Homer:<P>Choices...don't force them. This really is your wife's choice now, not yours. If your wife choses to stay she will need a lot of support to overcome her feelings for OM. Breaking contact with the OM will be very hard (next to impossible) for her even if her determination is strong (which it usually isn't to begin with). You can expect her to fail (as she already has) and if you set up ultimatums then you need to be prepared for what you will do then.<P>Both you and OM will be pulling on her and remember her lure to him is probably stronger right now...that is a fact of the "fog" life. If she chooses you, she may do so only because of the time you have been together and the kids. That doesn't mean she doesn't love you, but her emotions are in turmoil right now and she can't make decisions as easily as you would like. <P>Sure you could walk away, go find yourself a "passionate woman" who will love you without reservations and in the end you could be divorced and your kids living with ex-wife and OM. Isn't it worth a little time and effort to see if you can restore this marriage. In the end you may have your family back together and a new passionate "old marriage." Wouldn't it be worth a little time and a little wounded pride. <P>We all know about pride. Some of our S have left us for OPs that they should be embarrassed to bring home to mom. That hurts.<BR>Hurts a lot. But don't let your pride get in the way of what is best for your marriage or for that matter, for you and your children. If you love enough you can live through anything and survive.<P>Try hard not to push this weekend. Just tell your wife you know this decision is hard and assure her that you still love her and want to work on restoring your marriage and would appreciate an opportunity to show her how you can change. Then leave it at that...let her go without LBing. Use the next seven days to come to terms with what has happened and to decide what you really want and need to do to restore the marriage. Seek some additional counseling (perhaps on formulating a good Plan A).<P>Let us know what the decision is and no matter what we'll be here to help if you'll let us.<P>Buffy

Homer...<BR>(I'm sorry I'm so late too! I tried finding your post yesterday, but couldn't bring it up!)<BR>I am writing to you as I have been exactly where your wife is at. I felt every bit at much love for him and thought that he was my soulmate. I, too, treated my husband poorly during my "addictive" phase. I am not proud of what I did, but I felt so emotionally and passionately connected to OM that I could not resist being drawn deeper into our relationship. The OM and I talked of leaving our spouses and running off to start a new life. <P>I'm telling you all of this because while she's in this fantasy land, nothing else matters. Nothing else brings her the passion, joy and "high" that the pleasure of the man does. It wasn't until the guilt started to eat away at my heart that I was able to break free and really understand the damage I was inflicting on my Husband and others. <P>I read a book called "Torn Asunder" by Dave Carter...it's a wonderful book, and I highly recommend it. As the betrayer, it helped me see that I was deceiving myself and believing a lie that had no foundation. That God would never bless a relationship based on lies and deceit. My husband is a good man, but that was not enough to stop me.<P>You sound like a man who is truly trying to understand your wife. I applaud you for coming here. <P>All I can tell you is love her through this. My husband never stopped loving me, even when he knew I was being swept away by another. Oh we certainly are struggling, mostly because my H isn't reaching out like you are. You are doing all the right things, reading, asking for support, and trying to understand how you can win her back. Good for you. <P>It's not too late, Homer, so don't ever believe that it is. Some days will be extremely painful, and you'll cry. But don't give up on her if you love her. <P>She needs time to sort this out. I remember a time when my H told me he didn't like that I was emailing my friend, and if he had pushed me another inch by insisting I not talk to him or see him, I would have been out the door. So give her her space and pray that God opens her eyes to reality. Nothing hits you harder than the truth while you're living in the midst of a fantasy world. <P>Also, take care of yourself during this time. You will need all the energy you can muster to get through each day. <P>I'm so glad you came here to this forum. Know that you are surrounded by many who are so willing to share and comfort one another. <P><BR><p>[This message has been edited by wings (edited June 24, 2000).]

