energizer_bunny,<P>Thanks for the reply. I am sorry you are hurting. I can understand how you don't want to add to it by posting here. It is why I lurked for 4 months before I could bear to open myself up to anyone and everyone's opinions. <P>I agree with some of your other comments about when we try to share honestly with our spouses. I do believe in that, but it is not always so simple. We all have different spouses and they will not all respond favorably or even desire to work together as a team to get through this and build a better marriage. It is worth a try though (which I have done in the last few days - without much obvious change at this point). <P>Don't go away. Please post when you can. I know feelings are very fragile in these situations, still when you begin to speak the truth it does help and healing can begin. As Elisabeth Elliot always says on her radio broadcast: "You are loved with an Everlasting love and underneath are the Everlasting arms". You are loved in that way too, Energizer_bunny.

Oh thank you siftedlikewheat,<P>I will tell you this. I told my husband about my affair, and I did end it, but it was too late. He wouldn't forgive me. Plus, he was actually having an affair of his own, which I knew in my heart anyway. <P>It's too late for me.<P>I care about some people here and read their posts to keep up to date on what's happening with them. I have been what they call "lurking" for about a year, and the stories don't change much. <P>Much love to you siftedlikewheat, EB

Thank you for sharing. I am very sorry. Are you healing? Please let me know if I can help you in any way.<P>Much love to you also, EB. Despite everything you are not alone.

Sifted<BR>Why don't you call the counseling service, it sounds like all you need is a plan and a good coach/teacher. I'm not sure what needs you had that weren't met, but in my case, my husband has needs for sex, domestic support, financial support, admiration, and for family.<P>I know I failed on many of those points - and as I began to demonstrate that I was safe, he began to stop lovebusting. He hasn't hit the total honesty stage yet, and contact hasn't ended. But, I'm sure that affair is over. (He will only admit to an "almost mistake".) <P>But, we have done better in the last 4 months than we have done in 8 years. So, I'm continuing to hang in there.<P>I know that you will get support here from others, but it may be too hard sometimes to feel like you are getting support from a faithful spouse. I think the guilt makes non-faithful spouses feel defensive.<P>So, guard yourself from feeling attacked - even when you are attacked! Because, I'm not sure that you won't be. But, sometimes, it is a bad day for someone, and everyone else jumps on the bandwagon, and the board does go through cycles.<P>You will come to know the principles of MB backwards and forwards when you hang around a long time. <P>Sometimes, people like nomas have to take it upon themselves to try and restore love to their marriage, and it aint easy when you are doing it alone. But many times, the faithful spouse is doing it alone, and are successful at it. But, I suppose it is harder for the non-faithful spouse to stay motivated. They know the short lived pleasure, and know how to get the immediate relief results, even if it isn't long lasting. The faithful spouse doesn't get a break, doesn't feel any joy as they go through this, for a long long time. They have to think long term constantly.<P>So, there are different approaches and payoffs for everyone. <P>Do not feel that you are not welcome, you are. nomas is welcome as well. Always. <P>TnT

Hi JL,<P>Well, quite the thread here, eh?<P>Was just gonna lurk, but that bath bomb recipe got me excited, so thought I could handle reading around a bit...<P>Here's the thing... I am, for those who don't know, the betrayer who was betrayed. I was the one who found MB when in the midst of withdrawls, and Lord knows I needed something to help put me back on course. Unfortunately, my stbx wasn't so willing to work at the marriage with me, and had a revenge affair, which is why he's a stbx, and not a H. Well, that and the fact that his revenge affair was number four in a long line of affairs, but I digress...That's just a little history.<P>So, NoMas is wallowing a bit, and boy, I understand that! I was so there once!! I spilled my guts on this forum, and that was back when there was only one infidelity place, so everyone posted replies. I got blasted a few times, but for the most part I was treated with love and respect. I think the reason was that I was repentant (sp?) and wanted my marriage back. I didn't just 'say' I wanted my marriage back either... my god, I worked my [censored] off trying to put it back together. My H tried in his way too, but the pain was too much for him to bear. To this day, it breaks my heart that I had so much to do with his pain. He is still in pain, and I am too, but to a much lesser degree. <P>JL, I know you don't ever, ever mean to hurt anyone, that's not your style. I can see where this would seem a *bit* on the advisarial side against No Mas, especially to those who don't know you. Don't let it stop you from sharing your experiences. You're a good man!!<P>Sifted, you are a wonderful woman with so much to offer your H and the world. Hold on, and take good care... and maybe follow TNT's advice and get some counselling. It helped me so very much, even though my marriage is over. It helped ME to heal. I hope that you can one day feel safe to say whatever you feel. Anyone who knows me will tell you that I have a mouth that just spews out all my feelings, often to my detriment... and I honestly did, for the most part, feel very safe here. You can too.<P>Take care, Sheryl<P>

Hi Sheryl,<P>Good to see you out of your cave. I hope things are moving along for you.<P>I just sent you email RE my son.<P>

Hey Truthseeker,<P>I'll go check it out!