In 1994 I married the Man I thought I would stay with forever.This was my 2nd marriage,<BR>The first ended in 1988 after years of abuse.<BR>Larry my 2nd husband was the MOST wonderful caring man I had ever meet he was good to me and to my children.In 1996 we built my dream home.In the summer of 1996 Larry was working many long hours and I was doing Daycare out of my home 14 hours a day.Being Married to larry changed my life in so many ways and all for the better.My Life was final complete.(Or so I thought)<BR>I have to admitt I was content with my life for the first time in years.<BR>August 3rd 1996 I took my sons to a corn roast just them and I and wonderful day riding the rides and munching out on all the fair food.(LOL)<BR>It was there on that day my life changed <BR>forever.<BR>We were having the time of our life when I saw a man I use to date It had been 17 years since I had even seen him OR thought about him.As I walked by him he tilted his sunglasses and said Hi Gina. Who would have thought just a simple Hello could hurt so many people and destroy so many lives.<BR>Something happened to me that day I will never be able to explain. My knees got weak and I became sick to my stomach I had to go home, All from a simple Hello!<BR>A few weeks had passed and I couldnt get this man out of my thoughts for anything, I felt the need to to just sit and talk with him I had to know How life for him had been.<BR>I thought that was all it would be All I had wanted it to be.(so I thought)<BR>I started going out in his home town hoping to run into him after several attempts i finally did. We talked and held eachother he asked me to stay with him that night but i told him NO i was married. His question to me was " Then what are you doing here?" I had No answer for him I really didnt know anymore but i knew leaving him that night would be the hardest thing i ever had to do. And it was!<BR>For weeks after that i questioned my entire life my morals, Beliefs, VOWS, everything!<BR>But the thing i questioned the most was why AFTER so MANY YEARS had this man reappeared when I never even thought about him in 17 years How could he have Made his way into my heart Or was it that he Never left?!<BR>I called him 2 after that and he told me both times this wasnt right I was married.<BR>One night i went out with some friends of mine and after A few drinks I called him again i told him I had to see him I had to understand what was going on with me why i couldnt get him out of my head. He agreed and i went to his house.<BR>We talked about everything our lifes, the past we laughed and cried, He had remembered so many things i had since forgotten things him and i use to do. It was then I realized just how unhappy i was in my marriage.<BR>We set up a time to meeet again Just a few days after that.<BR>I was walking on cloud nine thinking about him always, My husband never even noticed the constant smile on my face, It was my sister who called my one day and said You need to come over we have to talk, I agreed.<BR>I told her everything, She told me I was stupid, I was going to loose everything Larry and I had worked for (200,000.00 house and a 40,000 van) All I could do was look at her and say well I guess you and i have grown up with money and are we really happy I know I am not ! that was that I left her house that was in Sept. of 1996 and we have not talked to this day!<BR>On Sept 7th, 1996 Todd (om) and i went out. I had the most wonderful night of my life.<BR>Although this is sad I have to admitt I never hide anything NEVER I didnt care WHO saw us and many did(my husbands friends).<BR>I was so lost in the feeling looking into his eyes he made me feel SO HAPPY, So full of life, I cant really explain everything I was feeling that night. i spent the night with him and we made love for the first time in our lifes together. I felt SO safe, secure, loved, and everyother feeling that goes with it.<BR>The next morning I had No guilt, No remorse, But I was scared I had made up my mind to tell my husband everything and too ask for the only right thing a DIVORCE !<BR>upon returning home my husband had meet me on the sidewalk yelling "Where were you where did you sleep last night I know you were not at your sisters house so tell me where you were?" I couldnt even look at him I just looked at him through my sunglasses and said we have to talk.<BR> We went into the house and talked he cried and begged me to tell him everything and I did. But the thing he was the most worried about was the fact that he was hoping it was NO ONE from his work ! I told him it was a former boyfriend from many years ago then he convinced himself it was just a flame that needed to be put out. I kept telling him it wasnt. This Flame is too strong to be put out.<BR>So the story goes Hubby refused to divorce he told me to go ahead with the affair and to decide soon who it was that I wanted.<BR> So as you can imagine I went full force into the affair. I spent alot of time with todd and Larry always knew it I never hide anything from him.NOTHING!!!<BR>many times during the affair I had tried to tell Larry to move out But he refused he did at one point move out and stayed with my mother. he was out for 3 days and then on a Saturday he came home at 6am and told me HE WAS NOT MOVING OUT!!! So I told him i was leaving then and i did. i left for the day and i went to todd's. Later that night Todd and i were talking and TodD called Larry he asked him what part of this don't you understand the OV or The ER? Todd told Larry the marriage is OVER she wants out and she has told you that.<BR>I was scared and upset Actually to be honest My head was spinning, I was so lost i didnt know what I wanted anymore my home life was like a battle field i was fighting to destroy the feelings and Larry was fighting to keep them alive ! the nicer he was to me the more angry i became!<BR>It came to the point where I was so unsure of things i would brake things off with todd and then run back to him over and over again this happened!<BR>I was beginning to loss todd and i knew it. that was when the worst came out in me.<BR>I said awful things to Larry Mean cruel things. <BR>Examples of some of the things I said to Larry are as follows:<BR>One night while we were going to sleep larry trying to be so romantic I tolod him " I cant believe you After so many years of being your wife and YOU still dont know how to turn me on and then we have Tod who in such a short time can turn me on beyond belief.