Homer - don't usually have time to get online on the weekends, but I popped in for a minute.<P>We DO know how you feel. We have been there. It's the most gut-wrenching, horrible feeling in the world.<P>My husband knew how your wife feels. He believed he loved PT so much. After all these years he had FINALLY found the woman that truly made him happy. He left me. He moved in with her. He made plans to adopt her daughter. They opened joint bank accounts and planned their new home and their life together!<P>Now, you REALLY want a surprise ending??? We are together, almost five months now and doing great. This week on June 28th, I've bought new lingerie and we've got a BIGGG date planned - I'm so excited. Last year, June 28th was the day that the man of my dreams told me he didn't love me anymore and wanted a divorce. By August 5th, he was gone!<P>You asked how you can Plan A when you're so miserable and being treated so badly. That's EXACTLY when you need to do it the most - and then, for the rest of your life. It ain't easy...but it's doable! And, in our case anyway, it is SOOOOOOO worth it! I can't remember when we've been happier!<P>You said you were a man of integrity. I believe this, otherwise, you wouldn't be here. Let me ask you something. You love those children of yours. Is there ANYTHING they could possibly do that would make you turn your backs on them? I know I couldn't. Well, you love your wife,too. And I can't think of a better show of integrity than to stand up for what is right, to stand by your marriage through the worst storm of your life, to be there for her, even during that fog of hers, can you?<P>You have an advantage that many of us didn't have - she IS willing to try to work on this marriage, even though for a while, it will be a feeble attempt. Find out what a REAL Plan A is - it's a heckuva lot more than being nice to her. Honey, Harley says, and I now believe, that there is no excuse for an affair, but there are REASONS that a marriage got to the point that an affair could sneak in. Find those reasons. Work on them and expect absolutely nothing in return for a long time. <P>Not fair? Certainly not! Worth it...if the possibility of a lifetime of happiness with the woman you married is worth it to you, then absolutely worth it! It was to me..and I'm so glad I found my way.<P>Hang in there. These feelings are raw for you right now. They will slowly get easier as you work on this. We're here with you. We've lived your pain - every one of us - and some have lived the pain of your wife. That's gonna be the hardest for you to understand, but you can, if you try.<P>This roller coaster ride is NOT for wimps! It will take every bit of strength you ever dreamed you had and then some. But, it can be done.....there are some of us that are living proof of that! There are no guarentees - except that, if you learn and grow, you will come out of this a better person and you have a better chance of building the marriage of your dreams.<P>And, BTW, Robert worked with PT and still does. She's a frustrating little pain in the butt, but she's not a problem. We SOLVED our problems, and what we haven't solved, we're getting there. So, if you can't get her to quit, don't lose hope. It is still possible.<P>Love and prayers,<P>Lori

I'm trying to hard I think, I feel like I'm walking on eggshells when I'm around her. I don't wanna do anything that might upset her. Talking of the situation upsets her. It seems to only way I can fill her Love bank is to stay away from her. At night I turn to her and touch her shoulder. Probally because I need the affection, I think I'm being needy. Wings, would that push her futher away? <P>One thing that is very difficult is having good conversation with her (one of her EN) because the only thing on my mind is this problem. I try and listen the best I can but I feel like she is uncomfortable around me. I'm trying and only pray she see the light.

Hi Homer...<BR>I can only speak from my own experience and yes, whenever my H would try to touch me, it pushed me away. I can't explain that, it's quite strange. It seems that it should be the opposite response, doesn't it? <P>There certainly is a fine line between supporting her, loving her, and giving her space. Ask her. Perhaps she will tell you, yes, draw closer to me, or, no, please stay away.<P>My heart truly goes out to you. My H and I just had a conversation about this last night. Even though I ended it several months ago with OM, my H and I are struggling to get through this. <P>My prayers are with you, Homer!

Hey homer...<P>Your stuck with what to do... what not to do... check out my <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000013.html" TARGET=_blank>Notable Posts/Threads</A> post...<P>...and look at the links in the sections called...<P><B>Emotional Needs:</B><BR>and<BR><B>Reduce/Eliminate Love Busters:</B><P>It's going to take work...<BR>...but you can do it!<P>Remember, the earlier you start... the better!<P> <P>Jim

Homer:<P>I can tell you're better today but I'm caution you about trying to talk to her about "the affair" or the OM. This is an exercise in futility that could result in your getting hurt. Remember what Wings said about her H pushing. Yes, trying to discuss the relationship with her is upsetting to her, in fact its probably a LB to her. So don't unless she brings it up. <P>You really need to be reading the material on Plan A that NSR referred you to if you haven't already. I know that you are trying to reach out to your wife, but she is not receptive right now and all you can really offer is support and love.<P>You are not "needy"... you are feeling disconnected from your wife because she is drawing away and you're trying to reconnect.<BR>I personally don't thing that physical connection is wrong at any time, but you probably should expect some rejection and should not overreact to it...it's just her protection from her own guilt. Give her time.<P><BR>Buffy<BR>

