<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by belldandy:<BR><B>lostsoulmate, you wrote:<P>"I ask myself if it's love like you said, just leave. If they loved us at all over the years and if they care for our well being just leave."<P>Me too. I think back before my marriage, when I was dating. There were several times when I had to sever the bond between me and the other person because I knew, in my heart, that it was not just in *my* best interest; it was in *their* best interest. I knew that I was incapable of giving them the love and commitment that we all deserve. There are several relationships that I could have stayed in for the wrong reasons - because I needed someone to pick me up, I just needed the company, the sex was good, blah, blah, blah. But when I finally reached the realization of no, I did not love that person enough to commit to them, I knew that it was unfair to BOTH of us to continue.<P>Why can't betraying spouses do the same? Is it because they want us as fall-backs? Are we really that low on the totem pole that we have been relegated to that status? To me, that speaks volumes of the betrayer. To me it says, "I might not be in love with you because I'm in love with the OP, however, if the OP and I don't work out, I need someone to be my emotional moprag." To me, this is condescending and disrespectful, and has nothing to do with love, or caring. If you love someone, or even care about them, and yet you cannot give them your all, by God, let them go, so that can pursue their own happiness. What's that song, "Cruel to be Kind ...?"<P>belld</B>Belld, I told my husband years ago to just accept the fact he didn't love me. I used the chocolate analogy. I told him he saw a piece of chocolate cake. He didn't want the cake, but couldn't stand the thought of anyone else enjoying the cake. So, he got the cake and picked over it until it didn't look appealing anymore. Then he left it alone, satisfied that no one else could enjoy what he would have passed up.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P><P>------------------<BR>Love hurts no one.

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by BamaAngst:<BR><B> HELLO! Earth-to-AGoodPhrend!</B><P>He's going to keep doing it until he gives you AIDS and you die.<P><BR>[This message has been edited by BamaAngst (edited July 20, 2000).] Hi, Bama, I'm not in orbit (smile). I do know the risk I'm taking. I've shared my concerns with my husband. Don't give up on me. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P><P>------------------<BR>Love hurts no one.

At my house the "Beware of Dog Sign" has been painted over by my H and he wrote "Home Sweet Home", I entered and the dog bit me.<P>So lets talk about being lied to. I've told my H many times that if he tells me untruths how can he expect other than hurtful results. He gives me information I take at face value and base my decison making on it. The results are when it's a lie, my decisions I based them on are in-turn invalid.<P>Does this make sense to anyone else.<P>Jo<BR>

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by mam6838@aol.com:<BR><B>I think we are all married to the same people. My H left me. Of course not for another W!! No way, he says. But I find myself thinking, how many times am I going to do this to myself. He swears he doesnt love her, if things with H and I dont work he doesnt want a relationship with her, ect.. So the 4th time I cought H and OW together, I said enough. Did not speak to H for a month. Doesnt sound very long, but I think I just about died. Then he calls and wants to see the girls. Our daughters are 9 and 1 year. The 1 year old does not know her father and will not let H hold her unless she knows I am near. So I take girls in for visits on a couple of Sundays. Plan A my butt off, and then I think it finally happens!!He comes over late one sunday note and cries in my arms-loves me-wants me back-he can fix this-give him some time to break it off with OW. I say OK-he tried very hard for 2 weeks to break it off with her, but he could not do it. Until 2 days ago he told me trust him, hes not seeing her. Guess what, I caught her at his home again. Now what????Put my foot down. I will not be your puppet or your doormat anymore. I will not play 2nd to her. Or do I continue to plan A. I am crushed sometimes I feel like I will never be normal again. This morning her car is still there, but last nite he called 2x and drove by my house. This morning she is there, I dont get it. What do I do if I again put my foot done and enough. Go be with her, and he comes back a month later with the same lines. I am not strong enough to say no to him and he knows that. How do I stop this never ending cycle of pain and emotional abuse.Help me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!</B>I was in that exact situation in the early 90s. I could not sleep at night. I dozed off, but would wake up as if I had only blinked my eyes. Then I realized (or fooled myself that I had the edge over the other woman because she wanted to be where I was...she wanted to be the wife. I had become her contest. I am blessed to have kept my sanity even though there were times when I questioned it. Even though my husband has returned home, I have changed how I handle what is unpleasant to me. I don't bite my tongue anymore--afraid I might upset him. I just wonder sometimes--and have asked him why did he really want to marry me?<P>P.S. My husband went through that crying stage, too. I hope your husband will get stronger in his fight to end his affair. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P><P>------------------<BR>Love hurts no one.

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Resilient:<BR><B>At my house the "Beware of Dog Sign" has been painted over by my H and he wrote "Home Sweet Home", I entered and the dog bit me.<P>So lets talk about being lied to. I've told my H many times that if he tells me untruths how can he expect other than hurtful results. He gives me information I take at face value and base my decison making on it. The results are when it's a lie, my decisions I based them on are in-turn invalid.<P>Does this make sense to anyone else.<P>Jo</B>It makes plenty of sense, Jo. I wanted to blindly trust my husband, but at the same time, I wanted him know I am aware of what he's doing. I blindly trusted him before and he lost his mind. Many times, I have thought about just taking him at his word, again, like in the beginning of the marriage. I remember in 1989, a young lady was told her husband was not where he said he would be. She said, "Don't tell me that. Just let me think he's where he said he would be." Nothing else was said, but I realized that's how she wanted to handle her heart.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P><P>------------------<BR>Love hurts no one.

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by AGoodPhrend:<BR><B>Hi, Bama, I'm not in orbit (smile). I do know the risk I'm taking. I've shared my concerns with my husband. Don't give up on me.</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>I found a resilience I had no clue that I had. You too show surprising resilience! But use condoms! <P>Bama<P>

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by BamaAngst:<BR><B> I found a resilience I had no clue that I had. You too show surprising resilience! But use condoms! <P>Bama<P></B> lol...OK, will do! (smile)<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P><P>------------------<BR>Love hurts no one.