]Originally posted by lighthouse:<BR>[B]<BR>Do you think all other "OP'S" are all a bunch of "jerks" or can there be decent people out there, even desirable people, that get involved with these kind of relationships?<BR>Just wondering...<P>lighthouse,<BR>I don't mean to butt in here, but if you don't mind, I will. Considering I've been a betrayer, I don't think all OP's are jerks. I'm a very decent person who got messed up in a bad situation. I was looking for love and attention, because I wasn't getting it from my H. I know this doesn't make it okay to have an affair, it's just what happened. As for the XOP I was involved with, he wasn't a bad person, either. We truly felt like we were in love. I honestly don't think he was just out for a "good time". It just happened, as things sometimes do. I hope you don't mind my sticking my nose in! Just thought I've give you my opinion. <BR>

Mi Momma,<P>I don't really mean to suggest these OP's are "jerks", but you would think from reading many of these posts, that they must be. Someone mentioned on another thread about that song that said "How cans something that seems so right be so wrong?"<BR>You would really think that reading some of these stories, that there was genuine love stories in the making, IF ONLY there were not other people waiting to be hurt. It seems so cruel, doesn't it? <P>I am in a similar situation as discussed here, which is why I am drawn to some of these people's stories. It is rather difficult to endure at times. This human heart can only take so much tearing and pain.

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by lighthouse:<P>I don't really mean to suggest these OP's are "jerks", but you would think from reading many of these posts, that they must be. <P>I have to agree w/you! And you're right, there are so many betrayed's out here that have been hurt so badly. Those OP's are jerks. I know, because I've been a jerk. It kills me to think how badly I hurt my H. I don't ever want him to hurt like that again. (This is a quote I need to remember!)<P><BR>You said: <BR>Someone mentioned on another thread about that song that said "How can something that seems so right be so wrong?"<BR>You would really think that reading some of these stories, that there was genuine love stories in the making, IF ONLY there were not other people waiting to be hurt. It seems so cruel, doesn't it? <P>How true. I can really relate to this statement, too. I did feel like my XOM was my "soul mate" and the love of my life. It so pathetic, because of all the things happening at that time, I felt like it was fate that I should be w/the OM. If I hadn't have been married, I would have married the OM. Tricky part, I am already married. And God cherishes marriage and the vows we made. So, I found out life was just playing another trick on me. Thank goodness I finally saw the light, so I could stay married. And now my H is my soul mate and love of my life. I just have to remind myself sometimes!<P>You also said: <BR>This human heart can only take so much tearing and pain. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>I couldn't agree more! <P><p>[This message has been edited by momma (edited June 05, 2000).]

Hi Lighthouse...<BR>You asked if I thought all OP's are jerks. ABsolutely not. I don't even think the one I knew is/was. We both thought we were in love, soul-mates like many others have said. It's unreal how deceived our hearts can be. I was stuck in a fantasy, which clearly I created and fell into all on my own. So, I don't blame anyone but me in all of this. But definitely this has opened my eyes to how vulnerable any one of us are or can be. How easily we can deceive our own hearts when we want to believe something that isn't real. <P>I understand how two good people can fall now. Because before this, I would have said,"this could never happen to me....no way, not in my marriage. I wouldn't do that!" <P>Momma....I thank you for your words of encouragement so much. Yes, I guess you will have those days where you feel rotten and then again, you'll have good days that make up for the bad. Thanks for your story. Wow, what a difficult experience you've had. I, too, understand that soul to soul connection. That's the most powerful draw of all, I think. <P>I hope today is a good one for you!<BR> <BR>Oh, yeah, Lighthouse...I forgot to mention that I have also learned this person has Borderline Personality Disorder which includes narsisistic tendencies. I only mention this because as you said, yes, I am angry at my part in all of this, but I wasn't truly aware how messed up this OP is. Their main problem is they so desire to be close to someone that they are intense about it, then when they get close they sabatoge the relationship. It's all about them, their needs and they are very self-focused. No one else matters but them. VEry selfish very needy people. Very broken spirits. <P>While I am giving God my anger and asking Him to help me lay it aside, I am also praying for this OP...his wife, his kids and his heart. <BR>Talk about an awakening....but yeah, it's definitely helped me separate my heart from all of the destruction. <P><BR><p>[This message has been edited by wings (edited June 06, 2000).]

Hi guys,<P>I've been without a computer for a few days. What a difference a few days can make. I was so upbeat on my last posts. After all I've been through, my h and I were finding such a sweetness together, such an in-loveness.<P>He came back from a business trip to OW's country a changed man. He claims nothing happened, there was no contact. I want to believe him. Maybe it was just the triggers of being in the area (though it's not his first time back there). And yet it seems we survived withdrawal and were doing so well! The trip we took was far better than our first honeymoon, I thought it would last. At least a week??<P>It seems so hopeless sometimes. I too just want to feel loved. I have thought often about meeting someone else, not to get back at my h. No, because I too want to feel loved. It was 90+% me for months after discovery and then he started responding, loving me. Where did it all go in a week??<P>I am writing this with tears running, blocking my sight. We are staying at a nearby resort with the kids, and I came home to pick up some things. I don't really want to go back to the hotel. I want the pain to end...<P>Could it be just another bump in the rollercoaster? The mid-life crisis rearing its head again when I thought he had really learned where true happiness lies?? How long can I go on? I feel so disposable. I wasn't meeting his needs so he went behind my back for two years with two women. Now, I have been doing a really good job with him (I think and he says) and he can just turn the love off.<P>One thing I have grasped from all this is that I don't need him like I once thought I did. While he was chasing his dreams, I was mother and father to our two precious kids. I realize I can really do it if it turns out I need to. I think I could be quite happy without him once I got over the pain. I like who I am and I adore my precious kids. I can't make him really want me or us.

Schizzo...<BR>What a let down that must be. Not sure if you saw it yet, but please check out my thread about the arrow analogy. Hope it helps some...trying to anylize the pain of all this from another point of view. <BR>Hang in there....please...

Schizzo,<BR>I'm so sorry for what you're going through. Reading your last post made my heart ache for you. I know what a rollercoaster ride you are on, and you're on the worst side of it all. I know what pain I put my H through, and I can feel your pain, too. It's not easy for any of us in these huge messes. Especially for the betrayed who was the innocent bystander. I wish there was something we could do to make your H see the light. Keep your head held high. <BR>Lots of hugs to you!!!!!<BR><p>[This message has been edited by momma (edited June 06, 2000).]