This site is the only thing that is keeping me sane. The advice is wonderful.<P>Today we went to my daughters softball game and I was able to think of something other than my situation for more than 30 whole minutes. We had a decent time together, (I wasn't depressed the whole day like I have been so far) Her reaction was positive. I did this evening start a conversation about OM, and at first she was very defenseive and I felt her getting angry. I was able to keep a low tone and I did not LB. The conversation turned a little and after about 45 minutes of discussing whatever came to her mind, she actually approached me and gave me a hug.<BR>*I was in complete heaven*<P>Its funny 6 months ago I'd try to turn that into a sexual advance. I think that was one of my biggest problems.<P>I'm still in limbo and may be for months to come. As far as her decision to work on this marriage or OM. But it is real nice to see some kind of result from some Plan-Aing.<P>I guess the only difficult part is the waiting. I'm a farily young guy (28) and I've grown up with the internet. I'm used to things quickly. This kind of life changing decision is going to take her some time to figure out considering she loves OM so much. She doesn't want to hurt him either. And it completely sucks showing her that I understand. <P>I feel like my whole life is up to her. and I have no control except to stay on my Plan A routine. <P>I love reading your post they are helping <BR>immensely. And yes I've spent a couple hours looking at the things Jim has pointed me to. <P>Wings,<BR>I took your advice and asked her how she feels about my affection. The answer is not what I expected. I found she feels uncomfortabe with a lot of it. I hate that because I long to touch her beautiful soft skin, and run my fingers through her hair, <P>I guess the one thing I want to say is. I never realized what I had until now that it is gone. I will never take my marriage for granted again and I will alwasy cherish the woman I love at all cost. <P>Thanks agin <BR>I look foward to your post<P>Jason<BR>

Buffy,<P>are you a betrayer, or betrayed?

Homer...<BR>I'm so glad you're reaching out for support. <P>Your expression of feeling in a confused state is exactly how my H felt. You are wise to "talk" about it and vent here if necessary. <P>I'm glad you and you W talked. At least you know her limits. Believe me, she is as confused if not more so than you may realize. I'm sure it's the most difficult thing in the world for you right now, but believe me, when my H backed off, it allowed me to move at the pace I needed to move at any given time. <P>We're still in the throes of communicating all of the unmet needs and trying to connect. I know how you feel about wanting things to happen quickly. But there is no time table with emotions. Just pray that she wakes up. <P>And remember, as Lori wrote, never give up on her...never! <P>Hang in there, Homer. And know you are not alone. Lover her, but give her plenty of space. If she's as independent and stubborn as I am, she will need to figure this out as she goes.

Homer:<P>Betrayed...betrayed...betrayed...but with good reason...long story...but been through this long enough to know how S reacts in every situation...just can't live his life for him...or make his decision for him...so I'm giving him time to make his own...and hoping it is back to his "real" life.<P>I've been through so much that I understand all the pain this is causing you...but I've also seen the pain my husband is in...and how unhappy he is. An no matter what they have said to you, or done to you, you love them and don't want to see them unhappy.<P>In a way, I have tried to give you advise that will save you from additional unnessary pain. You are doing well though and I'm impressed at how well you are catching on.<P>What you said about touching your wife brought tears to my eyes. What I would give to have my husband feel that way about me right now. It's hard to imagine someone loving their wife so much and her not responding in kind. Or throwing that love away. <P>I know what you mean by wanting things to be fixed immediately. I myself am a fixer...everything is fixable if you just work on it a little harder. This is one problem however I can't fix, because what is broken is not me but him. Your wife is the same, you can't hurry her decision, because it is her decision and must be made in her own time. All we can do is support and try to understand. <P>I like your wife's responses to your attempts at Plan Aing her, mostly positive....usually it takes a while to get anything but a negative response (although my H has never been anything but nice to me, even in the face of heavy LBing...I think it's guilt).<P>Keep it up, you're doing great. You also should begin to read other peoples posts and try to respond to them. You may think you don't have much to offer, but you do, and you will gain in return. It also gets you made a full member faster.<P>So, buckle your seatbelt, and expect to ride the rollercoaster (we all do and have) and keep Plan Aing away. I think you'll be rewarded in the end.<P>Buffy <P>

arrrrrrrrgggggggg,<P>I've found a new irritant that I would like to ask a betrayer female out there to help me with. <P>For the past 9 years my wife and I had no modesty and were extremely comfortable around each other. Well I walked in on her taking a shower this morning and she covered herself like I was a complete stranger. Could someone help me to understand what she is feeling to make her react that way? Does she hate me or does she think she is betraying her lover when her Husband sees her nude? any ideas?