(a major blow to Larry)<BR>One night I came home from Drinking and told Larry "Well I saw the real man tonight"<BR>I was so cruel I cant even believe the things I did to Larry!<BR>In November of 1997 I ended the affair again Thinking we would be seeing eachother again it had come to be NO big deal anymore it all happened so much.<BR>WOW was I surprized when I ended it this time It was Todd who said that is the last time he just couldn't do it anymore!<BR>So I decided to give my marriage my best shot and Larry welcomed me back with open arms.( I give him Credit I could have NEVER done it)<BR>I was still very bitter and angry and didnt even see I was still be being nasty. sometimes I would lay in bed while Larry would hold me and cry Oh i cried so hard i missed Todd so much.<BR>Larry would just listen and sometimes cry with me.<BR>We went for counseling and I was bitter there that was when i saw it. I still didnt believe I had Done anything wrong in having the affair I told him the only thing wrong that I had done was kept this marriage going.<BR>The councelor told Larry he had to admitt to himself and understand that my love for Larry was gone!<BR>Everthing Larry did no matter How nice seemed to make me so MAD!<BR>Things went on like that for a few months and then one night (the affair was still over)Lary came home from Work and i just sat there and told him I want a divorce this isnt because I am with Todd or anyone else I want this for ME ! He left that night.<BR>That was the first time I had ever seen Larry MAD! he was throwing things everywhere i helped him pack up and haul things out of the house he was so bitter and I was FINALLY at peace ! I few months after that i had heard Larry had a live in girl friend that was when the hurt HIT me like I had never felt, I was confused, it seemed to final and i didnt like it. I refiled for Divorce. and started with some counseling I wanted to know what it was that made me have the affair I didnt understand what I had just put everyone threw and I wanted to understand why i did it! It took me a long time and alot of time on this forum to deal with the guilt I had for all the pain I had caused many people I didnt only cause pain to Larry, Todd and myself but also to all the Familys' involved mine, Larry's and Todds. My kids loved todd and he them Todd also had children who we all became very close to and to this day we still are.<BR>My divorce was final last August, I sold the house and moved to Todd's home town (no we are not together) But I wish we were!<BR>That is why i am here again looking for help.<BR>I need to understand what he (todd) must have went threw during all of this. I have done much healing from the things I have gone threw and i am ok with myself.<BR>But the Love I have for todd is still very much there and very alive!<BR>So sit back and relax for part 2 of my story.<BR> Todd and I have been apart now for 2 years I see him here and there and Yes we have been together a few times and I still feel the same way I always did when I am with him. But things have sinced changed.<BR>When I was dealing with my pain and guilt in counseling Todd was dealing with his by using drugs! thuis was much to my surprize But from what I have heard this is the way he has always dealt with pain and problems<BR>Please do NOT Judge him and tell me to get on with my life or that I am better than.<BR>Because I am NO better than anyone NoOne is<BR>sometime in the past year Todd was caught and prosecuted for selling drugs and is now serving 9months in jail.I have ran into him a few times and things seem to be going well for him again( i know time will trully tell)<BR>One of you had asked me why i feel God had lead me in the direction i went and now I will tell you.<BR>When I was young I was preety much a party person and then I married the 1st time to an abuser when my 1st divorce was final i went so WILD. It was Larry who calmed my life down, and taught me I was worthy of love and I could be loved.He brought my life to a place I never thought I would be at. But he did.<BR>Todd on the other hand was a WILD man, drugs and drinking had beome his way of life. Then we meet again and that ALL changed he walked away from all of it while we were together.<BR>Sadly but true when we ended so did his new life style. Well now here I am living a good life and Todd has been forced into treatment.everynight I pray to god to give me the strengh to hold on ton please give me a sign that i am waiting for good reason and believe it or not he answers. either I wake up to a email from Todds daughter or I see someone from his Family and they give me hope. Back in Feb. I meet a man from the net and went to North Dakota to spend A weekend Only because Everyone kept telling me to get on with my life. I felt so GUILTY for going I cried all the way home and I prayed so hard. I asked god to forgive me for the things That i had done and to understand I do really love todd and that i needed a sign something to tell me to be strong and to wait. It was about 10 mins down the road I saw a buillboard the only thing on that sign was written in ORANGE and the back ground was black it said "TODD" that was it I know I am waiting for the right reasons. A bout a month ago I was feeling down and out and having just a very rough night So i prayed again<BR>I said to God, I know you have showed me eveything I have asked But i wonder Lord if i am just seeing the things the way I want to see them I want so much to hear from Todd himself that there is some hope for us and it was maybe 2 weeks later I saw todd at a gas station and we talked just small talk but the Angry he use to have seems to be gone. And now I want so much to understand how he must have felt while all of this was going on.<BR>Well there you have it all I can say to those of you who are having an affair is Please stop to take the time and find out what it is you are looking for Dont do it for your spouse your kids your other person But do it for YOU! the rest will come whe you are happy with yourself.<BR>Love is something so wonderful and we never know what we have till it's gone sometimes too much has been done before we know what we want.<BR>Been there everystep of the way!<BR>Thank you for reading this book. <BR>loveOFmyLife<BR>

The God I know does not led people to ruin families and tear lives apart. I do not know who you are following (or being led by), but it ain't Him.<P>I hope you find peace.<BR>

I agree with KAM6318. God makes marriages not tear them apart. So PLEASE, stop thinking that God is leading you to a drug using, marriage buster!!!<P>------------------<BR>PSALMS 133<BR>AMOS 7:7-8<BR>ECCLESIASTES 12:1-7

<BR>I hope Larry's ok.<P><BR>

Read this... from a billboard also...<P>...<B>GODISNOWHERE</B>...<P>you can read this as "god is nowhere" or as "god is now here"<P>Did you miss read your billboard?... <P>--------------------------------------------------------------<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>take the time and find out what it is you are looking for<P>Dont do it for your spouse<P>(Don't do it for) your kids<P>(Don't do it for) your other person<P>But do it for YOU!<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR>Is this the message that came from God?<BR>Is this what you got out of that sign?<P>If God is speaking to you... if scripture gives you a sign...<BR>do check out ===><A HREF="http://members.xoom.com/DianeDew/adulforn.htm" TARGET=_blank>What Saith the Scriptures?</A><P> <P>Jim

Ditto Kam6318 & Salem139.<P>God honors marriage.<P>-Jo

I really confused.....<P>What exactly do you mean when you say "do it for you"?<P>Maybe I'm just stupid, but I can't figure out what you're talking about.<P>------------------<BR> <A HREF="http://www.geocities.com/zbucketmouse" TARGET=_blank>http://www.geocities.com/zbucketmouse</A> is where my page is. Oh yeah, THANKS EVERYBODY FOR REPLIES!!!:) Very much appreciated!:)

Maybe the thing you were looking for is acceptance. After coming out of an abusive marriage you meet Larry, a good, dependable and loving man. Your self-esteem must have been shot down after the abusive marriage, so the shock of someone like Larry actually wanting you made it impossible for you to see that you were worthy of such a good person. And then along comes Todd, a self-abuser (drugs) and you, a woman who was abused. Two abused people, low self-image of themselves, not worthy. See the connection. JMO could be wrong, maybe not.

LOML<P>I have a suggestion for something else you could "do for you". You could enroll in night school and take some English classes. <BR>Maybe even get your GED. Might also make time pass more quickly as you await Todd's release from the slammer.<P>I think Larry should thank his lucky stars........