Hi Homer,<P>Wow!!! You just sound so much better than you did a few days ago. Congratulations for catching on to all of this so very quickly. It takes me forever to get these concepts, and I go back and forth.<P>Yep, your wife is kind of a mess right now. You walking in while she was showering was a LB to her. I know you didn't do it on purpose, but she's on guard big time, and all the old bets are off, including the kind of intimacy in your marriage you have grown so used to.<P>The hardest part of all of this is the one step forward, two steps back thing. You were encouraged because you saw a bit of the person that you love at your daughters game...I understand. There have been times with my husband that we have been so close, then he pulls back in a huge way. That's the roller coaster. Be prepared, this will happen many times in many different ways. Its' hard not to get our hopes up when we see a bit of normalacy isn't it?<P>I guess what helped me most was getting off my husbands roller coaster. If I have learned anything here (and I am remedial at best in the learning dept.) it's that it's HIS DEAL, not mine. My job is to love him, to not give up on him, to improve myself. I can not control his actions and decisions. He spent the last two nights here with me (we are seperated) and did not touch me. We have been intimate since the seperation, but though we slept in the same bed the last two nights I had to tell myself to expect nothing, no kiss no hug.<P>Lower your expectations Homer. Your wife is too screwed up to really give a damn about our pain. Someday, hopefully, we will be on this forum telling our success stories, but I have seen, over and over again, that the ones here telling their success stories were the ones like you, that learned quickly and well. They never threw in the towel...never gave up, and never stopped loving.<P>Too much caffiene for me today...I'd better cut myself off...LOL.<P>So glad you're posting a lot Homer. You know, I've tried other things with my problem like tough love, but MB seems to be the most logical plan to me. Glad you found it, and are learning it so well.<P>allison

You know I found MB about 2 weeks before D-day. I was so confused about what was happening to me I looked to the internet(its free). I read the MB site throughout learned the Basic Concepts and really dug deep to find the things that I have been doing wrong all these years. I have been a pretty sorry husband. What threw me over the edge was I kept trying to show her and she seemed so disintrested. I printed the EN questionair and she let it sit on her desk for over a week w/o even looking at it. I knew that something was up at that point, no women would ignore her husband when he trying so hard to reach out unless she had some secret. I began to pry and it took me about 2 days to find the evidence I needed. <P>The whole time I spent on the MB website before D-day I avoided the infidelity sections, simply because I was afraid of that kind of truth. I am happy that I found what I found though because now it is becomming more and more a reality and I have the help of all of you to aid me on my path to recovery. for the past 3 months before d-day I was confused and as the rejection kept comming in I would LB her because I was becomming resentfull. I understand what has happened and hope I can repair it. I only wish they made you come to this website and learn everything on it before they would even allow you to have a marriage license. Then I think you should have to retest every 4 years or so so you don't lose focus on what is really important. I know what my mistakes were, please GOD give her the strength to let me make it up to her.

Hello all, and especially Homer. <P>I have finally had time to read through all of these posts. What an encouraging story! I know it may not seem that way to you right now Homer, but I see so much hope and progress already. Mostly because of your efforts to learn and really reach out to your wife. I was very impressed that you sought out answers even before you knew the real truth - simply because you realized something wasn't right and there was a distance between you and your wife. That shows that you care very much about the relationship and your wife. <P>My husband is a pretty stong conflict avoider and he would never seek out answers to anything "uncomfortable". Always has preferred to ignore or bury it, hoping it will all disappear. Your wife is very fortunate and I feel confident about your situation.<P>I am one of the betrayers Schizzo mentioned earlier. I am trying to find my way back, mostly on my own, because I know it is the right thing to do and nothing good can come from pursuing the other course, because God is not in those kinds of relationships. So, it is a very lonely way back. To be fair, my husband is making more effort than before, but not even close to what I see you doing. That hurts. I don't think he is really capable of it and it is hard for me to accept that.<P>I had many of the same reactions as your wife and Wings, especially to physical touch. That is one thing my husband desired to feel close and safe, but it was extremely uncomfortable for me. I think it is the confusion of your feelings. When your feelings all go towards someone else, it becomes really hard to have another (even if it is your spouse) touch you that way. Maybe this is more true for women. We just aren't made for numerous romantic relationships happening at the same time. Try not to take it personally. She has to work through it. I tried to give my husband what I could, for his sake. For me it was hard. That is the wedge a third person creates in a relationship and it is one of the confusing, painful parts of it, including for betrayers. I needed closeness, too, but I didn't know where to turn. I didn't feel safe or desire it from my husband, but the other wasn't really available (because it wasn't appropriate) either. Such a hard spot to be in.<P>I also agree with "giving her space" and not demanding things of her. I am independent, as Wings is, and the best course for me was to let me know I had a choice and to let God work in me to put the pressure on to do the right thing. I don't like to be told what to do, or feel like someone "owns" me. Love must be given freely, it cannot be demanded. Even God doesn't demand it of us, He allows us the freedom to choose Him (or not). <P>Keep us posted, you are a wise man (at age 28!). Looks like a success story in the making, but please be patient. Having contact at work will be very difficult. I am glad I don't have any of those kinds of complications.