ROTFLMAO!! Xman you are too funny.<P>LOML and your point is? If you have one.<P>Hey, glad to see Larry was able to move on.

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Xman:<BR><B>LOML<P>I have a suggestion for something else you could "do for you". You could enroll in night school and take some English classes. <BR>Maybe even get your GED. Might also make time pass more quickly as you await Todd's release from the slammer.<P>I think Larry should thank his lucky stars........</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P><BR>XMan, it doesn't help to kick someone while she's down!<P><BR>Love of my life, it sounds like there's been a lot of confusion in your life. Do you regret your divorce from Larry? Do you feel like you can change Todd? Is that what draws you to him? It's hard to understand why you would give up such happiness w/Larry to be w/Todd. (Guess that's a question I should ask myself, too!) I understand you thought you were so in love w/Todd, but were you really? Hasn't that caused more pain in your life? Just some questions. I've been the betrayer, so I have been there.<P>

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by KalGrl:<BR><B>ROTFLMAO!! Xman you are too funny.<P>LOML and your point is? If you have one.<P>Hey, glad to see Larry was able to move on.</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P><BR>You guys aren't being very nice. Why would you treat someone like that?<P>

I don't understand how you were so happy and blessed and then you weren't. My H says this kind of stuff. It seems to me to be an excuse or something. I just don't get it. So, if another person hadn't come along, you'd be still thinking you were happy, but you really weren't? I am not trying to beat you up. Just honestly confused.<P>A guy came into my life too who turned my head. It made me realize I needed to take a look at my situation and that there were some problems in my marriage I hadn't seen before, but I certainly didn't go from being blissful to wanting out. ???

I feel for everyone involved, but I do have to say that Larry turned out to be the winner in all of this. What a caring wonderful man he was. I hope he has moved on and is very happy.<P>LOML, I think you were lucky to have someone like Larry who at one time truly loved you. A lot of women would give their eye teeth to have someone care for them as deeply as Larry did you.<P>Jo

If Todd was serving a 9 month sentence, how could you keep running into him? How could he be doing well with a conviction and prison sentence from selling drugs? Do you think since this has cost Todd so much, you should stay out of his life? He obviously knows that you live in his town. <P>I agree with Kam6318, it is not in God's character to approve or promote someone destroying so many lives.

LOML,<P>Where does everyone fit into this scenerio?<P>What has happened to ex #1? <P>What has happened to ex #2?<P>Where are you in all of this? Is Todd out of prison? And if so...are you planning on trying to recapture what you had?<P>Please tell us<P>Nancy

LoveofmyLife:<P>Thank you for being so candid with the details of your story. I feel like I have just read a writen version of my H's description of his affair. Oh, the details are different but the essence of the situation is the same. One day someone just came along and you realized how unhappy you were in your marriage. Did you? Or did you just give yourself an excuse to do what you wanted to do. <P>You pursued this torrid affair until it destroyed your relationship with a man who had helped you get over a bad first marriage and stayed with you through an affair because he loved you. And then there's your sister. What more do you have to lose before you see what a mistake you made and are continuing to make. <P>Do you believe this man Todd sold and used drugs because your relationship with him didn't work out? H**l no. This man is of questionable character and you are talking about waiting around for him!!! Are you out of your mind??? <P>You sound like you are still in a 'fog' about this man. I'm sure that you have read enough on this board to know that these things usually end badly. I hope you can come around in time to save yourself the additional pain you will probably go through if you're successful in getting with this man again.<P>There's more to love then just feeling good when you're around a certain person...that person needs to be someone with qualities that you can build a life around. Do you think Todd is such a person? Do you think that this is really what God wants for you?<P>It's just a typical addictive love relationship and the spiraling destruction it has caused should give you cause to guestion whether it is worth it.<P>Buffy <P> <P> <BR><p>[This message has been edited by buffy (edited June 07, 2000).]