A wise man? I'm not to sure about that. My wife is in California being to herself and confronting herself with her issues, all I can do is wait. Her choices:<BR>1. Leave me, hope OM leaves his wife and they live happily ever after.(ha, whatever)<P>2. Leave me and make it on her own. (who is she kidding she would be glued to OM even though he is married)<P>3.Stay with me and keep this family together. Stay with the man who for the past 9 years has had no clue what passion is and could never come close to what OM makes her feel.<P>She seems to think that a life with OM would result in this passion from now until her dying days. I think the newness would wear off and they would divorce within a couple of years. After crushing the lives of so many people around her.(and him for that matter). <P>From what I gather from the betrayers on this forum, the pull to OM is so great that there is no way this is a fantasy, it is real enough to hurt her children (possibly for life) not to mention myself. Although I think that once I make it to the other side, with her or without, I will become the best man I could possibly be.<P>This experience, painful as it has been, even only 2 weeks in I am learning to become closer to God. I am especially learning how to treat the woman I love. I am learning to give of myself with absolutely no expectations (This trait I had was what drove her away I think). I am also learning, and this will be the hardest thing, to become independant. The psycologist is helping we here. <P>From the day I left my parents I screwed up my life and failed in every aspect of it. I did drugs and failed out of college lost jobs. a year later I met her I was only 19. She was what help me be responsible. So all my life I have had someone look out for me. <P>When your young and selfish and take your marriage for granted, while at the same time leaning on your spouse for domestic support and responsibility. All I did was drive her away. I thought we communicated well, but I was way off track. I now see clearly the errors of my way. The problem is she only really knows the old me and she doesn't believe I can possibly make her feel the way he does. I disagree though, I know if I give myself to her unconditionally and at the same time OM gets eliminated(I wish it were that easy) that passion can be not only restored but taken to heights I never dreamed of. And she has never seen before.<P>She thinks she is in love with him, I think that it might be that she is in love with the danger that a affair causes but I really don't have a clue what she is feeling I don't guess, Whatever it is she might be willing to destroy everything we have built.<P>how many post do I have to do to become a member? <P><p>[This message has been edited by homer (edited June 25, 2000).]