LOML,<BR>I am sad to say but your god is not God. First off, He says that you are to put OTHERS first not YOURSELF. In order to be first in God's eyes, you must be last in the world's eyes. It is not about you, it is about God. God is to get all the glory, honor, and praise. From that you get to experience God's love.<P>Will you always be happy in this world because you do God's will? NO. As a matter of fact you will feel miserable when you measure your experience of doing God's will by the world's standard. God said it would be that way. He says that your family (prents, siblings, children, spouse) will hate you for doing His will. <P>I know this is going to sound harsh but you have itching ears and you believe what your itching ears want to hear. The bliss you look for will not happen until judgement day occurs. The Bible says that your flesh will not be happy as you do God's will but your soul will experience the full joy of being with God. JOY is eternal where HAPPINESS is temporary. Yet happiness is knowing the Lord. <P>Please read your Bible and get with a Bible study group so that you can experience God's joy. I am praying for you.<P>I know I may have come across a little harsh but it is my duty out of love for God and you that I present God's truth. Read 1 Corinthians 13 to know what real love is. Replace love(or charity depending on translation) with your name to see if any of it is true or you.<P>Praying for ya. MONDO HUG TO YA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!<P>------------------<BR><B><I>God Bless,<BR>Rob</I></B><BR> regilmor@swbell.net

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by loveOFmyLife:<BR><B>The first ended in 1988 after years of abuse. Larry my 2nd husband was the MOST wonderful caring man I had ever meet he was good to me and to my children.In 1996 we built my dream home.In the summer of 1996 Larry was working many long hours and I was doing Daycare out of my home 14 hours a day.Being Married to larry changed my life in so many ways and all for the better.<BR>I have to admitt I was content with my life for the first time in years.<P>For weeks after that i questioned my entire life my morals, Beliefs, VOWS, everything!<P>We talked about everything our lifes, the past we laughed and cried, He had remembered so many things i had since forgotten things him and i use to do. It was then I realized just how unhappy i was in my marriage.<P>It was my sister who called my one day and said You need to come over we have to talk, I agreed. I told her everything, She told me I was stupid, I was going to loose everything Larry and I had worked for (200,000.00 house and a 40,000 van) All I could do was look at her and say well I guess you and i have grown up with money and are we really happy I know I am not ! that was that I left her house that was in Sept. of 1996 and we have not talked to this day!<P>I still didnt believe I had Done anything wrong in having the affair I told him the only thing wrong that I had done was kept this marriage going.<P>When I was young I was preety much a party person and then I married the 1st time to an abuser when my 1st divorce was final i went so WILD. It was Larry who calmed my life down, and taught me I was worthy of love and I could be loved.He brought my life to a place I never thought I would be at. But he did. Todd on the other hand was a WILD man, drugs and drinking had beome his way of life. <P>Back in Feb. I meet a man from the net and went to North Dakota to spend A weekend Only because Everyone kept telling me to get on with my life. I felt so GUILTY for going I cried all the way home and I prayed so hard. <P>I saw a buillboard the only thing on that sign was written in ORANGE and the back ground was black it said "TODD" that was it I know I am waiting for the right reasons. <P>I can say to those of you who are having an affair is Please stop to take the time and find out what it is you are looking for Dont do it for your spouse your kids your other person But do it for YOU! the rest will come whe you are happy with yourself.<BR>Love is something so wonderful and we never know what we have till it's gone sometimes too much has been done before we know what we want.</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>No matter how much I may have disagreed with someone on this site, or how angry someone may have made me by something that they had written, I have never tried to hurt anyone's feelings or degrade them in anyway, but from reading your story, particularly the above quotes, I would have to say that your sister hit the nail right on the head when she called you stupid. How you can go from being happy and loved, loved by a good man to falling in love with a drug abusing criminal and destroying your family and relationship with your sister because this guy says "hello", is beyond belief, have you ever sought psychiatric help?<P>Initially I felt sorry for Larry, but Larry has to be one of the luckiest people in the world to have gotten away from you. My W may have had an affair and broken my heart, but after reading this SH#%, I now consider myself somewhat lucky, and to think I came here today to post about how depressed I was feeling, I guess I should just count my blessing that my W is nothing like you.

Everyone's pretty much said everything I felt after reading your story. I would only add that I feel terrible for Larry. He was God's gift to you, a chance for growth and happiness, and you completely missed the boat.<P>My humble opinion is that you are a very "young" minded person who equates love with physical attraction and excitement with dangerous people and situations. <P>I guess you just weren't ready for the real thing. I hope that you read all these messages and take them carefully. No one here means to hurt you, but you should really read what you told us about your choices. <P>What about the kids in all this? Those are the real victims. <P>I'm sorry about the way things have gone. I wish you the best. And maybe read the Bible and some spiritual materials to help you understand the way God works in our lives. <P>