Homer,<P>Welcome! Im so glad that you found this site! I am a WS. I have been here for a few months. <P>I was reading in another thread. I think it was something aout your W being far from God. That she grew from the church and her father. <P>Did you ever think this is her way of getting back with God. I know that was the way with me. I am still trying so hard. I have a much closer walk with God that I ever did. Because she cannot go that pull alone. There isnt a human on this earth that can do it. Right now, she has satan all over her. And he has won. But who wins in the end??? God does! He takes over the battle. And satan is history. He is still going to lurk (like he is with me). but God will take care of it.<P>You keep saying something about the pull this has on the WS. This pull is the hardest thing that I ever done in my life....<BR>She cant go it alone. You wait and see if she doesnt turn to God. I have been there. All of the confusion os to much to bear. Especially when you are good to her. because she is thinking "gosh, he is really trying". Then the shackles and chains come down on her. Your meeting needs. And so is OM. The thing is. She has a love for you. It has just been dormant for years. She doesnt remember it. <BR>I PROMISE THIS WILL NOT LAST!!!!!!!! <BR>Once she sees what your doing then MASS confusion sets in. She has a family with you. That will cross her mind once the fog lifts. <BR>God will take away temptation. He is always there for us. But what happens when we leave him out? Catastrophe!!! He will lets us bust our face. Just to bring us back to him. Becasue she cannot so it alone!!<P>I was the very same way. So was every one else. See the difference between us and you guys. Is that you are trying so hard. I only wish my H tried like you did. I wouldnt have the struggle that i am having right now! read my thread. (thinking, then here i am giving advise). Anyway! I am sitting here smiling becasue I know this is going to be a success story. I feel it! It will take time. SHEW!!!Lots of time! <BR>Homer, your trying to hard for this not to work! You get closer with God. He is your support! She WILL notice the change. I only wish my H was that way! I had to confess mine. He didnt even know. Because the shackles and chains got to big.<P>Om is not going to leave his W for her. They never do. Mine was going to also. But when it came to the nitty gritty! NOPE he stayed. <BR>Has OM filed for D yet? just wait till his W finds out! That is when all ? get answered. I would almost guarantee he wont. Read the book SAA. <P>Good Luck and prayers to you Homer!<BR>Your Great! Keep it up!<P>Look at it this way!<BR>God is pulling her closer to him everyday. She just doesnt even know it. She is going to bust her face. When she does he will be there to pick her up. Then she will be a christian! you can build a great marriage from there on out.<P>I sedire your prayers as well. I have Satan all over me right now! Yesterday I was going to call OM. Thank God he has the holy spirit in my mind saying. "you know that is WRONG!" "You know that is sastans way of getting you back" I know that I am running from Satan into Jesus' arms. And right now is when he is picking me up and holding me. <P>Prayers Homer,<BR>Renee <P><P>------------------<BR>We can do all things through Christ which strengthens us. Repeat that 5 times a day. I promise you success!

It is a fog! It is a fog! <BR>All of us (WS) felt the very same way!<BR>She is no different.<P>What is she going to do when the new wears off and the old shines through? Then What?<BR>That is a song I think! LOL!<P>Hang to Jesus'<P>He is at work right now! <P>------------------<BR>We can do all things through Christ which strengthens us. Repeat that 5 times a day. I promise you success!

Hey again Homer,<P>Your thread really took off here, it's gotten really interesting.<P>Just a quick note to you...Homer, this is not ALL YOUR FAULT. You are doing what I did at the beginning, which is take all the blame here. That is not necessary. You don't need to own all of these bad feelings about yourself. <P>It's up to you to be strong and get the two of you out of this mess, because it was the two of you that got in to it, not just you. You need to see yourself as the strong, confident man that you are...not the bad guy.<P>Don't be like me and go so far the other direction that you don't know where the heck you are. I had to learn that, it's just kind of another way to pity yourself and feel hopeless. Your wife is in the fog, not you. You are going to lead her out of it.<P>allison<BR>

You guys are great, You give me confidence to carry on.<BR>I'm not to far from my wife as far as faith goes. I haven't been in a church in over 10 years, until today. I'm still having trouble but I did feel safe there. I only blame my wife for allowing her relationship with OM to develope to what it became. I blame myself for not loving her like she needed to be loved. Therefore; making her susceptable to a EA.<P>Its funny the WS on this thread seem to be comming here for help, but I don't see their Husbands anywhere, that I can tell. Me I'm trying desperatly to find the answers to help bring my wife back, but my wife the WS has no intrest in this website. I've showed her and tried to explain to her what I've found but she has no interest. She always has to much work to do. <P>This morning was great though, she and I had a good conversation. I explained to her that through the weeks I have come to realize that my love for her runs very deep. I understand that if she gained 300 lbs I'd still love her, if she contracted some strange disease I'd still be here, if she hated me I'd love her anyway, and most importantly I told her that if she went to OM I'd still love her very deeply (this was hard to say). I've learned that my love for my wife has always been this way, I just did not show it well. I think back to examples like when I'd travel for work I'd call her everynight(she doesn't do that for me), I'd try to get the first flight back if I could just to be home(she tries to add a few x-tra days if she can con her work to let her). Everyday I'm at work I make an effort to call her even if I have nothing to say simply because I want to hear her voice, she has been my best friend. <BR>I hope she can swiftly make a decision, then allow me to love that guy right out of her life.<P>Thanks for listening to me.